Seen you following my every move, on each step of the way,
The lowering of my eyes as my head tilts and as my hips sway
Made me conscious of my womanliness.
Like a man--your look, fighting away my heart’s loneliness
Your eyes looking at my lips, yearning
Like the desire to taste the forbidden fruit-burning
You made me feel like a masterpiece
Eager to touch with an awe that never seems to cease

i tried to cut you out
like cancer
like a tumor
like a part that could be cut

i tried to forget you
like a memory
like a love gone by
like what I ate yesterday for lunch

i tried to breathe you out
like my cigarette smoke
like the words I speak
like the frustrations I let out

i tried to imagine you out
like my life was a fairytale
and I was never caught in this dark wood
and you were never the wolf

but somewhere you're still beating
and it breaks apart my chest
and each night I sit remembering
is another night of endless unrest

and sometimes even thinking of you
makes my thoughts come out in rhyme
and i toss
and turn
with memories
of so much stupid time
- i spent
laying in your arms
or holding you
in mine
and believing in every second
that you'd never run
or lie

but you did lie
over and over
and i took it with grains of salt
and i gave out forgiveness
like it was never
ever
your fault

and now I'm left with
nothing
besides this bad taste
i can't shake
writing poems
contemplating
how much of you is fake

don't you think it's vile that your parents would rather turn you into an ugly person rather than tell you you're beautiful and embrace it
they're so afraid to lose you from others' claws that they keep you hidden from your natural charms
they strip it away and lock it in a safe and terrible place underground where the roaches roam and where the slugs go to die
but you are not naive and you are special
so you run away every night and use audiotapes to distract their ears from your faint footsteps down to the treasure chest
and you go down
        d
            o
               w
                   n
where all the refinement and grace is hidden
the irony strikes you and you are saddened at how those who bore you to this planet were so barbarous and frightened
true beauty does lie beneath a person's soul and even more so
it lies under the depths of your home where your parents live so afraid and tired of the world outside
and when you reach the very deep part of the dark soil and you can feel it warm around your skin--the glow of artistry flowing around the earth
you gasp and stare and sigh and daydream and cry
you could have been an angel but you're still stuck underground and you are still grotesque as ever
but none of that gets you down because you're here now and you're ready to take back what's yours
you are what you are and not twenty feet of dirt can remove that from you
so you run away again with the treasure in hand and you run to your old tree house where you become a changed one
the darkened trees light up
the sour mist in the air lifts up in a sweet summer haze
the leaves and bushes grow fuller and green
the sun comes out along with a handful of stars and you're startled at the beauty of it
but even more of the beauty you now possess--the beauty you always possessed
your parents run out of the delicate home that is now parched and blackened
they scream in agony and curse out the heavens but the gods don't listen to them and they shiver at your feet
you do not choose to forgive them but you choose to free them
you free them of their minds and guilty hearts
you free them of their mischief and lying tongues
they become full grown sunflowers under a heavy oak tree and they will remind you forever of their passionate yet depraved vision
for you were depraved but no more and you are powerful yet powerless under the murmurings of your heart
you are now what keeps the balance everywhere and at all costs
it's what they kept from you for so long but what they did not figure out long before was that
you
were
born
for
this
and you keep it close and embrace it

Phantasmagoric


Entranced through the spirals of delusion
Limitless misery trapped betweeen the perfect illusion

Shattered visions trickle along a joyous dream
******* of deep waters biting through the atlantic sea bream

Whispering in the midst of silken white fantasies
Swiftly stricken back into the disturbing realities

Prismatic colors embedded into a spirit of misconception
A darkened certainty embraces its profound deception

Peaceful pleasures circling whimsical euphoria
Drastically transforming into agitated hysteria

Reflecting portraits of tasteful affection
Briskly dissolving into appalling fabrication

Stimulating my mind with exceptional optimism
The day I met you heartbreak obstructed essential wisdom


MEGAN JAMES
(ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)