This is our way of life
Turning and turning around, never stopping
Competing in a never-ending race for the end
Not knowing what our destination is,
But running, sprinting towards for something, anything
To tell us, to comfort us
That the sacrifices we made along the way
Was worth it for a temporary relief, and a futile reward.

Now do you understand me?

How useless our lives are, in the grand scheme of things
We mean nothing.
We are just a string of words
Names in a yellowed book
Photos from a forgotten memory
Numbers on a shadowy screen
Pure nonsense scrambles out of our mouths
Wishing to make sense of our existence.

To do something, anything,
To make our time worthy, to find reason.
To fill in the holes in the space between us
To give purpose in a meaningless life
To give hope in a society of melancholy
To give us something to believe in.

We attach useless answers to these questions
But there is no point in this senseless action
Twirling in the insanity of the universe
The desperation to feel needed and be used, to feel loved and be hated
It makes us whole, full, complete
Like we were never missing anything in the first place
It removes the longing void in our hearts, and the empty aching in our souls

God, I ******* hate myself.

Every ill-timed breath is struggle
It serves as a reminder of how difficult it is to live
A temporary relief from the harsh reality of the world
An explosion of euphoria from the joy of living,
Then the regret that comes with a slow, painful death
Forgetting, forgiving, for someone.  

The crazy, turning, twisting world
That lifts me off my feet, and forces me to walk
I'm dying and breathing and living in a world,
In a tiny universe, where I am worth less than a penny
Because I have burnt out my candle, the light no longer flickers
And I have cut off my stems, the petals. will wither, and eventually die.

Realisation dawns upon me, a strange sun in the starry sky
On a planet, where everything, anything and something has meaning,
It will never be enough.
Nothing is good enough.

Nothing.

I repeat this word to understand my position
My task, my hand, my purpose
I don't know what else exists for me
Except burying myself into the roots of this world

Nothing.

I amount to nothing, nothing, nothing.
Always, and absolutely
Nothing, nothing at all.

I don't understand.

Sunkissed moon under the starry sky
A crystal teardrop always out of reach
Grasping on strands of what once was mine
Eternity lacks the solace of flight
Heavenly symphonies echo through the halls
Begging on its knees, hands clasped in a prayer
To give up on life itself

i turn to god and ask him silently
what right do you have to determine our lives?
the strings of fate, grip us tightly
we are bound for the path you have set for us
how much are you going to keep robbing the poor?
until they've spent every last of their expenditure
what choice do the poor men have?
they can only follow along reluctantly.
on and on, to the front they go
like ants they die out, quietly.

Longing for freedom, to drift, like the boats on the shore
The ocean calls, it wants me to stay.
With sunny days gone, now knocking on the door
Promising to keep the sea of regret at bay
So I don't forget who I made these memories for
Now, steal this feeling of sorrow away
And smile all day, living freely once more.

Looking back at the past
With days long gone, our love buried,
I can't help but wonder
Where did it all begin?

Talk about the delicacies of death over dinner,
Furniture as mannequins
A spectator to the pretense.
With love so despairing like a poison,
An obsession burning my insides
Consuming my very center.
I'm drowning in a sea-less land,
Struggling to survive this soulless world.

I fell right into your trap,
Sunk deep within your ship.
A never-ending cage all around me
Lest you dream, know an escape is impossible.
Hope has been ****** dry,
My life has lost all meaning.

Dear sun, shine down on these metal bars,
so I may feel some warmth.
Hard and cold, I've been left behind,
To rot for all of eternity,
In a prison of my own making.

This silver gate keeps you from me
Only you have the pass to enter,
I have to let you inside.
Don't and don't and don't fills my head,
But forgetfulness envelops me, a warm blanket.

You stay and go, with the key always out of reach
Shower me with affection, but leave me to suffer
Choking down tears, I thanked you for your stay
The house is empty, the sky is clear
A perfect day to leave your eyes
To escape from myself, to die.

hello? am i still your only friend?
lonely is me, woe is death
we are one and the same, too alike for our own good
love you, love me, love everything about life, despise everything about death

there is only one way of thinking, one way of breathing
but never one way of living, but only one way of dying
regretfully. sorrowfully. a demise unfitting of a person.
that is the death i wish for, i yearn for
one deserving for a sinner like me.

i cannot help but rejoice
my victory is never certain, my defeat is inevitable
but the thought of my life at its end, at the brink of salvation known as death
brings me great comfort, joy and peace.

i know that the end is near, and i welcome it willingly
the light is not silent, the darkness is but solitude
in the end i can only choose myself to be happy, but it is an impossible task.
loneliness, my friend,
my only companion in these humbling moments.

i fight day to day, with a knife as my sword, and overwhelming emotions as my last love
i cant help but struggle against the uncertainty, knowing my last breath draws closer
it makes more the satisfying conclusion, an end to the cycle
quiet, steady, like a beating heart
a whisper, a dew drop, in the flowing mist
a piano key, that note out of place
its eerie, mysterious, and a quiet peace I've never known.

look at the burnt crevices of my palm,
the mutilation of my corpse's life
dissect and bleed my heart tonight
i want a premature death, burning in purgatory

my greatest crime was deceiving oneself, my greatest deed putting the headless human out of misery
i have sunk in too deep, beyond gods salvation
too much lost in the wreckage,
love wont save me now.

please, heaven, give me salvation
and end my misery once more
let me lie at peace with my sins
and bask in the glory of my youth,
look past the misdeeds of a miscreant
idolize my youth, despise my presence,
love what is perfect, not what is missing
armed with only this bittersweet memory
i mourn for the youth you were robbed of.

i know im a disaster at heart,
a sailor always lost at sea
all i just want to is to have one restart
and finally be free
but little sweet death's too good for me
so i continue on toiling fruitlessly

its a choice to continue, a choice to give up
a choice to sell your soul to a devil, to give up happiness for mercy
to over indulgence in the recesses of life, to forget who you once were
to be too human, to be beyond saving

will you please allow me another chance?
to give up fully, my joy and happiness
in exchange for something worth living for, an aimless purpose
i can only protest at what my life could have been, but never changed a thing
simply watching afar, never doing.

alas, this is what my life truly means
like my purpose, both are alike
my suffering, my misery, my pain
always amounted to what i not hoped, but known all along
absolutely nothing.

this was not death, not life, just an unknown entity,
the chaos of love, and the multitude of emotions that come forth
grasping, holding, tightening its grip around my neck
i struggle to breath, in the overwhelming state of it
im too sweet, too full, too much of everything,
but suddenly too little, too few, and never enough.

i will swallow my doubts bitterly, and smile to the future.
the sunrise and sunsets,
ones i will end before ever seeing once again
my final ode, my only goodbye
left in short, little words.

everyday slips by so quickly,
we're losing track of time.
struggle to run along, while chasing after the past
i can only look towards this future,
hoping for our best, and living in the present.

oh, so sweet and pretty lady
smiling and shining, every single night
it must be a pleasurable crime,
to know your lips taste
sway with the dance, my hands to your waist
and seal it all off with a final kiss.
before i leave, a short reminder.
please tell me a little white lie,
"we'll meet again, one day."  
finally- say goodbye.  
we never have enough time
to speak what's on our mind
so we recite our greetings quickly,
thinking of what one should say
to make up for the lost hours.
alas, i’m a hopeless sinner who lost it all
you're someone i think about, someone i'd miss
now, i spend my last days in bed,  
wishing you were mine.

Watch the audience clamor about,
Unaware of their own obsessive, unsavory nature within
They cluster together,
Muttering, and murmuring
"Outsider, Outsider...
You don't belong here."  
Ignorant little pests.
Bloodthirsty insects buzzing around
Waiting for the finale, with its novelty painted in gold
The ending spectacle for their own entertainment.

Society dictates one follow the status quo
And every now and then
The voices are saying to go with the flow
But I can't help but ask
When, when will this suffering end?
When can I learn to speak up,
And finally say no-
To the demands of the selfish men?

Then, I remember there's a spine ingrained in my back
To make up for the ego I lack
Holding no blatant disregard for the misery of many
Not wanting to spare a single penny
Leaving the masses to cry alone.

But I'm surrounded by corrupted souls,
All living on their own
I keep feeding into this endless lie
Grasping onto the strands of life
Always holding on to the delusions of hope...
But why?
Struggling, day in, and day out
I've already died.
So why should I bother to try?

My acquaintance, I remark.
I'm not a full moon, and not a full heart.
Less of a man that I once was, less of a person that I wished to be.
My screws are loosening, a stark hollow,
Yet we embrace each other, wholeheartedly.

Trying to fill up what was lost, what was taken,
what was gone and gone and gone once more,
never returning, even for the fleeting moment.

But I was taken, and never the same soul again,
But my voice drifts, and your eyes don't follow
an empty feeling in my respite, with a bitterness in my tongue.

My friend, I sigh.
Don't keep the telephone waiting, answer my call.
I wait for your reply earnestly,
your love will be the only thing that gives me life, that loves me oh so endearingly.
Don't leave me alone, don't leave me to die,
nurture me with your light, and love me with all your might,
Until my heart blooms and wilts, you'll keep loving me until the end.

Our love is fleeing, our love is desolate,
yet I'd still love you in the end,
even though I know I'll go one day.
Maybe you'll hold my hand and make me understand
Why it had to be?

I don't need forever, I just want you for a moment longer,
please don't leave me so soon.
I can compose love poems, hymns, stories dedicated to you
but it's never really you, it never feels like you,
and I know its not you, it can never be you.
Still, please, please love me.
Don't leave me to starve, your bowl of affection is what keeps me thriving.

My dearest, I whisper.
I am ravenous for love, filled with sin.
Nothing is worth loving, nothing is worth living for,
but only one thought occurs again and again-
you and me, me and you.
Why do we live? Simply for each other.

You and me, me and you.

It has always been us, us two, the two of us.
Never me, and it never will be me,
I will never be a reason to live
I'd remove myself from the pair, erase my name from the equation,
leaving only you behind, like always.

It always been you, and only you.
Only you will stay, only you will remain, and only you will be left.
I will be long gone, with nothing left for my remains.
Please live in my name, please continue on.
Forget about me, your old lover, your old friend.

Please love me for who I once was,
not who I've become, a being incapable and unworthy of your purest love.
No, please love anyone but me.
Indeed, love and I are such cruel people.
Will you still pretend to love me dearly, so I do not have to love myself?

My love, I smile.
To the moon and back.
I fell in love deeply with a soul,
yet we never shared a last name on our final days.
I know the end is near.
It has always been close by, waiting for me.

Well, for my final goodbye,
Never let me go, lest you let me wither once again,
and open my eyes like I once did, that last summer's eve.

Sending away packages of hidden words
Filled to the brim with stolen letters
Stories left untold in the handwriting of another
Forgotten, and abandoned, turning into dust of the distant past
No one remembers the legacies of before
When the tides of the ocean were called by their name,
Songs of the heart contained some message,
And my words of love had a meaning,
Not this foolishness encompassing a lie.

Listlessly listening to the echoes of others
Follow the script! Go by the book!
Don't go off-track, and ruin it all for good
Forget yourself forever, your purpose unresolved
Your presence unwanted, your reason undefined.
Bury your voice deeper, into the pit
Extinguish the flames of passion with a wisp of sorrow
Fill in the mold, force yourself to fit
Standing out, a sore thumb in the winds, is forbidden.  
With the know-it-alls, know-hows, but never a why.

A cycle repeats once again
This click and things are set into place
Round motion, it goes, chiming endlessly
The destination unknown, full speed ahead
With only but a single arrow pointing to the future,
Proper directions shunned, alongside the journey ahead
Lost at the middle, nowhere to go
Obsessive monotonous tone is how the world spins
Compulsion drives my ticking heart
Onto the setting horizon it flees
Staring through the mirror, wondering if it's truly me
My memories and love float into the stars
What shall I do now, society? Die.

Skies up above, raining tears
I want to love you addictively,
Like a ****, I devour your dreams with a sickening smile
Pretending to be a blooming rose during the day,
I steal you away in the night
My embrace feels suffocating.

Heartless murderer, justify cruelty with love
Harboring no regret, no criminal charge
I've crushed you to pieces
Strangled your lively soul with ****** hands
Don't think, don't try, don't leave
Failure is all that waits
You need me to live, you need me to be happy
This is my protection, my promise.

I wish for no one else to see your beauty-
Abandoning you to dry, under the burning sun
Wilting and drooping, your stalk begins to twist
Downwards goes this fall, a descend to madness
Losing yourself, forgetting your way,
You resemble someone I've once known,
Different, but all the same.

Lies and lies and lies form the roots,
With your buds all dead and gone,
I've torn up your petals, erasing your memory
No replacements, no escape
The flower I loved, now all mine.

the two of us knew
it was never meant to be.
(was it only me, or maybe you too?)
but we pretended to be together,
we pretended to be free.
yet, despite everything
without you, i am nothing
for you, i am nothing
and i will always be nothing, to you.

with the silence burning the tips of my ears,
and in my arm, laid a bouquet of fresh roses
i always noticed you...
amongst the weeds in the garden, you were fluttering freely in the sky
so i whisked away all your hopes, dreams, and fears,
i clipped your wings, yet demanded for you to fly.

now, open your eyes, and see.
this basket of flowers' thorns, that robbed you of your sight  
with my promises of love fading into false proposes
i had stolen your heart in the middle of the night
but never returned it back to the sender! (i’m waiting for you... are you waiting for me too?)

when the last of the cries fade away
finally, i will learn the real reason why
the glorious revolution died
before my very eyes.
a battalion gone in a spark
the small ****** world goes dark
leaving not a soul to be seen in the chaos.

the howling winds echo,
with tales of the men that charted for home
yet, they will never return from the battlefields
resting alone, surrounded by the cruel plains

i can hear how the guns went off, a bang!
and the next second, the telephone rang
"your husband's dead," the telephone man said
"he isn't here right now, he's lying on his deathbed."
"he won't be coming home."

then, their wives will cry alone in agony
of the tragedy they had become
to the sons who met an unfortunate end,
please bid farewell, to your freedom.

To the remains of my uncut clear soul,
do you know what it's like to breathe?
While we follow the path of the stars,
to the land of freedom,
hoping for the best,
and a brighter horizon.
Fighting, breathing, these pains.
Is living truly worth all this?

Oh, but...
To feel the wind against your hair,
the warmth.
The sky, the sun, the beauty of the world.
A soft breeze welcomes us into its arms.
This tinting on the blush of your cheeks,
and the giggle that escapes your lips,
when will you know what it's like to live?

To smile at the dawn of a new day,
to take joy in the memories you make,
to be happy just simply live, and to be?
Lost in the eyes of others,
the maze of the universe,
out of sight,
a path, out of mind.

Yet, will you ever think to wonder, even just for the littlest of seconds?
How the sun is always surrounded in the centre,
and spread out for all stars above,
waiting for another.
Far apart from the others, all alone.
Always waiting.
Doesn't it tire?

Well, to my dearest unbroken half,
without you, I am nothing.
So I thank you with this,
a final message.  
Achieve your final dream.
Do not falter, do not ache.
Always live on,
and be free.

With trembling cold feet,
and tightly clasped palms,
An emptiness fills me.

Organs spill out,
tumbling and mumbling amongst one another,
in a broken disjointed mess.

In the recesses of life,
the hotlines are dead,
and so will I, be too,
soon am I to be put to bed.
All alone. Quiet.

Whispers, the cries of those who suffered,
under this wretched, unwanted being.
The graverobbers in our own skin,
shifting, waiting to escape.
To pry loose, to hurt.

Forget. Dream. Sink.
This modern day suicide,
in every sense of the world.
With my eyes closed, and a head empty,
I am not loved.

Once, you told me of your sacred dream
To one day, conquer the sky.
So I gave you my love, so you could rise high
You were the only one who stayed,
But then, one day, you ran away.

You clipped my wings
and let me believe I could fly
You made me feel like a friend  
Yet I was always wrong.  
So, why, why would you lie?  

You stole my light in me
and left me to brave the stormy seas
Drowning in the ocean, with my heart still intact,
Beating soundly, in your arms, our ship crashed.

Now fate is telling,
We weren't meant to be
I wonder how it feels like,
to learn to break free.

You stole my voice, I lost my choice
Still, I kept dreaming,  
Never thinking about beyond
I have no song, I will give no more.

Who am I living for?  
I can only keep singing-
So long, so long, so long,
Until the day I'm finally gone.

I'm glad I left your room tidy.

When they come for your things,
I'll whisper your name,
why the room was too full,
too suffocating.

Too much, too little,
a glass half full,
its emptiness consumes me whole.
It tips over to the edge, barely in place.

You smile and smile and smile it seems so real, but the water is piping hot,
the smoke and ashes form pretty shades on my arms,
I can't help but choke.

An unquenchable thirst,
a lump in my throat that seems to burst out,
I cough, you wretch.

All for a flower.
I crush its leaves,
the petals in my eyes,
my vision clouds,
I stumble,
The plug is pulled.

The hotline is dead.
Sinking deeper, out of the ***,
and into the boiling sea.
The room is angry.
A raging fire,
spitting flames of contempt.

The pale, cold floor,
my eyes unfocused,
like your bed,
empty.

A dream of a future,
all gone.

The walls tear and chew themselves on the inside, the carpet shrivels up and sinks.
Red and roses were your favorite.

A pretty sight,
all the roses that bloomed across your chest,
the chill in your bones never seemed to leave.

Few of those flowers blossom.
Thick, long vines of red,
trickle down from my wrists and onto the floor,
spreading out into beautiful roses.

I'm glad I left your room tidy, my beloved.

Chores can finally rest easy tonight, and so can you.

To my dearest father,
I love you.

Between that untouched stack of papers,
this bouquet of flowers.
The soft mumbles of words,
and a squeeze of your hand.
Your endearing embrace of another.
There is your love.

This warmth of one's heart,
the catalyst of love,
misunderstanding sinks,
with well-mannered intentions.
Thoughts forming into nothingness,
my mere words.

Well, comfort has a taste.
It waits, like a steaming bowl of soup,
filled to the brim with love.

It's a hug so tight it swallows oneself,
mixed with untucked collars,
mismatched socks,
and the rushing to be untangled and free,
this struggle to stay awake.
Alive.

Your hand is cold,
my heart, warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Quiet exchanges,
hearty laughs,
and clickings of a pen.

A bed, a home, empty.
Patiently waiting,
lingering for an everlasting later.

Beeps of the unknown echo,
and I sit quietly,
just the two of us.
But I am lonely,
With only but the sea and the sky for company.

This sliver of hope engulfs the room,
and wraps around like a coat,
a few sizes too big, always.

The weight of a human soul,
this intangible kindness of his beating heart,
with a world of love to offer.
A good man.
That, I say,
was my father.

A breathless life, left there lying.
Filled with chatterings of the lost,
one you will never meet again,
forever intertwining the silence,
slipping into a cacophony of noise.

A hesitation, slowly dying.
But what not is a sweet nothing,
without this message spoken from my heart?
Surrounded by consoling words,
uneasy goodbyes.
I had promised you, and only you,
an unspoken story, this lie.

A sky above, soundlessly crying.
These missed memories you will never make,
and the loneliness of solitude,
a longing for a friendship,
simply for your love once more.

It's quiet.
I shiver.
Awaiting, hoping.
The living dead don't toil for long,
and there are warmer places than in your arms.

Drowning, dying in a memory,
one that isn't quite mine,
but isn't quite his either.
There wasn't a day you weren't by my side,
but time awaits none.

The string of fate tied us together,
one soulful dream.
Happiness had known nothing, until it met you.
That is, until you fell.
Fell to the skies you did,
off this lonesome earth,
away from me.
All hushed, quiet, unmoving.

Still, your heart beats.

Someone's on the other side, a shadow.
Watching, waiting, wanting to be let in.
A mirror, a reflection, holding back myself, keeping the unlocked door close.

And then.
A knock.
The unlocked door, left slightly ajar.
I slowly peek my head inside.
This darkness, my fear.
It's you.

The shadow, this man, it smiles.
He sits, he stays,
he whispers, to me.
Now, and forever more,  
I am lost,
scattered among the stars.
Roaming the sea above,
far, far away,
until the end of time.

Yet.
Whenever I seem to fade,
remember this, and never, ever, forget.
My eternal promise, my parting gift.
A comfort, these string of simple words,

I love you too.

when the sun rose and fell from the sky,
and the moon caught them, ever so gently, and cradled them in their arms
that's when i fell in love.
but the hilltops look so lonely without the sun shining above,
while the stars cry out for their stolen moon
and my heart feels so empty without your embrace of love.
will you call me for again at night,
when the sun dies, and the moon lives once more?

i'm lost in your starry eyes, sinking into the depths of despair
always, i get giddy when i think of you.
its bad for my appetite, but i cant help myself from loving you
you're perfect in every way, because you're nothing like me
i need you forever and ever
its an obsession, an unhealthy form of love
because you're mine, and mine only
pleading, begging and crying
this broken self of mine needs you

you rival the sun, the stars, and the moon
so please love me, please fix me
and fit all the pieces back in place together, prim and proper.
i'd hope your affection fills the void In my heart
and keeps my tears from spilling once more
but plain boiled rice fools no one

lets play make-believe, just like those fairytales
when we were nothing beyond compare
those star-crossed lovers, that chanced upon each other
enduring the holy divination of fate.
a composition of hope, love and despair
that's the first time i met such a loving soul.
the world endeared us in their care,
and i'd clutch your hand lovingly, hoping you'd never let go
but alas, tragedy would befall us.
wasn't it supposed to be you and i, forever?

i'm sorry for loving you, i'm sorry for leaving you
you lie, yet i still love you nonetheless
beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
so i know you're the kindest liar of them all.
cry your heart out, my dearest
but i've always known you would be the first to go
so ill forgive you time and time again,
like how the sun rises and sets, the moon comes and goes
yet my love never fades, and remains unchanging.

now, would you promise me this?
hand in hand, we'll meet again one day
and even if this was the end of all kindly things,
i'm glad i got to have a final moment with you,
the chance to love and be loved,
before i left in that hospital bed.

my chest bursting at the seams
your hair ribbon comes undone
a girl dressed in persimmon
welcomes us through death's door
a mountain of bodies in the wake
and my steps have tracked down in the ground

the sunlight grants the weeds their life
but hesitation takes away the men in the sand
you've given birth to a maggot, the doctor said
do you want to squash its dreams into a tiny little box?
stuck, stuck, stuck.

watch the city blow up like rapid fireworks
my chest is melting in your palms
an explosion burns away the cold unfeeling world
i lost my weapons of hate,
we fight for that shred of hope in the dark
illuminate the skies with this tiny spark
with a fire burning so bright

imprints of time fade away
with your memories in a broken glass mug
coils of time tighten around in my grasp
in a moment i would have lost everything
loneliness creeps in, a tiny child in an empty room

pretending to be alive in this tight human skin
thoughts crawl over the bugs, a mask slips over
crumbs of thoughts hide behind my insides
rotting once more

keep rubbing the salt on the wound
the alcohol is going to run out soon
still my sores bleed high and dry
and I'm left behind in the end, all the time

leave your heart out on a platter
for the starving eyes to feast on
devour the tiny morsels of fallen dreams
my heart heavy, my head full

let us be swept up by the waves of change
craving for hunger, a silence in my mind
to soothe the aching soul
rest is all I need

Lines blend together,
words, stories, pass by in a blur.
Nothing seems to make sense,
not anymore.

Stringing my nonsense into something intelligible,
something to make sense.
Of all the muffled scrambles of things,
and objects out of time,
fixing things into places,
lost memories of strangers in my mind.

Overwhelmed by the presence of choice,
with more and more red crosses,
lacking of not, and not checks,
why can't I get anything right?
This difficulty to remember,
to know what is real,
and what is not.
It troubles me, most deeply.

Enjoy the concord melodies,
these dissonant sounds.
Limbs torn at the hem,
brains splattered from the insides out,
leaving myself to the point of no return.

Smog fills my lungs,
its taste is rough on the edges,
not smooth around my innards.
I rather savour the bitterness of heartbreak,
then experience the cruelty of losing you,
time and time again.

As I choke on liquid plastic,
feeling aspirin burning in my veins,
I can't help but question.
What's the meaning of life?
For we live only to die in the end.

Our bodies are soaked in sin,
and it's too late to swim out.
Tipsy from the thought of even thinking,
and hatred too deep into the bone.
I can't help but sink into despair,
the fruitlessness of it all.

If this is hell, so be it.
Selfish ******* deserve no mercy.
Please let me suffer, and die alone forever.