I am a cliff.
And I’m a person falling off the cliff.
And I’m the person PUSHING myself off the cliff.
Wow, how masochistic.
I don’t enjoy pain.
And yet
Every time I see a cliff
I jump.

I have a fairly great life.
I am one of the group of fortunate people
Who get to go to school
Who have a kind family
And a roof above my head.
I should be thankful.
I am.
But I’m mostly sad.
I am always afraid of what may happen,
Which probably will inevitably happen
Because life does that sometimes.
I feel like because I am fortunate
I should be happy.
But it’s so dang hard for me to be happy.
I don’t understand it.
Sometimes I wish I was diagnosed with depression
Because then at least
I would have an excuse.
I would have an explanation.
But instead I am left with a sadness
That I can’t explain.
I don’t deserve to be this sad.
My life is awesome.
I don’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain.
I’m pretty sure I got a good amount of serotonin in me.
It’s just me.
But if it’s so easy,
Then why is it so hard?

You tried to burn me down
I was wood in a fire
I was kindling drowned
In gasoline.

You tried to burn me down
And you did
You burned and burned
Until I was reduced to charcoal and ash.

What you didn’t know was
Charcoal makes art
Charcoal inspires others
Charcoal is art made from ashes.

Talking to you
Is like walking on thin ice
Covered in eggshells
And infested with mines.

As monotonous
As life can seem
Somehow I still get caught up in it.
Or maybe I find it so boring
That I tap out of reality
And into my imagination.
I am a very idealistic person,
I’m afraid I may get lost in my ideals.
Wouldn’t that make it hard
To accept someone for who they are
If they didn’t match my ideals?
But I don’t actually know what my ideals are.
I always thought I was open-minded.
Maybe I am wrong.
Well, I must be, one way or the other
Because one cannot believe both.
Or maybe they can.
Do shades of grey apply to life
As they do to color?

I have always thought in words.
An inner monologue
Always was busy with thought.
Today I was thinking
About differences.
We all have differences
We are different
We embrace these differences.
Or, at least most of us do.
Well, anyways,
I thought:
Aren’t we all human?
We are-at the core-
The same.
We are equal in our humanity.
In fact,
Sentient creatures of all kinds
Share a certain humanity-
A certain awareness-
That all living things hold.
So therefore,
Why do humans, who so intensely value their own humanity,
Why do they oppress
And afflict pain
Unto their fellow beings of humanity?
Of course
I am not an exemption
Of the **** sapiens habit
Of inconsideration.
I am imperfect as the rest of you are-
I just want to know what drives
A few select humans
To be so unkind.

Turn that frown
Upside-down
Fake it ‘til you make it
You say.

Change your attitude
Wipe your tears
And turn around
Your day.

I am not saying
That you are wrong
(Although you kind of are)
But I’m just saying
All these things
Are easier said than done.