Letters on pigeon
Or sent in a bottle
Love is nothing like the movies
You just give it away without
Knowing if it gets received or reciprocated or reviewed
And then nothing else because love doesn't expect anything in return
It's magical torture

Cemented fossilized embedded imprint
My stride not my pride you restrict
An ache of a sore of a pain you inflict
Makes everything I'm going to do
So **** easy to predict
Cycle circled by, in a flash it went
Not a bang nor a boom but a flick
A spiral in flames turned to ash of consequence

On a spindle spun no gold but a finger I did *****
The sharpened end did fail just a tiny little bit
Half awake, sleep walking with the dullest intent
Bought so many peoples ****
That I'm flat broke
And late on rent

I think I'm finally beginning to find myself
It's between what I want and who I was
A mere inch of a space
Expanding over time
I found my niche in my head
A spot, after so long that's all mine

I think I'm finally beginning to untangle bits of the web
That once held me in place
I can wiggle my toes
And raise my chin high
My hands are still tied
As for now, this will do just fine

I no longer stop to ask the wind why it blows
Or listen to the howls the moon seems drag along
No, I just take a breath
As my pieces cry their song

No more do I feel as if I have to snarl at the clouds
That love to hog the sun
Or wonder what Im doing that bothers everyone
No, I just smile in the gray
And make my own sunny days

I revel in the simple notion
Knowing the peace comes
In the aftermath of commotion

All noises and silence
Hold a slot of their own
The only choice I have to make
Is which one I call home

If you're not happy I failed as a soulmate
I wanted to fill you with fire and watch as the emotions trapping you unsatisfied reduced to nothing but ash that would be swept away as you ran forward.

I wanted to make your head spin with endless possibilities of fulfillment  

If you're not irrefutably irreversibly incandescent
Not for me not because of me but after the spiritual transformation from the  meeting of our two souls
I have failed you as a soulmate.

If I have failed you
I am sorry my dearest friend

I think I'm fine until I'm crying in my kitchen
These emotions I need to let go of,
I've been trying to give them a way every chance I get
But they linger like a vagrant in the alley by the bar asking me for a cigarette
Maybe tomorrow I'll find myself at home
But today it seems I'm still traveling in unknown disaster that's merely denial dressed up divine

Happiness as vines begin to creep

And wrap around my house of stone
In the woods so deep

Foggy, hopes they start to speak

In this very moment

Bruised clouds wildly begin weep,

Heavy moans rattle my insides

And shake me from my sleep

Send me hidden

Sunken in a heap

Truth be told

You simply sow

what it is you reap

My heart gently rests between the sides of both my palms
Forever staying put
Between the squelchers
And the calms

A gooey ****** mess
Drips slowly down my arm
Forever staying put
Between what I want
And all the believable charm

If I made it through the night
Believing you weren't my own
Would your blood be effervescent
With oddities?
Would they raise ideas,
Possibilities of possibilities?
Would boundlessness ensue?
Would you be barefoot of
Illogical unrarities?
I would fall in line
But I have to have insanely absolute certainty.

It's taken a bit of time to get used to the pull of the push
The electricity you give off has left me seizing
Often I find myself on my hands and knees
Flooded and grieving
Little memories with large headstones
Read such a short lived life
But as it goes the good die young
It's what hits the hardest
Squandered potential
At the will of living ghosts
What could've been
And what was so close
We became restricted by pieces that don't exist
By walls and ropes and chains and cuffs
And gaps and mountains and ridges and bluffs
I'm walking on both feet but **** my
mind has landed somewhere else
And on impact has completely split in two
From the pull and the push of being swept up in you

Folds in the sand

At the hand of the wind

Not a clue where we end

Forgotten where to begin

All steps have been covered

In one fit of rage

Of words kept prisoner

That fought like hell to escape

Who knew the damage of one critical jail break

A tunnel dug with a spoon

Confused from lack of air

Dressed in filth

Anxious to be bare

Festered flesh

Left to heal

Stinging wound

Desperate not to feel

Victim to the elements

Sun scorched

Burned to a red

Learning to live life

Only living in one's head

A backwards birth
We are the universe dying
Bleeding from every surface
At the speed of emotion

Here you go again
With your in.
Lackluster
No creativity.
Tiresome
With no brevity.

Your remedy to your mess.
Winged,
But squawking in your nest

Down-feathers are long past.
Covered
In oversight that clearly lasts.

You're a clown with runny make up.
Comedy is your genre.

Still I visit
Like a celebrity in their home town

Still I Linger
Like sharpenal from an old battle wound

You've left me breathless
Silence is my fortress
And If I step behind me
The hands on the clock will spin uncontrollably
Along with my head
My eyes would look like the Cat on a cuckoo clock
Frantically aware of each passing hour

Obsession fueled by love
Love fueled by rage
Emotional direction
Facing in every which way

Lonely in a crowd
Yet always seek one out
Floating far away
Falling through the clouds

Inner dialogue gone hazy
Mumbles turned to roars
Craziness is loud
Brain fallen into war

Stopping to inhale
Abundance not in lack
The only way to move forward
Is not by stepping back

Memory composed bars
Form a solid square
Remembering who I was
Knowing I'm not there  

Dinosaur bone megaphone
Screaming in the street
Only for a moment
Knocks me off my feet

A wave of hesitation
Saves me by an inch
I was almost fooled
As my pride took a pinch

Magnified magnetic faces
Tip toe at my bust

Burning building
Makes the window a door

Fossilized illusions
Topped in magic hats

Dogmatic ****** features
Outlined in rouge

Ice caps melt
And warm my beer

The lions have gone extinct
But I'm still here

I'm so many people in one day
Unintentional and sincere in the act

Dissociative in moral high ground
And desired end points

All entities hungry for different food

Falling after I held myself up for so long

Just another fit of defeat?
Another demon with a spear?

I'm a hunter of sorts
My strategy is to start as the prey
Perfect surprise attacks
Keeps me alive and caught in the act

Fine cloth of division
Separating novel writer
And supreme creep

I **** my selfs
Just to not die weak

A passion ever felt
Burnt with leather belt
Raws my skin bold to welt

Sunken in a sip
My glass begins to drip
Sweaty palms friction slip

Accents yet to the tell
Exotic depths of hell
Fleshy lusts to sell  

Sneaky window breeze
Cools my pulse with ease
Mounted in the air to freeze

If loving you from afar is all I can do then that's what I'll do
Everyday with every part of me

A piece missing
A puzzle left incomplete
Observing from my tippy toes
Air beneath my feet
Everything I ever wanted
Slightly out of reach
The world is my oyster
Yet you're the only thing I seek

You stand with wide eyes and circle rims
Nipping it all in the bud
Hasty gardener who over trims
What's left of our water
Just a puddle only my finger tip can skim

I'm stuck in love with a not ever after
If you be my shining knight
And I'll be yours to batter
Bruise me, scar me deep
Treat me how you will
I'm always your to keep

Waiting on the sidelines
Nervous to jump in
Muddy shoes from walking
The mess is to my hem
With shallow waters Im soaked
I grant you permission to swim

Starry-eyed
Searching your face
Humbling constellation
Laid out in your place
When ever I am lost
I look to you and find my way
I dream I'm a rocket
That explodes in the sky
Pressurized combustion
Solidifies my stay
I'll keep reaching and climbing
Only to be close to you again one starry day

I was searching for a sign to confirm an all knowing feeling
When I realized distance is as much man-made as time

You excel at walking on eggshells
A hidden perfection
You're careful not to spill on your clothes
I want to show you how inspiring you are when you don't do it all right
You're the glow in an over exposed room
Heartbreak that made me soar like a rocket
I was living with earthworms
Now my best friends are the stars
I'm the smudge on your white shirt
Not afraid of being messy
An imperfection you can't control
How scary of a thought when you're used to living on your tiptoes
Any second it could all break  
And leave you with the urge to runaway from your feet
Trained to disobey the very essence at your very core
But no matter what I love you for
the complete confusion you are
An oath I never chose yet, choose to a million times more

Edging out the light

Some pictures are better when unseen

Then you're free to make up what ever it is you please

An angel in demon disguise

Sits with pursed lips

Patiently sighs

After every silly slip

A wilted rose

Brushes against your face

Smooth expectations

Listening to it crumble away

Scratch marks

Nothing more than a print made with a kiss

A dark entity
Gained entry
All I could do was watch
As he rancorously entered me
The manner of his position was
zig zag with sharp corners
He hunched rolling his neck with each push
A distasteful pleasure marked my outsides
A familiar feeling to the rest
I was stuck still in peaceful protest
Now he's apart of me he said
Each centimeter locked in my chest
Afterwards he sat downing a relieving sigh
As his eyes scanned my naked body
Trumpeting to himself she is now mine

Reflections the devil
Pupils lit a flame
It's hot inside my head
Fire covers my brain

Trap set inside time
Illusions of repetition
Nothing is moving
But the need of ammunition

Brittle skin
Sheds underneath
Arm stays still
As I move to reach

Validity
And morbidity
Antsy
And feeling faint

Curiously
It fulfills me
To keep  
Going on this way

Feed my soul with words that have meaning
Even if they’re not pretty
I don’t want shallow attempts
to paint the truth with limited false belief
I want substance
Even when the truth is covered in blemishes that gush black informality
Even when the truth exhales acidic breath
Even when the truth looks like untamed locks
Even when the truth looks like the translucent veil between pain and sanity
Even when the truth has bonded with chemical receptivity  
Even when the truth is vulnerable and shaking
Even when the truth feels like drinking fire

I want to roll around in reality and determine for myself what is “good” and what is “bad”

I'm trying hard to keep faith to hang on to push through
But everyday I reach my limit a minute earlier than the one before
How can I hold on with no grip? How can I push through with no strength
Fortitude is disappearing and grievance leads way
What am I here for?
None can be revealed?
Not even the slightest of bits
So I can resist going out of my wits
I want to claw my skin away to shed it
Even if that leaves me permanently reddened
Anything to get away
If only for a moment

Speak breeze,

Tease my purple lips,

Slip in and out

of my consciousness

Steal me away

While I'm sprinting in clouds

A past wisps by

Continually disavows

How did I get here?

How?

Two poppies on a California hill
Basking in the sun
Under pressure
Without free will
No room to walk
Tied still by roots
Watered down by
Selfless truths
No mouth to speak
Only pretty to pose
Waiting impatiently
For the swing of the crows

Sometimes that feeling comes back
That love that penetrates my skin
And crawls on under
That infects my cells
Leaving me with little control,
Intoxicated in the puddle I become
It convinces me to excuse the inexcusable
To sweep it all under the rug
Leaving me feeling like a puppet and you're holding onto the strings

You owe me an apology
I don't think this will ever go away
I don't think I'll ever get one
You're a cancer that doesn't **** instead makes me wish for death

It's starting to wane on my me
I'm ground and run down
I don't know how much longer I have until I'm only powder
Scrambling to be put back together and having no substance to even dream of dreaming I can be whole

Blue Skies or Gray
What's the difference
To me it's all the same

You'd think you were making a profit off my pain
But really I think it was all in good fun

Georgette wrinkled by force
And will
Spun by universal magnet
Small space between sets of finger tips
Open a room woozy and uncertain
A reunion grasped right and held close
A team of hips sway in rudimentary crass
sartorius pronouncements like that of fine tongue
Linger in wisps of flair
Elegant syncopation lifts the heaviest of airs  
And
chaînés chaînés chaînés chaînés

A song is what saved me
A little indie
With a reggae beat
Said in street rhymes
Standing on concrete

Lyrics that moved me
Filled with serenity
And victorious defeat
Graceful fluidity
Conducive and complete

My ears beg for more
One more time,
Seal on repeat  
A song helps me breath
My souls retreat

We would always get petty
Not for the sake of being petty
But for the sake of love

Success is when the worst parts of your life become your greatest blessing

I've counted 186 light bulbs
Seen three girls roam the night
Two strangers making out
Car sounds to my right
Countless wakes in the water
One cool breeze
Four songs
Another couple going to steal the waters touch
The anticipations a rush
Pose for a picture that sums up the moment in exact
Take a deep breath and relax
Maybe they're all travelers unaware of the troubles in this city
Inward distractions
A drug better than the rest
No withdrawal
Expect reality
But that might be the worst of them

Asleep inside a chafing fence

My heart rate rests

From my mind dreams do dispense

With every speech

A feign of suspense

I've been here before
I know how this one ends

Just as my breathing slows

And my brain is dressed

While I show my teeth
and whip out my very best

You pull away

It was all in my head

Then life shows  me
I was just another conquest

Annoyance to clarify
The leftover boundaries when sweeping life into dustpan
Deficiencies that crawl up your esophagus
And claw at your gag relax until your mouth is forced open and you spit out a bulk of *******
You really had no control
It’s not your fault so you move on to more pleasantries and pretense of pretending and a never ending
A repetition
A decomposition
Of who you are
Until you stumble upon something with a sparkle and you do your damndest to make that **** dull

Is the only
Thing you
Can't manipulate

Fresh scars
I swear they weren't here yesterday
Yesterday I had fresh skin,decorated only in orange brown speckles
Now all I see is a blurred image of my old form, with a grayish hint,
Two sides melting into a sinkhole that is waiting to meet them in the middle
Different not only in appearance  but in shape as well
Flat land turned mountainous
A gang of cells with a bird's-eye view
I feign recognition,
I had really forgotten all about them,
But this feeling, this feeling isn't as new

God himself told me let him go
      Still I couldn't

I can sing an empty tune
Air in perfect pitch
A silent temptress
Moaning inadvertently
Who should I become?
Now that I've ridden the wave of these vibrations?
And laid in the sweat
That I pored from ancient temptations
Romance is simplicity
But how I quake in the pupil of complexity
And sometimes your over composition
Gives offense and is blind.
    Along with my five feelings a minute
But it works because you bore easy
The flaw lies in our trained disposition
    Of unempathetic nervous systems
Placing bets
Because assupmtion feeds more mouths than a herd of cattle ever could

I can't disappear because I won't
My reach is limited
But can easily be changed in the hardest way
Resistance can be reduced
Energetic pulses
Meld

We are holding the same spot
In different spaces
It's confusing
Like a ring
For energy
To jump through
We stand still
It passes
We are not the Tamer
Or the lion

Clinical
Chemical
Teetering
To sides

Individual
Togetherness
Decrepit
Insides

Welling
And swelling
Burning
Fire eyes

Deceased
Disease
A feeling
Of pride

As forever
Flew by
Twisted
enouement
Dead right

It's different when the weather starts to wear
When the insects sound ****** and refrain
When the sky begins the tear
And the moon begins to wane

When storms hesitate to speak
And the rain begins to wile
When the wind neglects to keep
And the world calms for just a while

It's similar to fare
Indebted to such recourse
For the burden we do bear
The calm ends with wretched force

It's good to have limitations
Not expectations
Except sometimes it's good to expect no limitations

Lack of Pain = Lack of Poetry
And that hurts.