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 Oct 2013 AJ
R
At this moment
 Oct 2013 AJ
R
Every minute,
twitter receives ninety eight
thousand tweets
and facebook just got
six hundred ninety five
thousand status updates
and in the time that it took for
someone to type out
"today *****"
a heart was broken
a peanut butter jar was emptied
someone just got caught in the storm
while another girl dances in the rain
a newborn took their first breath
and someone took their last
but a caterpillar turned into a
beautiful butterfly
just as an earthworm
shrivelled up on the sidewalk.

A mathematician's son
forces himself to write down
equations out of pure fear
that his father would get angry
if he told him he'd rather be an
artist and paint a picture
of daffodils and sunsets
and maybe even the
pretty girl who sits behind him
in class but the truth is that
she could never ever like someone
who wears rounded glasses
and attends all his classes
because hey, that's not cool.
Cool is skipping school
and taking your first drag
on a cigarette and
maybe even having ***
at a stranger's house with
a strange boy who never
even cared to ask you for
your name because
it's all just a game anyway
so stop asking so much
you're losing you're losing
stop.

At this moment in time,
a father came home drunk
because his life is another word
for something that comes out of
your **** and that's when he hit
his daughter for the very first time
but it certainly won't be the last
and no one else knows but that night
she set fire to her dream catcher
because she thought
it wasn't doing its job right.
It never ever ever kept the
nightmares at bay
because they stayed with her
every night and every day
and that's when she realized that
the nightmares were coming
from inside of her head
but it's okay it's okay
daddy said tears are for
weak people and she
must be strong
because how can you not be
when everyday you endure
three punches
two smacks
and a kiss
on the lips
for good luck.

At this moment,
a girl fell down while
walking to school
while another girl
watched and laughed
and a penniless lady
is stripped of her clothing
and dancing in a way that
no one should dance
just so she could feed her infant son
who can no longer breastfeed due to
his mother's alcohol addiction
but somewhere somehow
there's a rainbow coming up
after a day of grey skies
and a constant raincloud that
drooped over everyone
but it's okay because
a dying wildflower
just had the most
amazing drink
and you might think
that this life has no meaning
since we're all going to die
eventually and I know
that your cheeks hurt
from smiling and your
mouth can't tell
anymore lies
I'm happy I'm happy
don't look me in the eye.

Just remember that we
all feel pain and we all
have those days where
we just can't win
but let me tell you:
at this moment in time,
you're beautiful
you're beautiful
you're beautiful
and you'll be
okay.
 Oct 2013 AJ
Arabella
"I know"
 Oct 2013 AJ
Arabella
Ripped up and torn apart
as they always have been
I watched as your hands dig
through your pockets
in search of that last cigarette.
as smoke poured out of your mouth
I thought back to a time in which
my love did the same.
Two years previous
This would bring me to tears.
Studying your steady heartbeat
with each breath I wait for
"I miss you" to follow.

Telling you what you meant to me
ended with a reply of
"I know,
you've already told me"
but wether or not it's understood
runs away as time has. Leaving me
wondering, can you see
that i've been broken ever since?

Placing your chewed up chapped fingers
on my left knee, followed with an empty stare
possibly in search of words. Your eyes, now
empty muddy pools swirling with the different drugs
to keep the weekends exciting, are an abandoned
home. Yellowed teeth from the five
smoke breaks a day share the same spot as
cold coffee to keep you alive on these long nights.
Yet, for some reason butterflies still carry me away
when brought to company
even though, we don't appear to be
the same as we were
two years ago.
 Oct 2013 AJ
hello
Zero
 Oct 2013 AJ
hello
A size zero

Is all I'll ever let myself be
Funny how much
A number defines my personality

Zero hope
Zero life
Zero want
Zero zero zero zero

Tiny waist
More like I'm wasting away

Wrist bones are prominent and cold

All I want to see is
My collarbones

And my brain likes to argue
With itself

you better eat or you'll go back to hell

I guess I haven't comprehended my surroundings
Because I'm already here

Heaven is a tiny hole on the roof of my hell
Light shines through rarely

She inhabits me
I am gone


The wind doesn't even miss me
 Oct 2013 AJ
Andvari Sæglópur
it's ridiculous that we say "bless you" when you sneeze and not when you cough.  i'm pretty sure coughing is a sign of a much more grave illness.  when is the last time someone died from sneezing?  (june 24th, 2006 -- anthony dean rice)  it's ridiculous that dock ellis pitched his one and only career no-hitter while under the influence of LSD.  i wonder how often he dosed before games.  it's ridiculous that being hit by my father has turned me into more of a pacifist than i ever thought possible.  it's ridiculous how much someone can love a man that made him or her feel more physical pain than anyone ever has.  it's ridiculous that being family allows you this nearly unconditional love.  it's ridiculous that my goal has been to love everyone unconditionally.  it's ridiculous how hard this truly is.  it's ridiculous that people cite the holy bible as evidence for why homosexuality is "unnatural" and yet fail to recall that eating shellfish is an abomination.  it's ridiculous that anyone can be against the marriage of two loving people of the same gender while having no problem with laws that allow marriage between a convicted child molester and a person who cheated on his or her first three spouses.  it's ridiculous that i even have to point that out.  it's ridiculous that michael phelps lost more endorsements after being photographed smoking marijuana than he did after pleading guilty to driving while impaired.  it's ridiculous that driving drunk, hopping a curb, and hitting a mother walking home can earn you 20 years in prison while driving drunk, hopping a curb, and hitting a mailbox will only earn you 2 days in jail, 3 years probation, and a fine.  the only difference is one person had better luck -- both were still driving while intoxicated.  it's ridiculous that i was born into such a loving family.  why do i deserve such favorable moral luck?  it's ridiculous that people don't seem to understand that borders on a map are just lines...not  lines indicating some moral difference; not lines indicating you are worth more than the person in the country across the globe; not lines indicating that we matter and they don't...they're just lines.  it's ridiculous that i walk around with my eyes closed for no apparent reason.  it's ridiculous that i fell and got a concussion while trying to jump over a sign.  it's ridiculous that this hasn't stopped me from continuing to jump over almost anything in my path.  it's ridiculous that i was so confused after hitting my head that i cried and had to sit still and wait for my friends to find me because i didn't know what day it was or where i was.  it's ridiculous that the last time i cried out of confusion was when i was four and the elevator doors closed before my mom realized that i hadn't followed her out of the elevator.  it's ridiculous that i can fall in love with your smell...even when you haven't showered for a few days.  it's ridiculous that i feel a strange sensation in my right hand when i am exposed to a beauty i know i can't have.  it's ridiculous that i feel that when i am around you.  it's ridiculous that you are so beautiful it makes my heart feel like it just might explode.  it's ridiculous that i have no doubt that giving you everything would be the best decision i ever made.  it's an easy gamble to make because i know you would give me more than i ever started with.  it's ridiculous that you move my heart more than anyone ever has.  it's ridiculous that you become infused into every aspect of my life.  it's ridiculous that this began as a letter to anyone and turned into a letter to only one.  it's ridiculous that some people reading this still think i am listing things worthy of ridicule.  perhaps these things are all still absurd...but i have stopped laughing.  it's ridiculous that even with a broken heart, i will never stop loving people.  it's ridiculous that anyone would even think i could.
 Oct 2013 AJ
E
when I was five, my parents gave me a book about a rainbow fish instead of the princess one I wanted. waterworks began.

when I was six, I checked out a book from the school library about the tooth fairy. I read it over and over again because I was too nervous to return it.

when I was seven, I started taking dance lessons. my teacher had bright blonde hair that she always kept in a ponytail. I wanted to be exactly like her.

when I was eight, I learned how to write in cursive. I made a point of showing my teacher how the lowercase 's' looked like a Hershey's Kiss.

when I was nine, I wrote an essay for school about a cat. my teacher told me I didn't have to revise like the other kids because I had already written it so well. I was ecstatic.

when I was ten, my best friend moved away and I cut my hair short. it was the first time I had to learn how to start over.

when I was eleven, I argued myself to tears on the playground, thus discovering passion.

when I was twelve, I almost tripped down the stairs after school every day because I refused to put my book down.

when I was thirteen, I made my way into a group of friends that had hearts of gold and eyes of steel. we felt invincible.

when I was fourteen, I watched as by best friend silently collapsed into a heap of tiny, broken pieces. I learned that the nicest people can be incredibly hard headed.

now I'm fifteen. I don't know everything, but I do understand that life never goes as planned. I understand that we are wonderfully accustomed to adapting to unprecedented circumstances. I understand that picking yourself up off the bathroom floor time and time again takes strength and resilience. I understand that you're good at being you, and that is always a compliment.
 Sep 2013 AJ
Gossamer
A blank canvas sits against the wall,
no pencils or brushes in sight.
The towering clock's about to fall,
her fists are clenched so tight.
A thought provokes a memory,
here comes the nimbus cloud.
She looks at what she shouldn't see,
and now she's dreaming out loud.

He's sitting across the quiet lake,
alone and deep in thought.
She sends her heart for him to take,
and now she remembers what she once forgot;
That her lonely heart can't swim alone,
for it is no longer proud.
Her pride is stripped down to the bone;
oh how it hurts to dream out loud.

And so her love sinks to the bottom of the pond,
while he watches with a sly smile.
She fell for what she was sure was a bond,
but he was only adding to the limitless pile.
Open eyes soon reveal a story in color,
this canvas depicts what she once vowed.
The story she shares is like no other,
because it was told by dreaming out loud.
 Sep 2013 AJ
yanncheee
Spaceman
 Sep 2013 AJ
yanncheee
I once confessed to my dearest Spaceman, "I'm afraid of being alone."
Because he asked me, why care about what they say? why conform?

Because i'm afraid of being the only one.
Ridiculous, he said.

Oh my dear, beloved Spaceman
The loneliest man in the world
Because you went to space and back again
Because you saw something more
Because no one understands your brilliance

But I am only what I am
and I'm afraid of being the only one
 Sep 2013 AJ
E
character
 Sep 2013 AJ
E
i don’t understand how you can say everyone is equal
say you love and respect all human beings
then turn around and spit at my friend’s feet
i love her
not the way she will love another girl someday
but is it so wrong that a single boy or girl might find a slight piece of
happiness
in the midst of this vat of cruelty we call our world

i don’t understand how you can put on such a mask, so sad about a boy’s suicide
and then laugh about a girl wounding her skin
about a boy crying late at night
my friend wanting to die
is it so unreasonable that they (we) might want an escape from
cold cruel mean torturous unkind despicable malicious hatred
you

i don’t understand how you can believe that skin color determines
character
that because of how my sister was born she is this
because of how my brother was born he is that
because now i have become your puppet
i am whatever you want me to be
whatever i am needed to be

you are not my character
 Sep 2013 AJ
Gossamer
you're so starry eyed,
a galaxy in the sky,
dropping crystals when you cry,
the definition of why.

your skin has a sunny glow,
and I'm searching for your halo.
my darling, don't you know
that you're why the wind blows?

and I see nothing wrong,
with your hair when it gets long
we'd top the charts with our love song;
I just hope you'd sing along

do a three-sixty,
how did you miss me?
and why can't you see,
I'm everything you want me to be?

I'll rough the stormy weather,
and I'll travel to wherever;
just as long as we can be together,
and fall in love until forever.
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