Calm down.
Think.
Use your brain.
Take deep breaths.
Don’t get overwhelmed.
Don’t stress yourself out.
It’s easier than you think it is.
I have been told
These things all my life.
Are they right?
I’m not sure.
I don’t always agree
But they might be right.
I think I am too opinionated
To determine whether or not they are right.
Maybe I am inadequate for not
Being able to do these things.
Maybe I am wrong.
Maybe everyone else is right and I am wrong.

Everything is my fault.
I know this.
I know it’s my fault I get overwhelmed
And make a bunch of mistakes.
It is my fault, right?
If I asked for help more,
Maybe I wouldn’t be overwhelmed,
So I could think more clearly.
It’s my fault that I didn’t ask for help.
It’s my fault that my Mom got mad
Because I tried to walk away.
I just really needed to walk away
Because reality is too hard.
So now I’ve accidentally disrespected my Mom
And it is my fault.
I won’t blame anyone else.
I think I secretly want to though.
I don’t want it to be my fault
But it is anyway.
My mistakes are my fault.
They say mistakes are human.
I am very human.
Or maybe
I make so many mistakes
That I am no longer human
Because surely
The average human is not
Such a disappointment as me.

Why do I keep messing up?
They say that making the same
Mistake over and over again
While expecting different results is insanity.
Maybe I am insane.
Because I sure as heck are making the same mistakes
Over and over again.
I don’t think
I expect different results though.
I think I have given up
On ever getting a good result.
Sometimes
I am doing well,
And I learn from my mistakes.
But I can never keep it for long
And I make the same mistake again.
I can’t be correct for more than three weeks.
Maybe I am a wrong person,
Because I cannot not make mistakes.
Everyone else
Make mistakes.
I am sure of this.
But their mistakes are small and trivial.
I mess up big things, like relationships.
Because that is messing up others.
This is why I need to be alone.

I’m sorry.
I know you were just trying to help.
I don’t know why,
But I almost felt attacked.
I know I made a mistake
But I wasn’t thinking.
I keep on making mistakes.
Too many.
I make more mistakes than most,
I think.
It’s almost as if I never learn.
Or maybe I learn,
And forget.
But I am sorry
I was just trying to run away
Because I needed to give myself space
Away from reality.

I was drowning
I was drowning because you
Pushed me past the edge
Off the cliff of sanity.

I struggled through the riptide
The waves grabbed me by both arms
Thrashed and almost smashed
Into the rocky shelf.

I tried to swim and I sank
I sank to the ocean floor
I sank until I let go
And finally floated to the the surface.

The snow is a white blanket.
Life is a torrential sea.
Living is piloting an airplane during a blizzard.
Still water is a mirror.
The girl was a lioness
Regal and sleek.
Metaphor is the Voyager Golden Record
Of humanity.

Sky high
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
To stay and chat.

To stay and chat
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
Sky high.