It hurts that you arent mine
Once again im alone
And I cant show my feelings
Because then ill lose you

People change like how the seasons change
Every year its something different
They can be hot but grow cold
They can bloom like the flowers in spring
And they can turn red like the leaves in fall
People change and thats okay
Because we grow along with the seasons
And its amazing
And beautiful
Just never change yourself for someone else

School started
A past me would be scared
To be here in this moment
But we are stronger than what we give ourselves
I know I dont have much
But I have the courage I need
To keep going
Stay alive
Be kind
Even if it hurts to see him
I have a life planned out
And im doing a lot better
he says hello
I say goodbye
I dont cry much over him
Not anymore
Because if I did
I know I would start blaming myself
Over and over
till im suffocating
In my sorrows
But thankfully
Im better

Clearly im not wanted
Or needed
just for now
only to them
They dont ask me
Questions
To see how im doing
If they did
They would know
How im breaking

Im slowly forgiving you
Well
Forgetting
Its strange
How you got
Under my skin
next month marks a year
and I can finally say you name
I was you the other day
it made us angry
as our mom pulled us away
but now you're
just a missing memory
and im okay with that
its been eleven months now
I haven't forgotten what you said
but you are in the distance now
maybe one day I can
forgive you
And forgive myself
for not yelling for her
but it wasnt my fault
it was yours
for thinking we were scared
scared to stand up
I was scared at first
but now I know
that maybe
you werent supposed to be a part of my life
you werent my life line
She was however
because she protected us
she calmed me down
helped me breathe
when nobody else knew what was going on
and im glad she was there
shes the reason I spoke up
and im glad I did
cause im not missing a part of myself anymore

I dont cry very often
At least not when it comes to people
But I miss you
And its hard feeling
Alone
I keep checking up on here hoping for a message
But i never get one
Because you cant talk
and ill still wait
Till you can

I feel wasted not drunk
Just sad
I miss you
And it hurts
Because when im alone
I think of how we cant talk
Or text
or do anything
Because im wasted
From the loneliness
And the sadness
I cant explain
But
I just feel
Tired
Drowning
In my sorrows..