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if I could
I would bring you back here
you would be able to watch me grow up
do the unimportant things and then the important ones
I would still be able to call you
and you would be able to make me smile
and I would actually mean the smile
my eyes would brighten up as my face would glow
I would be happy
I haven't actually been able to be happy but I am trying
for you
I love God but I don't understand why he would take you from me
you're right maybe I deserved to lose you
as I would spit nasty words about you
"I hate my Dad" "He doesn't care" "I don't want to talk to him"
Every time I think about it
it makes me hate myself even more
maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson
don't take granted of someone/something
cause' they can be gone in a second
I think about how different things would be if you were alive
I wish that you were still here Dad
Everyday,
just one more time so I can tell you everything
that I didn't get the chance too
As if you actually know what its like to love you,
Dealing with mind bending headaches
That only seem to scrape at the sides of my temples like broken glass in my fingertips
I catch myself playing sappy love songs to try to soothe my broken heart
But don't worry I understand you didn't mean to hurt me,
With all those late night phone calls of you
Serenading sweet words of your ignorance
You tell me, that you love me

I wouldn't dare to tell you that I stay up --- all hours of the night
Pondering the gritty words you said before you kissed me
You tasted like sandcastles and night stars
As if you were my daydream

As if you actually knew what it meant to cry 10,000 5 am tears,
set aside just to greet your face at 7  
because you don't know I'm quickly cracking like elephants on eggshells

As if you know how to love a women like a straight man,
your hands caress my arms like how the sunset kisses the horizon or
Almost how the stars melt into the atmosphere
You are my atmosphere I breathe you in like oxygen
But you've become poisonous,
what used to be my lifeline is now my deathbed
you're no good for me

Because you don't look at me the same way you look at him
with your big brown eyes as deep as the milky way
Your laugh as loud as meteors
You never cease to amaze me
Yet you still tell me you want to hold me in your castle arms,
You say that you want to hold down my fortress
You say you want to be my knight in shining armor
but I know you'd rather carry the weight of him instead of me

Constellations grapple to the under belly of your lies
The moon has whispered in my ear once again
that you are no good for me
But I don't think that you understand
I know you don't understand
Please, why can't you understand

That we...
We are no good for each other

Because while you're above the clouds,
Way past the heavens,
I have my feet firmly planted in reality.

— The End —