I always need to be perfect.
You tell me that I have it all together.
I don’t.
I never do.
I should take it as a compliment,
But the expectation weighs me down.
I need to be perfect.
I need to get good grades in school
So I can get into a good college,
Get a good job,
Have a good life.
I know my parents only want the best for me,
But I don’t ******* want to be perfect.
Crap, cussing is a sin.
But I don’t give a **** **** because I’m not perfect.
On the exterior, I’m calm
Happy
Cheerful.
But I’m really crumbling
I’m falling
Because I’m failing
Because I’m NOT PERFECT.

WHY DID YOU ALWAYS SAY I DIDN’T NEED TO BE PERFECT?
WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?

I’m not perfect.
I’m crying.
I’m crying because I failed you.

I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.

Why can’t I be perfect?

Longing
For
Something
I
Will
Never
Have.

So
Obscure
I
Don’t
Even
Know
What
I’m
Looking
For.

Where are you?

I need help.
You guys tell me what to do.
My best friend cuts herself
And I can’t understand.
Make me understand.
I don’t know how to help her.
I think she needs my help.
But I don’t know how.
For all those who have cut before,
What did you wish someone did for you?
I need to do that for her.

We’re so simple
So complicated,
We keep on
Making things complex
We just wish
For simplicity
But all we do
Is ponder complexities
That **** sapiens created.

I don’t understand
Where you stand.
Are you on my side?
I don’t like being lied
To.

Am in the cloak of darkness.
I hate it when I
Find light in darkness
I feel recharged when I
Am enveloped by darkness.
I cannot help but die a little when I
Find a bit of kindness.
I celebrate when I
suffer greatly.
I think it is horrible to
Lead a wonderful life.
I think I should be sentenced to
An eternity of suffering.
I think no one should experience
Pure happiness and joy.

Red roses
Red poppies
Red apples in summer.
Red blood spilled
Red lipstick
Red eyes after crying lakes.
Red markers
Red houses
Red bricks breaking through my window.
Red hearts
Black hearts
Broken hearts.

Feelings are temporary
You should never act on feelings.
But is this correct?
I am unsure.
I think I would rather have a flawed world
With love
Than a boring one
Without it.

I know.
All of my poems
Are just excuses.
You keep on saying that:
“Stop making excuses!”
I know I made a mistake.
I wish I didn’t.
You are the very person
Who taught me mistakes are bad,
Whether it was directly or indirectly.
And I believed you.
I keep on trying to justify my mistakes.
I’m sorry.
I know I made a bad choice.
But I guess I’m in denial
That I made a mistake
‘Cause didn’t you say mistakes are bad?

The light
In our eyes
Is what’s keeping us alive.
Forget air, I don’t care,
Oxygen’s just keeping us from dying.
Do you know the difference?
Between alive and undead?
One’s worth living and one is not
The difference between the human and the bot.
The light I speak of now
Is not in your house, anyhow,
It’s found beneath the skin,
Beneath the ribs
Beneath your flesh.
The light inside is found worldwide
Forms of hope to help us cope
With the stress of imperfection
Where kindness is our own protection.

I’m the one puzzle
Missing puzzle pieces
That frustrates
And bothers everybody.

I’m also the dog
That ate the puzzle piece
To discreetly trigger
Everybody.

Innocence
Never
Told me
How much
Pain there
Was in
The world.

I miss
Everything
I can never have.
I miss
Everything
I never had.

There is a poster
On the cracked brick wall
“Have you seen her?”
A picture of me
On the flyer
Taped to the wall.

“No.”
I think
“I haven’t.”

Snow brings a new start.
Each day is novel.
Rain washes off tears.
Weather makes anew.

Evening falls
And I’m sitting here
In the dim light of the moon
Waiting for my life to move forward
To move on.
What a waste it is:
To just sit and gaze
At passer-bys
Passing me by.
I wish to move somewhere
To something
Be something.
Where
When
And how
Are not my concerns.

Shine your light upon me
So that I may see
The very thing that enraptured me.
Upon your arrival into my life,
I found that my burdens grew light.
True love is when you find a friend,
Who loves you and will help you grow
Until the end.

I’m supposed to be writing an essay right now.
I’m not, as you can see.
You know, it’s funny how I’ve written 400 something poems already
But I can’t write an essay for the life of me.

What I can’t see
Doesn’t scare me!
I want to see
It anyway.
Curiosity
Drives me,
Not fear.
Or maybe it does.
Yes, yes, it does.

Is it so easy
To be happy?
Honestly
I am unsure
How people do it.
Maybe I am just negative
Too much of a pessimist.
But seriously,
It’s like my entire life
Is viewed through sunglasses.
They aren’t rose-tinted
Either.
They are so dark
It would probably be illegal
To have that kind of tint
On the windows of a car.

Being happy
Isn’t supposed to be so hard.

I’m made out of colors
Colored outside of the lines
But I’m still turning out;
No one knows how this masterpiece
Is going to turn out yet.

Questions are dancing in my skull.
So many
So many more.
Inquiry
Is my best friend
But if curiosity
Killed the cat
I’ll be dead
Soon enough.

Up in flames
Dancing around my burning flesh
You live
To set fire
Right?
You set me
On fire
Now I burn
I burn
Like dry paper
On the surface
Of a star.

I haven’t written poems in a week,
That’s enough to make me freak,
But HePo wouldn’t work,
It made me go berserk
I think it may need some tweaks.

Don’t
Try to get in.
The door’s locked
And I won’t open the door.

Don’t
Try to break my walls.
They’re made of titanium
Fireproof titanium.

It’s
So lonely in here.
Why
Did I imprison myself
Here?

I’m always on guard.
Always afraid.
Always on thin ice.
The eggshells-
They crunch beneath my feet.
Can’t say the wrong thing
Did I say the wrong thing?
Right and wrong.
Right and wrong.
Black and white-
Somewhere in between?

Tell me when to sit
Stop
Learn
Speak.

No
Don’t tell me what to do
Only I tell myself what to do.

Yet you scream
Within the large depth of my ear canal
“LISTEN TO ME”
“YOU ARE WRONG”

But no.
I am right.
Don’t tell me what to do.
You can shout my eardrums ******,
But your foul filth
Will never make it to my mind.

Humming
People sounds
Surround.
The sound
Of civilization
Vibrate
Through the whole of society.
A nation
A city
A world
Hearing the hum
Of humanity.

Remember when the sun shines bright
It is at it’s full potential height.
But when it’s light can reach us here,
It takes thousands of days, months, years.
Looking down at our puny planet,
Fill our seas with your life essence.
Must you take so long?

Possess
The mess
That I am.

I lied
I don’t want to be tied
To you because I know
When you fly you fall.

I am writer
Who wishes to be written
My writes are futile
None of them give to me
What I always wanted:
A story.
But I can’t seem to find
The theme hidden deep
In this encoded book
Of mine.
My plot has so many holes
I don’t even know
If my story
Ever existed.

I am your future.
You are my past.
Walking past,
Like I am just another person.
But your eyes flicker toward me.
A half of a second,
Not even.
But that’s all it takes.
We are each other’s time.
You are mine.
I am yours.
Time passes.
Our hands touch as we brush past.

Wake up.
Go to school.
Come home.
Do homework.
Do chores.
Read.
Sleep.
Wake.
School.
Home.
Sleep.
So tired
Of all this predictability.
Days
Blend into each other.
Every day is the same.

Something inside of me shifts
And everything seems ok again.

Write to tell
Write to talk
Write to hell
Write to Mars.
Write for love
Or write for hate
Write just because
Write yourself away.

I want you to trust me.
Do you?
Please, because I trust you.

Toss
My heart aside.
Like trash
You don’t think of me
As trash
Right?
Yet you throw
Everything I’ve given you-
Everything I tried to give-
Away
Into the garbage.

Why do I keep messing up?
They say that making the same
Mistake over and over again
While expecting different results is insanity.
Maybe I am insane.
Because I sure as heck are making the same mistakes
Over and over again.
I don’t think
I expect different results though.
I think I have given up
On ever getting a good result.
Sometimes
I am doing well,
And I learn from my mistakes.
But I can never keep it for long
And I make the same mistake again.
I can’t be correct for more than three weeks.
Maybe I am a wrong person,
Because I cannot not make mistakes.
Everyone else
Make mistakes.
I am sure of this.
But their mistakes are small and trivial.
I mess up big things, like relationships.
Because that is messing up others.
This is why I need to be alone.

I doubt that I am poetic.
I doubt these words are pretty prose.
Most of my poems,
In fact,
Either sound sad
Or psychotic.
Not beautiful.
Bitter.
Yes,
These words are bitter.
Coal linings,
Of tears.
Not beautiful.
Scarred.

Calm down.
Think.
Use your brain.
Take deep breaths.
Don’t get overwhelmed.
Don’t stress yourself out.
It’s easier than you think it is.
I have been told
These things all my life.
Are they right?
I’m not sure.
I don’t always agree
But they might be right.
I think I am too opinionated
To determine whether or not they are right.
Maybe I am inadequate for not
Being able to do these things.
Maybe I am wrong.
Maybe everyone else is right and I am wrong.

Where are you
When I need you?

The world is so weird.
These trees keep on waving at me,
And the wind is whistling while it works.
But seriously,
The world is so weird!
Like
Why is the sun beaming at me?
How can a sun beam?
Does it even have a face?
How can a moon have a face?
Gosh, the world is so WEIRD!

Reassure
Realign
Reality.

Resign
Reduce
Reprieve.

Relieve
Retri­eve
Restart.

Sky high
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
To stay and chat.

To stay and chat
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
Sky high.

Remember the beauty
Of silence.

Remember when
Monotonous blab
Wasn’t used as a substitute
For art.

Remember when I could trust
The words of others.

I hear your shouts,
Your screams,
Your cries,
Your yells.

I used to scream
But I stopped.
Because no one ever heard me.
I thought I would never be heard.
So I gave up.

I really hope you don’t give up.
Because I hear you.
You are heard.

She cut
And cut
And dug
Deep inside her skin.

But all
That ever poured out
Was ink
Flowing night.

Who
Are
You?

I
Don’t
Know.

Why?

I
Don’t
Know.

Where
Did
You
Go?

Somewhere
You’ll
Never
Find.