Thorns entangled
Even the loveliest of roses
Won't let go

Red paints this sky
A dull hue
Please, bleed into my eyes

Bruised, broken and buried,
I love you.

Dearest Captain,

The one at the helm of my ship
Leading the path through the storm
These tides rock me over, making me uneasy  
Between the devil and the deep blue sea, it truly is-
Suffocating like the waves, who steals the air out of my lungs
Ferocious like the wind, who knocks the breeze out of my sails.

Alas my savior, I will confess
With my love as boundless as the sea
And as vast as the endless ocean
I must ask for your guidance once more-
Be my only compass, and liberate this process of thinking
I wish for nothing less, and nothing more.

Show me the light, kind sailor
Tell me which way to go
Which way to think, which way to breathe,
You are my everything,
You mean the world to me.
It pains me, from an old seafarer, to say these words.
To my dear Captain, my journey ends here.
Fair Winds and Following Seas!

Farewell.

scribbling in my red pen
if i circle out your name,
and admit that i liked you
would be still be friends?
well, i want to hold your hand
but i’m afraid of losing what i have,
things will never be the same again
so i give up another wasted chance, another missed opportunity,
another means to our end.

my brain feels so exhausted
like i can't think can't talk cant try
i don't want to
my head hurts
it feels like in a moment, it might blow up, burst and pop!
rolling to the side, like a lone little thing
my body dismayed, akin to a saggy ragdoll
the cracks underneath my skin, so thin and tiny
broken broken broken human
can you even call yourself a person
i throw up looking at my reflection in the mirror
i can't recognise that figure behind the screen
a liar
you lied
happiness is nowhere near
i am alone
all alone
with my thoughts racing in my head, ready to explode

i’m still sixteen
lying in my dreams
i don't know how to move on
so, i ignore the signs
of this life crumbling before my eyes
i will stay with you, to the end of all things good
i will hold your hand through the storm
whispering i love you, and never letting go

i ask, what am i chasing for?
is it the sweet relief, that drips down from my cheeks,
maybe the bleeding tooth, an aching sore
or the fact i can't help myself but sink,
a desire to indulge in so much more
dig into the lining of my skin
show me what it's like to be human
to have a meaning in life
a purpose to abide by, a direction to follow.

embracing the catastrophe, about to befall my head
hand me a liver on a platter to consume
now that i think of the consequence,
it doesn't quite make that much sense
remove my other body in the mirror
it lies strangely, not fitting with furniture
the atmosphere is really odd in my room
im just waiting for the corpse to rot.

its too long to proclaim im innocent
im drowning in the weight of my endless sin
it feels so hard to act human
and live my days in this horrified skin
why did you have to give me a choice
just to take away my voice
can’t you take the hint?
and realize this is a battle we can't win
so give up, and surrender your identity.

You tear me down, and crush my heart into pieces
Forcing me to fit in a mold, always two sizes too small,
I can't even recognise who I am in the mirror anymore
The cycle repeat over and over again
So I can't help but ask myself relentlessly
How many more times must I pick up my broken pieces
And make myself perfect for you?

Raze my thoughts on the pyre
Burn all tidings of my soul
All the ashes fade away
Into a distant memory
Keep the tombs unturned
Finally letting weary men go

I'm at that age
Where I start thinking about the reason I'm living
And why I should keep existing with such cruelty
All these thoughts grow and take root in the brains
Squeezing to fit, inside the spaces in my skull
They become too heavy, too thick for my head
And burst out to escape, dying in the process
When I'm thinking about all these big things
I feel small, little and tiny,
I'm barely sixteen,
Yet I wish to die so early.

T'was a moonlight night, with the moon out in the sky, so full and bright.

The Manly Sir Jack requested some Mondstadt Grilled Fish, and he ordered the most skilled chefs to make this dish.

You must be cold, was what thou said, but he brushed it off, lighting a patch of grass instead.

However the fire grew, out of control, it spread and it flew, burning away the grass that had just grown anew.

Thou pleaded for the man to leave that patch of land, but he refused rudely, saying he was a brave man.

'There's no need', he said, though advice, well, he paid no heed.

You did depart, worryingly, worried for the man who was living his life oh so dangerously.

What Manly Sir Jack didn't know was that his actions would cause his death, and that he would burn in fire until nothing was left.

plunge your sword into my chest,
and bury my miserable, twisted heart.
the red rivers gush out, aching for their freedom,
rivets of starry-eyed tears fall from the heavens above,
and onto the depths of the below, the endless, dark abyss.

rejoice, the foul beast has been slayed!
the horrible, wretched creature, dead beyond the grave.
swallow your bitterness thickly, and curse the despicable monster,
the lump in my throat grows bigger, and i curse the ******* before me.
determination fills my core, oozing and swirling about my stance,
i fall in despair, tumbling down the endless sea of nothingness.

with only the stars to witness my final act, my greatest deed for the world,
the savior of the living, the vanquisher of evil.
i am your unknown hero, with tales of heroics unsung and untold, all too unfamiliar.
alone in my due time, my only companions are the whispers in the wind.

forever left to roam the world, eternal in my solitude,
no friend, no foe, just my pitiful self.
the only escape resting in my very own hand, my life, my blade, my death.

Trusting in our savior to protect us from harm
We believed in your neverending reign of glory
Your thick, tall lies, built us up above
Scaffolding our expectations of you really were
A liar, a fake, a false revelation.

Do I matter?
Do I have a purpose?
Should I die?
Ask, and ask, and ask.
Pray. Pray. Pray.
Yet you receive nothing but contempt. Nothing but silence. Nothing at all-
Except your voice, echoing in the halls.

Regardless,
I still deem you as my savior.
Lies piled upon lies,
Delusions become my reality.
So, reach out your hand to me,
My kind lord
You shine brightly, among the stars
Your grasp felt like salvation.
You are my everything,
My reason to survive.
You are my joy and pride,
My reason to keep this life.

My god, I am your devotee
Dearest lord, please bless me
Free us from our worldly desires,
From all of our selfish inhibitions,
And lead us to the correct end, the final decision.

comedic sirens ring in the air
im putting on my best dress
prepared to act out my role in this play
do you see the master hiding in the wings?
with puppets laid out, perfect and bare
the dolls, all ready to impress
tied down to the stage, a marionette in the ring.

please call, call my name
one ask, your task, that's all i ask
for you to slice this mask in half.
i hate my reflection, this burden of being me
im screaming- run, hide, tell (someone. anyone.)
down on my knees, begging, and begging
for someone to hear my desperate pleas
hoping for an equality in my judgment,
i’m five feet under in this hell.

but one always watching, waiting for the director's cue
they know what you're pretending to be-!
no, apologies, continue to lead the way.
holding on to a string of mediocrity
i don’t know what it means to truly be free
but i won't be fooled by the hypocrisy
or the candles with their flames, suddenly burning out.
lost in miserable hysteria
freedom was never an option.

my ancestors' blood lies in memories of old
even to the bitter end, they fought
for our lives to be ours, the rice grains to stay in our ***
but the people still give it up every morning.

i know there are rules in your book
my life is cheap, but my words are not
a worthless expense, with meager value
yet my heart burns true, an iron fire
now, hear my pleas, lessen my worries.
burn these chains of ire,
please, set me free.

guilt, guilt, guilt!
it swallows me whole,
and devours my insides,
leaving nothing left.
i am consumed by it,
every fiber of my being,
lost to the feeling.
regrets bubble up in my throat,
mistakes ive made fill up my mind and make me spiral.
how could someone love someone so imperfect?
how could i ever forgive myself?
do i deserve forgiveness, god?
i plead for an answer, but i can only wallow in my misery.
sorry, sorry, sorry, a thousand times,
but the intended receiver never accepts my plea of pity,
because i will never forgive myself for my endless sins.
sorry.
did i say too much?

Silver-tipped arrogance
The way to a fool's heart
I should know

The fool.

We've shot down every bird in the sky
And replaced them with artificial wings, for our aircraft to fly
But can lost ideas and machinations really keep this tiny stubborn world afloat?
When you told me you wished to make the world a better place,
Did you mean one lacking of painful suffering and misery,  
But also free of an earnest expression of oneself?
Buried amongst the sand of dashed hopes and dreams
Lies the heart of humanity, the crux of it all,
Something we've forgotten,
Forgiveness.

To fall in love with the world
You must understand its beauty, its unearthly grace
An alluring voice draws you nearer, to the ends of the universe
It holds you close, almost lovingly, whispering in your ear  
"Please love me forever"
Do what it says quickly, and follow their every command unquestionably
As you struggle to satisfy its insatiable appetite
With misplaced exchanges, forgotten promises,
It will spin you a tale, a drop of a lie,
I love you, my dearest.

A handful of coins, to pay the fee for the bus.

Quiet chats, with rough leather seats, a skin away from alive. Scenery, stretching out into the unknown, the window outside, painting a gateway to the acres of trees.

I smile, knowing these moments are between the two of us.
Just you and me.

With the sea and sky for company,
Guided, by a soulful dream
We are one.

But why?
Why?
Purpose fills my mind
I don't understand a thing
It's quiet, no words are spoken,
Just pure, suffocating silence
Take me home,
I've assimilated with the garden of bones.
Are you feeling happy now?
Finally you have peace
No more noise screaming in your head
Such gratifying relief.

Listening to your every command
They don't understand
The sacrifices you make for the people,
They only take, and take the good will
Stealing away all of your memories, losing every ability
Well, I'm done placing bets on a foolish gamble
And asking on the endless debt of the selfish men
I'll roll all my dice, reveal my hand
Lose all the kindness I was owed
Now, bury your right hand
So you can right the wrongs, write a song
With your journal of my truth.

this is hell on earth.
repeating this cycle again and again.
of forgiveness, of forgetfulness,
oh how i despite it so.
i wait, and wait, and wait,
for a moment of peace,
for a moment of freedom.
but there is nothing-
except my cold, bitter self,
and my long lost hope for the future.
i lay there, and rot,
knowing my time of purgatory will never end.
it will just.
keep.
going.
and i will sink,
and let myself drown in this sorrow,
so i may never have to think about
struggling to breathe again.

One day...
The sea will set me free
I'd accept my place under the stars
Dancing all night long,
Enjoying my time endlessly, about the days past of glory.

Oh, how I long for that day-!
The day I can finally smile and sing,
With a beaming joy in my heart,
And fondness for the gift of life that was bestowed upon me.

I'm yearning for this long-awaited freedom
To feel the heavy burden lift up from my shoulders
To look into the mirror, and tell my reflection this-
That things will finally be okay.

an explosion racks through my mind
in the dark, there comes a whisper
let me live, let me live
now it begs and screams, haunts me in the night
to let it live, to let it live
and i’m thinking of the weight you carry
the burden you have to bury
yet at the end of the day
i miss her (and so, so much more.)

Please snap off all the strings,
That hang me down from the ground.
Dictate my feelings, give me rules to follow
Not a thought in sight, a word in mind
The audience, we know what you are.
A mere puppet in the wings, waiting.
Walking alongside you aimlessly,
Looking for a path that leads to nowhere.

Capable of loving, knowing what's worth living,
Forever endless toiling, from the winds of change
Enduring eternal hardship, with the bellowing storm.
Does the aforementioned guilt still linger on your mind?
Pain is all I despise, craving relief amidst the raging havoc
Whispers for salvation, but none hear my cries
Granted no mercy, to soothe this aching, to mend this broken heart.

Fasten a gift ribbon around my neck
Tighten and twist, form a bitter departure
Your bone meets my flesh, together we form a human,
Intertwined in fate, but never meant to be
Cut it loose, you're someone I need to lose
Looking for a way to live alone, to leave this encroaching trap
Impossible for a moment of escapism, for it will only seek to strangle me in the end.

The wind flutters freely, while breezes drift about in my hair
A warmth envelopes me, making me feel loved inside
Sweet words like honey, softening my heavy heart
You untied my noose, and set me free
From the shackles of others' expectation, and the burden of being alone
You brought me back to reality.

Now, you hold onto my hand tight,
Never letting go, you showed me the light
Like a shooting star in the night sky,
You blazed brightly, leading me through the dark
You taught me how to fly, amongst the birds, and soar up high.

With the gift of flight, it gave me a purpose
A reason to keep on living, to carry on loving.
Finally, you embraced me softly, and told me something unforgettable-
"I love you too.”

Everyone lives like a coffin
People only care about what the person used to be
They love the memory, but not the mistery
Of seeing a beloved one rotting inside
Cheeks pale, eyes closed,
How could anyone think that they were once alive?
A shell of their former self,
Presented neatly for all to see
It's shameful to think about
How, in their last moments,
They are paraded as a tool,
And not treated carefully, like the human they once were.

Let me forget, my dear... Let my little tears fall.
Sun-kissed days, a radiant smile on your lips
Enamored with your beauty, suffocating through intoxicating breaths.
With my hands, hold these secrets tight to your chest
Chasing down old days of glory, alongside you.
My head burns achingly, from yearning alone
All these fits and the darkest of dreams,
The question of its purpose eludes my very judgment.

Oh, how much I loved you so
Melodies echo in my head,
Laying a cacophony of emotions in my throat,
Keeping the bitterness from spilling out
Revealing my true envious nature
Acquiesce this presence, at your heart's behest
Steadily creeping through the grounds
Tangled up in your web of lies
But, like a daydream, you stayed
Similar to the night sky, you never, ever change
In the mirage of symphonies, you loved me.

Sink down under, my sickly companion
The shambles of my mind don't align,
With those unspeakable intentions of mine
Pleading for my attention, your hunger never abates
Queasy from holding your hand, and running through the sunlight,
Always too warm for something, anything else
I've fallen in love with a deadly blossom.
Beg and scream, yet I crave is solace in my misery
Please go away, flee in the night
But when the morning comes around, I find myself waiting for you, once more
Around you, nothing is as it seems.

Fly up high, let's play a game of pretend
Look at the sights that await you
It's not unusually difficult to be alive
Cut off all the strings that hold you back,
Prune out the veins between your skin
Before long, you've surrounded my thoughts
Carry a heavy burden, on your shoulders it starts to live.
I'm dreaming for riches simply beyond a name,
With sickening human eyes full of deceit and lies
Temptation the devil, debauches friendships of innocent souls
Everything you love, in the end, inevitably dies.

Abandon all your innermost thoughts and feelings,
Forget all those things makes you sad
Because in the end, all that you really need
Is a dishonorable friend like me.
Sinking in the rubble, this oblivious nature of yours
A saccharine future awaits your weary soul
You must be happy and move on
Start sailing the merry seas and beyond
In the place of where you once were,
Remember clear blue skies, the crystal waters left in your wake
Don't look back and think of regrets
One will only drown in the thoughts of what could be.

Send me to hell, a sacrificial lamb to slaughter
Agony crept from the corners
Fabricated happiness, an delusion to keep me from being free
Spitting out the aged vitriol in short-lived sentiments  
You and I, we were not destined to be
Promising you would descend down to save me
Do you enjoy sending the guilty to their dreams?

At the young ripe age of twenty-five,
You must move on, my only reason,
Listen to the forgotten memories
Instead of losing into the recesses of life.  
Fix what's broken with false pretenses,
But if you were to depart, nothing can be mended
What's worth thinking and dying for,
Especially in the battle of love and war?
Follow through your promises, even to the end
Chalice of gold, heal all my wounds
End my tragedy, once and for all.

Abandon all your innermost thoughts and feelings,
Forget all those things makes you sad
Because in the end, all that you really need
Is a dishonorable friend like me.
Sinking in the rubble, this oblivious nature of yours
A saccharine future awaits your weary soul
You must be happy and move on
Start sailing the merry seas and beyond
In the place of where you once were,
Remember clear blue skies, the crystal waters left in your wake
Don't look back and think of regrets
One will only drown in the thoughts of what could be.

Send me to hell, a sacrificial lamb to slaughter
Agony crept from the corners
Fabricated happiness, an delusion to keep me from being free
Spitting out the aged vitriol in short-lived sentiments  
You and I, we were not destined to be
Promising you would descend down to save me
Do you enjoy sending the guilty to their dreams?

At the young ripe age of twenty-five,
You must move on, my only reason,
Listen to the forgotten memories
Instead of losing into the recesses of life.  
Fix what's broken with false pretenses,
But if you were to depart, nothing can be mended
What's worth thinking and dying for,
Especially in the battle of love and war?
Follow through your promises, even to the end
Chalice of gold, heal all my wounds
End my tragedy, once and for all.

Thin whites, red liquid
Dripping down the cross

Sheets flipping up and below
Words mixed, like my breath
To ask for more is greed

And silence, loud as can be
Sealing my fate
With a click.

My lines start to bleed

Weakness
My bones feel weak
Round my eyes spin

Like the earth
Faster, faster I go
Spiral downwards, tipsy over the edge
It creeps out, inside it goes

Peeling and peeling the layers
Crimson, red and hot
This is not my skin

In a lifetime.
One chance, one dream, one wish.    
I live only once.
Thank god it's only once!
But I long to be free.
I'm caged in a prison.
Was it of my own making?
I stay inside regardless.
I'm afraid to leave.
To see what others might think of me.

A wish. I wish to be happy.
But I get nothing. Brutal agony.
I hate I hate I hate. I hate it.
Or do I simply hate myself?
Questions never get answered.
I can't be happy.
I can never let myself feel-
Nothing other than grief.
I don't deserve anything else
But miserable.

Hello, I ask?
Everyone wants something. Someone.
They always want. They always need.
Always so greedy, always so selfish. But I give in, regardless.
So why do you care? Do you even care?
Please care. Please, love me.
No. I'm wrong, like always.
I mistake your intentions.
I lied to myself. No one loves me.

Now, think. Clearly.
What do I remember?
Nothing. I don't know why.  
I forgot how to speak. How to remember.
Your smile. Your laughter. Your warmth.
The sun rises and falls. You come and go.
I reach out. No one is there.
You're gone like the wind.
Quickly slipping into my heart
And quickly leaving, leaving me to rot.

Who am I?
People say different things, great and good and horrible
I don't know what's the truth.
But when I look into the mirror,
The reflection staring right back at me,
I know it's me.
But it used to be someone else.
No. They are gone now.
I stole them away in the night
Crushed their heart into pieces
Smashed their brain into bits
I took over their identity.
I miss you. I miss me.
But why?
To someone I don't even know,
How can I miss you?

I'm guilty. The red is on my hands.
Everything in my head is screaming
Die, die, and die!
My thoughts, my memories, my love.
Lost all meaning.
I'm falling now.
I don't remember anyone.
I don't remember anything.
I don't remember anymore.  
What did I forget?
Who did I forget?
Why...
I repeat. I don't know. Endlessly.

There is-
One end, and only one death.
One, and only one.
Never less, never more.
Still it's never quite enough.
To live without the dreams,
To love without the memories,  
There is no purpose in this world.    
Forget. Apologize. Repeat.
Again, and again, and again.
I'm tired of this cycle.
Click. Thud. Snap.  
Weep, my dear child.
For whom?
The stars, my soul, and nothing else.

bleeding hearts, buried amongst one another.
a casket of tomes, a stolen freedom
sword at the helm, an owner long gone,
one final strike, is all it took.

step after step through the sweltering heat
a thousand of tears drip down my chin
as i gaze down upon the endless valleys.

the fearless, facing the unknown
with bravery dying alongside their hearts,
yet coursing, rushing, and blazing through mine.

tear down the banners,
storm the city!
burn the listless memories.
tell the whole world-
the cruel fury of a god is no more.

with freedom is on the horizon,
all but a glimpse away,
hope blooms once more,
it lights up the darkest of times,
soothing the aches of my heart.

to reenact the spark of rebellion,
to purge this world of destruction,
to rid of this wretched eternity.
one final strike, is all i'll need.

Let me be lost, let me be found
Let me be cast aside, let me be treasured
One day, for the slightest of moments,
Grant me this blessing.

Let my weary bones rest, let my tired eyes close,
For a moment of peace,
Let me rest.

Once, I am lost into the abyss of darkness, a stillness I had never known,
I am free.

Please, kind sir,
Let me rest.
And dream.

New life comes, taking in every breath
But with spirited birth, comes unseemly passing.  
So I contemplate over the aftermath
Ruminating for any causes of death
Since I have nothing else to think about
To take up my days of leisure

Too afraid of tying up loose ends
Abandoning all of my closest friends
For a mere slip-knot, and a moment of doubt
My way, my compass, my long winding path,
I lost everything.

Tears wash away the stains
Time erodes any yearning pain
The things I kept close to my heart
And everything I held dear
All lost to my lonely, selfish fear
This love, no longer mine.

I molded stones into tall buildings
I formed the thoughts that you were thinking
I gave up the world so you could live
But in the end,
You ignored the miracle of my gift
You fell from the sky, up above
And sank into the abyss, down below
Yet, I waited and waited in the cold
Saying goodbye to a past memory  
Only for you to say you forgot me.

I'm-
Thinking about something.
Something, someone I forgot.
A companion, who had made my heart warm,
This friendship, now faded, and withdrawn
And a home, where I believed, I could finally belong.  
Each and every one of them... truly long gone.

All that remains after is nothing,
Except this pent-up swirl of emotions
Screaming out of rage
It's begging for you to forgive yourself, and move on
Please turn the page, and end this story.

Don't worry about before,
Live in the present, not the past
In order to set yourself free, from this cage of misery
To find a happy ending for both you and me
You must leave the stormy seas,
And venture out to the beyond.
Leave, dearest me, and finally be happy.

I can't help but hurt the people I love
With oozing venom out of my silence
Past regrets wash up against the shores of the sea
Drowning in the holes of grief
Endless pain follows the guilty men
The song that comes after the rain
Brings sorrow in your eyes

Chew on my bitter veins
And choke it all down
With a cup of disregarding nonsense
This sword I slip through your chest
Regardless I hold your hand tightly
I dream for warmth, yet feelings expire  
My love twists, spoilt milk in the heat
Amongst the clean rows of clothes, lies the ***** laundry of mine
Craving for situationship, but instead it hangs you dry
Hot crimson tears keep me up at night

Apologies can't mend the wounds
Salve only hides the scars
The best way to heal is if you let go of this unforgivable sinner
Doomed for damnation, an eternity in hell
I'm burning at the pyre I set fire to
Alluringly sparkling, stroke the flames
Keep your thoughts on my sins, every mistake committed to memory
Sink with me forever

A sorry seeps into my mind
But I can't let you wander alone
Then I beg for you to stay
Forgetting boundaries etched in stone
******* the life out of your marrow
Ending your hopes once more
With your dreams long gone

You lock the door of our only home
Hoping I don't knock and bang and scream
The rain howls out my sorrow
Waiting at the steps of my heels
Pooling a puddle of grief
Turn towards yourself, and realise
What I've made of you

I've destroyed every fiber of your being
Ripped your heart out into shreds
Staked down every single friendship
Growing weeds in your rose garden
I pluck my rotten heart out for you
Displaying my love in its simplicity
Swallow my little memories
And look back for me, please

Fated cycle starts and ends again
The people I've abandoned along the way
A perfect untuned harmony
Slaving away to smoothen the circle
Erasing the points along the line
Paying thousands of my soul
To fix what was lost, and regain your control
Making it a straight road ahead
For a journey that will never end

My condolences for thinking out loud
Poisoning the world with my sounds
Will you stab me in the eye and think
Finally you'll forgive me, my friend
For ruining your life, your everything
Then I can lie and smile brightly, and say a truly useless, but lovely
Thank you.

Apologies fill my head
How can I explain my actions?
Forgiveness is out of the question
I'm sorry, for lying
A story without its conclusion
I'll leave the stage
I'm tired of this endless suffering
I'm still stuck in the beginning
Drifting.

What to do? What to do?
Sorrow fills my bones
Sorrow, I'm sorry.
How can I ever get you to look at me the same?
I know you're gone
And it's exhausting
You're gone, and this love is toxic.

But where else could I go?
Only home, in your arms.
So accept me back, my love.
Hold me tight, hold me close
Love me forever, and love me the most.
While I make many empty promises
Like when I promised you
That I would never leave
I never meant for it to turn out to be a lie
If I had told you, a long time ago
How I truly felt, how I loved you so
Would you still have left, and let me go?

Regrets are boundless.
I’m sorry dearest,
I understand your grief
And I’m sorry for leaving,
Will you forgive me?

Mind-numbing reality
Take my hand
And twist it, shatter my insides

Cracked soul
Fragments of the past
Torn at the edges

All wrapped in a gift ribbon
The now is no longer here
I am you
Not me

The bleeding carcass of the rotting sun
Stretches upon,
under an insipid ocean.

Vast lands,
an eye only can see,
But never glance upon the silver of another moon.

while the burning world needed a god,
i needed a loving mother
but all i got was a cruel joke of a fraud.
yet, for old times' sake we have to pretend,
to love each other
and beyond the the ribcage, only on the inside,
my bitter, angry heart can safely rot.

i’m always screaming- you are my own flesh and blood!
so i ignore the cuts in my skin
wipe away reds beneath those eyes
and love you once again
our relationship filled with lies.

now, do you want a hundred, a thousand apologies, for ever being born?
i can't scratch my name off in crimson ink
so hand me a pen- then i may stab it out,
this beating sensation in my chest
that keeps my existence from being free
always begging for your mercy,
condolences, i'm sorry.

Thank you for your time,
For staying by my side.
My reason to keep going,
You make me smile on rainy days.

Soon, I'm going to close my eyes
Living forever in my daydreams
But the end of everything,
I'm glad we're still together.

Finally, I can look to the sky
Saying I'm truly happy,
That I've lived a life worth living for,
And I fell in love with a shooting star.

So goodnight, my dear friend,
Rest well today, and the days after tomorrow
I love you, always
Now, and forever more.

Empire of distrust crumbs under the weight
Of a fortuitously timed defeat
Betrayal sinks in, the storm of the century
A slice of ill luck will shrivel in its grave
Come forth a hero, who rises from the flames
Let glory shower this coat of arms
Below reveals a casket of lies
Deceit entombed deep in their bones

Living in the past
You should have known it'd never last
You were never there
You were never anywhere to found

With nowhere to call home
You left them to die
All alone on their own
But you should have known
They'd make it past eighteen
They lived their lives, they survived the horrid lies

So **** this mortality,
You don't deserve to be forgiven.
Just rot, rot and rot
Suffer like the ******* you are,
You don't deserve mercy,
Die.

Close your eyes and forget
All the lost ones along the way
Sleep peacefully, in the midst of the meadow
My forehead adorned with a wreath of flowers
Blooming prettily under the sunlight
A locked chest, behind glass doors
I stay back, closed off from the world
In my clasped hands,
Lies my key, alone and firm
Open this lock quickly, and free me from my chains
Into the dizzying, enchanting creation
Of people's hopes and dreams
Remember the promise I had bestowed upon you
That once I could fly, you'll look back, Watching me from the sky
And finally let me spread my wings, and take flight.

Plastic artificial lifeless doll
Is that what I mean to you?
I stayed by your side
Yet you took away my right
To speak my mind freely.

I was nothing more than a price tag
And a useless waste of a tool
I'm slowly losing myself, piece by piece
My life's worth, torn to shreds
I can't pretend to feel alive anymore
My heart is dying, rotting away
I die with every touch, day by day
It's an expired can of worms,
With its endless ticking, forcing me to move.

I peel and peel and peel, hoping to prove my innocence
Cutting deep, straight to the bone
Leaving my flesh and insides exposed, vulnerable.
I was a human once, but you took my humanity away from me
Nothing to play with anymore, an emotionless toy for the dumps
I've given up on all hope of escape
Because I was only temporary.

Never thinking, never stopping
A chance to make or break it all
Seems like I'm failed miserably
It's no struggle to understand
How I've become the way I am now
Discard my feelings like a unwanted gift
In the end, I have so little love left to give
Please just throw me away, remove my existence
I'm sorry for the disappointment, for ever being born.

My desire to be loved-
All carved out, hollow and gone.
I wish I had stayed guilty of ignorance
And forgotten the truth of my past
No more mistakes to be made,
No more sins to atone for
At least I would no longer be alone.
I could pass away in doses, happy and content
But instead I chose to suffer in the pain,
Losing hope of being to able smile once more

I stand by myself in the grass fields
Simply drifting by, thoughtlessly
Letting the wind, and my beloved dreams die  
I'm lost in the ocean, drowning in the stormy seas
Begging for the end of everything,
Grant my wish, and set me free.

my head is crushing in on itself about,
it feels like its about to pop.
can't think straight,
can't think clearly,
cant understand what i mean,
or what i meant to say,
chattering nonsense on and on.

im ready to spill,
with my organs still intact
and the curves and lines and guts inside,
lined up in a corner,
all neat and tidy and organised.

words spit themselves out from my mouth,
like little tiny faults and cuts across my tongue.
i drink on sorrow out a gasoline pump
lost in a facade of my identity
with no destination,
no path leading home.

let me squeeze my insides open
and make myself whole again.
with teeth yellowed,
eyes bloodshot,
throat burning and sore.
im set to go down a rabbit hole
and never climb back out.

emotions roam about uncontrollably,
they stick out in odd places,
and poke through the holes in my skin,
making it look ugly.

as i fill my holes with the alcohol,
these odd jobs and poor grades,
nothing seems the same,
nothing seems right,
nothing, nothing, nothing.
i am nothing less, nothing more.

overdosing on caffeine,
hitting the dopamine rush,
staying up late.
theres not enough of my melancholy,
to fill my bleeding heart.

im a sad little kid,
with a broken radio.
playing static sounds over and over,
mimicking a silly lullaby,
to hide that im all alone.

the only way out,
a final escape,
is to lose my own hand.
so i will live with the self-pity,
this selfish way to die.
waiting, waiting, waiting- snap!
for the day i can finally say goodbye.

our bed of thorns wilting, our devotion rotting,
drunk on the ecstasy, and blind to the faults that lay awake.
my hand longs for your burning warmth,
and these arms of doubt beg for your mercy.

kiss my pain goodbye for tonight,
and bless the bruises in the morning.
regret toils in my midst, for i have never left your side.
you'd nurse my wounds with hard-boiled venom, patch my sores with an icy poison
how could i not love a maiden as cruel as you?

my heart bleeds every moment you speak,
and i know this is the day i'll cry myself to sleep.
but i'd let you break my hope again and again,
and ****** me in your forgotten memories
until i finally give in, beyond a simple fix and mend
so i may die once more, in your deathly embrace.

little starry dreamer, don’t hide your sin
blood follows your dripping tears
telling from the pages, you are not innocent
i can see the fronts you put up, all those silly disguises
and the lies beneath those eyes.

when the riverbanks turn up dry,
and roots on the ground shrivel up and rot
will you keep asking yourself, why, why, why?
when everything you once loved finally dies
leaving you without hesitation, not a second thought
will you realize all you believed in, was just a mere filthy lie?

the rich will get richer, and the poor will simply die
but i have to eat the starving crows
stuck between the lines, of poverty and the cold
roaming, lost, at the ****** crossroads
was the path to happiness always a lie?

i always wondered, how could betrayal be so bitter?
one would never expected their friend
to be the one who dealt them the worst hand.
now, tell me, good sir, where do you draw the line,
between the truth and the lies
is it only when your child commits suicide...
or do you have something else to hide?

we can see all the misdeeds
implanted, howling in your mind
your unorthodox cravings, your every need
so don't try to hide
your true malicious nature.
how do you plead? guilty.

pray tell, don't lie
im boiling,
brimming on the surface of lucidity
voice, full of venom,
dripping with raging acidity
you should know the limits of your regret
and never, ever forget
i’m here for your self depreciation
because i’m always on your side
in the storm, no matter what
i'll be there.
but...

you have to take my hand
and let yourself sink in the misery
asking, what am i doing this for?
see the logic, the motive, the reason
behind every action, every movement
then say you understand
the consequences of war.

for your raging voice to be heard
in the midst of scurrying chatter
i scream endlessly to the winds
praying you wouldn't die alone
please, please, stay safe, my dear
don't get hurt in the crossfire

bullets rain down on the battlefield
im crying for your safe return
but when you show up at the door, all tattered and blown
im seeing your chest right through a hole
my mind starts to drown in wretched agony
all the fated fears consume me whole
and the crushing anguish seeps into my bones

a bittersweet feeling, of a selfish victory
where you win nothing in the world
and lose everything in the aftermath
your life and your love, your one and only everything
the flags are raised in surrender
happy men laugh to toast over the end
their cheers ringing in my ears, always too loud
to cover up the misery of their fallen friends.

finally, i know it's over.  
i should be happy, right?
but i still miss you tirelessly
they say time can't heal all wounds
still painted crimson red- raw, fresh and tender.

i sit by myself, at the dining table
eating my cold runny eggs,
with a cracked cup of coffee,
the weather outside a damning storm.
and the realization hits like a raging hurricane
you're not coming home, forever.

How can that lovely, pursed mouth of yours
Spew such horrid and distasteful lies,
Utter nonsense dripping from your lips
When you say,
Dig my heart out, for the masses to see
How much I loved you, how dear you were to me
They sting and burn, chipping away at my skin
Ruining me from the inside out, I've become ugly
It hurts when you speak, it's killing me slowly.
Why, why do you hate me?

my heart all heavy,
please hold my hand,
for old times sake.
love me again
let us feel like, what it's like to be alive
before we take our final breath
under the stars, together.

sitting alone,
let us be merry,
drown out our sorrows in whisky and wine.
the empty barrel, knowing no end
drink away regrets,
bubbling to spill,
please cry away the blues
forever and forever,
you promised to be mine
yet another morning comes,
without you by my side,
I'm going to drink my tears tonight.

at the end of the world,
upon tips of the peaks,
is where we'll meet
so please be kind to me
let this soothing love
be everything and nothing, all bittersweet.

and in the end of it all,
i'll miss this, and so much more.
you'll come back to me, stay for the night,
and i’d wait until you disappear at dawn.

The aching in my heart longs for your warmth
With tears welling in the creases and crevices
I feel almost sorry, to see you go
Remembering all the moments we spent together
Looking back at the books of our history
We had many happy memories
Ones that can never be taken back, never be returned
To the same form they used to
Tarnished with cruelty you showed me
I'll never be the same again
Losing myself, piece by piece
Is this what they call, a heartbreaking first love?

This is our way of life
Turning and turning around, never stopping
Competing in a never-ending race for the end
Not knowing what our destination is,
But running, sprinting towards for something, anything
To tell us, to comfort us
That the sacrifices we made along the way
Was worth it for a temporary relief, and a futile reward.

Now do you understand me?

How useless our lives are, in the grand scheme of things
We mean nothing.
We are just a string of words
Names in a yellowed book
Photos from a forgotten memory
Numbers on a shadowy screen
Pure nonsense scrambles out of our mouths
Wishing to make sense of our existence.

To do something, anything,
To make our time worthy, to find reason.
To fill in the holes in the space between us
To give purpose in a meaningless life
To give hope in a society of melancholy
To give us something to believe in.

We attach useless answers to these questions
But there is no point in this senseless action
Twirling in the insanity of the universe
The desperation to feel needed and be used, to feel loved and be hated
It makes us whole, full, complete
Like we were never missing anything in the first place
It removes the longing void in our hearts, and the empty aching in our souls

God, I ******* hate myself.

Every ill-timed breath is struggle
It serves as a reminder of how difficult it is to live
A temporary relief from the harsh reality of the world
An explosion of euphoria from the joy of living,
Then the regret that comes with a slow, painful death
Forgetting, forgiving, for someone.  

The crazy, turning, twisting world
That lifts me off my feet, and forces me to walk
I'm dying and breathing and living in a world,
In a tiny universe, where I am worth less than a penny
Because I have burnt out my candle, the light no longer flickers
And I have cut off my stems, the petals. will wither, and eventually die.

Realisation dawns upon me, a strange sun in the starry sky
On a planet, where everything, anything and something has meaning,
It will never be enough.
Nothing is good enough.

Nothing.

I repeat this word to understand my position
My task, my hand, my purpose
I don't know what else exists for me
Except burying myself into the roots of this world

Nothing.

I amount to nothing, nothing, nothing.
Always, and absolutely
Nothing, nothing at all.

I don't understand.