I still think about her every so often
Just wondering how shes doing
Thats fine though
because im not obsessed
I dont need her
because I have someone else
and i love them with everything I have
Even if we havent really talked much
At least they talk to me
and make sure im doing okay

Rain dripping
As my heart sinks
I try to stay quiet
I want to scream out for help
But nobodys there
One is
I can see them in
the distance
We stay together
And im less of a mess
:}

Sweet smell
I wanna lay in a field of flowers
Just feel pretty again
Lillies or roses
Theyre both so pretty
Maybe im just rambling
But I now have people to ramble to
Im so glad I have someone now

Theres a lot of myths about them
Luring in the ships
Maybe they had good reason to
Men are trash anyways

I can actually say
Im happy
Because of you
Im glad you and I started to talk again
Because now there is an Us
Someone i can look forward to talking to
And I love you
<3

I try not to lie
Most of the time
I wanna be honest
Especially with them
Because I like them
And I know I shouldnt
But i guess I cant control
My feelings

Prickly thorns
pierce the skin
Scars that never leave
A fiction
Of whats left of my imagination
Is it going to be love
Or just another rose
Without its thorns

You were my life source
For a short while
I thought you felt the same
And now I know the truth
I’m glad that you’re happy again though
I’m floating on the water
Alone
On a little lifeboat

I’m not gonna be on for a while
It’s nobody’s fault but mine
I can’t sit here and stay calm
And pretend things are alright
She isn’t mine
And that’s fine
I’ll find someone
Who’s gonna stay by my side
Not just flirt for a bit
And then leave again

I caused it
And im sorry
I didn’t mean for it to happen
And now I feel terrible

You never know how bad it hurts
Till you lose the person you thought you loved
Most

you made me a little wallpaper
for my web browser on my chromebook
i never changed it
and i never want to

~I sit here
Waiting
For a girl
Who's never gonna like me
The way I like her
Its honestly
Tragic
How hard im trying
And for you
im sorry
That im so hopelessly in love
With
You~

I can feel them in my stomach again
She’s sweet
Even though she lives in another time zone
I know she cares
And I still kinda like her
We’re just taking it slow for now
So I’m not taken yet
But maybe soon I will be

I’m starting to feel better because of her
Maybe she still likes me
I know that my feelings for her never went away completely
So maybe I still have a chance
In love

I remember the few days
It lasted
We talked
And I actually felt something
Again
But now you’re not talking
At least to me
Maybe it’s for the best
One less person I’ll be scared to lose
Even though I’ve already
Lost

It can’t be everything
Going wrong
Just me

I think I’ve made a name for myself
Maybe

There’s somethings I don’t understand
Why you still show up in my dreams
Why I still like you
Even though I want
To shut my emotions down
They won’t let me
I just wish I didn’t feel
How I feel
Towards you

I think I need to start over
On everything
Just stay quiet
And stop trying
Nobody talks to me much
That is fine
It doesn’t matter anymore
For now
I’m Nothing

It’s fascinating
I’ve figured it out
I like the way the flame looks
Sometimes I wanna touch it
Maybe I’m fire obsessed
But can you blame me?
It’s so pretty

A year ago I didn’t know
What I truly wanted in life
But today’s different
I think about it and I realized
I want a girlfriend
Who will stay by me
Hold me and tell me
That everything’s okay
Even if it’s falling apart
I want someone to be there
To pick me up when I’m down
Who wants the same things I might when I’m older
I wanna steal someone’s hoodies
Or jackets
Or necklaces
Or get matching rings
Or just a friend who will get a **** apartment with me and watch movies
Until Dawn
Staying up and watching the stars
But who knows
My plans may
Change

Maybe it’s something wrong with me?
That nobody really likes me?
That I’m completely alone?
Am I too clingy?
Too obsessive?
Maybe
I can’t fix that
Or maybe I can?
I’ve given up trying
She doesn’t talk to me
I have to stop chasing after her
That’s okay though
I can smile through the tears
And sooner or later I’ll be okay

It doesn’t seem to exist
I don’t know what it is
But I feel like
If I sleep
I won’t wake up in the same place
Like if I wake it won’t be at home
I won’t know anyone
And I won’t know what to do
I can’t seem to get it together
Maybe that’s my problem

On the nights I do sleep I see you
And most of the time I wish I could see you
It’s dark out
I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep
But that’s okay
We’re gonna be okay
That’s just how it is
Reality doesn’t seem real anymore
You don’t seem real
Even though I know you Are

I hope you’re okay
It’s been a while
Maybe you just don’t want to talk
I get it
But no matter what
You are beautiful
Even if you don’t think so
You were in my dreams again
You offered me your jacket
I was hesitant to accept it
Cause I wasn’t sure if you meant it
Even though it was just a dream
I wish it were real

If the world ended right now
Who all would stay by my side
Nobody can really know
Since nobody really talks to me
I guess if the world ended
It would just be me
Myself
And I

I can say the strangest things to myself
Sometimes it’s not even me
It could be a complete stranger
Telling me not to worry about
Things like relationships
But I like two people right now
At least I think I like one of them
And I know I like the other
Because I have all of Quarantine
For a while before that as well
I gave her a stuffed bear
And when I saw her during school
When I still went
A little mason jar
With three letters
And a necklace with a little gold heart
Asked her out in those letters to only find
That she had a boyfriend
And I assumed she was happy with him
Maybe it wasn’t meant to be
But when I look in the mirror now
I don’t see a complete stranger
Not anymore at least
I used to not know who I was
But it’s better now
I know myself
Even if nobody else does

I keep having these dreams
Waking up scared or paranoid
Thats okay though
Because they arent real
At least I hope they arent
I woke up from one today
Early this morning
As I looked at the moonlight
Coming from my window
I could see a hand
Reaching towards me
I panicked and turned my TV on
So I could sleep

I just want to sleep
And stay that way
I don’t want to get out of bed
And move around
I want to sleep like nobody cares
I’m tired

I finally broke down today
In front of them
She told me to just
Pretend to be happy
Even when I’m not
I can’t keep pretending
Not now
Not ever again
She planted the seed
That grew inside me
Making me sad
And scared
I may get taken away
I don’t really care
The only thing I’m scared of
Is losing my brothers
And my friends
Because if they take me
I might not see any of them for a while
And there wouldn’t be anything
Keeping me from harming
Anyone
Because I feel way
Too alone
But it doesn’t matter
Cause nobody really cares do they
They all just want me
To pretend

Death is inevitable
So is it wrong
To want to die?
It isn’t like anyone would really care
That I wasn’t here
I was just ignored by most of my “friends” Anyways
even if it wasn’t me
To take my life
They would care more
About the tragedy
That broke us all apart
I’m sitting in her bathroom
Crying my eyes out
And she’s just laughing along
With her boyfriend
Who I’m pretty sure hates my guts
Maybe I did something wrong
By not talking
But what’s there to say?
When every time I try to talk
She ignores me
Like everyone else
And she’s supposed to be my best friend
And the only other person I want to talk to
Can’t talk
And If she doesn’t want to talk with me that’s okay
I was better off alone

I remember that day
Standing there as I opened that door
Holding her in my arms
I knew what was about to happen
And I didn’t want to leave her
I felt terrible
Like I would be blamed
Because I had to put her in that car
Now I’m sitting here
Watching her
As she watches a movie
And I think to myself
One day
I want a little girl
Just like her
Because she’s so polite
And sweet
It’s hard to think
Of when she wasn’t in my life
I hope that when I have a girlfriend
She will want the same things I do
Because I want children
So I can be a better mom
Than mine was

I still like you
Even after almost six months
Or maybe a little over that
And I don’t think that will ever
Change

I’m sorry if I’m the reason
You got in trouble
I hope you’re okay
I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen
Because you mean a lot to me
Just be careful

It’s good with a lot of things
As we talk I can see
How sweet you are compared to me
I hope you know
My feelings never changed
I haven’t given up hope
And that will stay the same

Far away from people
There’s no way I can leave
The pain is unbearable
I can hardly speak
Have to keep to myself
Because I can’t be near
My loved ones right now
Because a stupid kid
Coughed on me

It’s hard to decide
If you deserved it or not
Because sometimes
You just don’t know
What Karma can do

I know I shouldn’t
It’s tempting
But I shouldn’t
I can’t keep destructing
Harming myself
To feel better
Because I’m just gonna feel a lot
More lonely

I just want them to stop
I want them to go away
But they can’t
I’m stuck with them
And I don’t want it anymore
I want reality to go away
I want to forget
Everything
Everyone
I want to feel something again
Something besides fear
And sadness
That she brings me everyday
I want them to stop pretending
That they care for me
Because they are just
Voices

As I write this I’m not sure what to say
A darkness is spreading
It seemed like there was no other way
The dream tonight was terrifying
I couldn’t get away
As she whispered your name
I couldn’t look away
I wish I can do more
But it seems like I can’t
A fatal mistake is hoping
That it stays
Feeling helpless and wondering why
You can’t break free of the dreams
You had tonight
A soft echo is pulling me in
I can’t remember as clearly
The sins that we have are greater than
The words we speak as soft as them
She calls your name
Angry and sullen
Revenge is sweet
But love is golden

I can’t help but feel like something is
Missing
I knew there wasn’t going to be an us
Even though I wanted so bad for it to happen
I’ve accepted it
And I’m trying to move on
But we haven’t talked much her and I
And I feel like I’m bothering her when I text her
I feel like I’ve been annoying people
Anyways
Because nobody really seems to care
I know what I’m missing
And I can’t seem to keep you off of my
Mind
I don’t know how you are doing
Besides the poems you write
If you’re still up
You can always text me
I’ll be up for a while
I can’t seem to sleep anyways
I don’t even know if you’ll see this or not
Part of me hopes you do
Because I really am
Missing you

All I want to do is run in it
The smell is calming
And I can’t seem to stay calm
Yet I try to boost my confidence
While I stay in
Kicking out the monsters
As I listen to the sound of it
Inviting the calm
Fixing my mistakes
Pretending that things are okay
At least for now
I don’t belong here
And that’s evident
Still I can’t seem to get you out of my head
What you did
I hadn’t cried in months
Till I broke down again
Maybe things will be different next year
Maybe people will change
Maybe I’ll forgive you
And forget you
It’s inviting me to dance
And sing
As it drips down my window
All I am
Is calm

She’s sweet
She lives far away
But I really like her
We have a lot in common
She’s goofy
She’s mine
And I think I’m in love again

When I see one
I think of something different
Than what my grandmother sees
I see you
While she sees a loved one
Gone and passed
But we all have different meanings
For different things
Things we are attached to
But I really do
Miss you

I hate that I love you
Because for some reason
I can’t get you out of my head
Even if we haven’t spoken
I still see you in my dreams
I don’t hate you
Just my feelings

All I want
Is for somebody to call me theirs
To let me steal their hoodies
Tell me they love me
That they won’t vanish
I can’t keep holding on
I’m already drowning in my pain
I want someone to tell me
That I matter
That I’m not worthless
That I don’t take up so much space
To tell me
To stay

Can we just start over
Can we pretend for a moment
That we didn’t know each other
Can we pretend for a moment
That the rest of them don’t exist