In the depths of despair she once roamed
Haunted by voices, her mind not her own
Addiction’s cruel grip, a relentless foe
Reality blurred, illusions took hold

Aside the chaos, in the quiet of her mind,
A secret weighed heavy, one of a kind,
A truth discovered, a burden to bear,
In the depths of her soul, she tasted fear

The voices whispered deviant tales
She fought & struggled, but to no avail
Lost in a world where delusion reigned
She stumbled, she fell, her sanity strained

She longed to share, to open her heart,
But the demons within tore her apart,
When she spoke, the words contorted,
Purpose lost, her mind distorted

Thus in her past, mistakes were made,
Actions taken, debts unpaid,
Regrets weigh heavy, but the deed is done
Severe colours now perceived as her truth

It took a while, but she did it, she’s free,
From addiction’s chains she had flee
Through darkness, she sought the dawn,
as the first light broke, her new life began

And as time went by, she started to see,
Her burden could be her key to be free,
For in her truth she found colossal grace,
A light in the darkness, a guiding embrace

And as she nears the verge of the sublime,
She knows it’s almost her time to climb,
To rise from the ashes, to soar and fly,
A testament to strength that refuses to die

I will always love you
How I do
It hurts me
That we’re strangers again
Will we ever know
Each other again?

I know we will
Or this longing
Will never cease
Though I hate you again
I still want you
The same way

I admit
The mistakes I made
Were intentional

I played life like a frisbee
And it always comes back around
Biting me like a wild dog

So in the end
I have no one else to blame
But myself

All I can do now
Is wish life
Had some kind of rewind button

Of being stuck with
A fate
That is our very own
Can’t be changed
Unshaken

Such a great tragedy indeed

Who shall I run to?
Life is creating free choices for me
And telling me to take it, this is my path
I’m wallowing in a self-sabotaging territory
Pleading with myself, to do something about it
A need to be seen, to be accepted, to be held
A need to also remove the importance from myself
A need to be beautiful and shallow
And not go through as many philosophies in my head each day
A need to write and not be anxious about it
I’m in a cage and it’s getting smaller
I’m in denial of my own fate
Why me? Why so? Why this?
Why do I have to see everything so clearly?
The knowing, bothersome by the days
The concealing, revealing
I want to cry till I’m no longer sorry

my bludgeoned heart bleeds
my soulful mind pleads
my aching eyes scarlet
like the fire in my lungs
makes it hard to breathe

love is, and always will be
like a fatal car accident
this time I didn’t survive it
with no peace to rest in

to grow, we will have to outgrow
because we start small in everything
body and mind
our experiences widen
so does our heart
and to find God,
we’ll have to find Ourselves



If there’s only 1 God
then that will have be you for now.

I’m starting to recognize the awareness
that my very essence,
is to become a well rounded person
when I’ve finally unshackled from the chains of indulgences that are only to my detriment
I’m ready to becoME.

as I’ve learnt,
a long time ago

a blue sky,
doesn’t make
a beautiful day

for beauty,
even in our perception
lies within

writing,
following thought,
like fluid,

I’m not stopping.

Maybe one day we’ll wake up
And all these will be a prologue
Then the real story begins

there’s a philosopher
in my head
and
he won’t shut up
about true tales of things
I’d rather not know

our minds are all conditioned
with a zillion tiny pieces
of ideas, picked up
from somewhere
consciously or unconsciously
reflecting one another
exchanging perceptions
in hopes that
we find a meaning
to all of it

And then the blues
Here they come
The sun has finally gone to bed
Here they come

I'm having lucid dreams

of fresh flowers,

in May


adorning your body

while the rain pours

on Us

I fell in love with a poet
now my life is being documented

with verses,
swirling in rhythms

ornamented with colours,
of gold and fuchsia

scented,
with love perfumery

Everything is affected by everything
That's how the Universe was made
Enchanted. That things will react by other things reactions
That that will occur, but only when this has occured
That we are connected, and together we're one big organism
That we are only part of one big puzzle

I want to write a beautiful piece
So sit right here, be my muse
Let me write about your soul,
And its white linens
Let me write about
How it's stained by your
Burgundy heart
How you kiss in tides,
How your eyes shimmer
With the late night stars
I want to keep you forever alive
And it's only best
If you sit upright
Let me portray you with words,
Let me ink these immortal lines

The sun rose
Flickering on the pink flamingos
Being graceful
By the gold-glimmerish riverside
How has it become that,
My fantasies have become my days
I hope this happiness
Don't get washed away
by the waves

she was woven from silks
           of the finest farms

           her core was tonic
           her facade angelic

         her style was majestic
           her name rhythmic


    she was written with inks
            of velvety fluids

             poetic was she
             logical was she

              bold was she
             tender was she


      you see, she was perfect
          but living is acidic


      so i built her a sanctuary
          in verses and lyrics

i'm tired of the company I keep
a heart that throbs,
a conscience that speaks

i know a thing or two
about being immune

shutting off feelings,
acting amused

dozing to the sun
awaking to the moon



i know a thing or two
about happiness and doom

stirred in one cup,
served for two

strapping bandages
covering abuse

A day has finally come
When I could think to myself
And gasp, still surprised
That I've ceased to love you
You see,
I used to feed by breathing you
I awaken everyday to live off you
I used my brain only think of you
My life was alive from you

But a day,
Oh a day has finally come
When I don't crave of you
Takes a mile of thoughts to remember you
My heart is no longer fond of you
You were my passion, but goodbye to you

I can't wait for your birthday
So I get an acceptable excuse
To talk to you

"I know I'm not the man for you
I just love you too much to accept it."

i once loved a boy
who didn't find solace in my arms
but in his drugs

I never write about you
I write about who I was
When I was with you
How I loved, when I loved you
And how I fell, when I lost you

I now write about finding my balance
Which comes back to you
But no
I insist, I never write about you

I've fallen in various pits of love
But his...
his was filled with sapphires
With roses that bloomed
A sun that kissed away my fire

I've fallen and I've failed
But with him
With him it wasn't just a burning desire
There was no pain, regret or gloom
With him I was wired

don't think of me
for this time
I won't hesitate
to set your mind
on fire



don't you ******* think of me
for I swear
not to come with wings
but horns of vengeance



oh dear, don't you do it
though I love you the same
I'm now insane
having wild cravings
for your pain

i awoke with a crime scene for a face

thoughts filthy like ***** underwear

heart heavy with stacked sins and mistakes

tears assembling in lines of dismay


*i think of you and sobbed while i lay

I was written to life

In a world filled with fictional characters,
God is the writer and I am the ink
Once I'm finished,
**No more queens and kings

Lost in my thoughts,
In these mazes I've found, the devil and a ghost,
I've found a little girl, who was me I suppose,
Some silver linings, rough edges with the rust,
Lost but found, my dignity with dust,
I cannot say, but is that you all frost?
Eyes and heart both cold, I'll gift you some hot coals,
I hate these findings, so I'll sail on this boat,
It should take me away, away from my worst

Stop invading my dreams,
It is the only place I feel sane

You could take my heart,  
But for keeps, leave remains

I knew you had priorities,
Only thought I was your main

I'll cut my emotion pipes,
Let it all drain

Till my high is sober,
Till I start to use my brain

Stop invading my dreams,
The only place I feel sane

Ever since you left me
I haven't been able
To write a decent poem
Worth two likes
You were my
Inspiration
I guess

My mind could be compared to a waste bin
All that I've thrown there today is you
You garbage

As I trapped you into a warm embrace,
To bring summer to your winter heart

I searched through the war in your eyes,
And found the mend to your wrecked soul

Right before I started to weld,
You snatched away with a sinking strength

I pierced your back with my laser gaze,
Before I sat on our forgotten past

What substance could the little flame in my heart be burning on?
Could it be my blood?
Could it be my blues?
I cannot say
But I hope it could use the thoughts of you

Will you marry me?
So that we could escape the Weekdays together?
And make love till we create little Weekends?
My sweet Friday Night?

I don't want to write about you
Because if I should,
I will have to open my mind and reminisce
And let filthy scenes fill my head
Of guilty sins    
Which have destroyed the bridge, connecting who I was,
To who I've become
Making it hard to cross once more

I don't want to forget you
But if I could,  
I will start by burning my diaries,
Watch as ***** secrets turn grey
Turn meaningless,
Demolishing what's left of my happiest moments,
Creating suicidal thoughts            
In the nearest future                

I don't want to marry you
But suppose I do
I will have to ignore your wrong doings
Hurt as you slash me with broken promises
Breaking me, reducing me
Hell breaking loose and you finally dominating me

I don't want to remember,
See,
Feel,
Hear,
Crave,
Miss you

You're a gate pass to hell,
Heaven knows,
I don't wanna go there

The morning sun rays don't awake me with tender kisses
They curse and spit before slapping against my eyes
I procrastinate breathing in deep air before I finally let
The tiny razor blades speed into my nostrils
I try not to contemplate my bed of daggers
As I cut my feet through the harsh blades of cold floor
"It is a good morning" I whisper and let the rest of the war begin

I am one knight that creates a whole army,
I am the sword and the vein it cuts through,
I am the blood that gushes out,
I am the soul that flee from the body which I am,
I am lifeless and very much alive,
I am victory and loss, pride and shame,
I am the horse and the saddle,
The cradle that carries the baby which I am,
I am a mother and her joy,
The grief of previous miscarriages,
I am a broken engagement,
I am a dead couple,
I am an empty space and the crowded matter it contains,
I am uselessly important,
I am something nothing can change,
**I AM DESTINY

I'm gold and platinum
Then why do I feel like the mud, stucked under your ride's hooves?

You say you're a king?
Then I just became your crown,

Don't cast me in the box of your jewellery,
For I'm sparkly and shiny by nature,

On your head you should carry me,
Don't mistreat me with thick dust and dirt,

But if you wouldn't, if you can't, if you don't want to,
The farther you put me down,

The more I ****** your gold and glitters,
Before I vanish into thin air

Beauty beauty
Both good and bad

Here in the mirror
She stares and smiles

She sparkles with me
She keeps me alive

She throws her shadow
On my care

Let not their words
Penetrate and thrive

She sheds her poison
In my air

Beauty beauty
Till I die

Your place I visit
When I'm sad

Who are you?
Where have you been?
I've moved the heaven
I've moved the earth
But I couldn't find you
Then you arrive today
So suddenly

I don't understand
I don't know
Its a new atmosphere
Its a new world
Don't look away
Stay close to me
Even a few moments of love
Are never too less

Let's drown ourselves
Then loose ourselves
And forget we ever knew sadness
Cos I've found shelter
And I've found home
In the warmth of your gaze