I'm trying to let myself go,
But selfless thoughts won't let me so.
The weight of my conscience got me earthbound,
Got my head up to just look and envy.
A hostage to chain of thoughts,
******* to others expectations,
I'm living dead,
Dying to live.
Manipulated thoughts like puppet strings,
As my actions dangle for others' joy.
Every move I try to make,
Something always seem to pull me back.
Haven't found one with the right touch,
Maybe one day I'll find that violinist.

Sitting alone in my bed,
Anxiously yearning the touch of something different.

Contemplating about differences,
Visualizing the new experiences,
Mesmerizing about different beauties,
Fantasizing the new opportunities,
About women of different cultures,
Ethnicity and upbringing.

Pay no mind to the language barrier,
As our body speak that universal language,
We can have intellectual conversations,
We can have passionate  interactions.
Lets's ponder with deep imagination,
As we diversify this love, ignore it's discrepancies,
So girls of all colors come closer and get drawn like crayola,
As we paint this picture to see what we can make of this blend of colors.

Envision this:
Background music effectively babysitting my thoughts as I listen,
Laying under the moon, 
With that special person. 
Inwardly rehearsing, 
Every move to make, 
Opportunities to take,
Intaking the passion from the air she breathes out, 
Creating chemistry not even Einstein could figure out.

This love should be an equal opportunity,
You plus me that's all that should matter.

So would you explore your heart?
Release the stereotypes that keep you in the dark?
As darkness falls,
Our temperatures rise.
A reflection of moonlight shimmers in those eyes.
They tell me your secrets;
I tell you no lies.

What lies beneath your skin will be ugliness' demise.
Ironic, in the dark you see me for who I truly am.
And I tell you who you truly are.
So far. So good.
So deep, it goes beneath your beauty,
It goes beyond whatever society will tell you not to do with me.

Tonight your biases shall not rule thee,
For I am king of this pride.
Swallow your pride and swallow my pride.
Release the wait of inhibition and take this ride.

Our inner flames fueled by passion shall light our way.
They say, we are blind but it is only in darkness that we truly see.

Give up shallow emotions, let your heart be free.
Immerse yourself in this reality:
My love is river, all else is only skin deep.

My past has become my present,
A broken gift you can say.
Everyday has become yesterday,
Like reruns stuck on replay.
I'm always a few steps away from happiness,
But always fall behind short of breath with reaching hands.

I guess Time walks only to cast shadows to fall behind.
It teases me like a fleeting dream,
Let's me see what's ahead but truly only a mirage,
A present future that's so close yet ever reaching.

I guess Time walks to only cast shadows to fall behind.
Now it seems like I'm getting use to shade,
The cold darkness has become my comfort zone,
Thinking to myself if I deserve happiness?
If I step out my comfort zone will the light blind me?
Is it worth it for a moment of happiness?

I guess Time walks to only cast shadows to fall behind and only Time will tell.....
and when it tells would I listen?
Or make a decision without precision,
That obfuscate my vision that cause this collision of choices.
Each thought eludes me like reaching to grab a cloud,
So close to that answer but truly I'm off by miles.

I guess times walk to only cast shadows to fall behind.
Safe in the comforts of darkness fearing the light would show my past,
Maneuvering through the streets of life without headlights so I crashed,
Stretching out my arm hoping for a helping hand.
Yet so hard to find like a grain of salt in pile of sand,
Waiting patiently to be greeted by happiness before my expiration of time.
But this time, time walked to only to cast shadows to fall behind.....

By Sidney and Tien

Life or should I say one big experimentation,
Not a day goes by that my mind ponder,
Lying down my thoughts and diagnosis,
With nothing to do but to wonder.
Trembling from my own insecurities and impurities that enslave my conscious.
Do you truly have the faith to give up what you already own to find out?
To risk and pursue the unseen or the unknown for a better outcome.
Waiting on a sign to release the shackles that binds your mind from procrastination.
Are we living to die?
Or
Are we dying to live?
How do you find?
What can't be define?
Should I leap in hopes of flight to my destiny?
Open my mind to unusual subjection and gradually give the world the best of me.
Where do I begin to end?
Or
Where do I end to begin?
Life seems so simple yet not easy at the same time,
All we got to do is live,
But how do we live?
We tend to over-complicate,
Always wanting more,
Never able to accept as things are,
Is the grass truly greener on the other side?
Not always, but it's greener where ever you water it.

By Sidney and Tien

I hope you never leave like the leaves with the winter breeze,
You bring color to my world like autumn leaves,
With your absence you left me colorblind,
Surprised by my silent scream, but my eyes beg for you to stay. Please...
My life has no light without you,
Like the moon to the sun,
I can't shine without you,
Because you are the reflection of my other half,
Until then I guess I'll always be half the man.
So will you drift away like the winds from my fingertips?
A cloud once I hold it tight,
Or my 1st memories in life?
You would hold your breath just so you wouldn't breathe the same air I would breathe,
just to tell your new love that you have no part of me.
You mistake his love like a mirage in the desert,
you gambled with your eyes and see odds without measure,
Just another guy who always lose to guys who's not better.
Yes the type who could be your everything if you let me,
I guess it’s more affordable to waste time than to buy some regrets then sell them.
Or post feelings and mail them,
Misguided by the look in your eyes,
Warm touch but cold hearted inside,
Was I really the man you cherished with pride?
Or just another lie in your diary on page 5?
I can't stress enough how much I need you,
Besides God no one succeeds you,
1 moment you needed me,
2 times you cheated me,
3 times I fought for us and,
4 the last time you defeated me,
Left with a hole in my heart,
No peep show.
I thought I had the answers to this test,
No cheats though.
I repeat myself but you don't hear me.
I appear in all the right places but you don't see me.
Eyes wide shut:
Figure you think I'm being too needy,
Give you my all, it’s not enough,
I feel you're way too greedy
Take my love as a joke,
Because with him you're smiling and laughing.
That's just a sunny day,
I'm the Sun; this is everlasting.
Take a knife for you, write for you, live for you.
Now I'm bleeding for no reason, too stubborn to even see it.
I'm dying for you.
You say hi and then bye.
I die a little inside,
What's it all to you?
Oh, a game?!?
It's a shame, Life's a cliff, and I hope you fall too.
One day you'll realize that these ripples are from the waves of me catching you.

By K.J., Sidney, A.R. & Myself

As I close my eyes,
My mind opens to thoughts of you.
An instinctive smile,
For a distinctive beauty.
I see the words written within your eyes,
But get lost every time between those lines.
I can't help but to trace back.
I know the answers to why,
But don't understand why.
Thoughts just run on, no commas.
Questions marks my fascination.
Can't say no more, period.
Just know that it only makes sense if it ends with you.

Crying without tears,
Smiling without emotions,
Seems like I've gotten use to the loneliness.
I try to forget but can only remember,
Try to move forward but can only look back.
Just because time passes,
It doesn't mean that I'm healing.
Just because I receive love,
It doesn't mean that I'm giving it.
Just because I sleep,
It doesn't mean that I'm dreaming.
Just because I breathe,
It doesn't mean that I'm living.
No matter what I do,
It all feels the same like Deja vu.
I'm deeply wounded,
Drowning in shallow scars.
What we had together,
Everything was a 10,
You were the 1,
Now I'm left with nothing....