You love him
It's obvious
He doesn't deserve you
I don't deserve you
He treats you terribly
Even I can see
That you need better
Someone who can give you everything
Love
Attention
Its obvious I like you but
It's oblivious to you
So I'm glad you don't know
I may be jealous

We fall into a dark place
No way out no safe space
We cant scream out
it will take away
All the things we wish to say
Like how i loved her at one time
and now another has come
even though she has someone else
Its fine
ill fall
into oblivion
where i dont exist
i never have
and never will
Just
Fall

If im being honest
Im not the prettiest
If im being honest
We have our insecurities
If im being honest
We cant pretend anymore
If im being honest
I dont want to eat
If im being honest
Things are different

Pastels and dark colors
I can truly only think
That I am one
And one only
I used to think I was a purple
or  a gray
but now I feel
brighter
more vibrant
and Its sweet
because I am a pink

Birthday wishes
And soft kisses
Small tantrums
Various lies
As I try to fight
He’s the favorite
It’s obvious
I don’t mind
Cause at least
I’m not as hateful
As she is

It’s fascinating
I’ve figured it out
I like the way the flame looks
Sometimes I wanna touch it
Maybe I’m fire obsessed
But can you blame me?
It’s so pretty

Im getting that same feeling
I did before
From him this time
not you
and im scared hes gonna do more than you did
I may just be extremely paranoid
But I doubt it
He keeps pestering me
I want to be left alone
But he wont go away
Hes wanting to stay the night
I dont want him to
But I wont get a choice
Ill have to keep both doors locked tonight
Hope he doesnt find a way in
Because I dont want to go though this again
I dont want it
I wont allow it
Lately Ive been having dreams
Or maybe old memories
Of You and I
And I wake up
Crying
Because of what you did
What you said
But I hold my breath
And try to stay in control
But theyll come back
Theyll make sure
He comes nowhere near me
That YOU come nowhere near me
And I trust them
Because theyve protected me before
And theyll do it again
In a single
Heartbeat

Theyre fighting me for control so uhhh

Not really sure what else to say

If im not very active much anymore

Thats why

I caused it
And im sorry
I didn’t mean for it to happen
And now I feel terrible

a dream i never wanted to have
a part in the play i never thought id be
the luck i had with certain things
a very angry voice
Telling me to leave
while the 7 year old is screaming to be freed
from the impending doom that was to be seen
long ago

You know that feeling
You get when something bads
gonna happen?
Im crying right now
And I have no reason to be crying
But I am..
I want to scream
Punch something...
To my future wife
Im sorry..
You have to deal
with such
a stupid
broken person
Who keeps putting herself down...

I cant sleep
Hes been telling me to
That i need to start taking care of myself
I cant do that
Theres no real point in doing so
Im not gonna live past 23
And i know it

Different pieces of me
Scattered around
The voices taking over
Keeping things from happening
Protecting me
Keeping me safe
Not only from them
But from myself

I sit around
Listening to pointless songs
Watching shows
Doing work
Sitting around
Bored

I hate that I love you
Because for some reason
I can’t get you out of my head
Even if we haven’t spoken
I still see you in my dreams
I don’t hate you
Just my feelings

I feel odd
No Idea why
I just feel like a blank slate
I wasted my time
On him
On all of them
When I realized
That I dont like them
I messed up
So badly
In my past
But Ive gotten better
Because I have people who care
People who make me realize
Im not so blank

I’m sorry if I’m the reason
You got in trouble
I hope you’re okay
I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen
Because you mean a lot to me
Just be careful

I feel them when you come around
Forever and always
When you speak
I wish to hold your hand
To hold your heart in mine
Forever and always
You'll be
My butterfly

Can we just start over
Can we pretend for a moment
That we didn’t know each other
Can we pretend for a moment
That the rest of them don’t exist

In three days Ill be 16
In three days I know for a fact I could get a job
Three days
till I can have a bit of fun

Ive never really thought about it
We werent meant to be
Not for a second time
Because im still a little obsessed
And i wasnt right for you
I still wanna say sorry
But it was the right tbing to do
To break up with me
I still care
Just we werent meant to be
And im a little relieved

I’m not gonna be on for a while
It’s nobody’s fault but mine
I can’t sit here and stay calm
And pretend things are alright
She isn’t mine
And that’s fine
I’ll find someone
Who’s gonna stay by my side
Not just flirt for a bit
And then leave again

im tired
of trying to pretend
that I do
and
I do care
Sometimes
Im so not used to these feelings
And it *****
But we keep moving
and i just
dont ******* care
not anymore
~Sam

you made me a little wallpaper
for my web browser on my chromebook
i never changed it
and i never want to

It can’t be everything
Going wrong
Just me

Was I that stupid
That I couldn't find the clues
That I had no special length
I would go to try and fix it
That right now I'm crying
Because I keep self-destructing
Trying not to do harm to myself
Or someone else
It's hard
So hard
Not to hate something
You never loved
In the first place

They hide secrets you don’t want found
A way to keep people out of your life
Locking them so you won’t be judged
For your past mistakes
My mistakes are stupid
And small
Most of them anyways
A void in my life that
I can’t ever forget
That I can’t forgive
Myself for
I regret not asking you out before
I regret falling in love
More than once
But not with you
Because I don’t regret much with you
It’s quiet now
Besides the yelling sometimes
I just want to escape
Find a safe place
Behind closed doors
You don’t know what someone
Goes through on a daily bases
You can’t predict the pain they have
I love closed doors
But I also hate them
Way too many secrets
For me to keep

I’ve never hated feeling so left out
Everyone has someone to lean on
But yet I’m stuck
Alone
Crying in bed for the fourth time this week
Nobody to talk to
Because they don’t understand it
How bad it hurts
When I get ignored by the people
Who matter so much to me
My chest hurts from all the pain ive been feeling
The loneliness is
Crushing
That’s how it starts
“I barely talk to her”
I get it
But I need someone to talk to
And you aren’t there
Because You don’t understand
How bad it hurts
To lose someone

I wasted my time
Trying to reconnect with you but
I realized you didn't want to talk to me
So I'm done trying
If you don't want to talk then fine

It *****
I cant see you
Or talk to you
Or be around you
And I miss you
Because you mean a lot to me
My Butterfly

Maybe I wasn’t the one
Maybe I can’t give her everything
I tried
But now I’m supposed to move on
But I don’t think I can
I don’t want to ruin things for her
Because I do love her
Even if she doesn’t me
Might keep off of here for a while
Think
Try not to get worse
Try to stop crying over
Someone who might not care
We are just friends
And it breaks me
So I’m sorry

Thinking of growing my hair out
Reminds me of when I was back in third grade
With my cute little braids at school
I had no worry of falling in love
I could undo everything
fix myself
Although i still think id like girls
Because they smell nice
and they are there to talk too
But in all honesty
Nobodys gonna want a heartbreaker
Am I Wrong?

I have a bruise on my arm
Not super big
But also not small
Its nobody's fault
I wasn't grabbed
I wasn't hit
But it still hurts
But im okay

I'm Sorry
I know you don't like me
at least not like that
I haven't told you
Because I'm scared
That you will reject me
I mean why wouldn't you
I'm not the prettiest
And I can be so mean
Who would love a girl
Like me?

Can i be any more of one?
Im just chasing after things that arent real
But thats fine
~Sam

I know I shouldn’t
It’s tempting
But I shouldn’t
I can’t keep destructing
Harming myself
To feel better
Because I’m just gonna feel a lot
More lonely

You complain about the things I wear
If they smell you're the first to "notice"
I'm not stupid
What can I even do?
It's not like I'm going
Anywhere
Right?
I'm stuck
In this house
Trying to keep myself going
But you keep bringing me
Down

Right now Im so scared
Because I dont understand the feelings im having
I wasted my time trying with him
Because in the end he was just a narcissist
But that isnt what made him bad
He caused pain towards us
He made sure I would never forget his face
But lately
His image has been clouded with thoughts of you
Good thoughts
Sweet thoughts
But I feel Wasted
My butterfly

On the nights I do sleep I see you
And most of the time I wish I could see you
It’s dark out
I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep
But that’s okay
We’re gonna be okay
That’s just how it is
Reality doesn’t seem real anymore
You don’t seem real
Even though I know you Are

All I want to do is run in it
The smell is calming
And I can’t seem to stay calm
Yet I try to boost my confidence
While I stay in
Kicking out the monsters
As I listen to the sound of it
Inviting the calm
Fixing my mistakes
Pretending that things are okay
At least for now
I don’t belong here
And that’s evident
Still I can’t seem to get you out of my head
What you did
I hadn’t cried in months
Till I broke down again
Maybe things will be different next year
Maybe people will change
Maybe I’ll forgive you
And forget you
It’s inviting me to dance
And sing
As it drips down my window
All I am
Is calm

I remember the few days
It lasted
We talked
And I actually felt something
Again
But now you’re not talking
At least to me
Maybe it’s for the best
One less person I’ll be scared to lose
Even though I’ve already
Lost

I still think about her every so often
Just wondering how shes doing
Thats fine though
because im not obsessed
I dont need her
because I have someone else
and i love them with everything I have
Even if we havent really talked much
At least they talk to me
and make sure im doing okay

I can see us drifting apart
I wish we talked more
I hate hurting sometimes
But the thrill of it is what gets me
I get myself into situations
That turn out to be my remedy

When I see one
I think of something different
Than what my grandmother sees
I see you
While she sees a loved one
Gone and passed
But we all have different meanings
For different things
Things we are attached to
But I really do
Miss you

I can feel them in my stomach again
She’s sweet
Even though she lives in another time zone
I know she cares
And I still kinda like her
We’re just taking it slow for now
So I’m not taken yet
But maybe soon I will be

If the world ended right now
Who all would stay by my side
Nobody can really know
Since nobody really talks to me
I guess if the world ended
It would just be me
Myself
And I

I feel like Im being selfish
Because I want you to be with me
But I know until you know how you feel
It wont happen
And im okay with waiting
Because I know what I want
And I hope now you know how I feel
That its okay that I call you Butterfly
Youve been hurt
But you're still so beautiful
Which is why
I call you butterfly
And why Im selfish
Because I dont want to lose you
Like I did mostly everyone else

I still like you
Even after almost six months
Or maybe a little over that
And I don’t think that will ever
Change