i am so comforted by
the smell of cigarettes' and sage
even though they make me cough and i would never smoke
their breath makes me warm
especially when accompanied by tapestries
and unwashed sheets
its like the air is thick with longing to get better
its like the air its thick with a regretful past
and I love it
burning
burning, a home with the people who feel comfort in the slow cremation of their bodies
its beautiful and sad and elegant and heavy and
i hope that you have the motivation to wash your sheets sometime soon but
if you don't, know that i dont mind :)

drape me
onto the table use me to wipe your crumbs stuff your face i
am only skin
(I am) your playdo (you are) my creator my beginning but most importantly
my end
put me through the wash nine times this week still cant remove the stain
youputitthereyouputitthere; why are you mad at me for remembering
kids sit around me like im a ******* disney princess
i can be that for the kids because i have the empathy you have always lacked
and i know what it feels like to sit in your little futon on the floor as your eyes well up with the salty sea because I don't know when I''ll ever be the same as I was or if I'll ever be again.
bite into me like i'm dessert spit me out like i'm sour milk
dishwasher oven
i'm clinging to myself
i am the tablecloth
unnoticed but appreciated when its time to wipe off the ****** up lies your mom told you about yourself and i will happily comply

breathing through my skin
pores open close oxygen suffocating my hide
lungs trapped under water head above breathing drowning into skin
sin
hair is falling now completely dry out of my head pulling pulling
gone
why is euphoria only achieved in depressive hallucinations
joking abt chronic illness because I know the chronic cant catch me
1-800-273-8255
times up
your limit has expired
you have been disconnected
please text again to talk to another employee
fingers frozen
the next 36 hours?
well
maybe

melanie martinez
is medicine
for a broken sense of shallowness.

I just want
to capture moments in bottles
and wrap them around my shoulders
like the unneven scarves I made when I was se7en
and the only thing uneven were them
and not my teeth eyes grades sexuality perception
instead i want your sweatshirt
even though im not in love with you
but you think i am.
and thats what matters.

seep through your skin like an ocean
kitchen knives are so dangerous
so shielded from pain
at the hospital
yet agony was
all around me
and I know that *** and drugs
probably aren't my best option,
but its so ******* appealing
to look at myself objectively
like i am only meant for consumption
and not for care
lacking is
improvement at this point.