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91 · Dec 2020
Never Fall.......
Kaitland Dec 2020
If I let myself fall
I’d never get back up
I’m pulling back, the breaks are on
You’re not gonna take care of me
And I will not let myself crave you
I’ve never more wanted to not be in love
Than I am today, now.
The world is a cold dead place and
I am a cold dead person.
88 · Dec 2020
Never Flower
Kaitland Dec 2020
It hurts upon the sight of injection
Where needlils pierce my face because I’m fearful of growing older.
I’m light upon my feet because I forgot how to eat years and years ago.
The hole in my heart is full from the holes I put in my brain with pills.
My relality doesn’t measure up to yours because I refuse to make a decision.
You can’t choose wrong if you just don’t choose. So may I bud and never flower.
87 · Dec 2020
They hate the rain.
Kaitland Dec 2020
I’m broken
For me all hope is lost
Everyone has forgot
I’m the rain cloud that hovers near by
Nobody questions or wonders why
Other people don’t want me near
They hate the rain, I understand why.
87 · Dec 2020
My Hope
Kaitland Dec 2020
Reality dawns a rainy day
My world of fantasy now dismay
In my dreams I make you mine
Hold you till the end of time
But when I wake your no longer there
My world is full sorrow and despair
And Reality, like a rushing wind
Destroying my hope, my everything
86 · Dec 2020
Wicked Town
Kaitland Dec 2020
What’s the difference between
a bridge & a wall?
If your asking me there is no difference at all
I’m running up and down in my mind
Searching for something new to find
There’s nothing here to thrill me or pick me up .So I run up & down that hill
I turn it on and off at will
But if you’ve got no other choice
You know you can follow my voice
Though the dark turns and noise
In this wicked litte town
85 · Dec 2020
Who are you....?
Kaitland Dec 2020
I am the mad hatter
I am the red queen
Im scared sobbing Alice
And everything in between
The smoking caterpillar blinds my way with haze And the Cheshire Cat has dissipated to an upsides down grin that slips away and Is nothing more than a sliver of a dim lit crescent moon
Now Surrounded by darkness
And flowers that bite at my ankles
will the jabberwocky destroy me?
85 · Dec 2020
Don’t come November
Kaitland Dec 2020
I’m Attempting to balance the look on my face
While Drowning myself in these pills that I take
And Now matter how long I peer from my display case
I know it is better to want you in my head
With No relief from my longing
Because Winter is coming
So don’t bring November
With No warmth from a whisper
You said it’d be better
But I can’t remember...........
What’s even the matter?
83 · Dec 2020
Death
Kaitland Dec 2020
It’s been a while since I could remember
every detail of you’re face, little lines once so familiar. Dips and gleams. The way you looked at me. Multiple Shades of blue, the things that made you, you. You’re smell, smile, laugh, you’re jokes and quarks. I feared when you left I’d never know love again and I’ve lived that to be true. In the casket of my heart I always drag you. Waiting for the day I close my eyes for the final time to know love and be loved again.
83 · Dec 2020
Fever Dream
Kaitland Dec 2020
Fever dream
You’re all I need
a fantasy to fall asleep
an obsession to occupy my mind
something to waste my time
Fever Dream never leave
without you I’m stuck in between
a dull lit life of grayish blue
fading memories once of you
where I lived to dream
not dream to sleep
fever dream so sickly sweet
80 · Dec 2020
Dive into the night
Kaitland Dec 2020
Leave behind you’re happiness
And Run with me into the night
Live your darkest dreams and be free
Take my hand & dive with me
into the lightless of nights
In my arms, I’ll tell you the sweetest of lies
Well for what are you waiting?
Lay into the casket of my heart
Don’t fall for the promise  of a life with a purpose Because you’ll see that’s impossible anyhow.
Let me hold you And dream of a life
We belong to another world now
77 · Dec 2020
The Heart of December
Kaitland Dec 2020
Winter comes each year with a promise of chaos. Like clockwork I cannot stop it. My mind grows darker and my vision fads till all the worlds a dim lit gray. As a child I recall telling my parents I saw in black and white. Assured themselves I was lying. An exaggeration perhaps, but a lie? No.
October ends and the little things I can control are now controlling me. Like an old marionette doll on fraying strings. By December I’m peering up beneath the water. My reality now darker, like twisted, tangled hair that falls off in large clumps and clog my memory. I forget how to sleep, I no longer recognize my reflection. I’m something different? Pale, tall, sometimes bigger but mostly too small. My bones poke and protrude through my skin, my hips have turned to hooks whose only job is to hold up my *******. I’ve gone mad again. It happens every year as far back as I remember. Just don’t leave me here in the icy heart of December.
76 · Dec 2020
It was only a dream....
Kaitland Dec 2020
Will we always be this way?
Project our hearts on a tv screen
And when we closed our eyes
You crawled inside of me
And you slept in my blood
Like the way you sleep now
The pills piled up to cushion my head
But I could no longer sleep and cried out for death, well Just rest now, and in a moment you will know everything, it’s only dream?
Now the quietest hush won’t calm me down
But sending my neurons firing into a dim lit rage. Because you and I will never be this way again.
70 · Dec 2020
The Happy People
Kaitland Dec 2020
I’m trapped inside my mind
Locked the door and through out the key
Now the pitch black night is my only company
I pass the days in solitude
Watch the busy world buzz by
I see Happy people walking &
I wonder what there lives are like?
How they are so different from mine
What happened long ago to me
To end up in such tragedy
Kaitland May 19
I've always wanted to write something beautiful
Dark enough to emblem the most  tragic story
A kiss on the crypt
Thoughts that spark and connect synapses like Christmas lights
To explain the way I work and maybe you as well
But I don't know how to write
Or make something beautiful
I am not or have ever been the hero
Weakness and need is the love I long
God I hope you are weaker than me
Becoming my own hostage and victim
Just me and the space in between
The brink of madness
Teadering the ledge
Hope is my downfall
I will not jump
It's only a short way down
40 · May 23
Memento me
Kaitland May 23
My post-mortem love story
Embrace me at my autopsy
Bleed me out, taxidermy
embalm my heart
And keep my teeth
Wear my blood
Memento me
I won't decompose if you say you love me
37 · May 23
Forgive me
Kaitland May 23
I sold you for parts
But I kept all your teeth
You wouldn't know better
But I'm down on my knees
So be my fate, lover, blood sucker
Forgive me
Im your vampire

— The End —