Her eyes spoke volumes, more than her lips meant to divulge
the once warm brown pupils turning a stinging gray cold
piercing my impenetrable walls built around this fragile heart
chipping each brick apart
cracking the mortar, turning rough stone to pebbles
pulling the flowers petals
she loves me not, she loves me not, perhaps I'm forgetting a step
the shortness of breath
left my hands to tingle in the warm july air
she spoke volumes in her stare
her hands restless running through her hair
her smiling lips were the puppets to the eyes anguish filled ventriloquism
I drowned out her words and let my eyes listen...

Where were you when it all faded
when my life broken and dilapidated
crumbled under the fire of a setting sun
we placed the stars in jars to light the path we chose to run
begging for the moon to paint the path with it's pending illumination
I set my eyes to the sky for the calming meditation
bow my head to Polaris for remaining still and patient
then blow kisses to the constellations

Yet where were you when it all faded?
When the heavens rained down onto my skin stripped naked
cast into the sea, I am the leviathan awaiting my chance to consume the world
trapped in the bottom of the ocean along with the oysters and pearls
that will one day line the wrists of rich girls
milk white with thick swirls
I'm alone in the ocean, buried 3 leagues
under this sea
bare of all the former traces of me

Where were you when it all faded?
absent from the life you vacated
I place these stars in jars and run through the scattered trees
in search of the path that brings you back to me...

I wish you'd open your heart as often as you opened your eyes
I wish I saw myself more in them, than in between your thighs
I wish your gasps and sighs
came from invigorating conversation
more than physical elation
I wish your skin didn't feel so **** smooth
I wish my hands would deny themselves of you
I wish my lips weren't going through withdrawal
rushing back whenever yours would call
I wish your kiss didn't make me tremble
I wish I didn't feel my heart disassemble
anytime you'd touch me too
Most of all I wish I didn't want you...

These walls know my past
as does the single malt in my glass
motionless in the eerie dark of a new moon
trapped in the darkness and apartness of you
drown myself in the spirits quicker
tired of hearing the walls whisper
your name
as if every chair's arms now point the blame
at the disheveled heap of the remnants of a man laying in the middle of the room
trapped in the darkness of an apartment I shared with you...

I remember the taste of your chapstick
original flavor plain as you were, a taste insipidly vapid
I remember everything up until our last kiss
that fades into the smoke of memories I burned with your box of letters
cut with the strings of you that had me tethered
disappointment doesn't hold a flame to the fire burning inside me now
I'd wail and cry aloud
but the ocean cares not of the downfall of man
knees dug into the sand
arms outstretched, a shameless attempt at holding the sky
as close as you once held my
body more rigid than it's fragile contents
I remember the taste of your chapstick and I never knew what that meant...

**** your brown eyes
**** your profound lies
No sounds from lips with airtight alibis
**** your Angelic smile with devilish intent
**** your lovely lingering scent
**** you for shattering my dreams for the years to  come
**** you for the tears that run
As you did from my life
**** you for stealing the light
That once radiated from my hopeful eyes beaming
**** you for stealing my heart,  but most of all **** me for believing...

Air thin and caustic
each gasp leaving me a step closer to nauseous
lips taste the reality bitter and noxious
feel every breath taken, leaves me chest riven with anxiety
killing this ache that eats away at the dreams that live inside of me
if eyes are the windows to the souls, these eyelids secure my privacy
smothering the hazel pools from basking in sun ray's, yet these makeshift curtains no match for a fire sky
heart strained reminded of dire times
where I combined
every ounce of energy I could muster into one effort
made my bets and held my breath awaiting my death's ledger
the hypoxic reality that ensued
haunted me with ghostly recollections of you
my restless mind ventured through memories plagued with stinging sensations of uncompromising resent
I factored in my all the time spent
as well as my mind's rent
that you owed, being its only tenant
yet now that all emotional debts seem square, I don't have the heart to spend it
perhaps I'll store it away in notebooks and old pictures, praying the balance accrues interest over time left untouched in this my personal account
in something other than your love and its varying amount
battered hands pain-stakingly surmount
the pile of photos and letters, written with a future in mind
eyes wide, allowed you views inside
air thin and caustic, the light draining from these windows that leave my eyes dull
remain motionless, praying on a change, searching for my revival...

In the empty night I long to hold you until I've recognized every subtle movement of the beating heart within your warm chest
I want to count the seconds between your breaths
feel your lungs expand and compress
whenever my hands wrap around you tight
I want to see the light
in your eyes
rise and subside
as the changing of tides
when my eyes set onto yours
I want the floor
to disappear beneath my feet
every time you speak
I want you down to your very essence
In the empty night I crave your presence...

Fingers-- calloused, rough
Like sandpaper, your touch cuts
My sensitive skin.