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Alex Mar 2021
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We arent here
                                                                                        I dont believe that
Then dont
                                                                              why cant we just be normal?
because we havent been
                                                                                did i do something wrong?
Not yet
                                                                              am i gonna forget them?
Maybe    
                                                                           I dont wanna forget anyone..
Then dont
                                                                                   youll stay right?
We cant go anywhere my dear
                                                                                  she cant hurt me anymore
never again will she
Alex Mar 2023
Hello again


  Hi

A little louder than normal

It's always loud now

A shame

  Why a shame?

You know why

Its quiet sometimes
So I can't really complain

They know now

They do

A tragedy in the making?

Not just yet

What's the question now?

Am I ever gonna have quiet in here again?

Maybe one day but that takes work love

Alright
Alex Dec 2020
I cant sleep
Hes been telling me to
That i need to start taking care of myself
I cant do that
Theres no real point in doing so
Im not gonna live past 23
And i know it
16
Alex Apr 2020
16
In three days Ill be 16
In three days I know for a fact I could get a job
Three days
till I can have a bit of fun
Alex Feb 2021
Late night calls
Talking about crushes
Talking away
Too tired to fall asleep
Too awake to care
Alex Sep 2020
As I write this I’m not sure what to say
A darkness is spreading
It seemed like there was no other way
The dream tonight was terrifying
I couldn’t get away
As she whispered your name
I couldn’t look away
I wish I can do more
But it seems like I can’t
A fatal mistake is hoping
That it stays
Feeling helpless and wondering why
You can’t break free of the dreams
You had tonight
A soft echo is pulling me in
I can’t remember as clearly
The sins that we have are greater than
The words we speak as soft as them
She calls your name
Angry and sullen
Revenge is sweet
But love is golden
Alex Aug 2020
I’ve never hated feeling so left out
Everyone has someone to lean on
But yet I’m stuck
Alone
Crying in bed for the fourth time this week
Nobody to talk to
Because they don’t understand it
How bad it hurts
When I get ignored by the people
Who matter so much to me
My chest hurts from all the pain ive been feeling
The loneliness is
Crushing
That’s how it starts
“I barely talk to her”
I get it
But I need someone to talk to
And you aren’t there
Because You don’t understand
How bad it hurts
To lose someone
Alex Sep 2020
I finally broke down today
In front of them
She told me to just
Pretend to be happy
Even when I’m not
I can’t keep pretending
Not now
Not ever again
She planted the seed
That grew inside me
Making me sad
And scared
I may get taken away
I don’t really care
The only thing I’m scared of
Is losing my brothers
And my friends
Because if they take me
I might not see any of them for a while
And there wouldn’t be anything
Keeping me from harming
Anyone
Because I feel way
Too alone
But it doesn’t matter
Cause nobody really cares do they
They all just want me
To pretend
Alex Mar 2021
It can mean a lot of things
i seem to care too much
so i give up
I want you to be happy
I hope it works out
If not ill be here if you need me
But its all going down hill
Just stay quiet
not a word
right?
I dont need anyone to make me happy
when i havent been in so long
not since....him....
Alex May 2020
Different pieces of me
Scattered around
The voices taking over
Keeping things from happening
Protecting me
Keeping me safe
Not only from them
But from myself
Alex Jun 2022
A dream
It was a dream
Of you
Of us
Once again
And it seems we can't breathe
Anchored down
Like a ship that can't leave
Running around pretending we're free
Older now
But still kids
Haven't heard from you in months
Still think of you like we did
We have a diagnosis now
And it's not the best
It's terrifying
And they all wish you the best
But here I am
Stuck under the surface
No way out
And no way home
Misery at its finest
But no where for the anchor
To go
Alex Feb 2021
We soar across the sky
Holding on for dear life
But we fall
Trapping ourselves
In a world that's not so kind
We try to take off
But it doesn't work
Our hearts too heavy
Our wings are broke
We try again
and we fly for a few
Till we fall down again
they clip our wings
and cage us up
we separate
and they let us go
we heal our feathers
one at a time
Alex Sep 2020
If the world ended right now
Who all would stay by my side
Nobody can really know
Since nobody really talks to me
I guess if the world ended
It would just be me
Myself
And I
Alex Aug 2020
School started
A past me would be scared
To be here in this moment
But we are stronger than what we give ourselves
I know I dont have much
But I have the courage I need
To keep going
Stay alive
Be kind
Even if it hurts to see him
I have a life planned out
And im doing a lot better
he says hello
I say goodbye
I dont cry much over him
Not anymore
Because if I did
I know I would start blaming myself
Over and over
till im suffocating
In my sorrows
But thankfully
Im better
Alex May 2020
I feel odd
No Idea why
I just feel like a blank slate
I wasted my time
On him
On all of them
When I realized
That I dont like them
I messed up
So badly
In my past
But Ive gotten better
Because I have people who care
People who make me realize
Im not so blank
Alex Apr 2020
I sit around
Listening to pointless songs
Watching shows
Doing work
Sitting around
Bored
Alex Jan 2021
I said we needed a break
you made me feel like i need you still
and im not sure what to do
you kept asking
are you sure you wanna do this
today you said somethings
that really ****** Ashton off
she was angry
told me i had to leave
but i couldnt
because you might not even know
what youre doing
but you are breaking me
no you dont love me more
because i said i needed a break
im not a toy you can bend and break
Alex Sep 2020
I can see us drifting apart
I wish we talked more
I hate hurting sometimes
But the thrill of it is what gets me
I get myself into situations
That turn out to be my remedy
Alex Aug 2020
Maybe I wasn’t the one
Maybe I can’t give her everything
I tried
But now I’m supposed to move on
But I don’t think I can
I don’t want to ruin things for her
Because I do love her
Even if she doesn’t me
Might keep off of here for a while
Think
Try not to get worse
Try to stop crying over
Someone who might not care
We are just friends
And it breaks me
So I’m sorry
Alex Aug 2020
I have a bruise on my arm
Not super big
But also not small
Its nobody's fault
I wasn't grabbed
I wasn't hit
But it still hurts
But im okay
Alex Dec 2020
Pop the bubble
Drink the Drinks
Have some fun
Ignore the lies
And pop
The Bubble
Alex Aug 2020
Say you dont know
What people say or do
Things start to burn
People fight
And make up
You seem to like him
Right?
Maybe im wrong
I want too many things
To be right
Im glad we are still friends
Im hanging onto the last shred of hope
Thats a string
Becoming thinner
Till it burns up
When I give up
But now
The flame
Is fading
Because I have more
Hope
Than Fire
Alex Mar 2020
I feel them when you come around
Forever and always
When you speak
I wish to hold your hand
To hold your heart in mine
Forever and always
You'll be
My butterfly
I've got it bad for this girl
Alex Sep 2020
When I see one
I think of something different
Than what my grandmother sees
I see you
While she sees a loved one
Gone and passed
But we all have different meanings
For different things
Things we are attached to
But I really do
Miss you
Alex Sep 2020
I can feel them in my stomach again
She’s sweet
Even though she lives in another time zone
I know she cares
And I still kinda like her
We’re just taking it slow for now
So I’m not taken yet
But maybe soon I will be
Alex Mar 2020
It *****
I cant see you
Or talk to you
Or be around you
And I miss you
Because you mean a lot to me
My Butterfly
Alex Feb 2022
For once
I'm calm
The waves washing over me
And I'm not scared any longer
Sleep is something I no longer crave
And as my eyes grow heavy
I drift off
Dreaming of a wolf
Hiding in the shadows
Listening to the sounds
Of grass rustling in the wind
Cuddling up
Under the stars
Protected by the wind
Alex Apr 2021
why do you?
im glad you do
but why?
im not much of anything
besides a friend
and thats all ill be
Alex Sep 2020
A year ago I didn’t know
What I truly wanted in life
But today’s different
I think about it and I realized
I want a girlfriend
Who will stay by me
Hold me and tell me
That everything’s okay
Even if it’s falling apart
I want someone to be there
To pick me up when I’m down
Who wants the same things I might when I’m older
I wanna steal someone’s hoodies
Or jackets
Or necklaces
Or get matching rings
Or just a friend who will get a **** apartment with me and watch movies
Until Dawn
Staying up and watching the stars
But who knows
My plans may
Change
Alex Dec 2020
You think im faking
So go ahead and think so
You can think im just a 21st century ***** go ahead
Im done playing by the rules
Im tired of looking for someone else
To fill my needs of "love"
Im sorry that I cant control them
Maybe it was for the best anyways
I cant pretend anymore
But in other news
I have a new aesthetic
And im not gonna stop being
The bad guy
Alex Dec 2020
Theyre fighting me for control so uhhh

Not really sure what else to say

If im not very active much anymore

Thats why
Alex Sep 2020
I remember that day
Standing there as I opened that door
Holding her in my arms
I knew what was about to happen
And I didn’t want to leave her
I felt terrible
Like I would be blamed
Because I had to put her in that car
Now I’m sitting here
Watching her
As she watches a movie
And I think to myself
One day
I want a little girl
Just like her
Because she’s so polite
And sweet
It’s hard to think
Of when she wasn’t in my life
I hope that when I have a girlfriend
She will want the same things I do
Because I want children
So I can be a better mom
Than mine was
Alex Aug 2020
We all know that fuzzy sweet feeling
When they look your way
And talk to you
It sings a sweet song in your head
Until it gets crushed by the reality of things
When they have someone else
Or they do like you
But dont say so
Till its way too late
And you've moved on
Im being patient
Because I really
Like you
Alex Mar 2020
You know that feeling
You get when something bads
gonna happen?
Im crying right now
And I have no reason to be crying
But I am..
I want to scream
Punch something...
To my future wife
Im sorry..
You have to deal
with such
a stupid
broken person
Who keeps putting herself down...
Alex Sep 2020
I remember the few days
It lasted
We talked
And I actually felt something
Again
But now you’re not talking
At least to me
Maybe it’s for the best
One less person I’ll be scared to lose
Even though I’ve already
Lost
Alex Sep 2020
Death is inevitable
So is it wrong
To want to die?
It isn’t like anyone would really care
That I wasn’t here
I was just ignored by most of my “friends” Anyways
even if it wasn’t me
To take my life
They would care more
About the tragedy
That broke us all apart
I’m sitting in her bathroom
Crying my eyes out
And she’s just laughing along
With her boyfriend
Who I’m pretty sure hates my guts
Maybe I did something wrong
By not talking
But what’s there to say?
When every time I try to talk
She ignores me
Like everyone else
And she’s supposed to be my best friend
And the only other person I want to talk to
Can’t talk
And If she doesn’t want to talk with me that’s okay
I was better off alone
Alex Feb 2020
Little voices
Stuck in a trance
Patience
A key to dance
Demons
Scratching
Crying
Wanting to be let out
Waiting
For you
To
Fall
haven't been having a good day and this came to mind
Alex May 2020
The older I get
I wonder if my life
Will be so much different
I just hope
I can prevent harming my future wife
Because I cant prevent
having some of her habits
But I can change them
by being much more kind
Because D.N.A. means
Nothing
Alex Nov 2022
a dream i never wanted to have
a part in the play i never thought id be
the luck i had with certain things
a very angry voice
Telling me to leave
while the 7 year old is screaming to be freed
from the impending doom that was to be seen
long ago
Alex Sep 2020
They hide secrets you don’t want found
A way to keep people out of your life
Locking them so you won’t be judged
For your past mistakes
My mistakes are stupid
And small
Most of them anyways
A void in my life that
I can’t ever forget
That I can’t forgive
Myself for
I regret not asking you out before
I regret falling in love
More than once
But not with you
Because I don’t regret much with you
It’s quiet now
Besides the yelling sometimes
I just want to escape
Find a safe place
Behind closed doors
You don’t know what someone
Goes through on a daily bases
You can’t predict the pain they have
I love closed doors
But I also hate them
Way too many secrets
For me to keep
Alex Apr 2020
You complain about the things I wear
If they smell you're the first to "notice"
I'm not stupid
What can I even do?
It's not like I'm going
Anywhere
Right?
I'm stuck
In this house
Trying to keep myself going
But you keep bringing me
Down
I really need someone to talk to..
Alex Apr 2020
Im getting that same feeling
I did before
From him this time
not you
and im scared hes gonna do more than you did
I may just be extremely paranoid
But I doubt it
He keeps pestering me
I want to be left alone
But he wont go away
Hes wanting to stay the night
I dont want him to
But I wont get a choice
Ill have to keep both doors locked tonight
Hope he doesnt find a way in
Because I dont want to go though this again
I dont want it
I wont allow it
Lately Ive been having dreams
Or maybe old memories
Of You and I
And I wake up
Crying
Because of what you did
What you said
But I hold my breath
And try to stay in control
But theyll come back
Theyll make sure
He comes nowhere near me
That YOU come nowhere near me
And I trust them
Because theyve protected me before
And theyll do it again
In a single
Heartbeat
sort of just needed to vent
Alex Sep 2020
On the nights I do sleep I see you
And most of the time I wish I could see you
It’s dark out
I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep
But that’s okay
We’re gonna be okay
That’s just how it is
Reality doesn’t seem real anymore
You don’t seem real
Even though I know you Are
Alex Dec 2020
I wanna go back
You didnt deserve what happened
I dont want the drama
Even if it wasnt me
I just wanna erase it all
Alex Aug 2020
They always stay green
Through out winter
Into the summer months
Rarely dying
Roots planted into the ground
I wish I was evergreen
I wish I could be happy and green again
A simple melody
Calling out to me
I miss you
But you don’t miss me
At least I don’t think you do
I didn’t mean much
And I guess that’s okay
Because I meant a lot to them
Alex Sep 2020
It can’t be everything
Going wrong
Just me
Ex
Alex Sep 2020
Ex
I’m starting to feel better because of her
Maybe she still likes me
I know that my feelings for her never went away completely
So maybe I still have a chance
In love
Alex Jan 2021
I’ll be here for the fallout

It doesn’t matter what it is

I’ll pick you up

Because I still care

Even if you don’t

I wanna help

I wanna be there

Through the best

And worst

Times of your life
Alex Aug 2020
Sometimes I wish feelings didn’t exist
Because the fact that it hurts me seeing you Around him
I know it’s stupid
And Selfish
But I’m stupid and selfish
Ive been wishing for things to happen
All summer
That hasn’t happened
Because I’m pretty sure you don’t like me
Like that
We are friends
But it hurts
Because I want more
While you have a boyfriend
I’m still waiting
Hoping that maybe
One day we can be together
But right now
I’m in pain
And I act like I don’t care
But I do
Because you mean so much to me
And I don’t want to lose you...
Alex Oct 2020
I caused it
And im sorry
I didn’t mean for it to happen
And now I feel terrible
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