A biting cold gnawing at the bones

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                  ­                                                                 ­                             Freezing the marrow at the source

                      



                           



                              ­   I dare to be so bold to wear a T-shirt

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                                                            ­                         Body fluttering like a sparrow in the devil's hour

    


                                                             
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                        There is nothing like brisk air to shake my mind from despair

                                      

    





                                                     ­                                      and rile my body

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                  ­                              I will seek and find an excuse to leave my lair.

I want to meet you all over again;
like it never happened that way in the first place.
Some alternate time and reality,
where logic didn't apply,
simply because we didn't need its boundaries anymore.
Then maybe
all those words and smoke,
and *** and coke,
could have just stayed choked down
and I wouldn't have to endure
these lonely thing's:
loyalty
and trustworthiness
and camaraderie.
Maybe then
in that place
at that time
something great could have happened,
and it all would have been left there.
Like all those wonderful dreams no one ever remembers having
and all those wonderful feelings and sensations
no one has felt, and so never will fiend for;
but then we wouldn't be here would we?
In this great silver lined grave
we have dug for ourselves
hoping some overlooked imperfection
could let us
just climb our way right back out
into the midst of the crowd
and insecurity,
or awareness.

For all your imperfections.
Because they are what make you, you.
For the way your laugh sounds, though you may hate it, I think it's cute.
For the way you never fail to make me smile. 
Let me hold you close and whisper sweet nothings into your ear.
So I can show you the magic behind my eyes, my imagination, my inspiration. 
So I can make you smile that beautiful smile, that's as unique as you are and as beautiful too.
So I can smell that endearing smell, fresh laundry which I so adore.
To squeeze you, just hard enough to let you know I care. 
And when I release you, wishing to hold you once again and never let go.
But knowing not to, for like all beautiful things, you are fragile. 
Wishing I could just make all that sadness go away, and knowing despite how hard I try I won't be able to, but still trying. 
Closing the door to you in my mind, I sit. To rest for a moment.
I think, if only, if only. 
And I want to scream out:
For ****'s sake, just let me love you.

I was there
in the world of
hate
discust
abandonment
and lies.
He was there
a man of care
understanding
safety
and dreams
To be back in the world
if only for an hour
there is no question
where the sickness came from
All of those vampires
with their tentacle stare
couldn't help themselves
when they were tempted
with my beautiful air.
To be put back
into the world I escaped
was a fate worse than death
And for my man of the light
to be a villain of the night
was something even worse still.
That looming presence
of someone there that is gone
was what morphed my sweet dream
into the nightmare
And for his light to be
snuffed out
with nothing left to illuminate
save their reflection.
That was all he was
in that moment
was a mirror
reflecting the life
the world
the time
that I so grudgingly deny
but so fearfully remember.
The time
when nothing was real
and everything was wrong.
I couldn't bare to go back
so he went instead...
There he embodied
all of the pain that was
and cast it back at me
so that I would never return.

(1/14/13)

the unborn child still in the womb hoping to come out real soon
it senses its mother is thinking to abort
then its existence would have been much too short.
it tries to scream ti its mother:
i know that i;m not fully developed and that you can not see
how beautiful with me your life will be.

i can not understand as why a gift from God
you would want to end
is this becoming the latest trend?
you have yet to see me , to look at my face
you think you'll have another one to take my place!

what if i was the only one destined to be given to you
then regrets you will have your whole life thru.
does life mean so little to you
because you're in doubt and don't know what to do.

all i ask is the same opportunity that you've been given
when your mother thought that your life was worth living.

please don't classify me as a mistake
for when you open up your eyes it may be too late.
                   (C) L . RAMS

Exiled, banished,
Sent down from your throne in heavens gate
to the torrential dullness of earth
the mear morals around me would call this "paradise lost"
yet I refer to it as my paradise found

For were the angles to be banished to earth
what may one state the difference be?
If there be such beauty in this world as you-
heaven doth speak out of sheer vanity

as to call itself the epitome of prosperity?
and forth to label itself paradise

for as far as the mear mortal known as I
true paradise lay not in gates of pearl,

yet rather in your heart of gold

and sometimes I wonder;
maybe if i looked like her
he would love me

but them I remember the painful stab of his words
and keep them close to my heart, forever unchanging, to keep me from changing
because maybe he'll settle again.
maybe he'll come crawling back and enfold me in the dark recessed of his mind
with whispered i love you's
that you tuck away into the crevases of your open mouthed soul

but then,
I remember him saying *******.
that he meant it. that he really, really meant it.
and then him walking off
trailing behind him the wrappings of me
as if i was some excess piece of lust, he just brushed me off
and never
ever
did he look back again