when youre alone, you reflect on things that you usually never think about.
when you're alone, you just want to get out.
when you're alone, you become crazy, doing crazy stuff.
when you're alone, you wipe away the makeup.
When you're alone, you see the hardships written all over your face.
when youre alone, you cry about being a disgrace.
when you're alone, you smile and fantasize about the happiness in your life.
when you're alone, you unintentionally stare at the razor sharp knife.
when you're alone, you smile and cry.
when you're alone, you wish that either you or someone else would just simply die.
the only problem is that when you're alone,
you're not really alone.
im always there with you,
watching you....

Where are they now?
Where are my friends?
Everyday I contemplate what, why and how,
However they're not here in the end.

I miss them,
I wonder if they miss me.
Are they really my friends?
Do they think about me?

I worry about them,
Are they ok?
I wonder if I was a good friend.
What if they weren't ok?

I wonder if I did anything wrong,
Were they annoyed by me?
Did I annoy them all along?
Do they know how much they mean to me?

Don't they know how much I hurt?
Don't they know how much I needed their comfort?
Where were they when I needed them?
Weren't they supposed to be my friends?

Where are they now?
I don't know when, I don't know how.
I know only one thing,
I care about them despite everything.

To my friends,
Go ahead and leave.
I don't care in the end,
I only want you to be happy.

Even if I get hurt,
I don't need the comfort.
Even if it's painful,
I don't care about it all.

I love you guys more than anything,
I don't want you to be unhappy.
Even if leave me after everything,
I won't stand in the way of your happiness.

"who are you?" she screams while i stare,
feeling the cool fresh air.
"bruja! puta! ratchet!!" the immature in the bus scream,
the day goes by like a dream.
"what did i do wrong? stop being selfish" my lover pleas,
i feel my sanity tearing from the seams.
"what goes on in your head?" my friends wonder,
i can hear the inner me roar with the power of thunder.
"youre cute" strangers say,
its just a normal day.
"*****!" strangers yell,
to who is something i cant tell.

"who are you?!" she screams,
haunting my dreams.
"i did this and that" girls tell me,
i can tell they dont really see me.
"*****! ****! *******!" the idiots yell out,
i resist the urge to shout.
"look at this" my enthusiastic freshmen point,
i could never disappoint.
"this needs work" teachers lecture,
i can feel the pressure.

"who are you?!" she screams,
"who are you?!" she screams....
i glare back at her, fed up with all of it,
i have had enough of this ****.
"im you! im the girl who doesnt need to impress anybody,
who is chunky and ugly.
the girl who cries when shes alone,
who is as tough as a stone!
the girl who carries her bags,
who needs no help from any man.
im not dependent of anyone,
the girl who doesnt follow everyone!
im the one with messy hair and baggy clothes,
the one that no one truly knows.
im someone who tries not to care about what people say,
the one who tries to make it day by day.
im someone who lives and tries not to scream,
the one who never gets pleasant dreams.
im you, a human being, im someone,
im a person!"

I am a devil in disguise,
A dark angel hidden in sweet lies.
I'm what people would call idiotic,
I'm nothing but a raving lunatic.
I'm the one who people sees as strong,
I'm the one who's seen that's constantly in the wrong.
I'm the victim,
I'm the innocent one.
I'm the friend who is so sweet,
I'm the one who people want to be.
However, I don't want that,
I'm ugly and fat.
I'm rotten to the core,
I'm the one who's never more.
I'm not worth the wait,
I'm not worth the pain.
I know this more than anyone,
I was always the abandoned one.
I know that people won't see me,
I know that I won't be free.
I'm never more than a friend,
Someone who is there in the end.
I'm not strong,
All these things that people say are wrong.
I'm always on my own,
Alway doomed to be alone.
Even the love of my life will never pick me,
Despite my pleas.
He's the type of man who will pick his friends,
Even when I need him in the end.
He's wonderful but I know that I'm always last to them,
They mean more to him.
I know my friends would never care about me,
Even though we can be considered as close as family.
I know that I would sacrifice myself so happily,
They are my real family.
However, I get left behind and forgotten,
Like leftovers or food that is doomed to be rotten.
I don't want to burden them though,
I don't want them to know.
I'm not upset with them,
They are my family and friends.
They saved me from myself,
They helped me become myself.
They woke me up to reality,
From my closed off fantasy.
They made me smile,
They helped me, a person who was already defiled.
I owe my entire existence to them,
They are my friends.
So I don't mind being left in the dust,
I don't mind if I'm left to rust.
I know that at my funeral, no one will attend,
I don't care, they're my friends.
I don't mind if they don't cry,
Or if they left me alone to die.
I want them to be happy,
Even if it sounds so sappy.
I know in my heart that they don't love me as much as I love them,
I don't mind, they're my friends.
They're my family, my reason for being,
So why wish suffering because of my suffering?
I'm a devil hiding in sheeps clothing,
A villain in superhero clothing.
I'm no good,
I'm every bad thing in existence that is far from good.
However, even me, a nobody,
Wants to love and have somebody.
So I let them tear me down and rip me to shreds,
I was always better being dead.
I don't care about it, there's nothing to be changed,
For I'm a fool in love and is always willing to wait.

We truly weren't born with a destiny. We just exist to live, breed and then die. It's a sad truth but it is the law of the world. However, humans such as you and I are created so different from other species. We wonder why. Why do we exist? Why do we feel? Why do we do whatever we do? Psychology, religion and science all try to answer this question yet you still wonder. We all face this. We're naturally curious creatures. We develop different mind sets and different adaptations to certain situations that are dependent on our environment. We have close minded people and open minded people. We have people who are always in the clouds and down to earth people. Different ideologies and different reactions. So why are we here? We seem to destroy the earth like locusts to crops. We seem to help it as well. Violence is nature's natural cure for the elimination of the population of species. We commit these when we poach animals and breed them to be a certain way and sell them. We also commit these when we harm environments to suit our human needs for grandeur and comfort. We even commit these acts of violence when we **** someone, hurt them or far worse. The weak will die while the strong lives yet the weak can also become strong. We see survivors from life threatening diseases. We even have humans save others. We want comfort, security, and to live. We cause silly things to happen. we destroy ourselves and others around us. We want to be noticed and to be seen. We want others love. We want to be free and see what life offers. So why are we here? The answer is the most simple of all. We simply are here to exist and live.

Why did you choose me?
i cause you so much misery
don't you see that you can do more?
i always leave you a open door.
Why do you stay?
im the one with the uncontrollable rage.
Why do you care?
its always your heart that I tear.
why do care about me so?
i am the lowest of the low.
why do you continue to follow?
my heart is hollow.
why do you crave my heart?
it isnt worthy of any of your art.
why dont you see that im no good for you?
im the reason youre always blue.
why do you worship me?
im the one with ultimate jealousy.
why do you say sorry for the things ive done?
I'm always the one who wants to run.
Why do you care about my feelings?
I'm always the one who's leaving.
Why me?
I'm imperfect, complicated, and always fleeing.
You always look at me with those dark brown eyes,
Always so piercing, the only thing that strips me of any lies.
You always call me an angel,
Even though your heart is the one I mangle.
You always tell me you love me,
You always say you want to be with me for an eternity.
Those eyes that are glistened with tears,
Are the only thing I focus on, words falling on deaf ears.
After all of the pain you went through, you stay,
Claiming you still love me anyways.
Now it is I who cry,
Wishing to die.
You're the angel,
I am the devil,
Yet you think differently,
As you hold me gently.
The question will always linger in my heart for our entire eternity.
Why did you pick me? Why me?

Yet again, I wait here for you.
yet again, I silently mourn over you.
yet again, I lay with my eyes close, hoping for a miracle.
Yet again, we hit another obstacle.
yet again, I cry till I can't see anymore.
yet again, I take you back once more.
yet again, I wonder if you're cheating on me,
yet again, we repeat the same history.
yet again, i run from the truth,
Yet again, it was you who was rude.
yet again, I tried to hide,
yet again, we promised and said we tried.
yet again, we fought and argued with each other,
yet again, we stayed together.

Everyone else's eyes look upon me differently,
They never were able to pierce me.
They tell me I'm different,
I'm just a distant friend.
No one tried to be my best friend,
Their eyes always tell me their lies in the end.
But your eyes, **** them,
You started off as my friend.
They started off so light,
So very bright.
Those eyes were so innocent at first,
I didn't notice them at first.
Then you grew on me,
Now you know everything about me.
I have never let anyone this close,
You were there when I needed you most.
Those eyes went through me so easily,
I didn't know the effect they had over me.
We were friends,
I trusted you over all of my own friends.
Those ******* eyes,
How could I have been so blind?
I panicked,
I was afraid.
It was you,
You turned me into someone new.
Those eyes pierced my soul,
Stripped me down, bare and all.
How did I never notice your eyes?
Why did this feel so right?
I try to hide from you behind my cold steel walls,
But you tore through them all.
Now you looked at me with those eyes,
They tell me so many beautiful lies.
Those eyes continue to pierce me,
You have finally become my family.
Those eyes,
Pierce me with those sweet lies.
Tear my walls down and strip it bare,
Just tell me you care.
Tell me more lies,
Look at me again with those beautiful piercing eyes.