A meeting taking place
the head screams
we need order
a dozen or so nod in agreement
others howl in disapproval
in the end though
some thing
will be regretted
because you can't win them all
no matter how much it hurts

more screaming
more rage
more yelling

now would be when I should insert a sigh
I guess
but what's the point?

sigh

just another meeting
in my mind's conference room

shock
anger
regret
guilt
pain
sorrow
happiness
peace
dark

*good bye see you on the morrow

What if I spoke my mind?
What if I just let it all out?
Would it make me feel better
Or worse
Worrying that your lips ain't as tight as you claim

What if I had never been hurt
What if my heart hadn't been so dumb
So much
Maybe I'd be stronger

What if when you ask what I want to be
I told the truth
Not the regular bull
Would you look at me oddly
Or the same

What if my sisters never grew so far from me
What if that knife never hit my back
Would I be happy

What if I learned to love
On the outside
Instead than on the inside
Think I'd be any less messed up?

What if I spoke my mind?
Would you ever understand my way of thinking?

What if I stopped pushing people away
What if I tore down my wall?

What if I said my mind?
What if I gave you a map to my heart?
Would you make it?
Probably not
Given I'd change the path before you could take five steps.

Boxed in
I stare around the cell that holds me
my beating heart quickens
every moment I spend here
locked inside my cell

Sunlight streams through the bared window
I remember how you looked through it
I rise to my feet sighing heavily
remembering how I came to my senses
wishing that I hadn't

I'm still rebuilding
from your invasion
I halfway wish
I'd let you break my heart
instead of me cutting ties
before I got hurt

I'm not lazy
when it comes to my cell
I cover every crack
and continue to search for another
yet I feel I'm still missing some

Every stone
Every brick
Every crack
has a past
a reason
some are so old
I have forgotten their meaning

I plaster the cracks and holes
still left from you
for some reason my walls are still tumbling
more so when I think of you

I haven't had anyone damage my wall
this much
ever
in all the time
it's stood strong
but its crumbling
at the slightest glance from you
and I fear
the end of my cell
might be near

The hawk can't see
The hawk flies-
                 through the raging storm
Her golden brown feathers-
                 poetry in motion
Her status is the highest-
                 top of the food chain
Eye sight sharper than mine-
                 yet even she can't see-
.                               the words in your brain

Oh god,
tell me,
if thou is truly real,
is love just another internal hell?

oh devil,
tell me,
if thou is also indeed real,
is love just another paradisiacal reel

I sat in my bed to hear.
we wrote a letter in the sand.
Someone was quoted,
I was told he calculated life.
small girl
large spider
a house traveled.
Argument unraveled,
at dawn
at the red light
equals
hair on our heads

Dear mother,
did you know?
do not sit on the edge of the open moon roof
don't ever say
"not by the quiet running river"

Forty years ago i examined
the old wooded basin

a life gone away

in love with this bus

keep an eye on that boy
I can't wait to be free
I don't really mind

i hope Friday dances
I played ninja with the boys til i fell
i used to fake what a crow crowed
"if your mind had been larger"
I'm not me
in some places
in the diner
it wasn't so

at sunset
leave the car
light up the yard

may i explain the context
people are a mystery
my sister
my friend
my hundred-year-old neighbor told me:
my older days will be like no other
and i speak a language so foreign
that my uncle must come from India
    
no cats
run to me
even when i plead

always walking
in a land of wind

say "thanks"
poke shovels in our grave

she sits in the living room
trying to show

pack the puppet
sitting, chasing
begin at the center
won't help

land waits for rain
little girl
the bakery
they said
a truck heaped with newspaper
was born wrong.