One, two
Just a few words
Any is better than none
The mire I've been wading through
Already got lost
Belligerent ******
Stumbling my way
In creative pain
A lack of sense
No sense of self
Shelved
Steel wool to the lying hand
Bleed free the ink
Taste the sunrise
Again
Seek answers
Buried questions
Beneath elms of green
Rotting corpses lie

The cliches are closing in
I'm running out of space in my compressed chest
No longer able to breathe
I have such a need
Such a ******* need
Yet powerless I stand before the demon's of my own making
Somewhere deep inside, slumbering
Let me wake to find some inspiration, divine
Because this purgatory is eating me alive
This liminal space where my purpose fails me
And I find myself swearing in circles
Sweating profusely
Each beat of my heart bringing me closer
To death as a failure of dreaming

Naked and alone
There's no one calling on the phone
Ain't no parents to come home
And I'm prone to breaking apart
Falling into pieces of self-absorbed angst,
Suicidal depression and apathy
I've got all these words in me... right?
So where have they been?
Won't you come out, my friend?
Tell me all your sins
The struggles within are spiraling
Don't tell me you haven't noticed
There's no one calling on the phone
***** dangles from the beard
It'll settle down
It'll settle.

And I am screaming at nothingness
My throat too raw, it only collects dust
In pools of spittle and blood at my feet
Caved in my trachea with bitter features
These **** poor creatures
Who swallow every word uttered
Rust shut my carotid, jugular and sane
I'm embarrassed of the things I haven't done yet
and I'm ashamed to find myself still wanting
The devil bowed at my feet is my own insecurity
My suicidal ideation and sense of self-worth
Tongue lapping up my disease
They'll forget you while you're here
And worship the fallen idol of your suit-clad corpse
Necrophiles pulling off pieces to ****** within
The stench of rotting flesh stiffens *****
They'll love you once your dead

*******
Myself
Dis-si-pating
The ghosts inside the hearth and the house
Screaming out
Cries for help
Reaching out
Blame
Another time for calling names
They're rushing in
And the cockroaches doth profane
This place inside this eden of my own
Award the akutagawa prize to another oppenheim'
I don't know, I've lost my mind
Death have I become? for seeking glum inside this prize
I've lost time and leads to nothingness to hide in-kind some little ****
And puddles forming most of this there is no way to disguise how
much I've found chasing dreams in the guise of a clown
Dont look for me where I can't can't be found
I'm setting out in empty clouds
And between thighs of lovers cave secrets cave I keep in
and I'm caving in the things I never said, that hollow side of the bed
That you call your own, you call uh-oh, you callous scone
with blueberry edges and
razorblade dough
I'm losing oh no
I'm losing oh no
No no
No more time for butterflies
and no more time for shallow lies
You love me not fist *****
and hollower than this wrist cuffs
Taste me in everything he ever
did to you
But to *****
My head back into the bulb socket in the pocket of a man who never knew where he was going nor began and the pain inside his head nothing less than every scratch you left
Bleedin' through his corneas, your ****** and the horniness
Seldom does a pin get pushed quite so deep
Beneath the birds and extinct bees
But watch and you'll see
The scratches on the walls

I want to ask the things that hurt but I don't want to pain you
I want to show you death, inert, but I couldn't restrain you
I want to give you what your worth, but I don't want to pay you
I wanna watch you swallow girth, fall through a hollow earth, catch cholera from dearth like a twisted ****** birth
and
Watch as I emerge, singing songs I call a dirge, where two or three of us converge, like sprouts of Allegheny spurge that there's no pesticide to purge and it is just a ****** urge that I can't seem to ******* scourge, something known to re-emerge to take my lungs and then submerge
Until
Until the blackness comes
and all is undone.

I want to kiss and take your thigh
Between teeth your flesh I find
And I gaze into your eyes
Just like I stare at your insides
And now religion's hard to find
Show me yours, I'll show you mine
Devour you in time
Every thought that screamed your name sublime
Not another second left to waste
The way I taste your pretty face
And swallow all that's left
I'd follow you until my death
Oh baby, **** me, make me whole.

Sacrifice the unwilling at the foot of your dependence
I'm sick of what I tend to see, all this could end for me
And what would I leave behind?
Besides the pretty corpse and finance woes.
Because my so called legacy seems like **** to me,
I'm not so sure I can keep up with what I want to be,
need to be so much better than myself,
and without some help, how the hell do I get there?
Pen to this page, at least I can sort a bit out
and shout shout ******* shout
without the open mouth....
Memories of misery from the future filter back into my brain
and I can feel all the pain, feel all the pain, feel all the pain feel
all
the
                                                                                                            pain
inside my brain in driving me inside and in ways I can't write I loss sleep at night thinking about a blue face wrapped in ways wrapped in waste wrapped away riiped away riped awy ripppeddddaway...y
                                                no more smiles
                                                      please

What am I and where have I been?
Time is looping once again
and folding back in on itself
it seems to be, or rather to me,
that the spiral theory is proving true again.

I don't know if I'm fully innocent,
or satan-sent or sinner's breath
or whatever the **** I am,
I guess I ain't frankly know ****.

Yet I'm dissecting sections of myself,
metaphorically in this particular case,
and trying to get to the bottom of this...
this medical-spiritual experience that has been
ripping itself forth through my reality
like a ******* hurricane through Galveston.

Perhaps with enough illumination
certain features of the creature called me
will come to light and brighten up my days.

Who's to say?
I'm certainly not.

I will fill you with shame,
And devour the taste in leaves on the roof on your mouth,
the roof of your being
                                       and all your insides
I             lie
   won't
Don't confuse the toilet lickers with the boot lickers
Don/t confuse the pigs with civility
Check under your seat, we're giving away tax burdens and SUVs,
bean bag bruises and shattered teeth

Everything's burning,
waste time on an edit and find yourself locked away by a prison state of grammar nazis.

These places
Lose faces
And shut down the blinds

These places
Lose faces
And lock and the doors

These floors
Abhor
Any trace of what could have been

These floors
Abhor
Any trace of what might have been

Shut down, find no trace of them.

(**** them) (**** them) (**** them)
Relax
The ending comes slowly

Relax
Don't forget to breathe

Their hands
All on me
Emptying my everything

I am becoming you
My first
The prettiest little corpse

Don't forget to breathe
wait WHAT came first//
\See me. bE mE/

a s
      phy
              xiat
                      ing

She holds
Inside
All your little lies
She holds
Inside
All the sins of mankind
Filthy womb
Inside my mind
Filthy tomb
I can't find
Filthy
My way
Filthy
Out of
Filthy
This place
Help
Suffer
Me
Help
Suffer
Me

The page
Grows longer
Every day
The page
Grows longer
In every way

Don't look
They can't see
Don't look
Or you'll find, see
See?
Seee?
Seeeeeeeeeeeeee?e
e?
eeeeeee?

He comes
Inside of me
He comes
The night filled with ecstasy
Then comes
the death of
M
e

Ripping limbs
All of them
Tearing away


Rend
Love
Tearing a hole
Right through

You don't need to know
None of us needs to know
We're held there with our eyes pried open and forced to watch as the end is televised
                                    and
                                            we beg for more
                                                                           like oil thirsty ******
     we
           alll
                  want
                             blood
                                        we
                                              all
                                                   slow
                                                            down
                                                                       to watch
                                                                                       the
                                                                                                 p
                                                                                                 r
                                                                                                 e
                                                                                                 e
                                                                                                 t
                                                                                                 y
                                                         car
                                                          w
                                                           r
                                                           e
                                                           c
                                                           k

How am I supposed to write when I'm content?
When my lungs are full, my heart beating rapidly to her rhythm.
I can't claim I'm a victim of neglect, or a victim nevertheless.
***** earth turns desolate so I live where it's fertile and ain't got to worry about sacrosanct.
If you didn't know me then you might think that I've closed myself off a bit,
You might think that even if ya did.
But honestly, I feel like Bowie retreating to the desert to hide away and let the whims of creativity take the reins without so much ******* interference.
Anyway, I left a message on your machine, sorry you can't hear it.
It said I was going for cigarettes and the rest is just history,
So would you mind mailing these dear john letters to the ****** I've bred?
How many little projects I got running around with legs of their own that I ain't even know?
My inbox keeps filling and I'm barely here.
Too many books to write, like literally, I'm backed up on a deadline and procrastinating in free-verse.
I don't like to rehearse what I do, nor do I really outline or heavily plan.
God exists in the unknown, so I do my best to let the unknown through and getting the **** out it's way.
How many people you meet tuck away fifty books in less than two years, paycheck cashed and disappeared again?
About time I get my name on some more of this ****,
Either that or quit,
And I ain't close to done yet.
Success isn't a ladder you climb, it's a cycle.
Innovate,
Change,
Succeed,
Or get down on your ******* knees and gag of life's ****,
You're choice.

Depths of depravity, you can not take from me
You can not take it nor can you fake it
**** around or get *****, kid.
Such a dog to me, to pet to play;
A kitten fed on ecstasy
Of chemical bliss contracting touch, you see.
Rush through me and take everything
But in these depths of sweet depravity,
We shall be as one.

And I still love each and every one of you.
From the ****** to the harlots, the housewives, single mothers and emo creamsicles.
The scene chicks with the big hair always held a hold on my chest.
Dyed hair, whiskey and cigarettes.
Play another round, let's stay a while and place another bet.
The house is losing at last, so goodbye to all of you.
An **** subsides, the **** of a nation's replaced the pornstars.
I've got horns on from the things I've done to you, for you and with you.
A latina *** is sleeping in my bed and there's a Colombian marching band playing through my head.
There's only so many pikes to fit these holes and hoist my severed visage.
I'm a wizard but not the grand type; more Gandolf the grey, country white boy neurodivergent.
The city's gone now there's a kitten in my bed, with her *** in the air and the smell of **** and *** in the air.
There's an animalistic, cannibalistic streak to the violence between our touches.
I'm a rough **** hungover from a trip down suicide lane again;
At least it's more ideation and less action;
But ain't that my problem these days anyway?
I miss the dyed hair, the tattoos and the things I'mma do to you.
Let's hurry up this solo-death and spill ****** fluids across the canvas again, lover one.

I have a tendency of opening my tendons, see
I tend to write til' tensions take intended words and swallow verse
Inside my person I've been riding hearses with infected nurses
Spitting curses at these ******' governmental oversights
And on these nights, when I can write, and swallow frights
I fall in fights and loose my lights and all my rights
Til' try I might, my stomach turning tight, but where does it go from here?
What do you want to hear? Another I love you?
Another I loathe you until' the blood breaks the surface?
I'm a lodestone for your negativity,
A baby Jesus in a burning nativity scene that screams at the seams when reality bends, breaks and shatters
So you can fall back naked on the bed, with a pen in your hand
And suffer for every finger that ran across the barren land of your ignorance.
I'm not a nice a person, but neither are you
And no baby, I ain't attracted to a **** thing about you
But what else is new?

Blood ******, though blessed be my enemies
I've been doing fine lately, so maybe that's why there's less lines in my mind.
I've been lost imagining fingers on my spine, breath in my ear and your tongue on my lips.
Couldn't give a **** if my anxiety tells me to quit; that's what it said about writing but what keeps these lights on?
I'm a crisis but one that's running out of steam.
Soon I'm going to have to accept that I'm just fine and let this version of myself die.
Not sure why I keep holding on, I guess I kinda like the way the words flow when I let 'em.
But I'm getting older, another decade facing me from across a calendar flip.
Not quite "oh ****, this is it" levels of old but enough to realize I'm not sure what I want to be.
A year ago I wasn't so dead set on building a house and starting a family.
Now I want to be a grandfather with some goats in his yard, a pipe on his lips and too much knowledge to be allowed to live.
I kid, but only in the slightest.
Let my ****** be justified, just let it be far away.
Rather raise a kid and see them grow into their own while I water the garden of my own consciousness.
Grow some skills with lots of tender care and prosper properly in perfection permanently.

My words are a poison, pick them perfectly, preferably with passion and pleasure.
You might just get a treasure.
But find me with your irony, your ivory tower and ignorance and I'll watch as both eyes rot out of your head.
Who did you think was running this show?
God's a hobo with a list of fetishes, vices and curses;
He ain't afraid to use them, bruise them or let them die.
Look into his eyes, do you see a smile or your demise?
I'll let you in a secret, so long as you keep it,
Which won't be hard where you're going.
So listen close, while the hounds of hell nip at your feet,
I'll only say this one, so listen well...
...****, he fell.

Swallow your pride,
Let's go get high
And taste the sky
In each other's eyes.

Swallow plague, out for the holidays,
Holler ways, I'm short on hearing and my ears are bleeding,
Numb, I'm screaming
Quick fix,
Wake up in a subway with stigma on my greedy tongue.
I'm a ***** when the weather comes, a hermit in the winter and your baby's new Mr.
Cheap shot but the blisters on my feet you will meet.
Like an **** at the Bed and Breakfast, I'm gone before dinner.
Nighttime sinner when dusk comes, all love when she comes.
Come come morning split conscious ways to hideaways miles away.
Can't cut what you've never loved, can't split when the heat comes;
No ****** glove, just accountability in dollar amounts from settled hugs.

So she follows me tomorrow, while I'm still escaping today.
I can't wait to say, I hate to say, I told me so.
I'm a naughty disinfect with a numb body from the infection.
A walking lesson, contradiction, legion of lesions,
I'm quietly lying with my sin, unsure where I stand within.
Watch my degradation, how my morals decay and I waste away.
If I knew what I wanted I wouldn't be haunted, just lonely.
But I'm lonely anyway, stuck in this Victorian cage;
The maiden is metallic and I'm stuck within.

I am the definition of grasping, in a Buddhist sense
A rotten mouth thirsty for another sip,
I imagine a future we're living in
Why do I always expect you will follow?
Swallow my pride, swallow my seed, swallow my misery then swallow me.
I'm swollen inside, can't you see?
The pieces that depart from me.

I would give my everything,
For your nothing.
Inside, I already have.
Now take everything,
And move along.
This is just another sorry, sad song.

And you will crawl,
on broken glass, should I ask.
But what does that say?
Is bleeding really how you get your way?

Maybe I'm missing something here
But there ain't all that much to see
So I doubt it.

Hands clawing my throat,
Though there ain't no lies.
Just apathy, dopamine,
and a lack of oxytocin.

We're living circular cycles,
**** near cyclical;
But we're living in a time
That's either linear or spiral.

I know a thing or two about what's eating me,
But I'm a coward, a ******* and a weak poet.
Earn a living with my words, though,
So I'll take what I can get.

I haven't bit the hand that feeds often enough,
Come on baby, you know they like it rough,
They've been ******* us, sure enough.

Now problem number two,
I'll let you doubt which is which,
Had to give you the slip,
Then you pull me right back in.

Flip again and now I'm teleporting in,
Every ******* drop of your roller coaster eyes;
They're eating me alive,
And I'd surmise,
That my stomach can only hold on so long
Before it bursts and I'm hurling up butterflies
Into yellow skies,
My demise was written on your hips.

It's not my intention to bring pain everywhere I go
Just how I've lived; so, baby, it's all I know


With a hand wrapped around my throat,
And another in my lap,
I'm death-defying,
******' flying,
Ready to crash.
Land another job,
But it doesn't get rid of me.
Ain't nothing that does,
Is that stupidity or an epiphany?


Lord knows I'm a liar.
I got my downswings but this life ain't so bad,
After all, it's all I've had
I only wish I could have spent it better,
cradling your head in my lap
and running my hands through your hair.

There's people I need to cut from me,
Bleeding red until I'm free,
like ribbons in the wind.

Finger **** my brain but not with your pain
I got my own and it’s only taken it this long to grow
Accustomed to the ebbs and flows of my daily woes
Black out stress and wake up an egotist that lost his ***** to capitalism’s fist.
**** a society that’s too blind to see the lie it breeds between its blackened teeth.
I’ve been a poet as long as I could know it but no one listened and I couldn’t find an *** to start kissing.
So here I am, watching my career build so I can one day too be a black and blue has been.
I’ve been on a suicide binge once or twice so I can tell you to get high if you’re gripping the knife, even if I’d prefer you wouldn’t but since you’re not gonna listen to me I’ll make my own exit.
Looking at how long it took me to get where I am, it’s a wonder I didn’t stop; but I got so used to tripping up hill, you can find me walking on my hands.
Or walking backwards, walking into walls, walking into you, this reality just ain’t as colorful, sorry, really.
Next time you’re burning a bridge maybe back away instead and see if it rots and festers that way the nerves are dead and dog has a new chew toy.
Or maybe just do whatever the **** is you, none of this ever mattered to begin with.

I have no more words left
Maybe I never did
And every word I've written thusly
Is all equal to ****

I am lost and screaming
Always alone
A helluva catch
That's left to die on the boat

I see no reason
No answers, no friends
No way to keep it civil
And just hold hands in the end

I am a *******
Shaken, not born
A tube TV,
And portable source of dopamine

If I'm crying
You'll never know
I couldn't trust you enough
To let the cracks be shown

I hate reality
Only that ain't true
I love the **** around me
And the flowers in bloom

But I'm in a cave
A closet, a cage
Some place to trap ambition
Where serenity fades

My words are ugly
You think I ain't know?
But they're all I have to love you,
So why not just leave 'em alone

I'm all lies and bad etiquette
Don't like myself but then again who's head am I in?
Mine or yours?
Mine or my fantasy?
Mine or thine's enemy?
I'm a child of hate, spite and fury...
'cept that's a lie, my mom's an angel and my dad's an influence.
I made myself into whatever the **** I am, so I can't point the blame at them.
But what am I?
I feel like a success and I got the track record to ******* prove it.
But this other part screams I'm nothing.
Isn't nothing all we are?
What makes a man human?
****, what makes a man a man?
We're finally waking up to the idea that this was all a costume party,
Frankly it's about ******* time.
I don't care if you're buddhist, muslim, christian or any other domain,
I'm sick of watching my friends hurt.
It's just another thing I can't control and I'm sick to dying with all this ******* lying.
Maybe one day I'll wake up and forget my name and the simulation will come crashing down.
But since  I think I'm in it, I'd kinda like to win it but without all this ******* regret.

But honestly, I'm as two-faced as they come.
Only it's typically me I'm lying to.
Lately I feel like that's growing
The cracks are showing,
Thank god for comedy, poetry and metaphysical mutilation.
Transgress and live free,
Escape spiritual poverty.

I'm screaming in seconds like transparent orbs
The words of intoxication blend my speech
Until my mind is barely making sense
Of the reality I've lost touch with.

I question myself and my everything
And every single movement like a weather vane
Capturing the winds of my attention
To lesson my mentions and increase the tensions.

I ain't so sure about myself as I once was,
Maybe it's all of the drugs or the lack thereof.

Hate to be a bore but I'm looking to score,
But I ain't sure if we're playing hockey, tennis or soccer.
Never suffer a witch or burn a martyr,
Especially when they're the supplier.

Ain't much of a liar but then I ain't ever been much for the truth neither.
I'm teething and biting the ***** of this so called life and I drink what I like, no matter the color.

Deep down and somewhere under, I shudder at the thought of what could be if I would stop speaking in metaphors and open up my energy in a direct application.
But since that's just a fantastic, too apt destination, I might as well shut my ******* mouth and finish this poem.

But I never know when to quit,
So last verse is dedicated to you...
Whatever the ******* are.

I got a head so big no halo fits me,
Don't **** with, ****, fight, or kiss me
I've got **** for breath, yeah I'm smoking whiskey
And baby's breath sweetly sings my medley.

I'm torn up and exacerbated,
Exhausted, but hey, I just masturbated,
So come quick, and see the Eden I painted
Before the pigs leave it ******' tainted.

I'm angry, I'm scared, I'm happy, I'm feared;
I'm everything you could want to be, wrapped up in a blanket weaved from my own neurosis.

I want to see your pretty face all black and blue,
Maybe a dash of red or two;
This part of me
It hates you
                     but what else is new?

Don't hesitate when the gang **** gets to you,
The pigs go marching two-by-two
Crushing freedom under the boot-
Licker's salivating watch.

Write words, curse and chase the hearse
Swerve, first, into oncoming traffic
And see which way my head goes when it hits the pavement.
Maybe that's why I got a bike instead of car,
Har-de-har-har.
I'm ****** up but lately it's just the chemicals in my head,
Not really any fresh ****.
I don't know if that's refreshing, or just ******* deafening,
But I'm really doing better than ever before,
Yet some things never change and I still feel like a *****.
Nevermore, the show must go on,
So how about a pyrotechnic display.
We'll just call it an accident when my career burns to the ground.
But *******, it's really hard to focus lately and not sure I even want to.
Do I want you?
Do I want to...
Hide away in some getaway and get on the way to a family and show and tell what knowledge fell into my lap,
maybe even a goat or two and a world of ******* beauty.
Or maybe I'll stay left askew, questioning you and tearing everything you love asunder, drowning it under entitlement and **** fits and another hit - literal and figurative.
But that really doesn't feel like me, so this isn't really a coin flip, a dichotomy or anything but a fantasy.
Though that's all words ever really are; from being hit with a car to smoking joints under sparkling stars.
Whether figurative or literal, they only exist in your head.
So take them to bed, wake up and seek something physical and animal,
While you're at it smoke a bowl or two,
We'll cut and rip and slaughter, too,
Only in the games we bother to,
Then go and make some art and *****,
Learn to pick apart our problems, too
And in the end, open hearts;
through, through.

I want to love you but your killing yourself
Ain't no screaming for help
Because you taught yourself its okay
But when the windshield cracks
And the glass cuts your neck
Are they really the kisses you wanna get?

Baby I'm wet
And I'm tired of slipping in your blood,
Screaming why at the sky
Pulling out my hair
And losing another could've been, should've been
Isn't.

Make pretend that you're happy
And lose some friends in the process
Losses ain't so hard to take
When you're brains dying
So convince yourself your flying
While you crash land.

What is this?
Am I mad, do tell?
For letting me
Drag me straight through hell.

What is this?
A pile of *******?
Another trip inside my head
Where devils reside and satyrs grin?

There's cuts under the collar
Another superlative grin again
The summoning of dividends
And whiskey breath that reeks of gin
Do pass a kiss and face the chin
Down the gallows sweet caress, le fin.

Rumble *****, the devil's in
Will whip me through the flesh again
And be this so, on this here night
He'll take my life, he'll **** my wife.

The words are seldom quite so strong
But the bottle helps to carry on
As I face my fate, what I've become.

I can't slip out of the noose around my neck
You better check to see if I'm still wallowing before you come hollering
I ain't got nothing but bad dreams and she screams in technicolor verses
The curses that nip at my feet have taken me to a place where even the **** of my innocence seems sacred
Face it
We lost the bet and are both running naked and we're complacent in the lies being spread
The words never said
And the bottom of the bottle's been the only thing we've ever known
I've lost control, ready to swallow any ****** 'cept the rope's too tight and only the first hit was free
Come on and walk with me into the sea until the waves cover our heads and the voices of the dead are the only sounds in the deep
I ain't got enough sleep, toss and turn like forefathers
Dig a shallow grave for the lie of my creativity
I'm stealing baby Jesus from the nativity so he can save my soul but even he can see it ain't nothing but a hole
I've lost control and my limbs are still shaking
If this was a suicide note, would it make a difference?
Bow before my diffidence, a defier of logic that fires illogical neurons to connect disparate pieces of myself with the last breath to leave my chest
Even I'm sick of my own ****

We're burning each other on the roofs of our mouths
Too tired to shout,
I've been rewired and reprogrammed to chase dreams
And aim for the jugular when I teeth, speak or ****
But I got this thorn in my side in the shape of an angel,
Me, a sinner, never-ending self-inflationist with an ego problem and too much confidence for his wellbeing.
I'm hard of hearing when we're speaking ******* but your body screams louder than words,
though it's mostly verbs, if you catch my drift.
I'm pretty sick but not like coughing out my chest and stabbing a toddler for a pack of toilet paper
More like my head doesn't fit and all of the **** it's spewing seems imaginary
Don't let me get carried away here, I had a point I was trying to make
But saying I love you doesn't come easily to me in the case of my demons
They're breathing, skin and blood and bone and ringing phones with nobody home
You know I should be working but it's all that I do so lets take a moment with these words
And let them trace over your skin like fingernails and gentle tongues
Or **** it, we can get lost in the blood
Two animals clawing away any trace of their humanity
Flesh meets spirit, we let the world slip away
Into another hazy maze
With emotional highs and lows, though much more stable
We upgraded from that basic cable drama ****

Your beauty hangs rotten like succulent petals that taunt the innocents demise
That's a lie, there ain't no innocence behind my eyes
And baby, I tried, but you got too many faces to hide in high tides
If I could love you any less don't you think I would have?
Don't you think I would've cut this beating heart from my chest and swallow my last breath with a cyanide chase?
These pills I take are laced with regrets that taste like you and leave me black and blue on the inside
All's fair in love and war so I made myself a ***** and fight battles in my core
I've been plucking 'she-loves-me-not' petals from a foxglove that's left me vomiting
I packed a box love so I can consume myself for lunch like the ouroboros eating its own hair
The fare's fair since I got dollar signs for eyes and my lack of spine nets me a discount.
I hope some day I'm credited for your self discovery, it'd be love-a-ly to be recognized as the ******* I've always been
I've slept with sin but her lipstick burns my tongue when we touch, don't even get me started on our *****.
If the world's a stage than I'm a discounted actor still waiting for his big break while tripping over his shoes
One too many tears have been shed for what might've been but we haven't done enough about what is
Can't help but wonder is his kiss tastes like blood or if that's just the poison talking
I'm a walking coffin with ether in his lungs and an ego no halo fits
Better off avoiding the saints since I'm sick of their stories and the gory details of my afterbirth existence bores them
Got two pistons pumping sludge through my brain like novocaine for the thoughts of my own self worth
If anything, I'm said one too many words a thousand times over again and I've been misheard and falsely incriminated for my bad grammar
I stutter and I stammer when I think of you, until I'm nothing more than a broken *******
Guess we're back to the ***** imagery again, not that either of us are surprised
I've always been a bit of a *****, but that was the post you'd chosen to hitch yourself to
Or at least it was once, now its just rotted wood and termites head banging to classic tunes

I feel empty and alone
Maybe that's the way it should be
With only myself left
To watch over me
I don't know what's left to say
I've loved you every single day
But love and life
Ain't got a whole lot to do with me
So I write another book
Take another job
Lose my ******* self
In the workahol
Another sleepless night
Another deadline to write
I'm killing myself
In the only way that people praise
Suicide isn't quick
Now it takes forty years
Eleven left to go, I guess

I set myself on fire like I’m Richard Pryor
I am getting higher than my love desires
I am not a liar, only tired, uninspired and rewired
I am firing syllables like bullets,
So the fullest of you can burst black and blue
What should I do, I turn into you
Subscribe to the pain, don’t worry it’s peer reviewed
Sniffing animal glue, becoming the wandering jew
And covering the hotel room with my residue
Hitherto you’ll grow into your interview
Live up to to your retinue
Sever the connective tissue between your issues
And taste the powdery mildew that’s infected us.
Trust issues don’t interest me, plus
If I’m honest, thus, I’m used to the treasonous
Since they’ve already pushed me under the bus
And left with too many topics to discuss
I’m bleeding pus on these pages
and I kinda like the way they resemble you.

I drank away the stars from the sky
Embraced the the absence of light
Ate the sun at rise
Lost the weight of the world
The full moon held my hand
When the cataclysm began
Torn asunder as oceans rose
To take from land our precious homes
Frozen ice to be our tombs
The life has stilled inside her womb
Silence kills where bullets fail
Incisions made to terrify
No wind left for us to dry
We've braced ourselves the best we could
To walk amongst the lot we've doomed
Our selfish ways to feed our need

I’m slicing my arm open to stick these bullets inside
So I’ll have ammunition when I look into your eyes
I need help getting over this hill of my own making
I’m quaking in my boots with every compliment your taking
Inject the ****** in my blood, it’s never never enough
Each smile like an ****** cloud handcuff
My hands and feet are tied together,
So I haven’t been able to weather this chase
My heart’s beating out my chest, losing the race
If I could slip this noose and escape in you
The love in my chest might finally ignite the spark
All that’s needed as the bullets rip me apart.

Everything I hear reminds me of you
And I kinda like the way you're riding my mind
Like you crawled behind both of my eyes
And made your home inside of my spine
I only wish you could hear it from my view
Every syllable is you, through and through
And the beauty is deafening.

Time and space both standing in place
I think I would like to hide there a while
If I may.

My thoughts are spiraling like Lateralus was playing again
I aim to win, only I'm not sure if I'm shooting straight
I got an ego like you've never seen,
only I've been suppressing it so long I finally earned my sir-name.
I think that means I can now complain about how everything is aflame in this war game between our pen names.
Or is that pet names?
You've got a piece of me that I didn't know I had given up
and I'm scared to death of how simple it is to crush
my very existence in the palm of your hand.
I demand a trial by keyboard, so the warlords I've adored can finally see my lack of spinal cord and my criminal record.
Death dances disco around me tonight,
as everything burns around me tonight,
and I just don't want to be around me tonight,
so why do you?

I pulled so ******* these strings
that I tripped and became the martyr.
Tangled up in thoughts of you
and the esoteric things you do
inside my mind are electric.
You're fire, don't ever forget it.
I'm popping another Ritalin
with a caffeinated chase
because I have too many words to write
when all I want to do
is pen another verse
for you to carry inside your purse.
Laying in the back of a hearse
I can't help but wonder if I'm cursed,
stuck in a bubble ready to burst
but what will come first?
Death or words in my heart?

I'm destabilized
and the need to reinvent myself
every night
is taking a toll.
I'm more than a little bit lost
and I would give anything
for a soft breast to rest my head
and call home.
I'm a crisis
all calm and cool
dressed like your dad after school,
all good intentions
bad etiquette.
Cronenberg on the inside,
a walking wurm when reversed
like a Yuzna flick
with better acting
but just as much soft-core ****.
My mind and soul
are bigger than this room
but its walls seem so familiar
as they suffocate me
until I am nothing more
than the sound of a keyboard.
Get with me
and I'll **** you dry
until I'm bored of your very existence.
Just witness my actions
and tell me I'm not a *****,
a liar, or the enemy of good intention.
These verses are destablized
as evident from their lack of target,
since already there's been like four of you.
Crawling on your knees,
whispering please,
we're all tied tongues
and bitten lips.
Baby, life's got a lisp
and he's been rocking it,
paying out of pocket
while stacking the deck
against us.
Cohesion is a bore,
a sloppy *****,
only functioning to keep us
whole.
Let go
of your ego
and see what you become
when there's no more limits
just live it,
a futile existence
isn't even close to the limit,
so don't you ever quit on me,
claim life is a disease,
when the only thing
that's holding you back
is staring in the mirror.

The drugs hit
And for a moment the pain seems to dissipate
We're getting lit
Because it beats bothering to communicate
We're together now
But further away than we've ever been
I want out
But being stuck here is my only sin
You best pretend
That the love in your heart still reaches me
I best pretend
That I'm young, dumb and still innocent
Should I leave?
Or is that a recipe to keep you haunting me?
Should I stay?
Or am I sabotaging my joviality?
Who are we?
But carcasses for the stepping stone
Can't we see?
Being together doesn't mean we're not still alone.

Who am I?
Who are you?
Does anyone even know these days?
Am I my past, my present, or my future?
Are you a lover, a liar, or a suture?
We're ripping reality to shreds
and the chemicals in our heads
are a helluva rush, love,
wouldn't you say?
I've said a lot of words in my life
and they just keep coming,
a little too fast.
Shake that ***, let loose and have fun.
Ain't no reason for both of us to sit around ******,
underachieving low goals.
When you're ready for more,
you can ride my shoulders
and catch the stars.
We'll take them home
and bottle them in a see through jar.
I'm a little too far,
or maybe just a little too far gone,
but I've been watching from the sidelines.
I wonder if you can hear me cheering,
my fists in the air,
blaring my support.
I want nothing more than for you to be happy,
even if that means I have to disappear.
I'll pour the concrete myself while you drive to the shore.

I'm hurting myself a syllable at a time
A memory that unwinds,
But a moment in time
And maybe this is nothing
Maybe nothing is everything, all that'll be, all that screams
At me
But I don't know anymore what I believe, what I need, what I see
I'm gaslighting myself on fire, the flames growing ever higher
Holy matrimony burning this church, I'm a liar
A funeral pyre
And all I desire
A voice on the end of the line, a second in time, to make the clock unwind.
I'm a danger to myself, the worst enemy of my health
But I keep on pushing forward into the unknown,
Keep on pushing further away from you
And everything that might have been
if I had only watched my mouth.
Lies crept out between a harlot's lips
and I drank them like a sweet wine.
I'm still trying to recover everything I've ever been
But too much of it was tied to you.
And it's only now, as I pick the scab, that I see how ******* broken this all has left me.
You're laying this to rest,
While I'm laying it to waste
Away,
Forever away,
Until I close my eyes again
And trace the lines of your smile
The pitch of your laugh, your cadence and grace.
Baby, I'm an ***.
There's so much I can only say in these lines
And I doubt you'll ever actually read 'em.
Maybe that's best, I don't know, but it's all that I've got.
I've been writing the same poem for fifteen years
So yeah, I already know,
Baby, I'm a hack.

Reality slits wrists faster than lovers can kiss
I'm bending over backwards to spray out my last words
Everything I see, reminds me of her but I'm glad I still care
It's better than the reality I'm living, pitch shifting my dreams for another paycheck
I want to run away from my all my responsibilities, out for cigarettes like daddy did.
Sorry kids, I regret to inform you that I'm not bitter or remorseful
Just an *******

Here I am, barely awake and half starved
I'm exhausted of being exhausted
But closing my eyes and you're all I see
Each movement and melody
It's an exhaustive list of that which is killing me
Your hands, flat, running down the leg of your jeans
Each ******' smile pristine
I'll thank god to let me cherish this memory
And your eyes ... so alive
I'm being pulled every which way but all I want to do
Is witness you
Words come to mind like divine, sublime, fine saccharine
But in my silence I'm columbine inside
Walking a fine line between destitute pursuit and abused lewd
My insides ache for what goes on behind closed doors
Baby, I'm a ***** but I've always been more, always been yours
Always been always was
But always ain't nearly long enough these days
I've got it bad, each line I hear reminds me of you
Reminds me I'm *******
I've got a world of pain ahead of me here and I'm steering towards the median each time I close my eyes.
I don't know if you know what you do or if your words are as carefully chosen as mine.
If you do, then I guess I'm the mouse finally bleeding dry this time.

I'm lost inside my mind and this is all still happening
I can't see the path I wave, that traffic's always blinding me
But something lost in time still screams
Both on our knees, the bludgeoning
Maybe floods coming rising in
Like neurotransmitter kisses.
My wishes still far from death,
Contentment feels like a ***** with whisky breath
I'm pissy whipped and that ain't auto-correct
Go ahead, take a guess
But what you think is not relevant
Just evident
And written across your frame
And the silences we neglect.

Scared of the scared grace of your stare
I would dare, but how does one admit they care?
I'm prone to over think things, though you paint me a blank
So the gun you hold to my heart never kills.
But it does make me hesitate.
Too late, and getting older everyday,
Maybe this is a crisis,
Like the way we felt screaming out lungs out.
There's a lot I never forgot but I lack the words to share,
But it's always been there, the face and the hair.
I'm trying to be a better person each day,
But I'm a martyr with a devil on his shoulder looking for a thrill.
If looks could **** then you'd be a massacre.
My sacrament has always been la petite mort,
and the words said between.
I've managed a poem with out mentioning flame,
so maybe I'm okay,
Oh wait...

I am a void that you can't fill
So just avoid me like a ****
But remember that where your breath dwells
I'm there as well
Between the beats of your heart,
the stops and the starts
Hear me whispering your name in the dark
Like the devil on your shoulder
Ain't no angel givin' orders
I'll be the face that you see
While he's got you on your knees
Don't worry baby,
Your secret was never safe with me.

Too many words, too many doubts
And they keep pouring out my mouth
All I have are the things I say
And these, too, will fade away
Like a sigh on the breeze
Or you screamin' on your knees
The memories aren't to be trusted
They're rusted and falling apart
My heart grows two sizes too big
I kid.
Maybe we are nothing
Already all that we're meant to be
Or maybe we're everything
But just too ******' blind to see
I've been experimenting lately with giving up
But I just can't seem to master the skill
I'm holding onto hell
And I'm loving every second
I feel alive, electric, slidin' through your insides
If this fixation is only in my mind
Then I'll pretend it isn't
And bury alive
All evidence to the contrary
It's a hari-kari type of existence
Pistons churn my stomach to mush
Quicker than butterfly nets capture beauty

My whole body shivers and shakes
with every word left unspoken.
And I don't know if this fire is because I'm broken,
but I desire the funeral pyre and a 21 gun salute.
It's kinda cute, isn't it?
This pain I put me through;
or maybe it's you?
But should that be subject or object?
I guess the truth is I object the coming car wreck on the horizon.
But I haven't slowed down, so what's that saying now?
I'll only have myself to blame
but it's worth the pain
for even another minute
or a second smile.
I can't help what I feel
or the quantity of it.
I just want you to know that I ******' hate it
and love it.
So when your lips slit my wrists
my last wish is that you dug it.