Why do I keep messing up?
They say that making the same
Mistake over and over again
While expecting different results is insanity.
Maybe I am insane.
Because I sure as heck are making the same mistakes
Over and over again.
I don’t think
I expect different results though.
I think I have given up
On ever getting a good result.
Sometimes
I am doing well,
And I learn from my mistakes.
But I can never keep it for long
And I make the same mistake again.
I can’t be correct for more than three weeks.
Maybe I am a wrong person,
Because I cannot not make mistakes.
Everyone else
Make mistakes.
I am sure of this.
But their mistakes are small and trivial.
I mess up big things, like relationships.
Because that is messing up others.
This is why I need to be alone.

I am your future.
You are my past.
Walking past,
Like I am just another person.
But your eyes flicker toward me.
A half of a second,
Not even.
But that’s all it takes.
We are each other’s time.
You are mine.
I am yours.
Time passes.
Our hands touch as we brush past.

I always need to be perfect.
You tell me that I have it all together.
I don’t.
I never do.
I should take it as a compliment,
But the expectation weighs me down.
I need to be perfect.
I need to get good grades in school
So I can get into a good college,
Get a good job,
Have a good life.
I know my parents only want the best for me,
But I don’t ******* want to be perfect.
Crap, cussing is a sin.
But I don’t give a **** **** because I’m not perfect.
On the exterior, I’m calm
Happy
Cheerful.
But I’m really crumbling
I’m falling
Because I’m failing
Because I’m NOT PERFECT.

WHY DID YOU ALWAYS SAY I DIDN’T NEED TO BE PERFECT?
WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?

I’m not perfect.
I’m crying.
I’m crying because I failed you.

I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.

Why can’t I be perfect?

Humming
People sounds
Surround.
The sound
Of civilization
Vibrate
Through the whole of society.
A nation
A city
A world
Hearing the hum
Of humanity.

I doubt that I am poetic.
I doubt these words are pretty prose.
Most of my poems,
In fact,
Either sound sad
Or psychotic.
Not beautiful.
Bitter.
Yes,
These words are bitter.
Coal linings,
Of tears.
Not beautiful.
Scarred.

I’m supposed to be writing an essay right now.
I’m not, as you can see.
You know, it’s funny how I’ve written 400 something poems already
But I can’t write an essay for the life of me.

Remember the beauty
Of silence.

Remember when
Monotonous blab
Wasn’t used as a substitute
For art.

Remember when I could trust
The words of others.

There is a poster
On the cracked brick wall
“Have you seen her?”
A picture of me
On the flyer
Taped to the wall.

“No.”
I think
“I haven’t.”

Reassure
Realign
Reality.

Resign
Reduce
Reprieve.

Relieve
Retri­eve
Restart.

Tell me when to sit
Stop
Learn
Speak.

No
Don’t tell me what to do
Only I tell myself what to do.

Yet you scream
Within the large depth of my ear canal
“LISTEN TO ME”
“YOU ARE WRONG”

But no.
I am right.
Don’t tell me what to do.
You can shout my eardrums ******,
But your foul filth
Will never make it to my mind.

I hear your shouts,
Your screams,
Your cries,
Your yells.

I used to scream
But I stopped.
Because no one ever heard me.
I thought I would never be heard.
So I gave up.

I really hope you don’t give up.
Because I hear you.
You are heard.

Sky high
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
To stay and chat.

To stay and chat
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
Sky high.

Who
Are
You?

I
Don’t
Know.

Why?

I
Don’t
Know.

Where
Did
You
Go?

Somewhere
You’ll
Never
Find.