I am the finest court jester there ever was.
I've juggled struggle after struggle without losing grip.
With a smirk cross my lips
I managed to make the crowd laugh loud when I told them too.
Who a better magician than me?
I made life underneath the lemon tree.
I've got recipes up my sleeve.
Who a better musician than me?
I weave midnight cries into melodic lines
You love to hear me sing.
I made a circus out of my misery,
The greatest show you'll ever see.
I don't need you to come see me.
I can be the perfomer and sit in the front row seats.
"Can't" is a noun, not a verb so throw it away. No one can take your dreams, unless you give it away. Dreams are expensive don't sell yourself short.

Btw it's nice to be back again. I've missed you, HP.
Jun 2017 · 872
Kisses on the Wind
John-Chris Ward Jun 2017
Kisses,
Intimate kisses.
Breathless moments
That left me speechless.
Kisses on the wind,
Before I could even close my eyes and purse my lips...
I had missed it.
If only our moment was longer.
If only I knew what I know now, then...
I would've tried harder to kiss the wind.
I shed a tear, I shed a few;
With all my know it all I was still a fool.
Countless kisses on my cheek,
But the last kiss I wished I hadn't missed.
I shed a tear, I shed a few,
But my share of tears are through.
I choose not to be upset about the time that I didn't get,
Because
the time I did get was a gift.
On June 8th my Great Grandmother passed away. I wasn't prepared then to speak on it, and in a conversational sense I still don't think I am, but through poetry I found the words my mouth wasn't yet capable of speaking. This is the beginning of my copping with her passing. Her impact in my life and family is immeasurably and her presence will forever be felt. The queen has arrived. Rest in Peace Lilly Mae
Be sure to give your flowers on this side of the grave,  because every moment is truly precious.
May 2017 · 1.0k
I Can't
John-Chris Ward May 2017
iiii..........I-I-I
                                             ­    cccc.....c-c-can't
                            ...breathe...
I, I c-can't..
                   ...I can't...
                                    breathe.
I.....I.....I
                               can't...
    Death is in the tongue,
                       And "I can't" is a curse that I refuse to put on myself.
I AM.                      I WILL.                I CAN.    
       I CANNOT LET MYSELF DOWN.
Every now and then, the world takes a steel toe boot and kicks you right in the rib cage. Lately, I've taken a lot of those kicks one after the other, we've all been there. Those kicks can bruise you, knock the breath out of you, and at worst **** you, if you allow them to. Living isn't easy, but it **** sure isn't impossible. When life gets hard; you get tough. The higher the mountain the lovelier the field. Keep up hope, because a (wo)man with no hope is already dead, and a dead (wo)man can't sow what he reaps.

Hello, Hello Poetry, long time no see.
Dec 2016 · 1.8k
Tapestry
John-Chris Ward Dec 2016
Page after page,
Decade through decade
Of knowledge;
Bred into me braid after braid.
Bought and paid through the ***** trade;
Taught to me by Kings and Queens,
Overworked and under praised,
My *** given name.
I would be insane to be ashamed
Of the gift they gave,
Me.
Generations of inspiration,
Weak in the knees I breathe admiration;
I didn't have to beg or plead,
Given to me for free
Sweet salvation.
This is to me what it means to be black. I haven't always been so proud of my african roots. Some people made me feel if I were not apart of the culture; but it is strong in my blood. I've found new pride in my lineage. I am who I am, because they are. I'm so thankful and overwhelmed with massive gratitude. The songster, poet, preformer, personality all that I am is because of those before me; my friends and family.
May 2016 · 1.0k
Gentleman
John-Chris Ward May 2016
I want to write for you, about you.
Will you allow me to...
Be real with you, honest, and true.
I took a fall,
And you caught my heart.
Gentle-man;Gentle-hands; Gentle...
Lips, kiss after kiss with his...
Gentle-lips.
My hands on his hips,
Nose-to-Nose,
Eyes closed,
Soul open.
Hoping nobody would notice,
This is a private moment.
Do you interrupt the Sun when it is setting?
So, don't interrupt my heart when it's melting.
I fell for you, you fell for me;
I hope we stay forever....
Falling.
I feel like this is one of best recent works. I am just captived by it, maybe because I'm captived by the source. I have fallen for the worst of people, but I learned from each letdown and now I'm here with him. He's just so amazing, I am awestruck by him and his whole being. I don't want to rush things; I've tripped and fell and I want to enjoying falling. I don't want to shine so bright we burn out. I want to take slow steps and preserve every moment, because I want it to be a long walk. It's only been two weeks; but something about him is special, he is special to me especially. I want him in my life.
Mar 2016 · 3.3k
Quiet
John-Chris Ward Mar 2016
I refuse to be quiet.
In the quiet I can hide.
In the quiet I can deny it,
But I refuse to be silent.
Because even in the quiet,
It's still here.
The shame, the pain, and the fear
It's still here.
You told me it was cool,
And to be cool,
I had to do what you told me to do.
You told me it was a game,
A game I had to play,
But it was just between us.
You told me this was love.
I trusted you,
I did what I thought I was supposed to do,
But I was a child and you were a man.
You lived, you breathed, you once were free,
But what about me?
I was a child.
I was five and you were thirteen.
You were *****, I was clean.
I refuse to be quiet,
Because in the quiet you can hide it,
Because in the quiet you can deny it.
I will not be silent.
This is a very hard subject for me, for anyone to speak about; but this is not about being a victim, this is about being a survivor. We are stronger than our abusers. We can band together and be stronger than any nightmare or scar left behind. ****** assault and abuse are not 'she' things. **** and molestation are not gender specific crimes. You were a victim, now be a fighter. I've been to the lowest of lows and I know too well how it feels, but I won't be a product of my environment. I speak for those who are still voiceless and I stand for those who can't. Don't be a victim. We are not victims.
Mar 2016 · 866
I'll Never Be
John-Chris Ward Mar 2016
I'll never be selfish.
I'll never be helpless.
I'll never cry so hard that I feel breathless.
I'll never scream in my dreams,
I'll never be restless.
I'll never be hopeless.
I'll never lose focus.
Out of all of these things I said I'd never be, not one of these things you said I wouldn't be.
If I was everything you said I should be, then would you be proud of me?
If I pushed my shoulders back,
Spoke like this instead of "dat"...
Would you be proud of me?
If I spoke when only spoken to,
Live like you taught me to...
I've tried to be all you wanted me to.
I've tried to ease your pain,
Bear you with less shame.
I try to ease your pain;
The dark circles around your eyes,
The soft tears from hard cries.
I try,
But you don't care,
So I won't care,
Carry on a dry conversation,
Carry on a sad situation.
No violets are red, some roses are blue.
Falling in love isn't easy to do,
But I had/has/have fallen for you.
Tell me now, what you're going to do.
I'll give you a hint,
Three words that end in "too".
First things first, I'm so sorry for my lack of activity. I'm not apologetic about my lack of production but more about my lack of interaction with you (my fellow poets, my friends) during my "hiatus". Now that that's been said and done, I'll talk about this piece. Stop measuring yourself worth by other people's expecatations. You may never be worth it in their eyes but what matters most is how you feel about yourself, because only you know you're "cans" and "cannots". To fully enjoy and understand the fruits of what I just said you must also not be the inforcer, you know how it feels to be in that situation so why would you put someone through the exact same struggle. You never know what someone's going though, we are all multidimensional creatures. Give gratitude at every given chance. If you can acknowledge someone else's effort then yours will be soon acknowledged too. Whoever is reading this I want you to know that I sincerely appreciate you.
Dec 2015 · 1.3k
Eyes Open
John-Chris Ward Dec 2015
I thought,
because my eyes were open,
I was awake;
but little did I know,
because little did they speak,
so little did I learn...
from those before me.
I once was blind, but now I see.
Now, I never wish to sleep.
The Lord made me a lot of things,
but not a sheep.
Shackles and chains,
may ******* my brain;
But my soul shall be set free.
Money, Cars, Clothes...
That is property, seize and take, as you please,
But I wholly belong to me
Typically when I write these notes, I address you (you, being a collective noun). I do this because I want to have a conversation. I want to have a discussion. I want to make you think, not think like me, but be more self-aware. I want you to be more conscious of yourself, your surroundings, and the role you play in your surroundings. In order to do that, I must be honest, I must be honest with you, but to be honest with you I must be honest with myself first. That's what this poem is, me being honest with myself. It's a scary thing to be honest with yourself because you know all your secrets, but for personal growth; you (at one point in time) must face yourself and your truths head one. You have to step into the ring and take the bull by the horns. This poem is about life, enjoying life and living life. Not just surviving and making it to the next day. It also represents that awakening moment, realizing not everything's about you, and stepping outside of yourself, but also holding on to who you are and your identity as a person.
Nov 2015 · 997
I Guess, Make Me a Woman
John-Chris Ward Nov 2015
If bullets grazed my skin,
It would feel better than
The tears that have fallen.
Carve me out a man.
Build him tall, build him strong.
Cut him down.
Men, make no sound.
I guess, make me a woman.
I guess, make me a woman.
I "stand" like a woman.
I "speak" like a woman.
I "look" like a woman.
No, value as a man!
I guess, make me a woman
No, leg to stand on. No, choice to make.
No, voice to speak. No, chance for me.
I have so much to say, but I don't know where to start. What makes a man? Is it the way you act, how you speak, or how you care yourself. When did my gender, become a result of society's standards. Am I not a man because of my ****** preference? Am I less of a man because I'm black? What is it. Tell me, what is it! On every hand, someone is trying to ***** me if my identity. I am a man, because I was born a man, with a man's mindset. How dare anyone deny me my birthright?  I'm struggling and I know, I speak for others. Let's start a conversation. Feminine **** versus masculine ****; we're all on the same side, but even my own community can't support me.  I am a man, respect my my choices. Respect me.
Nov 2015 · 746
My Brother, My Sister
John-Chris Ward Nov 2015
Freedom is not free,
And I'm more than willing to pay the fee.
My life is just the right price.
Time and time again I will die,
To give my fellow man a chance to live
On Nov. 13 I celebrated my 18th birthday, but later that night I mourned, I mourned for Paris, and I mourned for my brothers and sisters. Right now we are not American, or French, or Australian we are one. One, fighting for our birth rights (our *** given rights), fighting for those without rights, and those who have lost their rights. You are either for or against the threat. My sisters, my brothers (Muslim, Hindu, Mormon, Christian,.etc) take your place and stand strong.
Oct 2015 · 788
The Story of the Wolf
John-Chris Ward Oct 2015
I was in the streets; starving, thirsty.
You took me in;
Fed me, bathed me, raised me.
Sent me on my way.
From the narrow path,
I did stray.
I couldn't stay away.
I was in the streets; hungry, thirsty.
You fed me,
Asked me if I wanted more...
Did you really think I'd say no?
The title, 'The Story of the Wolf' is a reference to the phrase "a wolf in sheeps clothing", and not a shot at my fellow poet, Wolf (he's an awesome man and I respect him very much as a poet). I've gone trending consecutively for 6 poems and frankly it's the extremely frightening. I want to continue  as a 'trending artist', I'm very thankful for this new found success, but I also want it to stop. I want to knock myself off the top, I feel it's better to be knocked off than to fall off. I feel like this constant  trend of success is dictating what I publish now. I'm constantly second guessing myself 'What should I write about?', 'What do they want to hear?', 'Will they like this, too?', 'Will they understand it?'. I try to force this  out of my head, when writing, and focus on my work instead; but the more I accomplish the more these questions become more invasive. I'm so sorry, if this comes off as whiny or if I come of as arrogant, but this is something that has been on my mind for a while now.
Oct 2015 · 951
What I Wouldn't Do For Love
John-Chris Ward Oct 2015
I took a long walk,
In a deep forest,
Fully knowing my intended purpose.
I struck hard
In soft ground,
And there I was found;
Not yet dead and not fully alive.
I would have put out the spark in my eye...
If you asked me to.
If only...you knew....
What I...would do....
For love.
This is not a 'Love Poem', this is more of a metaphorical thing. I love love, I'm one of those people. I understand love but I can't explain it, if you haven't felt it you won't understand it. It's confusing, but it's a clear feeling. Everyone wants to be loved and I understand that because everyone deserves to be loved, but don't lose yourself trying to find it. Don't sacrifice what you need, for what you want; because then you won't be capable of truly enjoying what you've found. This is what, 'What I Wouldn't Do For Love', represents...the desperation we've all felt trying to be something we're not. You can't love someone fully without loving yourself first. The one you're looking for should complete you, without you knowing you need to be completed, and without that someone 'trying' to complete you. Confusing, right?:):):)
Sep 2015 · 1.8k
Title
John-Chris Ward Sep 2015
I stood,
Still stand;
By all the things I've said.
All I've done,
Right or wrong,
Has been done;
No, use in denying.
One scene, one stage.
All you've got is one take.
I fell out, with the in-crowd.
I felt in, with the outside.
I've failed to care.
I got here, somewhere.
I ended up, somehow,
Someone, now.
I was on the bus heading towards school this morning, and this underclassmen was giving an "inspirational  speech". My bus driver was egging him on, I was just sitting back giggling, and for a moment I drifted out. When I drifted out this feeling of peace came over me and I thought to myself "I like this". So, if I had to think of a quote to sum up highschool and my experience, it would be "I liked it, I really liked it".
Sep 2015 · 14.2k
Young and Unhappy
John-Chris Ward Sep 2015
Feet on the floor,
Brains against the wall.
So many thoughts I had to escape them all.
A call for help is all I'll ever be;
Cause no one dares to lend an ear to me.
The saddest thing you could ever be,
Is young and unhappy.
I love the connotation and denotation of the phrase "young and unhappy". The whole concept of youth is something I don't quite fully understand. The general public has this unhealthy obsession with youth  or the their idea of youth. Honestly, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Youth is more of a state of mind more than anything.
Aug 2015 · 991
(hi-)STORY
John-Chris Ward Aug 2015
Entire nations left in the hands
of a docile generation,
Refusing to be awakened.
Sing a song;
Feel every word,
Make sure it's heard
All through the air.
Every voice, everywhere
No ear shall be spared,
Not till the mindsets of the wicked run scared.
History, it is very important. We must know the past to further the present and better the future. Without knowing 'what' we are we lose apart of 'who' we are. Heritage is a gift, passed down from your ancestors. Knowing who you are is a part of feeding your physical man. Every part of your ancestry is necessary to the person you are today. We are the ancestors to tomorrow's generation. We have to leave something of substance for them. I've felt the endless void of not knowing my own lineage, not knowing my own history. That is not a curse I wish to pass on.
Jul 2015 · 6.0k
Feeling Myself
John-Chris Ward Jul 2015
I'm feeling my hair.
I'm feeling the skin, the skin that I'm in.
I'm feeling myself,
And I'm feeling my melanin.
I'm not pretty because I'm black.
Being black doesn't make you better at this,
Or better than that.
I don't love myself because I'm black.
I love my black because I'm loving myself.
I'm not pro-black and I'm not pro-white, I'm pro-humanity. We cannot have separatist equality. We all govern our lives under the same sun and same moon. We must learn to love our fellow man for all that they are. We are the same animal, with two eyes and two lips, love one another.
Jun 2015 · 723
Now, I See
John-Chris Ward Jun 2015
I put one foot in front of the other,
Walking further into a circle.
Coloring in the lines,
Believing lies,
Just because I didn't know the truth.
Now, I see.
If I don't guide the pen,
Then the pen leads me.
Dreams are meant to be seen,
Fantasies are to be breathed.
Visions are not governed by time,
Just as love cannot truly die.
I guess this is where I explain myself. Wisdom is not giving with age but instead with life experiences, and with that said...I've learned so many lessons by just living; but we all know that to be the best student, to get the best grades we must try. (Now, I See) To have the best life and best experiences I, we, must step out of our comfort zones and try, try something new, or try a different method of doing things. I think one of the keys to life is simply try. Give YOUR best because your best is always good enough.
May 2015 · 522
The Trending Poem
John-Chris Ward May 2015
Poetry is meant to inspire.*
These words I speak are meant to be devoured,
Not trending every moment of the hour.
My soul seeks to be set on fire,
That's all my heart truly desires.
I'm looking for someone to take me higher.
I'm looking for spiritual guidance.
I thought we we're all looking for Zion.
May 2015 · 511
Born Again Sin
John-Chris Ward May 2015
I'm living a lie.
When I was forced to say goodbye,
I died
And I was born again a lair.
I don't love you
I don't miss you
I'm okay
I told you to walk away,
But I really meant stay with me.
Hold me with your eyes.
Cradle me with your words.
Kiss me with your ideas.
Come to me,
Like a sweet dream comfort me.
When I was forced to say goodbye,
I died
And I was born again a lair.
I don't want you
I don't think of you
I don't need you
Who am I to tell such lies?
Who am I to ruin lives?
Who am I to make such sweet eyes cry?
I didn't fight.
I didn't try.
Now, here I am living a lie.
Were you right?
Was I wrong?
Could you change?
Should I have let you go?
I was born again
Into sin
Lord, forgive me
*For I have wronged the one I loved
I feel like my decision was the right thing to do but it hurt so much to do  it.
May 2015 · 560
Hurt Me
John-Chris Ward May 2015
Hurt me.
Oh, hurt me!
I'm more than worthy.
Look at all that I have done.
I am the smoking gun.
Save me.
Oh, wake me.
I'm trapped in a dream.
I'm falling down,
But, no, I cannot scream.
Hurt me.
Oh, hurt me
Right in the heart!
Where the scars won't show.
Promise I won't tell a soul;
Nobody has to know.
I hate this part.
When the lights are all out,
And the fear comes alive
In the midst of the night.
There's no forgiveness for what I've done.
I try to run from who I once was.
But the shadow of me is fast on my feet.
Hurt me,
Like I did you that day
Make me feel the pain.
Ain't that what you wanted?
Here is your moment,
Oh, hurt me.
I'm more than deserving,
Look at all that I've done wrong.
The sun doesn't shine where I've gone.
Hurt me,
Right in the heart.
Where nobody dares to go.
Promise I won't tell a soul.
Nobody has to know.
Oh, hurt me.
I don't want to be a bother. I don't want to be a problem. I'd hate to be the reason for someone's scars.
Apr 2015 · 276
Am I Your Loss?
John-Chris Ward Apr 2015
Green truck  with a dented hood,
Reminds me of my childhood memories.
Listening to you breathe,
Is my brand new favorite thing.
We drove all night on this road,
With the same song playing on the radio.
Your voice sweeter than a top 40Hit.
Making plans with starry eyes.
Try to colour in the night sky
But you never shade in the lines.
Time between us has gone so fast,
But I'd hardly consider last week the past.
9 months, 4 hours from being a brand new day.
I hold on close to the things you say.
5 years since you've known her,
I came along and now she doesn't matter?
Didn't you say that you loved her or
Did you say you wouldn't hurt her?
'Cause these are the things
That she swear she heard.
Have you told her the same things you've told me?
How does she feel about the things she's seen?
How does she feel when you leave her for me?
Have you been telling lies or
Have you just changed your mind?
If I give you enough time
Will you change your mind again?
I'm drawing lines
Time to choice your side,
You and her or you and I?
Can you really call this an "us"?
Am I your love or am I your loss?
Triangular figures have there place in mathematics; not in my heart. I've never felt more for Jennifer Nettles singing "Stay" (Sugarland) until now.
Mar 2015 · 4.3k
Future Ex-Boyfriend
John-Chris Ward Mar 2015
Challenge my pride;
'Cause  I refuse to look in my eyes and lie,
Pretend that I am content.
If this is the end, then let it be the end
'Cause I can't hold on to unsupported content.
Prefix. Un-
Root Word: Support
Suffix. -ed
E-N-D, you and me.
If we can't start right then why even begin.
Give me substance or give me nothing.
You're starting to look like my future ex-boyfriend.
Future Ex-Boyfriend, boy on boy terminated relations.
Feb 2015 · 1.2k
Lily in the Valley
John-Chris Ward Feb 2015
I saw a lily in the valley.
Me: Would You Have Me?
Lily: Gladly.
Me: If you had to leave me or this Earth...
Lily: I'd leave you lastly.
Me: If you have no eyes how can you see me?
Lily: I don't need to see you cause I can surely feel you.
Me: I am not the Sun...
Lily: But you glow just as strong.
I saw a lily in the valley.
Some may think he's nothing special,
But to me
He's everything.
He is sweet; he is kind.
I want him to waste his time on me.
I saw a lily in the valley.
Me: It would be ****** of me to think that you only belong to me.
Lily: The truth is sometimes the hardest thing to believe.
Even though he is oceans and hours away,
Everyday,
I come back to this place.
Sorry if this ***** I've never really done anything like this before...
Jan 2015 · 499
the Truth
John-Chris Ward Jan 2015
I can't get too high,
Without getting knocked on my ***.
Oh, well.
I tried and I failed.
If this was the time,
That my time came to an end;
I wouldn't be surprised to open my eyes,
And find I was in ****.
You fly or you dive.
You sink or you swim,
But I can't truly fail if I just give in.
Life seems to love  me,
If only I were something
Other than a nothing.
Even in the sunshine;
The light can't find me.
I'm more than this (depressing storytelling) I don't mean to be so dark but I'm only telling the truth; my truth.
Jan 2015 · 462
LoveSong
John-Chris Ward Jan 2015
I'm going to comb my hair,
I'm going to get dressed,
And I'm going to have fun.
I'm not going to get turnt up,
Not going to get drunk,
But I will take off;
Take off all my dark memories,
All my insecurities,
And leave them far behind.
I'm going to comb my hair,
I'm going to get dressed,
And I'm going to have fun.
I'm not hear to here
What you have to say;
Cause if you're not here to build,
Then you came to destroy me.
I'm going to love myself like a love song
Cause a LoveSong never hurt no one.
I'm going to keep calm and carry on.
On and On and On and On,
Up the hills and in the vallies
Just like a rolling stone.
Hello:):):)How are ya?
Jan 2015 · 5.6k
Tunnel Vision
John-Chris Ward Jan 2015
I've been losing all my life;
Now all I want to do is win.
I've locked sights on the light,
But I don't know  if I'll survive the dark night beside me.
I've been running this race;
But barely surviving.
I can taste the bright light but my pathway is cloudy.
I've been wishing,
But what use is wishing.
When you can make a decision that can change the world.
I've been praying,
That if I leave don't let me comeback home.
I'm in the tunnel;
Starring down the barrel
Running like a bullet watch me explode.
I did not choose my beginning;
But I'll write my name big, bold, and sincerely on the ending.
So, yeah I've decided I'm going on a temporary hiatus. I've worked a lot on Hello Poetry since I joined just a little while back and I'm proud of my small accomplishments; and I'm proud of the people I've come to know. This isn't the end but I want to live and love, live more than love because I'm pretty good at the whole single thing (joking....maybe). I just want to give the best art I can and I feel the best way to produce better art is to live a better life. I just want to try different things; explore me, explore my life.Thanks for y'alls support and those 12k lookies.- John-Chris  xoxo :):):)
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
Andy the Boy Wonder
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
Do you know a boy by the name of Andy?
I know of him; but I don't know him.
Did you ever talk to Andy?
No.
Do you read his poetry?
Yes.
Do you know he died today?
Yes.
I never knew Andy;
But obviously he meant something to the people around me.
He stood for people like me.
He stood for all that we could be.
I never knew him personally;
But somehow his death has affected me,
And I mean that with sincerity.
I read few of his poems,
Knew none of his songs;
But I heard he sang a good song,
And if I heard him singing I'd probably sing along.
We were not friends
We were not enemies
I knew him for simply being a human being.
Have you  ever met a boy named Andy?
No.
Could you put his name with a face?
No.
Do you think Andy was cool?
Yes.
Do you wish you would've known Andy?
Yes.
I've never known of this boy named Andy but; I do recognize the fact that he meant a lot to a huge group of people, including my follow peers here on HelloPoetry; to all his friends and family, I give you my condolences. - John-Chris
Dec 2014 · 499
Fuck You Blue
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
Uses me just like plastic expecting me to never give;
But just because I can't feel doesn't make me any less real.
Always expecting something but that something I can never give.
Say "I love Blue" and expect to hear "I love Blue, too".
I think not.......
Just so you can use me up, throw me out;
No food for my hungry mouth.
I've never liked this taste.
I've never liked this flavour.
I've never liked this hue of "******* Blue".
If I invoke an attitude,
Than obviously I'm mad.
Mad at who?
Mad at you.
D is the later of the day.
D stands for ******.
D stands for Damaged.
D stands for Dramatic action.
A change is going to come and I want to see a Dramatic reaction.
Oh my, the many shades of blue. I wanted to make this a lot less subjective and blue is my favorite color.
Dec 2014 · 759
Fag.
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
He aimed and shot,
Smiles with no faces just stood back and watched.
3 letters etched in the walls of my heart.
I've been scarred,
But never have I ever been hit so hard.
3 letters was all it took to leave my heart of glass in shards.
I saw him, see me fall.
I saw him, see me crawl.
I saw him, see me cry out for help.
I watched him, see me and no one else,
While smiles with no faces just stood back and watched.
***- an offensive term usually direct towards homosexuals
Dec 2014 · 1.4k
Stand There
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
My heart beats slow,
My mind wonders wild with no place to go.
Always this time in the morning,
The warning signs start showing.
My mind going places it shouldn't be going.
Stand there;
Watch me walk away,
Anything you've got to say,
Is a bit too late.
Stand there;
Watch me say good-bye.
This is just a waste of time.
Stand there;
All you do is stand there,
Stand by and stare.
Nothing between us but stiff air.
Let's just leave the tension there.
Let this situation disappear.
Nothing much too say, I don't stay in places I'm not welcome.
Dec 2014 · 3.3k
Ghost.
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
Sleeping fully clothed:
But I dream *****.
All my time pretending to be perfect wasted.
All my secrets are now known;
I've been heavily overexposed.
Fallen from such high graces;
Waking up in shallow places.
Standing in a crowd feeling nameless,
Familiar sounds but with no faces.
I've become a ghost.
Ghost.
Dec 2014 · 792
Australian
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
I'm not all that I could be;
That I can clearly see.
I am surely incomplete.
I don't know why you stand to hold onto me.
Sorry if I hit a little to hard,
Once the fighting starts I go for the heart.
I'm giving in;
I've given all I got.
If you can't forgive me then maybe we should restart.
I know boys,
And lots of boys know me it seems.
He goes by many names by where it counts he is unchanged.
No, two hearts are exactly the same.
"He goes by many names by where it counts he is unchanged." - Australian
Dec 2014 · 3.6k
If Nobody
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
If nobody wants to be my sweet thang.
That's just fine, I'll be okay.
I can't blame nobody for me being lonely.
I can hold myself down.
I'm not afraid to be alone,
I'll stand tall all on my own.
I need to love myself;
Before I can love anyone else.
If nobody's going to call me their baby.
That's just fine, I'll be okay.
I'm not afraid to be alone,
I can stand on my own.
Time can  only give me my glory.
I don't need no one to make my story complete.
I don't need no one to save me.
If you want to fall  in love,
That's fine.
If you don't please don't waste my time.
I can't expect no one to treat me better
Than I treat myself.
I can't expect someone to fill the void I've left in myself
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
Boys Fall Hard, Too [10w]
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
Boys fall hard, too.
Boys fall just like girls do.
Boys and girls aren't so different after all.
Dec 2014 · 590
Where Do We Go From Here?
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
Where do we go from here?
You use to be so close to me,
But now you opened up the space.
I've never felt the distance;
But I think you wanted me to feel this.
Am I looking too deep into this;
Or is this really serious,
All I know is that you're walking away.
Hold on just for a moment longer,
I don't want us to end this way.
I'm not asking you to stay:
But if you want to stay,
Then you are surely welcome here.
I feel so close but too far away;
This feeling is driving me insane.
Separation.
Distance friendship pains.
Love called by another name.
Where do we go from here?
I feel so close but too far away; this feeling is driving me insane.
Dec 2014 · 325
the Indian Summer
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
We were an Indian summer;
In the midst of December.
We've been hotter this winter
Than any other winter that I can remember.
We were just a fling,
A temporary thing.
The storm came without warning;
But we knew it was coming.
Where do we go from here?
The Indian summer never goes on for long, but I hope it comes back soon.
Dec 2014 · 430
I'm Falling Apart
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
I hope life treats you good,
I hope life treats you well.
I hold onto the times;
When there was nothing between you and I.
I hold onto  the lies that I tell myself just to get by.
I sat there hoping,
Waiting for something,
But it just sat there motionless.
I knew it was over.
I really wanted too much,
And now I have nothing.
I hope life treats you good,
I hope life treats you kind.
I put the images of you into the back of my mind.
I try to be good like the old me would,
I try to laugh just when I think I should.
I hope you're okay;
I hope you're alright.
Cause I'm falling apart,
And I don't want you to notice.
I didn't want you to know this. Sincerely, John-Chris p.s. Boys fall hard, too.
Dec 2014 · 2.0k
the Star Poem
John-Chris Ward Dec 2014
Star, star, a star
Star, star, star
I saw a star not too far from here;
Deep in the middle of the ******* sea.
I saw the star and the star saw me;
That little star was meant for me.
Star, star, a star
Star, star, star
I saw a star not too far from here;
It fell from the heavens
And I tried my best to catch it.
I saw a star fall from the sky
And all I could do was stand by.
Star light; star bright; won't you be my star tonight.
Nov 2014 · 353
I Lost You
John-Chris Ward Nov 2014
Let's get things straight.
Take my hand and show me;
Cause silence isn't guiding me.
You've lost yourself finding me.
You don't need someone like me.
I'll always be a mystery; incomplete history.
What is it about me that's so interesting?
I'm still saying the same things I've always said.
I can understand why I hold on to you,
But what is it about me that draws you?
I've lost you;
The last thing I wanted to do.
I meant it when I said I Love You,
But this was bound to happen;
It's a natural reaction.
There's no forgiveness for my actions.
I knew what this was going to do,
I should've never gotten so close to you.
I never meant to find you but that doesn't mean I wanted to lose you. :(:(:(
Nov 2014 · 476
I Hurt Myself
John-Chris Ward Nov 2014
I got trouble in this heart of mine.
I got scars I can't even hide;
All over this heart of mine.
Give me just a little bit of your time,
And I'll surely explain why.
I'm not the type of guy to lie to you;
I'll tell you nothing but the truth.
I fall in love;
Make him the source of my world,
But then he stops to care
And one day he up and disappears.
Then the tears start falling;
Ain't no use calling
He's already lost my number by now.
I use to think,
That it was me;
Looking for the wrong type of guy,
But it seems to be
Something inside me
That changes the sweetest things to trash.
I'm glad you can see the monster in me
I'm glad you can save yourself;
But I need your help
To save myself from the demon deep;
Inside of me.
If you do anything;
Please don't leave me
All to fend for my myself.
I feel the fear.
I wish I was straight sometimes  I think it'd be so much easier
Nov 2014 · 452
The Shade Beneath the Sun
John-Chris Ward Nov 2014
I thought this battle I was fighting was done;
I thought I’d won.
When the cloud disappeared, and the skies became clear;
I thought my fears were all gone,
But nothing is darker than the shade beneath the Sun.
The grass was green.
So, I believed all those things were far behind me.
I let my guard down, in faith that I’d found;
Somewhere just for peace,
But the shade beneath the Sun is darker than anything I’ve ever seen.
This feeling is surreal: but I still feel,
The damage that has been done.
But I won’t hold on,
To the things that you’ve done;
Because the light wouldn’t shine as bright
If we all didn’t do just a little bit of wrong.
So, I wish you the best,
And nothing less;
With a long and joyous life.
The Shade Beneath the Sun; these tags had, almost, nothing to do with me....almost He had HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP signed Karys :)
Nov 2014 · 1.3k
I Hope You Enjoy This
John-Chris Ward Nov 2014
I hate the sound of music in a dark room;
Because all it does is give me images of you,
And all the things we use to do.
Now all I can think about is “who”.
Who is it that you’ve moved on with?
Who is it you’ve replace me with?
It’s not a question, it’s a statement;
So if you decide to lie,
It’s purely based on your own free will,
Because all the things we’ve done stand up still.
When it’s over, it’s over;
This is what happens when the luck runs out of your clover,
When life has decided,
There’s really nothing I can do but live by it;
Just like you said you only live once so why not enjoy,
I hope you enjoy this.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Oct 2014 · 323
Judgement Day
John-Chris Ward Oct 2014
On the day that I decide to leave,
Let it be perceived;
That I left with good intentions.
I did not leave with malcontent,
I said good-bye because I meant it.
The words I said, I said because you had to hear it,
I wanted you to feel this.
Every letter of good-bye that left my mouth,
Stained my teeth with disdain.
I wanted you to know,
That even when you're alone I am with you
I am the ghost in the night;
The darkness to your light.
I shall guide you,
Guide you from all the fears in life that I went through.
Walking away, but I'll never stay to far off in the distance.
Oct 2014 · 4.1k
The Bridegroom
John-Chris Ward Oct 2014
Small town; country town.
I walk slowly.
As the autumn breeze blows coldly,
Through my clothing.
Small town; golden town.
He found me,
Just when I thought no one was listening.
I was intrigued to see that  he loved me,
More than I loved myself.
And the emotions that I felt,
I couldn't express for myself,
But he felt it for himself all the same.
Small town; old town.
Everyone stopped and starred ,
Because the time was finally near.
The bridegroom was finally  here,
But  their smiles disappear,
And their faces fill with fear.
The bridegroom comes down,
But is not in a gown.
Instead, he stands proud with his man
All I've ever wanted was to be a real boy; fall in love like the rest of the world. :):):(
Oct 2014 · 4.7k
Class B
John-Chris Ward Oct 2014
Uniformed clothes and uniformed houses.
Living their lives in uniformed masses,
Looking through rose colored glasses.
If this is the life they choose to live let it be,
But this is not the life set up for me.
My happiness is completely depended on me.
If I believe that I've been set free from ******* things,
Than I must be.
I'm only odd because the people in my surroundings are abnormally normal. :):):)
Sep 2014 · 379
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
John-Chris Ward Sep 2014
My heart has stopped beating,
Even though I'm still breathing.
My heart has stopped beating,
My soul is crying out; whimpering,
But I'm still breathing.
I once was lost but now I'm found.
I was decieved to believe,
That living is only filled with **** and distrust,
But now I see.
I've found love,
From someone I've never known before.
I've been given peace when I could only imagine such a thing.
Somewhere over the rainbow,
Where the bluebirds fly.
The place I've heard of in my mother's lullaby,
It's real; it's not lies.
I've seen it with my own eyes.
Somewhere over the rainbow,
Where the fiercest things are sweet to me.
I once was blind but now I see.
I was lost deep in fear so far gone I couldn't believe someone could see me.
Somewhere over the rainbow,
Where the bluebirds fly,
The place I heard of in my mother's lullaby.
That's where the old world can find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Sep 2014 · 1.5k
They
John-Chris Ward Sep 2014
I really hate this feeling.
This feeling of feeling like I'm not in control.
Losing my place,
Walking away,
Leaving behind my safe haven.
A while ago I walked into a room.
I stood alone,
The only voice I could hear was my own.
I was stone cold,
But then They came along,
With them They brought harmony and new light.
They opened my sight to all the things that I'd been blind to.
They brought shine to my darkened way of thinking,
But now I'm leaving
And they won't be with me.
They have been replaced with Who,
Who Am I and Who Are You.
No one can take the place of They,
Because They have brought me the furthest way,
Through the hardest days.
I once stood alone and I was just Me,
But then I joined a group of people and I became We.
They saw me for all the things I couldn't believe myself to be.
They are no longer they but instead They are family.
I really hate this, but I refuse to cry at least not now. This is for all the incredible people I've come to know and love in my old town, I will forever cherish your friendship. :):):)
Aug 2014 · 589
I See
John-Chris Ward Aug 2014
In the mirror I see me,
All that I believe myself to be.
No one is more me than me.
If wonderful people,
That do wonderful things,
Believe that I can do anything,
And any thing I can do wonderfully,
Than I must be wonderful.
In the mirror I stand alone.
I control my own future.
Whether I fail or succeed is all on me.
No one else can tell me "I can't" or "I won't",
Because I am the only I that I know.
I may never be as good as the person beside or behind me,
But I can guarantee that I will be better than who I was before.
I can not see what's in store,
Further down the road for me.
But if I've accomplished anything,
I've accomplished being me.
The only thing I've every really wanted to be.
Be true to who you are and nothing can go wrong :):):)
Aug 2014 · 6.3k
Faith in Fate
John-Chris Ward Aug 2014
Fate brought you here into my heart,
And fate tore us apart,
But I have faith in fate that it'll bring you back to this place,
The place where you belong.
One of  my best and most cherished friends, Tremain, left to attend her freshmen year in college at Berea in Kentucky. I want her to know that even though her friends and family miss her dearly, that we believe in her and know she'll do great things! :):):)
Aug 2014 · 336
Love Like This
John-Chris Ward Aug 2014
Only I can hurt like this,
Over something that doesn't even exist.
Only I can feel the fear,
Over something that probably isn't even real.
I overheard you say you only live once,
That sounds less like love and more like ****.
I hope that's not the only thing between us.
I hope you like my voice more than you like my touch.
I hope you like my eyes more than you like my ****.
Sometimes you make me feel like I don't even exist,
Maybe it's the silence of my phone that makes me feel like this.
If your plan is just to disappear, then why are you still standing here?
If your here to see me cry, then your honestly wasting your time.
You won't live to see me die inside.
My tears won't make it till the morning light.
Only I can hurt like this.
Only I can feel the fear.
I overheard you say you only live once,
That sounds less like love and more like ****.
I never wanted us to end like this,
I wanted us to become more but you disappeared.
Love don't live here anymore,
I went from your special boy to your little *****.
One more kiss and I swear that's it,
I just want to feel your lips again.
My soul was yours and I thought yours was mine,
I guess I was a fool just like the other times.
No one dwelled in my heart but you, I thought you felt the same way too.
Only I can hurt like this.
Only I can feel the fear.
I overheard you say you only live once,
That sounds less like love and more like ****.
There's nothing more between us.
What's the point of a heart if it doesn't beat along?
No use in singing if you don't know the words to the song.
Love like this, isn't really love is it?
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