I wish I could watch a film
Of myself alone in Japan
And how I wandered around
Tokyo - lost and transparent
And when I watched
Lost in Translation high
In my square bath tub
I wish I could get back there
To remember more of it
And watch the people go by
Like in a magnificent film
Or the video by The Killers
Read My Mind

I couldn’t understand what he meant
But I watched his face intently and
Tried to think of what he could be saying to me
And I said words he might mean but to my dismay inaccurately
So I got more staff to try to translate to me when they could
And I helped him eat and hold his drink up to his lips
After realising his favourite mug had recently smashed
And I understood when he said this MS it’s a ******
And I laughed with him and smiled widely to hide my watery eyes
He paints and he likes to mention his daughter
He was really good at recalling dates but not names
He reminded me of my dad, a retired head teacher
My heart melted when he looked at me and said
Thank you and all I could say was you are welcome
It was an honour

Relationships that will always grow
Upwards and around the insights of my mind
Well-known to me, I could keep commentating
For you, for them, for all to see
But forever changing whether or not I know
What I think I do I don’t want to write about him
Or what I feel or thought back then
As tomorrow it might seem irrelevant
And now I am lost for I know not what I thought
As my words are lost in the opinion of others
I want wisdom, I want knowledge and I want writing with purpose
Meaning to change and not accept what I see
I know I know I will know one day
Something stronger than you
Something is out there
Waiting for me to find

So I guess I'm attracted
To people like you
And the way you grabbed me
And pulled me in
You kissed me in bed
With the confidence
Of a boyfriend
In a three year relationship
Yet there was no sincerity
To your energy
And whatever I do next
It won't heal your inability
To respect me
You don't know I get anxiety
Because of people like you
So you barge in and break down
My walls without any thought
Of the consequence
And of course it comes down to you
Not knowing me
So why do you care
I want a man that makes me
Glad to be a woman not one
That makes me wish
I was born a man
You might hold me right
But you let my mind fall
With no consideration at all
I cannot offer you friendship
Not for what I'd lose to keep you

So you're telling me
I have to buy a dress
The most expensive I have worn
And never put it on again
To please friends and family
Who love me regardless
And look extra nice
To the one who sees me at my
Most ugly
To prove I am in love?
What if I want to change my mind
Or my hair goes wrong
And the money is too much
Does that mean I do not love
The same as if my hair were right
And I had lots of money
I'd rather be alone than unhappy
And not married than on trial

Are you down to climb that tree
Or run in the sea with me
At ten past 5
Because we just finished work
Or do you think an art gallery and
Chess might be easier
As it's a winter evening
I hope you don't
Mind but if you say neither
I'll be out of your way

Don’t do it if you feel alone
Or is that when you should
Take the leap because well
What have you really got to lose?
If it goes you never had it in the first place
I heard you only lose what you cling to
So, tell me, what are you afraid of?
I don’t mean something that you
Feel distant from like death or war
Or some form of illness in the future
I mean right now in this very moment
I want to know about you, yes you
And I want you to know about me too
What makes you feel scared and nervous
What if you get caught out for that secret
That nobody even knows about?
I want to know what you worry about
Would you like to take a leap with me?

I told you I will write about this
How we made peace by the river
We sat there and I was talking away
My thoughts to you out loud
I didn’t need a pen or paper
They were racing from the ground
Through me out into the open air
For the trees and your ears only
It felt like pure contentment
The talking led to the truth that I now
Don’t expect anything from you
And I said that’s what I used to do
Then I felt a sudden sense of relief
That I no longer ask from you for
What I need from myself in this life
But consequently as I no longer expect you
Nor do I dream of you or give myself hope
Like I so badly used to repeatedly do
When you arrive after being gone
There’s no suspense or conviction
Afterwards I laughed and said
I don’t know if I’ll see you again
But beneath the humour by the river
In my heart it didn't sound
Like a fun romantic comedy
More like a treacherous melody
With no real substance that sadly
I don't think I want to play

You're taught to ****
I'm taught to try not to
So when we met
Under the covers
Last night
You tried to ****
And I tried to not
You don't try that hard
To take me out
To wine and dine me
Or to figure me out
You've got a black
Heart baby
Pull out a key
Take the line
Feel my body
I'm just here for the ride
The poetry
Why you tryna
Waste my time
And forget my mind
It's more precious
Than what you're offering
My body's a temple
I don't know you well
But I went along
For the high
For the ride
Pull out the key
You don't know me
Try to take me
Try try try
Why why why

Take all the art and fill a room
Walk into it, look around
That’s how I feel when I’m with you

“What would you do?”
Asked the owl to the top hat
As the clock bellowed down the stairs
And into the suitcase below
To which they had both retired to
“For one can only wonder”
He muttered with a disguised echo
Of encouragement to answer
Such a wonder of a query
Full of many a mystery
Not the first wanting to know his lines
That sum up his reasoning in life
But the owl knew even before he spoke
It is not his place to know, ask or provoke
Withdraw before the thoughts appear

I don’t feel like I’m choking and every breath is scarce
I breath huge breathes
Not to survive but to appreciate the air
I don’t feel like I’m being squeezed
By that python we imagined entering your room
Strangling is not a fate I anticipate
I just feel like the frog sat on my finger
Wanting to linger
Knowing everyone is alone in this life
Knowing everyone is human
Fearless, desperate for wisdom
Accepting my moves will carry me on my way

Between the legs of someone new
Beneath the secrets covered in blue
With every smile I give the world
Unknown to others and to you

There they stood
Alone at the bus stop
With the lights of the missed one
Moving into the distance
They decide to face the other way
Instead of the watching it fade away
They had got the timing wrong
And from past experience
Watching it hover away
Only reiterates this
The silence is golden
They begin to wait for another to arrive
Because they know it will eventually
Without needing to say

Stood on the inside of the shop window
Frozen and dumbfounded
She watched him walk by
She waited to catch his eye
All she could do was postpone

There’s a type of kiss in them all
When your head rests tired upon a pillow
When you depart from a friend
When you greet them again
The drunken fool that finds itself somewhere new
The overrated kind of many red carpet couples
The heat shared with water shared with sun
The unwelcome display like eyes in a mirror
The empty cold interaction of strangers lips meeting
The unfold of emotion like the opening of an envelope
The electric feeling with barely any movement
And the way I wish to kiss you
That requires no description

The church bells stay silent
The walls nearest to them sit still
As if waiting for something to move them
And the people in the world
Carry on moving like the ants that they are
When lovers meet
The beauty of the moment is that no one knows
That there marks a shift in their lives
That will change the course of their thoughts
And their outlook on the world forever
Never to be altered back to how it once was
And never to be explained to the naked eye
Of the walls, the people and the world outside them

Haven’t you heard?
Nostalgia ***** with your mind
I found out today
Like a Monday morning
After a heavy weekend
You know it’s coming
You can imagine it true
I know this will join the past soon too
Have you ever stopped a car
To write something down?
Or felt the world rise above your reach?
Why do we only remember certain things
At certain times?
It’s the forgetting
That causes the real problems
Why do some memories
Of dreams get lost?
Who decides which ones
We forget?
The ones we don’t forget
Become our life

I hold value, worth and greatness
And I am inspired to write once again
An unwise man once said to me;
Do not like someone because they like you
Do not like someone because you like them
Like someone, because of how they make you feel
Do you possess the power to like yourself?
And in turn, make yourself feel how you desire to feel?
What is it you desire? And how can you feel that?
Once that feeling has come and gone you might want to replicate it
Or is it something that changes every time it comes?
An experience changes based on how many times it appears
As Aristotle said we are what we repeatedly do
Therefore, excellence is not an act but a habit
I tried to include that in our conversation last night
As I spoke about how habits can be broken and
When broken and challenged are met with different outcomes
If you sleep with every woman you meet you won’t find
Many female friends
I almost said let’s break that habit
Almost, to ask us to become friends
But I hesitated
At your excellence

You lack sentiment
So I guess I have to give you up
While I'm ahead
I have no time to waste
If you are expecting
Some fun
Find someone else
To fuel your ego
My peace is worth more
Than your potential
I know what to look out for
After years of being around it
Without realising
I could take you for face value
And you could appreciate my looks
But my mind needs stimulation
Not speculation
Don't use me to work on your
Dating game
I'm 25 and I know how I want to feel
Maybe in a few years you'll be more
Available
Maybe in a few years I'll be more
Easy going
But my greatness lies within my
Instinct
And this time I'm going to worship it
When it tells me to run

Cant help but think I might die
And all these things I do
I keep
Will be sorted by someone who doesn’t understand them
Or there order
Or meaning
And my life
And how I view it
Will never be remembered or viewed in the way I want it to be viewed
Because no one thinks like me
And sees like me
I want to put the picture of the the candle under the picture of kurt cobain
Even if I don’t put it there
I will know what it is there
Because I wanted it to be there
And no one will ver know that its ther
No one will even take it down
Because they wont be able to
Get in my head
I’ll be dead
I don’t mind dying young
And if youre reading this now
Id ike to mention that I don’t care about my spelling
And I have a good thought that iw ant to share with someone special
Someone who is interested
I haven’t said it out loud yet
But I thought to myself after work on Thursday
As I was walking from the bus stop and I decided to cross the road instead of go over the bridge because my legs hurt
That I was wasting my life
Because I am doing things
And for the first time I felt amazed
That you can waste your life by doing things
And by not doing anything
And that feeling doesn’t go anywhere
No matter what you do
That curiousity that your life is passing you by
Happens no mater what
I make the most of everyday
Occasinsly I sit down and don’t do anything and I drink tea and I write (like now)
But here in japan I do things I feel I would never have done
When I am so tired I want to pass out on the floor I do things
I am so busy I love it
And I am so happy
And yet the thought just wizzed thorugh me like when your drunk and you need to be sick
And it just happens it hits you and all a sudden you’ve been sick and didn’t know how or why or that is was going to happen
That wa slie this tought and I thought shall I write this down
NO ill remember this
I wont forget it and I wanted to say it to people
I have wanted to share
It
But what better person to share it with
Than
.
you

Does it make you feel good?
Does your soul have a secret velvet lining
And your head hold an invisible crown?
Do you feel precious? Irreplaceable?
Do you dream of who you are and aspire for more?
Do you feel like growing? Do you feel proud?
Does it make you question?
Does it make you feel like the world is on your side?
Hand in hand with humanity?
Does it make you feel like a space of complete euphoria
Without a face without a body or a style or a shape
Or a mind or a thought but a soul on fire
Flying free above the fields of gold?
You are a higher being deserving of peace

Why do people criticise the television?
The television is on again
Why don't you go outside
And see the world instead
There's nothing in there
Are the same voices
That wish to see the
Amazon rainforest
And the deep blue sea -
Documentaries are on at 3

Cemented to the chair
Bound by time
Striding forward
Leap after leap
My imagination is growing
Inside itself
Worlds in worlds
The chance is there
To take
It's racing
Forward
Forward
Forward
Then stop
I move and remember
I am here
Repeat

When you're blue you can feel a rock
And imagine a mountain
Watch a bruise form
And envision death
But if you hold the blue inside you
And turn it into every colour you have ever seen
You will see more than the depth of pain
There are doorways your mind has not yet reached
And ideas you have not yet thought
Take your eyes and see the light
Because tonight is a spec
In the deep blue sea

I kissed his lips a thousand times
With minor uncertainty
Until the last kiss I knew
Above hell I flew
Past my faults and angels too
Into the arms of mysterious eyes
How could it be
My heart said it knew
Wrong again the church bells sang from a distance
Even they heard my cries