So maybe I see you in him.

Maybe I see unconditional love on both sides.

Maybe I see none of his mistakes, and none of mine because he doesn’t bring them up.

Maybe I see some one who has some type of control over something I don’t.

Maybe he needs the fact I live life day by day and I need his plans.  
Maybe he needs me to show him plans don’t go accordingly but my bubbly personality makes that worth while, maybe my optimism needs his pessimism so together we have a realistic view, for realism is both optimistic and pessimistic, but not without a realistic view-

You mix two colors together and get an idea plastered in purple -

Your favorite color is red and so is his.

Blue is the color that I associate to you.

He told me he would show me purple sky’s and I have a portrait to show the accuracy -  

He’s purple sky’s

If the sky was around my neck.

And painted with a belt.

But, I could belt out how much I love you.

With screams under my pillow because maybe it’s too abrasive.

But is abrasive compatible with abusive?

Maybe I too am abusive? Or maybe I was just prepared enough for abuse that I fight back and I’m reactive.

Not like an active volcano, because in technicalities he’d be reactive to his emotions, and we could call that reactive abuse-
But we know what the term reactive abuse refers to.

And as i reference purple sky’s this guys hand painted the picture around my neck when I was actually supposed to be using my neck to look above me and reaching for the galaxy behind the sun set that painted the sky purple for me.

And I wasn’t being facetious when I said I have the portrait it’s on my camera roll but I was on a roll when I drew the picture for you as he drew his belt from around his waist for me.

What a waste my life would be if he’s The One that kills me.

I wasted my time on him drugs and alcohol, I wasted my potential- when he’s my potential murderer. And I his potential victim.

It’s crazy when I think back.

He told me he saw my potential, but did he really mean my potential as me. Or did he mean his potential that he had set for me. Victim me.

So, yeah I guess I would be lying if I said I see him in you.

You’re nothing alike…
You’d choke him for choking me.
And he’d choke me because I drank today.

When you’d tip the bottle back and tell me to chug..

Y’all are nothing alike.

That’s why I was in love with you, and he is the love i let my life have.

I can’t help but reminisce-
I can’t help but miss you-
I can’t help but want you to be here.

You’re supposed to be Here ..

I keep reliving our memories we made together. And found comfort into the fact that we could make more memories. Your company was always so full of love and care!! Your literal existence was pure gold..

Reality hasn’t been able to even comprehend you not being here. It’s so fluid lately.

It’s like, earth is searching for you. And I genuinely don’t place blame on it.

I feel as if reality would recreate you just to be okay again. To stop feeling like it’s drowning.

To 10 years of loving you- I did, and still do, want to marry you, it would always hurt when you’d Ghost me. But I knew you’d always come back.
You just couldn’t let me go.
And I’m so glad you never did.
Because I couldn’t either.

You’d always find your way back to me and I’d cherish every moment. You’ve always told me you want the best for me- you’d always give me this excuse- of how you wanted me, how you’ve always wanted me and you just couldn’t. How you’re not going anywhere. How I don’t deserve the worst parts of you- how you’d rather have random two am conversations with me than to never speak to me again. And now, I talk to the sky. Like the time we went on that walk in the middle of the night- just looking at the stars. Walking, enjoying each other’s existence.

And this is beyond me, this is crazy. I’m going insane. I’m crazy for you, and I’m going insane without you. As you would say “I like ‘em crazy”
To which I’d reply.
“Am I crazy enough?”
“Just the right amount”

I keep getting these extremely vivid images of you sneaking up on me. Again and again and again.

With a ring between your teeth.

I guess a part of me believes even though you ghosted. You’re gonna come back to me again-

The way you’d speak to me, the way you’d just exist with me- Truly felt like Love..

“Feel ya feelings girl” and I really felt the love with you, and you deserve all the love I have for you.

The singing together, the Movie we never finished… again and again and again.
The way you’d mark down my cool points for falling in a rose bush.

The nights you’d just HAVE to see me and I’d climb out my window just to sit on my end and you sit on yours and we just TALK for hours.
Enjoying each other’s company- the star lit sky and the smirks and smiles.

I saw a shooting star the other day.

And all I could think about was you. It looked like a shooting star with your name on it.

You sank your teeth in me and wrote your name.
The best I can do is exhale your stardust back in to existence.

You kissed my scars. And it seems like you healed them.. I’d kiss the stars and heal you..

You made me feel beautiful…

I don’t know how much I was chasing. Cause you’d meet me half way…

I should have called you.
I’m trying to figure out how to turn back time..
And even maybe, just breathe you back to life.
Which ever comes first..

I feel like I’m dying of a broken heart..

The world is better with you in it- and it genuinely seems like my reality is crashing down in front of me before my very own eyes.. Even reality agrees with me.. it doesn’t want to exist without you either..


I Love You..