Hello again


  Hi

A little louder than normal

It's always loud now

A shame

  Why a shame?

You know why

Its quiet sometimes
So I can't really complain

They know now

They do

A tragedy in the making?

Not just yet

What's the question now?

Am I ever gonna have quiet in here again?

Maybe one day but that takes work love

Alright

a dream i never wanted to have
a part in the play i never thought id be
the luck i had with certain things
a very angry voice
Telling me to leave
while the 7 year old is screaming to be freed
from the impending doom that was to be seen
long ago

everything feels like a wrong doing
Like i cant do anything right
Anything to help

A dream
It was a dream
Of you
Of us
Once again
And it seems we can't breathe
Anchored down
Like a ship that can't leave
Running around pretending we're free
Older now
But still kids
Haven't heard from you in months
Still think of you like we did
We have a diagnosis now
And it's not the best
It's terrifying
And they all wish you the best
But here I am
Stuck under the surface
No way out
And no way home
Misery at its finest
But no where for the anchor
To go

A house is not a home
Without the ones you hold
Sleep cascading over us
Is all we ever wanted
So we sit
And wait
For the patience of what we believe in
Sitting in a house of our own
Safe at last

It's seems we've come at a crossroad

The hell we've brought and more

You have your safe space
We have ours

We rids our train into the open world
And we think

You sit
And you wait for things that won't come

We wait for you to realize we want more than what you gave

We have our right to be here
To protect you
Still

You waste your time

Crying about how she acts
Instead of letting us help

And all we wanna do
Is help

-🧨

Sometimes
It's quiet
In our head
But loud
Everywhere else
We sit
And we wait for something
New
Something
Exciting maybe
And yet we still sit
Patience hasn't gotten us far
But we still
Wait
Patiently waiting
For some sort of waste
Some time with those who mean the most
But we can't
Always have that
Because it's quiet in our head
Loud outside
People have come
And they've gone
No trace
But we still think to them
Because part of us miss them
And yet
We stay
Quiet

I don't want to talk
So you don't have to hear the pain in my voice
I don't wanna talk so you don't have to deal with how mentally tired I am
Of so much
And I'm Sorry

For once
I'm calm
The waves washing over me
And I'm not scared any longer
Sleep is something I no longer crave
And as my eyes grow heavy
I drift off
Dreaming of a wolf
Hiding in the shadows
Listening to the sounds
Of grass rustling in the wind
Cuddling up
Under the stars
Protected by the wind

Soft secrets we keep
About the people we see
Looking through someone else's eyes
Seeing how they are
Our love keeping us here
Our head fuzzy and ****** up
A light trickle of whispering winds
Not winds
But people
Telling me what to do
Guiding me through life
Because I can't handle it on my own
Sleeping my days away
As we suffocate in the snow
It's Cold out here
Unsafe
Unreal
Like maybe our world is just a tiny marble in a big jar of tiny stars
It keeps moving around and around
And spinning
Making us dizzy
Not sure of what to do
Our hearts hungry
For things we want to get through

It's hard
To just
Eat right or drink things
Or hydrate
Because I don't have a reason to stay
Do I?
I'm not saying I'll go
Because they need me
But do I need me
That's the question I wish
I could ask myself one day

Tell me a story
One of kings and queens
Or a story of lovers and fighters
Or maybe the story of how we met
Because my memories
Are fading

We run around in a field
of hope and sorrow
hoping one day to escape the imprisonment
of the ones who are supposed to love you
We are hunted and chased by those people
when they only want to put you down
so call me a danger to society i dont care anymore
its not like you did anyways
we all seem the same on the outside
but you wont ever realize
how bad youve hurt me
I used to want to be like you
but now i know
that all you are
is a manacle *****
with no respect for anyone
not even yourself

I have for a bit
and i cant tell you face to face
or on text
so here i am because i know you follow me
but you arent on enough to see this?
but if you do
im glad we were friends and hopefully still are
but you graduated
and you move soon
so im not sure when ill get to see you after you move
but for now im just here
waiting

you wont know
how bad it hurts
how im trying so hard not to cry
youre barely on here anyways
so maybe its safe
you wont see this.. Right...?
am i just
dumb?
For not telling you?
that i like you
and i have for a while?
but you like her
and im glad youre happy
ill always be here no matter what

We fall into a dark place
No way out no safe space
We cant scream out
it will take away
All the things we wish to say
Like how i loved her at one time
and now another has come
even though she has someone else
Its fine
ill fall
into oblivion
where i dont exist
i never have
and never will
Just
Fall

pretend im not here
that im lost in the vast darkness
that im never going to be important
but ill still stay
because im worried if i go

i wont come back

Late night calls
Talking about crushes
Talking away
Too tired to fall asleep
Too awake to care

I don’t know who they are
But I hope one day she tells them
So she can be happy
Even if we end up just being friends
That’s all I could ask for

She has no idea
How much she means to me
Just pretty girls
And pretty thoughts
Ana said
Not to rush
Sweet like honey
And she doesn’t even know

People come and go
They fill a void sometimes
then leave
like nothing happened
How do i tell him?
its over
for good?
it doesnt feel right to me
it never did
so this is it
the end
and i hope he can understand
im done crawling back
because i do like someone else
they may not like me
but it doesnt change that
i dont like him

We soar across the sky
Holding on for dear life
But we fall
Trapping ourselves
In a world that's not so kind
We try to take off
But it doesn't work
Our hearts too heavy
Our wings are broke
We try again
and we fly for a few
Till we fall down again
they clip our wings
and cage us up
we separate
and they let us go
we heal our feathers
one at a time

I dont think we are meant to be

cant tell you that though

cause youll be upset

i feel trapped in this relationship

what do i even do

Today is a lonely day
A soft breeze drifting them away
With chocolates and candy hearts
Teddy bears and cards
I wont get any of that
but thats okay

I want out of this house
With all of these sounds
I want to be me
Without being yelled at
Or crying because hes my replacement
I remember the first time i heard about him
I cried
Because im the oldest
I may seem to have everything
But when you say i can talk to you abou
Anything
Y9ou turn me away
Tell me its all in my head
I just started feeling good about myself
And you wanna tear me down
Im sorry i was the mistake
The one you never wanted
Im sorry that i dont mean much
but I havent tried
not for a while
"why wear the same outfit every ******* day"
Because we **** go anywhere
Im damaged
Its not ALL in my head
I get it
I am the disappointment
You dont have to remind me that im worthless
That whenever i need you
you pretend like you havent
done
anything
yes i resent him
because he means more than i do
because hes younger
IM NOT YOU
I dont care who you want me to be
im almost 17
I HAVE a life
YOU think im nothing
To some people
Im more than they can handle
Ive been locked up here
Because you dont wanna deal with me
I dont care
Ive gotta start writing more....

Pretending isnt good anymore

Isnt a place for me
I dont have a place to truly call
home
not since she did
what she did
ill be 17 in a few months
and that thought
scares me
because it feels like
it was just a few months ago that i turned 16
its...
strange

Im not perfect
They all have to remind me
I need food
Then i feel bad
For eating so much
Then i forget again
But thats okay
Ill be alright
Ill just listen to the sounds
Of rain upon windows
As i wish
I could go...
Home?

I said we needed a break
you made me feel like i need you still
and im not sure what to do
you kept asking
are you sure you wanna do this
today you said somethings
that really ****** Ashton off
she was angry
told me i had to leave
but i couldnt
because you might not even know
what youre doing
but you are breaking me
no you dont love me more
because i said i needed a break
im not a toy you can bend and break

im sorry

im so sorry

i keep hurting people

im sorry

i still wanna be there

i dont wanna keep pushing people away

i wanna go back in time

fix all of my mistakes

or just

never exist

I left you a jar
Filled with love
I don’t know if you still have it
It’s been a year now
I still think about you from time to time
I remember I gave you a stuffed bear
For Valentine’s Day
It was cool
I think
There’s a lot of memories
Some from when I was little
I can’t remember much
Just little things
But love doesn’t last forever right?
Well maybe sometimes
But that’s not my point

I don’t wanna be left alone
As soon as they leave me alone
I get scared that they aren’t coming back
I know they will but I can’t help but think
That they’ll stop caring and leave
Too many people have done it before
People I truly did love
I gave them my heart
And they leave
I sit around most days
Wondering what happened
Because I distance myself
And so does everyone else
I don’t wanna be like that
I wanna mend my friendships
Put the notes back in the jar
And send it away

I’ll be here for the fallout

It doesn’t matter what it is

I’ll pick you up

Because I still care

Even if you don’t

I wanna help

I wanna be there

Through the best

And worst

Times of your life

If im being honest
Im not the prettiest
If im being honest
We have our insecurities
If im being honest
We cant pretend anymore
If im being honest
I dont want to eat
If im being honest
Things are different

Birthday wishes
And soft kisses
Small tantrums
Various lies
As I try to fight
He’s the favorite
It’s obvious
I don’t mind
Cause at least
I’m not as hateful
As she is

I know im not the prettiest
I wont ever be
Because i cant seem to take care of myself
I never really have
Im short
And chubby
my hairs a mess
and i think the only
thing i can do is makeup
And im not very good at that either
So why am i still trying?
to be someones pretty baby?

I wanna go back
You didnt deserve what happened
I dont want the drama
Even if it wasnt me
I just wanna erase it all

I cant sleep
Hes been telling me to
That i need to start taking care of myself
I cant do that
Theres no real point in doing so
Im not gonna live past 23
And i know it

You think im faking
So go ahead and think so
You can think im just a 21st century ***** go ahead
Im done playing by the rules
Im tired of looking for someone else
To fill my needs of "love"
Im sorry that I cant control them
Maybe it was for the best anyways
I cant pretend anymore
But in other news
I have a new aesthetic
And im not gonna stop being
The bad guy

Thinking of growing my hair out
Reminds me of when I was back in third grade
With my cute little braids at school
I had no worry of falling in love
I could undo everything
fix myself
Although i still think id like girls
Because they smell nice
and they are there to talk too
But in all honesty
Nobodys gonna want a heartbreaker
Am I Wrong?

Ive never really thought about it
We werent meant to be
Not for a second time
Because im still a little obsessed
And i wasnt right for you
I still wanna say sorry
But it was the right tbing to do
To break up with me
I still care
Just we werent meant to be
And im a little relieved

im tired
of trying to pretend
that I do
and
I do care
Sometimes
Im so not used to these feelings
And it *****
But we keep moving
and i just
dont ******* care
not anymore
~Sam

Pop the bubble
Drink the Drinks
Have some fun
Ignore the lies
And pop
The Bubble

Lets be the bad guys
Villains running around
Causing trouble
A hasty mess
Of Love and Lore
We are the villains
In someone elses story
Do we care?
No
We do as we please
I dont have to please anyone
Ill be who I am
Even if Im the so called
"Villain"

Can i be any more of one?
Im just chasing after things that arent real
But thats fine
~Sam

Theyre fighting me for control so uhhh

Not really sure what else to say

If im not very active much anymore

Thats why

I dont know what im really doing on here

When she finds out

Im gonna die XD