Asleep inside a chafing fence

My heart rate rests

From my mind dreams do dispense

With every speech

A feign of suspense

I've been here before
I know how this one ends

Just as my breathing slows

And my brain is dressed

While I show my teeth
and whip out my very best

You pull away

It was all in my head

Then life shows  me
I was just another conquest

Shimmer glitter

Watch it shine

Can feel it coming

In waves down my spine



Glimmer thinner

Dressed to the nines

Geometric shapes

Laid down in lines



Bruised dark purple

With a deep heavy blue

Pacing back n forth

In thought without a clue


A streak of yellow glow

To color in your hope

Haven't left dock

But you're rocking my boat


Sea sickness

In a quickness

Heaving over edge

Singing in your praises

Lyrics to my pledge


Nauseous state

Unbecoming death

Sharpened pungent aches

Low beneath my breast


A past time this,

Giving away my breath


Shimmer glitter

Wrapped up in twine

Can see it coming

A sign of the divine

Happiness as vines begin to creep

And wrap around my house of stone
In the woods so deep

Foggy, hopes they start to speak

In this very moment

Bruised clouds wildly begin weep,

Heavy moans rattle my insides

And shake me from my sleep

Send me hidden

Sunken in a heap

Truth be told

You simply sow

what it is you reap

Obsession fueled by love
Love fueled by rage
Emotional direction
Facing in every which way

Lonely in a crowd
Yet always seek one out
Floating far away
Falling through the clouds

Inner dialogue gone hazy
Mumbles turned to roars
Craziness is loud
Brain fallen into war

Stopping to inhale
Abundance not in lack
The only way to move forward
Is not by stepping back

Memory composed bars
Form a solid square
Remembering who I was
Knowing I'm not there  

Dinosaur bone megaphone
Screaming in the street
Only for a moment
Knocks me off my feet

A wave of hesitation
Saves me by an inch
I was almost fooled
As my pride took a pinch

Folds in the sand

At the hand of the wind

Not a clue where we end

Forgotten where to begin

All steps have been covered

In one fit of rage

Of words kept prisoner

That fought like hell to escape

Who knew the damage of one critical jail break

A tunnel dug with a spoon

Confused from lack of air

Dressed in filth

Anxious to be bare

Festered flesh

Left to heal

Stinging wound

Desperate not to feel

Victim to the elements

Sun scorched

Burned to a red

Learning to live life

Only living in one's head

A piece missing
A puzzle left incomplete
Observing from my tippy toes
Air beneath my feet
Everything I ever wanted
Slightly out of reach
The world is my oyster
Yet you're the only thing I seek

You stand with wide eyes and circle rims
Nipping it all in the bud
Hasty gardener who over trims
What's left of our water
Just a puddle only my finger tip can skim

I'm stuck in love with a not ever after
If you be my shining knight
And I'll be yours to batter
Bruise me, scar me deep
Treat me how you will
I'm always your to keep

Waiting on the sidelines
Nervous to jump in
Muddy shoes from walking
The mess is to my hem
With shallow waters Im soaked
I grant you permission to swim

This is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is ****

Don't quit
Don't quit
Don't quit

This is **** this **** this is **** this **** this **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this **** this **** this is ******* ****

Don't quit
Don't quit

This is **** **** this **** **** this **** **** this **** this is **** this **** this is **** this is **** **** this **** **** this **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** this is **** **** this ****

Don't quit

Sometimes that feeling comes back
That love that penetrates my skin
And crawls on under
That infects my cells
Leaving me with little control,
Intoxicated in the puddle I become
It convinces me to excuse the inexcusable
To sweep it all under the rug
Leaving me feeling like a puppet and you're holding onto the strings

You owe me an apology
I don't think this will ever go away
I don't think I'll ever get one
You're a cancer that doesn't **** instead makes me wish for death

It's starting to wane on my me
I'm ground and run down
I don't know how much longer I have until I'm only powder
Scrambling to be put back together and having no substance to even dream of dreaming I can be whole

Blue Skies or Gray
What's the difference
To me it's all the same

You'd think you were making a profit off my pain
But really I think it was all in good fun

I think I'm finally beginning to find myself
It's between what I want and who I was
A mere inch of a space
Expanding over time
I found my niche in my head
A spot, after so long that's all mine

I think I'm finally beginning to untangle bits of the web
That once held me in place
I can wiggle my toes
And raise my chin high
My hands are still tied
As for now, this will do just fine

I no longer stop to ask the wind why it blows
Or listen to the howls the moon seems drag along
No, I just take a breath
As my pieces cry their song

No more do I feel as if I have to snarl at the clouds
That love to hog the sun
Or wonder what Im doing that bothers everyone
No, I just smile in the gray
And make my own sunny days

I revel in the simple notion
Knowing the peace comes
In the aftermath of commotion

All noises and silence
Hold a slot of their own
The only choice I have to make
Is which one I call home

I've counted 186 light bulbs
Seen three girls roam the night
Two strangers making out
Car sounds to my right
Countless wakes in the water
One cool breeze
Four songs
Another couple going to steal the waters touch
The anticipations a rush
Pose for a picture that sums up the moment in exact
Take a deep breath and relax
Maybe they're all travelers unaware of the troubles in this city
Inward distractions
A drug better than the rest
No withdrawal
Expect reality
But that might be the worst of them

I'm on pins and swallowing needles
My every word has taken shape of mummified Egyptian beetles
Heavenly resembled bandage
Aiding in my rebellion to decomposition
Bound in fragmented memories
They're keeping my skin whet
Dying  flesh
With a born again mind
What I couldn't conquer with death will live on in spirit

I'm so many people in one day
Unintentional and sincere in the act

Dissociative in moral high ground
And desired end points

All entities hungry for different food

Falling after I held myself up for so long

Just another fit of defeat?
Another demon with a spear?

I'm a hunter of sorts
My strategy is to start as the prey
Perfect surprise attacks
Keeps me alive and caught in the act

Fine cloth of division
Separating novel writer
And supreme creep

I **** my selfs
Just to not die weak

Stuck in winters cement
Got a bright idea
But can't seem to commit

Routine fell wayside

Lost in time

Normal traces new sketches

A corner I've never seen

Leaning against scratchy walls

Scrapes my arm

Will my mind, never rests

Spring like shapes

Boing out of my ears

Lost in translation

Springing up new fears

Spirals with timid edges

Wrapped around ribcage

Spinning while I stand still

Indian burn covered body

Lungs smuggling air

But soon to get caught

Leaning against scratchy walls

At the speed my brain starts to rot

Deliverance and dead seas
A dusty ocean breeze
Land fills filling lungs
Unaware galvanized charms
A set of rusty rugs

A dirtied coppered fray
Left to steal the day
Untangling what stayed behind
To follow close in line

Dehydrated angler fish faces
Upon a Many forgotten places
With even older chests
Once a hopeless mess

Reaching air once more
From a dry and cracked up floor
Bones to be revealed
A judgement now appealed

A shroud of mystery
A misty
Ungodly stench
Raises my nose in mourning
As my feet fumble to a bench
There I rest my body
From loves deadly kiss

My cheek lye
Washed and barren
Hands without a home
Pierce through my holy sleeve
Stretch and crease and pull
Clawing there way out
Entangled like a fool

Twig echoes
Snaps behind me
Still I cannot see
Only a breath
On my neck
Thickened and ghostly

A chilling touch
Rests at tips lengths of my shoulder
Though my chest grows warm
My rest is drastically colder

Decaying composition  
Fickle and forlorn
Drinks a meadows wishes
Blows a hollowed horn

Shells of seedling cases
Crisp and in a crunch
Steals an ears attention
Is welcomed, not so much

Worm with fattened ends
Darkens to the dirt
Wanting in some privacy
So he can do his work

Cylindrical dudgeon
Dug beneath my feet
Crumbles the earth below
Giving to conceit

Words like radioactive waste
Your mind is flooded
Intentions displaced
Desperation has taken
Root
Tangled up with the strings of your muscle
Causes the dips in your chest
Along with the deep cracks in your skull

Shot an arrow where the earth meets the sky
Dug your hands in the hole
Started to pry
Covered yourself in the dirt and darkness and never stopped for a moment to ask yourself why

Seeking company a constant
Skin starts to eat itself
When left alone
But never get too close
With more slides than a trombone
Just enough to see a body from your corner view
As long as it's not just you and you

I find some simple relief
In my sullen silence
Snuggling with grief
Squeezing my fists for hours
Followed by 30 seconds of release

My peace of mind
Has been smashed
Into a million
Sand like pieces

My hippocampus
Is stuck
On repeat
A need for you increases

I found some simple relief
I know time is limited
So I'll make this brief
I've been living in this gray for so long
They've crowned and named me chief

Duly noted
and
show boated
A cross of
what you need
And what made
your belly bloated

Secretly promoted
Enthusiastically gloated
All for a piece of metal
Cold and gold coated

Humbly devoted
Bold Italics posted
Only to line the ranks
Heavy and revolted

Pepsi
and
Pop rocks
Shoved
in a mouth
Just to end up
Exploded

My heart gently rests between the sides of both my palms
Forever staying put
Between the squelchers
And the calms

A gooey ****** mess
Drips slowly down my arm
Forever staying put
Between what I want
And all the believable charm

Theres a circle cycle of sides to the self of me

Standing in the middle surveying my surroundings

Noting each application and the consequences that apply

Maybe I'm simply a hedonist
Weighting for worn out pleasure centers to take a flame

Or an optimistic pessimist
Citing my self for the blame  

My humanistic approach has lost appeal

Defying my superego
And hierarchy of needs reel

Stuck in Erickson stages
A psychodynamic underground war rages

There's a linear graph
Self sided to me

Maybe I'm projecting all my insecurities
And taking my abnormalities
Out on maladaptive poetry

I decided to ride the slide sideways

Letting my feet hang over

And one edge guide my neck

I went straight down for a second or two

But with my eyes to sky
I didn't worry

Rather, I just enjoyed the view

I can't pretend I don't care anymore
I'm going to burst
My heart is bulging
And this ache is the worst

You'd be doing me a service
If you pulled it straight out of my chest
Dug it out with spoon
Or dodged a bullet
Smack dab into my breast

Maybe, if you prefer,
You could take the less invasive route
And extract it with a hook down my throat

Maybe, if you prefer,
You could use demolition
Lots of TNT
That would be "Dyno-mite"
To quote my favorite quote

You left me wounded
But you should've left me dead

You told me that you loved me
But that was the last thing to me you said

Meeting you was emotional suicide

When we slept together
I should've done it with an open eye

I'm a circus on a sinking ship
I asked the clowns to walk to plank
But the jokes won't quit

Yellow balloons
Big noses
Red shoes
And squirting roses

The laughs from ashore
Rival the tides
Coming in waves

Left by my own side

The bow is starting to crack
Under the pressure of the lion
Jumping through its fiery hoop

The shrouds once held tight
Now they are fraying
And starting to droop

An iceberg would be welcomed but we are in hot water

Not even a shark insight
I've been leaking blood

But still not a one to bite