my love, listen to me,
can you hear my silent agony?
my heart and soul, listen to it,
can you hear my very world go down to ****?
my soulmate, listen to it hard,
cant you hear my heart breaking into shards?
my companion, listen to the sound of my voice,
cant you hear the chaotic noise?
my lover, listen to my heart,
can you hear the choking back of tears?
my dear, listen to it beat,
can you hear the endurance it takes to stand back on my own feet?
my sweet, listen to it,
can you hear the abyss-like pit within it?
mi amor, listen to me,
can you hear the passing of time around me?
my honey, listen to my mind,
can you hear the answer that i can never seem to find?
my pumpkin, listen to that sound,
can you hear the solution i have found?
my biscuit, listen to me,
can you hear the sound of me leaving?
love, listen,
this is the end.

lovely bones scattered on the floor,
beautifully red and intersecting all over the door.
lovely bones ran clean with no scrapes from the knife,
the very knife that took their life.
lovely bones, so beautiful, so pretty.
more beautiful than their blood that tasted ever so sweet.
lovely bones decorated the floor so beautifully and gave it the beauty of death,
not caring that i took their owners breath.
my beautiful bones, my lovely bones,
smooth and heavy as beautiful stones.
my lovely bones, i stroke your skulls,
your blank inexpressive expression tells it all.
i love your beautiful ribs and spine,
knowing that they are now mine.
but my favorite of all time is the arm and leg bones,
i love that bone.
its beautiful and long with a unique characteristic.
its beauty is just so majestic!
my beautiful lovely bones, i adore you!
i laugh wickedly as i fondled you.
my lovely bones, so beautiful,
only getting you was a task i must fulfill.
come to me, my fantasy as beautiful as dazzling stones,
my angelic, lovely bones.

my love i know its true,
the only person i need is you.
i always thought that this was a dream,
you make me wanna scream.

ooh please love me,
we can be together for all eternity.
ooh please hold me,
let me fall into a peaceful sleep.

i love you with all my soul,
it was my heart that you stole.
i always thought that love was unnecessary,
this obsession has turned into something scary

ooh please love me,
we can be together for all eternity.
ooh please hold me,
let me fall into a peaceful sleep

i never knew i could feel,
never knew you could melt my heart of steel.
i never thought that you would see me,
never thought you would set me free.
now every time i make a wish, i have one in my mind,
i wish that you would forever be mine!

ooh please love me,
we can be together for all eternity.
ooh please hold me,
let me fall into a peaceful sleep

Love me like no other,
Like you don't want another.
Love me like you want me,
Keep me in your cage and never let me free.
Love me like you care,
Like no one else can compare.
Love me like you cherish me,
I'll be all that you want me to be.
Love me like no one else,
Where everyone can tell.
Love me like your interests,
I'll give you my best.
Love me like there's no one else important in life,
I'll claim you as mine.
Love me right,
Don't make me toss and turn at night.
Love me right honey,
Make my heart beat like I've been running.
Love me right,
You'll become the important person in my life.
Love me right,
Like I love you with all of my life.

**** feeling beautiful from one person. **** feeling beauty from the presence of a person. Ladies and gentlemen, go love yourself. Don't depend on a stupid other being to love you. Want to know why? Because that supposed person that makes you feel beautiful can ******* tear down your walls and creep into your heart. That ****** will call you beautiful, they will make you feel so good about yourself and then they will ******* take it away from you. One minute you're beautiful and the next, you feel so ******* ugly because they put you there. They had some much power over you and they used it to hurt you. Don't go for someone who makes you feel beautiful. Don't give them that ******* power over you. It only takes a stupid action and word to destroy all the progress that you made for your self esteem. Don't depend on someone to make you feel beautiful, you ******* are! You're beautiful and just amazing. Love yourself. Because there are people who ******* want to hurt you for being amazing.

it is 11:00, you're gentle smile lit up my world.
it is 11:10, you were always a sweet girl.
it is 11:20, you were always so shy.
it is 11:30, you looked so peaceful as you looked up at the night sky.
it is 11:40, you looked so beautiful with your soft, perfumed hair and soft, silk like skin.
it is 11:45, you looked so lovely, i cant even find the right words to begin.
it is 11:50, the ever present glow in your eyes is starting to fade,
was i too late?
it is 11:55, your beautiful lips start to soften, your legs started to grow weak as i held you in my arms.
it is 11:59, i can feel the delicate decrease in your heart.
it is 12:00, midnight, the time you died so peacefully in my embrace.
it is still midnight, the time i died with you, still holding you tightly, leaving no space.
it was midnight that two lovers died together,
living with the other in the afterlife forever.

You scream at me,
So rude, so angry.
You tell me to do this and that,
Even you insult me and call me worthless and fat.
You were supposed to be my role model and guide me to the right way.
You're the reason why I'm this way.
I tried to help you,
Tried to cheer you up when you're blue.
However I ended up getting in your line of fire,
You were the biggest of liars.
I had to learn how to do everything by myself,
I still don't know how to take care of myself.
I hate how you side with my brothers when they are wrong,
I wish I wasn't always strong.
I wish I could let myself be me,
I wish that you would see.
You say I'm uncreative, you doubted me.
You made me feel like a freak.
I would be so excited of my accomplishments,
But you treated them like burdens.
You are like the devil,
My freedom is always part of the deal.
I hate how I had to clean the house in order to be free.
It only gets ***** again from my family.
Yet when it was dad, I had to submit,
My freedom was forfeit.
So many dates cancelled because of him,
It jeapordized my relationship.
You were my mom,
You didn't protect me at all.
You were more likely to throw me under the bus to save your skin.
You suffered because of him.
Yet despite it all,
You're still my mom.

what is a mother?
is she a caretaker and lover?
or is she cruel and uncaring?
why do you not care about me mommy?
what kind of mom are you to put your husband in front of your kids?
being born was not something we purposely did.
why do you hate us?
why do you put that evil person in front of us?
mommy why do you hate me?
why is making me carry the burden is something that you cant see?
why do you blame me?
why am i the hated one in the family?
was it because i was never meant to be born?
why is it only me that you scorn?
why can the youngest of us get away with everything?
why is it me that gets blamed for his misbehaving?
why don't you love me mommy?
why do you hate me mommy?
what is a mother?
are they supposed to judge and treat their children like a bother?
one day, you'll see mother, you wicked witch and oppressor
for i wont be like you, a monster.
i will show my children love
and i wont let them suffer what i have suffered with your lies and fake love
i will be better than you and do everything a mother is supposed to do,
i wont end up like a mother like you.

There's music in my soul,
Only you can make it whole.
Your saxophone calloused fingers,
Tap me inside and out until I sing.
Oh baby, I can feel the notes threatening to pierce me,
Never have I felt so free.
Place your lips upon me like your saxophone,
I can feel it in my soul.
You love is so sweet,
I can feel you play me into a melody.
Hold me like your saxophone,
Hold me that close.
Even when we're fighting,
We make perfect harmony.
Move your fingers on me,
Play me.
Move me to your music, my love,
Take me to all the notes below and above.
You have my love, saxophone player,
You're the only one that can take me there.
Use your music on my soul,
And play me like your saxophone.

There she stood playing a melody,
Her fingers positioned and ready.
She's such a tease as she trilled her passionate notes,
Playing songs that someone else wrote.
Her flute gleaming in the spotlight,
I love the way her lips were positioned on that pipe.
Her eyes sparkled as she ran through scales with such ease,
Her melody still haunts my dreams.
The way she blew steady air into her flute was ******,
And she continued to play notes that were chaotic.
Her fingers danced with passion over the keys,
Making me get down on my knees.
I imagined her fingers dancing upon me,
Imagining us in perfect harmony.
She gave me such a thrill,
My body is tingling with chills.
Her lips firm as she played,
Manipulating her mouth to make volume rise and finally fade.
Be mine, you free little bird,
Your song is the only one I heard.
Unleash your melody into me,
Let's make sweet harmony.
I love the way you tease me,
I love the way you play me.
I want my heart to be your flute,
Playing it to your wicked tune.
I love the way you fly,
I want to keep you as my own sweet lullaby.
Be mine, my beloved teasing flutist,
Let your melody and my background tune become sweet bliss.

I can't breathe anymore,
It feels like I'm in a cage.
I can't deal with it, it's too much, no more!
I can feel all my sorrow and my rage.
I feel like my soul is being torn limb from limb,
I feel my heart being torn inside out.
My once ever so strong spirit has suddenly run thin,
I can feel all the emotions and everything inside start to pour out.
Why must I ruin everything I touch?
Why must I ruin everything for everyone?
Why must I love so much?
Why must I ruin all the fun?
My head is splitting upon the wall of my own solitude,
My body seems almost lifeless with no energy or life.
I feel naked and ****,
Their words cut into me sharply like a knife.
Everything is falling,
I can't go on.
They hear me calling,
But they just continue to move on.
I just wanted everyone to be happy,
I just wanted to be loved.
But here I am, unhappy,
Simply pushed away and shoved.
I feel my heart lose it's warmth,
Tears run coldly down my face.
Here I lie on my bed, suffering in my own storm,
Feeling like a disgrace.
Where is my love?
Where is my strength?
I can no longer hear the angels above,
Even darkness holds me at arms length.
I'm alone,
I feel so cold.
My heart has been kicked around like a stone,
The pieces of my life is the only thing I hold.
No one can hear me scream,
No one will help me.
This isn't a dream,
This is my ultimate reality.
My double edged sword,
My very own love,
Have pierced me without a word,
And left me to rot.

my eyes are blurred,
they cant see the way they used to.
my eyes are scarred,
they've seen things they wish to undo.

they hold within them sadness,
always guarded.
they hold happiness,
always gleaming and warm-hearted.
they hold loneliness,
unsure if anyone will ever understand.
they hold acceptance,
always welcoming with a helping hand.

they radiate a careful disguise,
scared to let anyone see what lies within.
they radiate a overwhelming pride,
never giving up until they overcome the obstacles and win.
they radiate a fiery anger,
uncontrolled and suffocating.
they radiate a shy demeanor,
so timid and frustrating.

they hold a love,
they hold a wall.
they hold emotions so hard to speak of,
they hold a blank expression or nothing at all.
they see,
they radiate.
they sing,
they interrogate.
they're my eyes,
different, young, immature, and wise.

My heart has been shattered,
It has lain on the floor completely battered.
It has been stomped upon and it splattered,
To them, it never mattered.

My heart has been uplifted,
Pride was something it had been gifted.
It constantly shifted,
The suffering of my failure would be lifted.

My heart has been beaten,
Mangled and defeated.
It had been cheated,
Kicked to the ground and forgotten.

My heart has been kind,
It is naive and blind.
Always listening to the tasks that have been assigned,
Open, free, and would never decline.

My heart is alone,
Its has been pushed around like a stone.
It chooses kindness as a way to atone,
My heart is my own.

My love,
Listen to my heartbeat.
Does it sing sweetly like the angels above?
Can you hear how worn out it is from pain and defeat?
My love,
Look at my body.
Is it something that you love?
Is it beautiful even though it is scarred, stretched, and ugly?
My love,
Touch my hair.
Is it beautiful to you even if it's untamed and rough?
Do you love it enough to stare?
My love,
Feel my teeth.
Is it something you're afraid of?
Does my fangs make me look sweet?
My love,
Listen to my voice.
Does it sound sweet like the chirping of birds from above?
Does my childlike voice fill your void?
My love,
Stare into my eyes.
Can you see what I'm thinking of?
Can you see it's tired of the pain and lies?
My love, can you see me now?
My love, can you hold me now?
My love, my sweet, my wonderful,
Am I truly beautiful?

I don't need drama in my life,
I already had enough of it at home.
I don't need liars in my life,
I've already had the hurt caused by them.
I don't need anyone who pretends,
I've already seen who they are.
I don't need anyone to keep me in my own prison,
My hearts is already riddled in scars.
I don't need anyone to lie,
My whole life was one.
I don't need anyone to pity my life,
It's a thing that I want gone.
I need someone real,
Someone who actually cares.
I need the real deal,
Someone who can share.
I need real people,
No more fakes.
I'm done with those people,
They blame me for their mistakes.
I don't need a fake friend,
I need a true friend.
I don't need someone,
I need the real one.
Because life is riddled with fakes,
Life's ultimate mistakes.
I don't need a liar,
I need someone with that same fire.
A real person.

Aunt of 2. Presents for one.

A new year begins,
We erase the past, our lies and our sins.
We leave those who either made us or broke us,
We come up with new goals and new things to discuss.
We look forward to change,
Even though change never came.
We left our tears,
We have our new battle scars.
We leave behind those who died,
Always remember them on the inside.
We left the anger out to extinguish,
We left our anguish.
A new year means new beginnings,
We are entering unknowingly.
A new year could be sad,
A new year, you could be bad.
A new year can make you happy,
A new year can be ******.
However a new year only depends on one person, because everything may be blue,
But the only one who can change that is you.

Shadows of the past haunt me,
Consume me.
Your words killing me,
Oh so **** softly.
I lay upon the ***** floor and let you take my soul,
Within my heart, you created a dark hole.
I held onto myself and cried,
These years, I've watched myself die.
The pain that followed me everywhere,
I couldn't find you anywhere.
You had abandoned me,
You had left when I needed you mostly.
I cried as I held onto the remains of our memories,
It was always the same story.
I let you control me,
Hurt me and twist me.
I let you violate the purity of my soul and body,
I even abandoned everybody.
The torture and regrets of the past come back and **** me,
Oh how I wished to be free.
My once strong will now begins to falter and fade,
I am thrown back into my former cage.
I look to you screaming and crying on the inside,
You continued to lie through your eyes.
They were my undoing,
You were my undoing.
I have resorted myself to sneaking around,
I have resorted myself to being your concubine instead of your queen with her crown.
Though you never cheated on me with anyone physically,
You abandoned me emotionally.
The death of my character was set in stone,
My sins are something I wish to atone.
We had problems,
Yet we never solved them.
The utter betrayal I felt when I see you fixing another girls troubles,
The utter hurt when you defended her doubled.
You had chosen her over me,
Put her before your future family.
You had asked me to be your wife,
You said it was with me you wanted to spend your entire life.
Then you chose her over me,
It broke me.
Consumed me.
Destroyed me.
You chose her problems to fix, chose her over us,
Destroyed us.
You cared about her more,
What was I? Your stupid little *****?
Yet I forgave and kept being strong,
Afterwards everything went wrong.
I broke down and cried,
I saw the remains of my past self die.
As our friends look upon me with worry,
I couldn't help but feel fury.
I was gone,
My hope, my will, and who I was were gone.
The shadows of my past destroyed me,
I had nothing.
Now all there is is emptiness,
Hopelessness.
Nothingness......
I have become nothing.

Ocean beauty,
Salty smell.
Beautiful scenery,
Creature with shells.
We sat together at the beach,
Watching the sunset fall.
You touched my cheek,
Held me close and we listened to the oceans call.
Your warm touch soothed me,
The waves were small.
The boat rocked continuously,
There nobody at all.
We kisses so passionately,
With no regrets.
We loved so endlessly,
And then the sun set.
On land,
We hated.
On land,
I know you cheated.
We pretended to love each other in a cold marriage,
I'm not stupid, I caught you with that *****.
We both knew our love had perished,
However I didn't know what was at stake.
So here we are on the same boat that we shared,
We were alone together for once.
You pretended you cared,
And then you pounced.
The loud shot from the gun,
The piercing pain.
I stared at you stunned,
And you shot again.
You tossed me over board,
You sped away.
You called the cops once on shore,
You got away.
I see you with that *****,
Your new wife.
You brought out to our place,
Started your new life.
You brought her out to the ocean,
Oh you fool.
You think you were so clever and the plan had set itself in motion,
You came to your doom.
Long scaley tail,
Fins with purple hues.
Skin so pale,
Punishment is due.
Screams in the air,
Why not share?
Left your corpse on the boat, rocking in motion,
I love the ocean.

originality is something we all have the ability to possess,
a concept that is sometimes difficult to assess.
yet originality is a crime,
people push it away time after time after time.
people fear the unknown,
it weighs on them like a stone.
its also a drug,
we all wish for its unexpected warm hug.
we wish for it,
crave it.
we all want something new,
something out of the blue.
people shoot it down,
upset that they couldnt come up with something profound.
it dies every year, slowly becoming extinct,
all because most people refuse to think.
forget about everyone else,
think for yourself.
if people continued to follow other people,
we wouldnt have these amazing people.
everyone would be in the same dirt, same predicament,
the same trap, the same extinction.
think and unleash originality,
and push away the pressures of reality.

i lay here in silence yet again,
with no one here, not even a friend.
pieces of me are scattered on the floor,
i can hear the buzzing of my phone begin to roar.
how can i be so blind?
how can everyone leave me behind?
these lips keep silent,
not wanting to tell anyone of the pain that is evident.
tears fall on my face, disappearing in the sheets,
my heart is as heavy as concrete.
he broke me so easily, broke a delicate confidence that was never there,
now im here and can do nothing as my heart tears.
he broke a dream,
he tore me apart at the seams.
he was once praising me and then he knocked me off a pedestal,
making everything in my heart feel so dull.
pieces of me chant hurtful words,
digging into me like treacherous swords.
what can i do now with all this going on?
the only thing i can do is stare on.
goodbye blissful dream, goodbye happiness,
and hello misery, self hate, and emptiness.

While some people view others as garbage, others view them as treasures. That is where the writer come in and use these measures.
We switch them to other peoples views,
Make them see something new.
We create imaginary lands and wonderful things,
Not knowing what people will think.
We paint canvases beautiful to the mind,
We create and discover with every line.
We state facts openly,
We expressed ourselves showmanly.
To some, we are a circus full of wonder and joy,
To others, we are concrete and as cruel as a bully is to any girl or boy.
A writer never sees garbage nor do they see treasure,
For beauty is something that can't be measured.
A writer is a creator,
A writer is a destroyer.
It only takes a persons view to see it,
And ultimately do something about it.

please mother,
stop looking at me with those eyes.
please mother,
stop spouting all these lies.
please mother,
stop poking at my flaws.
please mother,
stop making me reach and pick at straws.
please mother,
stop criticizing me for everything i do.
please mother,
i dont want to be someone new.
please mother,
im not like my sister.
please mother,
i cannot compare to her.
please mother,
love me as much as you love my brother.
please mother,
stop being with father.
please mother,
i want to be who i am.
please mother,
you cant change what i am.
please mother,
dont hate me.
please mother,
let me be me.
please mother,
i feel so trapped and weak.
please mother,
just love me.
please mother,
stop controlling me.
please mother,
i want to be free.

in truth, we never truly die,
we simply become energy and continue to live till the end of time.

Ringing,
Why is it ringing?
Why is it that all I hear is ringing?
Why couldn't it be singing?
Why couldn't I hear the smooth jazz or the weeping lullaby of songs?
Why couldn't it be the sweet nightmares of songs that have been sung?
Ringing,
Why is it ringing?
Why couldn't it be you?
Where did you go suddenly and out of the blue?
Why couldn't it be you who is with me?
Instead all I hear is this ringing.
Ringing,
Why is it ringing?

so cold, so empty,
like a robot, so mechanical, so shiny.
our relationship feels cold,
we're slowly getting old.
we lack adventure and have fallen into a routine,
what happened to our fairy tale dream?
our gears of love are rusting,
becoming crusty.
we are mute with no feeling,
we are no longer dreaming.
we are restrained by responsibility,
never exceeding the possibilities.

i stare and see now,
i look up to the clouds.
i dream now,
this is something i cannot allow.
i break the mechanical chains,
dancing in the rain.
rust slide off my body and face,
there you are with that robotic face.
i cry, tears mixing in the rain,
your soul ever so plain.
a robot to the core,
i can no longer call you mine anymore.

She is a woman,
Just another human.
She is a broken,
Her true feelings are never spoken.
She is struggling,
There's so many things that she's juggling.
She is different,
An odd one, almost transparent.
She is intelligent,
An excellent student.
She is scared,
The world is something she feared.
She is a lover,
Caring, protective like a mother.
She is a dreamer,
Dreams full of clouds and streamers.
She is a wall of hope,
Opening up peoples minds to different scopes.
She is a constructor,
Building people up after they got torn down by destroyers.
She is a mystery,
Shrouded and hidden is her misery.
She is a messenger,
Preaching messages and a faith deliverer.
She is needed,
Her limits are always exceeded.
She is open minded,
No soul was ever so kind and kindred.
She is someone who no one sees,
Always forgotten when people leave.
She is a forgiver,
Always ready to forgive.
She is hard as stone,
Because in the end, she was always alone.
She is...
She is......
She is strong,
Even when the world treats her wrong.
She is....
She is......

I'm sick of waiting,
I'm sick of this.
                   Free me from my suffering!
                   Save me from my abyss!
I'm sick of lying about myself,
I'm sick of pretending to be ok.
                    I'm not like everyone else.
                    I'm not ok!
I'm sick of hearing people talk about me,
I'm sick of people not caring.
                   I'm not what you think!
                   Why don't you care?!
I'm sick of remaining silent,
I'm sick of the thoughts that break me inside.
                   I'm not defiant!
                   I'm not going to stand aside!
I'm sick of being trapped,
I'm sick of it all.
                   I'm freeing myself from this
                   trap!
                   Im not going to fall!!!
I'm sick of being me
                   Don't judge me!
I'm sick of everyone
                  You're not the only one!!
I'm sick of life
                   All I want to do is die!
I'm sick of it
                   Let's end all this *******!

You're driving me insane,
I'm no longer the same.
I can't keep living like this,
My whole life is at risk.
Dear sweet sister,
Stop the torture.
Stop hurting me,
I didn't do anything.
You snap at my questions,
You cause stress and tensions.
I go into a fit of emotion,
Going along it's roller-coasting motions.
I want to stop the fights,
I want to live my own life.
You take my money and things,
All I say is nothing.
When I complained for change,
You blame me for your misery and rage.
I didn't ask to be born,
Yet I still receive your scorn.
You said I made you suffer,
Am I not your sister?
You take my money using the excuse that you paid for me,
Am I not your family?
I take care of your son,
I don't complain, we have fun.
You use him as a weapon against me,
Can't you see he's just a baby?
I don't ask for my stuff back,
Yet all I receive is your attack.
I'm not the person you paint me out to be,
I never caused you any bad deeds.
Leave me be,
You're not a stranger, you're family.
Stop taking my money and things,
Stop trying to ruin my future and everything.
Wake up and realize the problem is you,
And stop torturing me because I'm through.

The weird purr of my air conditioner,
The feel of my comforter.
My pillow is folded for it is flat from many sleepy nights,
The sound and mood is just right.
Yet here I am,
A fool at 1 or 2 o'clock AM.
Helpless,
Sleepless.
I want the blissful sleep to take me,
Overcome me.
I can't, however,
Even as this wish keeps going forever.
When will I sleep instead?
What happened to the comforts of my bed?
However another night will pass,
I still awake like a *******.
Oh sleep,
Why don't you love me?
No matter how many times I'll complain,
I fear that I'll never sleep like I ever did again.

I'm ******* done!
You hear me you pathetic siblings and hypocritical parents!
I'm ******* done!
All of you in my family are ******* pathetic!
You little ***** always take advantage of me,
You always take and take without giving in return!
You're not worthy of being my family!
You make my head turn!
You always touch everything I have,
You used it and then either misplace it or ******* break it!
You steal my money and take everything I have,
You always treated me like ****!
******* sisters!
You two never appreciated me!
One of you slimy ******* use me for your kids and make me a baby sitter!
He's not my ******* kid now is he?!
So why the **** does it feel like I'm being punished because you had a ******* kid?!
The other ***** never ******* helps!
All she does is be ******* lazy and sleeps in!
She even watches me when I'm in desperate need of help!!!
******* brothers!
You two stuck up ******* don't do **** for the ******* house!
What the **** did you guys do?!
One of you complains about doing everything for us,
How the **** did you do everything when sitting on your *** playing video games is all you ******* do?!
The other pushes me around and demands things,
What did you ever do other than ruin my life?!
I went through years of your constant bullying!
You're one of the reasons why I can't have a ******* normal life!!!!!
******* mother!
You're nothing but a ******* ***** who can't do ****!
You complain about father!
Why don't you get a ******* divorce and be done with it?!
You know why?!
Because she's ******* useless on her own!
Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie!
Whenever I ask a question, she's always on her ******* phone!
I have to repeat myself to get her attention!
Then she gets mad when I don't answer back or give her ******* attitude!
*****, you're the ******* reason why I ******* have it!
What is wrong with you?!
Then you say I have to be an adult but you don't even let me get out of the house without your permission!
Why the **** am I getting punished?!
I didn't have a ******* kid or do drugs or crashed I don't know how many cars like my brothers and sisters!!
Don't compare me to those useless low lives! I'm finished!
I'm not you and your kid's babysitter!
I don't have to take care of your lazy *****!
That ******* includes you father!!!!
You're a worse out of all these *******!!!
You say that you keep the family together when you're tearing us apart!
We don't ******* want you here,
We hate you!!
We wish you disappear!
You're worthless and we're all done with you!
Even your brothers and sisters ******* hate you,
That's why they avoid us,
Because they're afraid we're just like you!
That's why the family ignores us!
I have ******* had it!
I'm not their ******* slave!
I don't owe them ****!
They need to do **** their own way!
**** all of you in my family,
One ******* day I will leave and be successful.
You all will be ******* unhappy,
While I will be the one who escaped you all.

Tick tock,
goes the clock.
Purr purr,
Goes the refrigerator.
Drip drip,
Goes the sinks occasional drip.
Squeak squeak,
Goes the mouse who's ever so meek.
Woof woof,
Goes the distant dog.
It's quiet now,
Only with occasional sounds.
Solitude,
Sweet, torturous solitude.
Notice how all these sounds are things I knew,
The only thing missing is you.

Ever since I was a little girl, I saw things no one saw.
I always looked at the world with awe.
I saw the beauty in people who weren't loved,
In every ******, outcast, and victim.
I was isolated from the world,
For I was merely a girl.
While girls liked dolls and wanted to be Daphane from ****** doo,
I wanted to be Velma and do what all the boys wanted to do.
I robe my bike around my yard,
Even though I would fall on the rocks and hit the pavement really hard.
I had little friends,
I was weird to no end.
I tried to be normal,
I tried to catch up to the people.
However, they didn't see me,
I would just be left all lonely.
I hated elementary,
They only reminded me of being lonely.
I wanted to leave,
I wanted to be free.
I remember that wish as I hung out at the swings,
How I wished that I had wings.
I wanted escape the oppression of my school and home,
I wanted a real friends and I hoped.
Boys were always first.
At home, it was not different, they were the worst.
My older sister said that I had everything that I wanted,
That I was a spoiled brat and unwanted.
My older brother would push me and grab me by the arm,
Saying that I was in the way, causing even more harm.
My mom sided with them,
She only didn't want to get in trouble from HIM.
My dad,
The core of troubles, the only one I can't stand.
Always putting boys first,
Teaching us girls that our job was to cater to them and worst.
We had no say,
We had to do everything he wants in order to stay.
I found no beauty in the family,
It was rotten to the core, it was greedy.
I was hoping that they would see the things that I see,
Stop the nightmares from my closet from coming after me.
I wished they stopped arguing,
I wished they were a real family.
I had no escape,
I didn't even have my own dreams to escape.
I was haunted by nightmares and arguments,
I wanted them all to end.
I would watch a monster from my closet **** everyone near me,
Coming after me.
No one listened,
I was mistaken.
I grew older and eventually stopped pretending,
I shut myself in my walls and shielding.
In the 3rd grade, I stopped wearing pink,
I stopped listening.
I hid behind a frown,
I stopped chasing after the ones who weren't around.
I became an adult when I was young,
I didn't even have a childhood to be proud of.
I couldn't stop seeing beauty,
But I refused to be a victim to their cruelty.
I was an empty shell of a innocent girl,
A young soul who saw the beauty in the world.
I had kept this charade for a couple of years,
Then my wall started to get cracks and tears.
I remember people who saw me,
I remember the ones who became my friends and, later, family.
They finally came,
They finally saw me for who I am and didn't want me to change.
My walls took heavy fire,
It was weakening more than I had desired.
I was scared,
What if they didn't really care?
We went on to high school,
Still friends from middle school.
Then he came into my life,
Putting an end to my shell to hide.
My love came and pulled me out of my shell,
Promising freedom from this hell.
I couldn't believe it,
I didn't think that I was getting what I wished.
My angel with black and red wings,
He's finally come to save me.
They came to save me,
My friends and my real family.

thank you.
thank you sweet boyfriend for saving me,
thanks for helping me.
thank you sweet friends for being there,
thanks for making my life easier to bear.
thank you bullies for making me strong,
thanks for proving that youre the ones who are wrong.
thank you marching band for giving me confidence,
thanks for showing me the way to my best friends and boyfriend.
thank you school for the memories,
thanks for encouraging and trying to help me.
thank you family for never being there for me,
thanks for making me strong and tough and making me ME.
thank you sweet cats,
thanks for always making me smile and laugh.
thank you sweet charlie for making me an aunt,
thanks for being beautiful and im proud to be your aunt.
thank you sweet supporters of my poetry,
thanks for being there to listen to all of my terrible stories.
THANK YOU.

you looked at me with those eyes,
devoid of any lies.
you stared at me with devotion,
a turn of events was set into motion.
your eyes spoke of love and fear,
i was driven to tears.
you looked up at me from the ground,
your voice, my only sound.
you held my hand and asked a single question,
the very one that can changes many dimensions.
after hearing my answer, you slipped the ring unto my finger,
sealing our fates forever.

when the world ends, what will people do?
people would loot,
people will pray,
people would try to find a way.
yet when that final hour has past,
how long will we last?
one day, a human will end up dying,
while somewhere else a baby will be crying.
many people look towards the bad things of dying,
but saying that its only bad would be lying.
when that final hour on your life pasts how would you spend it?
how would you live it?
if the world ever ends, a man would hold his wife,
a broken family of strangers would reunite.
bitter rivals would become friends,
and a boy who loves a girl in secret would confess.
the sad thing about life is that we don't realize how good it is until finally its ending
and they wish for a happy ending.
people who oppose religion would become religious,
a student who flunk all the time would mysteriously become a genius
a man who is very mean to everyone would be nice to everyone,
and a woman who hates children would want one.
the end does strange things to people, changing their beliefs,
much to some peoples reliefs.
the end actually is the best cure for all the troubles in the world,
that could be easily seen, for every boy and girl.
enemies would become friends,
a man who hates his wife would want to be their till the end.
a boy would get the courage to confess to a girl or stand up against her father,
a girl who wants to be free will realize she wants to become a mother.
the end is something we all need,
to reunite important things, like love, friends and, most of all, family.

a fog has clouded my eyes,
the mist surrounded me, full of lies.
i cant see anywhere,
i feel shadows that arent even there.
i can hardly see a thing,
hearing distant sounds of slithering and chirping.
im alone or so i think,
beneath me, i can feel myself slowly sink.
mud caked my feet,
slowly accepting it with defeat.
its damp,
it is a very deadly trap.
it is a symbol of confusion,
and for a very good reason.
i hear rustling of leaves,
a creature has awoken from its sleep.

They're screaming,
They're calling your name.
They're coming,
Hide from your shame.
They're closer now,
Run while you still can.
Hide from the sounds,
They see you from where you stand.
It's too late,
There is no escape.

I think the reason why we live is because of death. We fear death, we fear the unknown. One could even dare say the unknown is the future. It's the reason why we cling onto the past so much, we fear the unknown the most. I believe without a doubt that reincarnation happens and some could say that people's souls grow older and wiser. Yet why do people commit suicide? One could say that they are new souls, new creations of life. However as I think about it more and more, could it possibly be because the soul is starting to realize that life is too unpredictable and too unbearable? Maybe those who commit suicide are the souls who are actually a little mature. Maybe the reason why some people look forward to the future is because they are actually new souls. Then there is those who are wise beyond their years and still look forward to the future. Perhaps souls that grow too old become energy and become recreated into new souls to continue on. Perhaps the evil people with souls are being cleansed to create a new start. Perhaps that's the reason why sociopaths exist. Maybe they're just old souls who have seen many lives and are starting to lose the vitality it once had. Perhaps they are in the process of getting their souls cleansed from all they have done after they have been punished. The real reason why we would seek immortality is because we fear death. However I believe that even after we erase the fear of death, we will end up growing a new fear. Fear is inevitable. We will end up growing to fear love. Sounds funny, why would we fear love? If you're immortal, you will start to see the beauty of life and death. You will watch the people you grew up with, you laughed with, you work with, you care about, and you loved die. You will start pushing away all of them, everyone for fear of getting close. If you're immortal, that doesn't mean that you don't have a heart. Your fear of death is nothing like the fear of love. Unlike the fear of death, you will be alone if you fear love. The fear of death only makes bonds between those who also fear death. However to fear love will cause you to alienate yourself from the people around you. A soul cannot live on it's own. It will only disintegrate and get it's soul ripped inside and out. We must have death in order to live. Because life without death is miserable and lonely.

through the roses petals, the rose saw love for the first time.
it saw a awkward man holding it to the girl who had looked happy and was beautiful in body and mind.
the girl held it delicately to the roses' delight,
and it was bathed in her beautiful light.
through the roses petals, it saw the pure, happy relationship between the man and his wife,
it saw them cherishing their life.
the time they spent together was cherished and the awkward man opened up to her, not like the first time the rose laid eyes on him.
the light and love in his eyes never dimmed.
through the roses petals, it watched the girl,
who seemed like the man was her whole world.
the light and beauty of her smile never seemed to fade,
and it seems like when she was with him, she was in a daze.
through the roses petals, it saw them getting older,
and still the love between them still strong, the kind that many desired.
their love kept strong through good and bad,
it was something that some people could ever had.
through the roses petals on its final days,
the girl was in bed, very sick but her eyes never losing their beauty or daze.
it saw the man sitting by her side with concern in his eyes,
as the rose dies.
through the roses petals, it saw the man lay by the girls side,
he was also sick and both of them were going to die.
as the rose shed his last petal,
the last thing the rose saw was the couple.
the couple knew they were going to die but nothing separated them,
as the rose shed its last petal, so did the couple, who held each others hands as they breathed their last breath.
the last days of the rose's life, it saw them stay together even in death.

Honey I tried,
Honey I cried.
Honey this is a vicious cycle,
Honey this is a disastrous cyclone.
Honey we aren't getting better,
Honey this sweet relationship is getting bitter.
Honey the only one that stands between us is you,
Honey I'm tired of my heart getting beaten black and blue.
Honey you can't see your own faults,
Honey you haven't seen all of my insults.
Honey you know better than to fight me,
Honey you know you can leave.
Honey stop crying and trying to make yourself innocent,
Honey you know I'm not falling for it.
Honey you think you have me won over,
Honey I'm not a stupid pushover.
Honey we know that this is because I'm crazy and you like pushing buttons,
Honey this relationship is nothing.
Honey I tried to make it something,
Honey I tried to give you everything.
But honey the only way I can is if you get out of the way,
Stop pushing me away.
Honey I tried to make it work,
Honey I tried to make it last forever.
But you fought everything I did to change it for the better,
Because of that, I'm done and you lost me forever.

i lay here in my bed,
questioning life and exploring the thoughts in my head.
i stare at the wall while thinking of you,
i have never felt so frustrated and blue.
youre miles away from me,
youre the person i so desperately seek.
do you think about me?
do you wish for me?
i question it all with confusion in my heart,
feeling it get shattered in several shards.
is there something wrong with me?
am i too needy, too angry, too ugly?
you pop up in my mind and its the same,
my thoughts cause even more pain.
was i too pushy, too boring, too demanding?
is there something wrong with my being?
flashbacks haunt me and show me better times,
the answer i seek is something i cannot find.
why do you distance yourself?
why does it feel like im by myself?
we used to be free and outgoing,
we didnt care about nothing.
what happened to us?
how did we dig ourselves into this rut?
more questions, more mysterious answers,
but unfortunately they never get answered.

sadness is what the girl feels,
hopeless as her fate is sealed.
every decision made by other people as she is forced into classes challenging and difficult,
though she knows that she cant revolt.
sadness grips her by the throat yet again by those who push her around,
the teachers, the parents, her boyfriend, the students, even the class clown.
everything is expected of her,
she is someone that people prefer,
due to her level of education and inability to say much in anything,
often not part of any deciding.
sadness pierces through her body as she lets her boyfriend hurt her with broken promises,
never making any compromises.
so many cancelled dates and broken promises lay before her as she hides her feelings,
though she cries at night and stare at the ceiling.
sadness threw her on the ground as her mom forces her to look presentable to the world,
no one likes a weird girl.
her father teaches her to fight,
oblivious to anything but whatever is on his mind,
he forces her and her family to do whatever he pleases,
unaware of any of her family's grievances.
sadness haunted her at school as her friends call her strong but are unaware of her grief,
then run off to do their usual mischief.
cant anyone see her unbearable sadness?
cant anyone get her out of this mess?
how long will it take
for her to break?
questions she ask herself everyday,
wishing she had a say.
until finally it got to her, as she held up a knife,
the one that she planned to end her life.
as she stared at it, she hesitated,
then threw it away.
she couldn't, she knew that.
because if she did, it would only bring up the one painful, heartbreaking fact.
even in death sadness is something she couldn't escape,
because that was her unbreakable, painful fate.

Why is it me who's left crying?
Why is it me who feels my heart dying?
The emotions so strong as it pierces my heart like a knife,
With the force of 10,000 jet planes at full speed trying to end my life.
Why do you bother staying when this is all you do?
Then again this fight isn't new.
You say it's me,
It always was me.
But this whole time, you never changed,
All I am now is an animal caged.
Yet I try to leave and you won't let me go,
And now I just carry around this weight like a stone.
Now I know that I'm done,
And tonight's the night that I'm going to run.

As i lay here in darkness,
I stare at the shambles of my life, my own mess.
tragedy and heart break laid beside me,
eventually becoming my very own family.
the tears flowed down my cheeks, never ending,
reality that was within my hands was slipping.
a mannequin was used to trick friends,
giving false reality that i am happy to the bitter end.
i laid here in a bitter, cold darkness,
a familiar bitter caress.
i stared at nothing, the chains of responsibility holding me down,
the weight of obedience making me drown.
a light appeared, there a person stood.
he crouched down and a butterfly appeared from his hood.
the butterfly was a beautiful red,
that shook my heart full of dread.
that beautiful creature landed on his shoulder as the man came closer,
i tore my eyes from the creature on his shoulder.
he came closer to me and gently reached his hands out,
he was so close, i wanted to shout.
he picked up a dark blue butterfly with a broken wing,
trapped in a cage, a sad little thing.
he opened the cage and gently carried the butterfly,
the red one beginning to fly.
the magnificent creature landed next to the wounded thing,
healing its broken wing.
the two butterflies, now able to fly, flew together,
as happy as ever.
i turned my eyes to the man before me,
who had reached out to me.
he smiled at me as i stared at him,
silent as i listened to the butterflies wings begin to hum.
i slowly reached out to him, the chain on my wrist beginning to disappear,
i started to feel fear.
i hesitated,
as the butterflies elevated.
he waited,
and i contemplated.
i reached out to him again and he smiled,
making my unresponsive heart beat for miles.
the chains rusted away,
darkness turning into day.
he smiled and helped me up to my feet,
the warmth wrapping me up like a sheet.
we looked at each other,
our butterflies dancing with one another.
i had once laid in darkness,
held down by the misery of my own tragedy and mess.
here he is before me,
saving me from my own misery,
my own tragedy and mess,
my darkness.

I didn't ask for this,
I yelled at my minds growing abyss.
My sister was weeping,
My nephew was sleeping.
My mother had anger set out towards me,
My father had anger for all those three.
He used me,
I was an excuse for this blasphemy.
Now my sister and nephew are homeless and seeking refuge at her mother in laws home,
Guilt weighed heavier on my heart than a mountain of stones.
And for what?
So my dad can get her out of my home and give me a room that wasn't even worth it!
Now I'm here, standing in the middle alone,
A **** to everyone!
I didn't ask for this!
This is a big steaming pile of *******!
They think that it's my fault!
I didn't do anything at all!
My dog got run over by my dad,
That ******* took everything that I had!
How am I supposed to know what to say or do?!
My mom didn't tell me anything or what to do!!
She hates me now because I "caused" this,
That selfish *****!
How am I supposed to know what to say?!
She always taught to listen and never go against what my father says!!
She's the one who told me to listen and talk to this *******,
To deal with his ***** fits and complaints about this *******.
I let everyone walk all over me,
Yet the bad guy is always me!!
What the **** am I supposed to ******* do?!
Why am I taking the blame for everything he does?!
Why am I taking the blame for my mom?!
Why am I taking the blame for everything bad that happens here?!
Why am I crying these stupid tears?!
I didn't do anything,
I didn't say anything.
I never wanted this to happen,
So why am I the villain?

it feels like there is weight upon my shoulders,
its starting to crack my determination that used to be as strong as a boulder.
the world continues to crush me beneath its weight,
im beginning to lack in strength.
i feel something gripping my heart and squeeze,
my personality and body is something it wants to seize.
everything is falling apart,
it is slowly crushing me and my heart.
i feel so helpless as i try to fight,
the darkness is overcoming the light.
i feel abandoned,
shattered and broken.
work piles before me,
smothering me.
my relationship is falling into pieces,
i dont know who he really is.
im losing myself,
i dont know my true self.
responsibilities and life throw me around like a ball,
i really want to escape it all.
i want to die,
i want to fly.
the weight is killing me,
i just want to be free.
everything is falling apart in jagged shards,
my sanity is crumbling like a house of cards.
someone set me free, please?
save me from the weight upon me

So much pressure and so confused,
Never fully knowing what I want to do.
I struggle with this and everything,
Carrying the weight of my whole family.
I never know,
Emotions never show.
I gotta remain strong,
I gotta hold on.

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

I alway got the world judging me,
I've always been the loner, quiet one, a freak.
Everytime I got close, I only get hurt,
So much that it doesn't matter anymore.
I always gotta hold my tears,
I always have to swallow my fears.
I gotta always stay strong,
Why does it feel so wrong?

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

And I try so hard to hold it all,
I know one of these days, I'm gonna fall.
I want to run, I want to scream,
I always want to be free.
Yet I know that it won't happen,
It's a cruel fate, a sad one.
I have to stay strong,
Even if it feels so wrong.
I gotta be....
I gotta be free!

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

i had this amazing art teacher in high school. he was always wacky, always loved talking, and appreciated the small things in life. i had him for 3 years of my high school life and he was one of the only few that actually remembered my name. my major flaw in art was that i lacked depth and detail and i always ran out of time and he always encouraged me, always willing to give advice. i always thought that he hated my art: my art was always borderline cartoonish and anime, every once in a while praising me for my weird imagination. i always thought that he didnt like my art and it frustrated me because i wanted to wow people and smack awesome art in their face yet i couldnt quite seem to impress this teacher. so despite that, i practiced and finally i noticed i can draw faster and that i started to get smaller details. eventually it was the last day in art of my senior year in high school and i was emotional, i realized that it was the end of all those times at school. my teacher asked us earlier if we wanted a party to celebrate and of course we said yes. on the last day we gathered at a table and sat down to eat with each other like a dinner table full of family. my art teacher was emotional of course, but he wanted us to hear some advice he wanted us to know for life. he went down the table and addressed people individually and complimented them and gave them advice. finally he said my name and i looked, ready to hear the worst things possible. he said "i've known you for 3 years, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end. you have eyes that seem to see everything and i think that can take you far in life." i was speechless, i didnt know what to say, for these 3 years ive known him, i thought he didnt pay attention to me and merely dismissed me completely but i was wrong. so the moral of the story: dont assume things of people, they can surprise you, whether it be the worst way or the best way possible.

you have done me wrong,
before i used to be strong.
before i used to be the one who could never be tied,
that was not prone to emotional rides.
i used to be able to take whatever life threw at me,
it was ok to be me.
but then you came into my life and changed me,
i now opened my eyes to see.
i used to be so strong that no one can bring me down,
but now a single negative word from you can make me frown.
now you can reduce me to tears if you got mad,
now you broke me out of the shell i had.
never before had i ever had conflicting emotions,
now they seem to hit me harder than anything i envisioned.
now i crave for things i didnt want before,
i now want more.
i yearn for things that i know that im not ready for,
you have turned me into an attention *****.
you broke me into a woman,
i used to act like a man.
now i worry about my appearance,
you were my worst influence.
look at what youve done to me,
cant you see?
you broke me into who i am,
for you are the only person that can change all that.