I don't want to need you
Or to know you so well
You may be different now
But make no mistake
I hold your heart
It's here with me in times
Where you're disconnected
I feel it around me
Wonder if you meant for it
To float above the horizon
Above the deep blue sky
I wonder if you feel it
Lurking where I hide
You're waiting I believe
The way you said you would
Then again I am crazy
And you would want me to
Wait for you?
We had plans of a sort
The ones you described briefly
I tried to comprehend
I do now sometimes
But you are gone now
You see your heart is with me
I don't think you'll get it back
I didn't ask for it
It just doesn't make sense
Like love has no rhyme
Has no reason
The way you said you got it
But you never could believe it
I still write for you this way
Though you're long gone
But your heart is here with me
I'll take it where it belongs

I knew I fell for you
When I heard your voice
Walking up the stairs
The second floor of the apartment
I was scared
To look in your direction
Our eyes met for a split second
Feeling sort of sick
I couldn't help it
Nervousness hit
I sat down and watched the room
Loading a bowl
I listened without full comprehension
Of what Impact you'd have
On the rest of my life
Scared and vulnerable
I lured you to a cigarette
Talking for an hour or so
Waiting for time to go
As it was still when watching you
I felt admired
My best friend speaking highly of me
And a plethora of personality
Surrounding me
I think I was grateful
Drinking absinthe to numb
What I knew to become
The last bit of myself to flee
I offered you a ride home
Drunk but still sure
To get you home safe
Throwing up in the parking lot
I knew to be your place
We left that night
You had most likely other plans
Knowing you'd see me again
I couldn't resist you
But who could really?
You were the trees
The few I had known
I waited for you
Hurting me then helping
Turning me seldom
So it seemed
I was inlove with you
Thinking I'd have to leave
That this was bad for me
And it would bring pain
I couldn't let fear rule me
But you gave me that
The fearlessness
At least I had thought
I knew you loved me
Taking me back now
Are the images in my head
Painted beautifully
I still can't relax
Please come back

I keep reading Bukowski
You said he *****
That he was a whiney baby
And then Elliot Smith
You said you hated
But Goodwill Hunting
You said was your favorite
And I'd show you songs
But you knew them already
You told me time trap
Was the best from Built to Spill
You ate honey with fries
Said it was a secret
You told me lies
Until I'd believe it
You said I liked big words
Like I wanted to be smart
You'd challenge my intelligence
By tearing me apart
You said I had a high eq
That your iq was 155
You said if we dated
I would want to die
Suicidal I am
And more lost than before
Why couldn't you let me
Walk out your door?

Tears are sprinkling my skin
Just enough moisture
To feel alive again
I was a bean
Waiting to grow
But you were the gardener
Sitting each day
With a watering can
Somedays staring at it intently
yet you wouldn't budge