She doesn’t recognize herself
She stares into the mirror
But the face staring back
Isn’t her
This girl is feral
Dangerous
Liquid poison dripping from her tongue
This girl could snap at any point
Collapse at the drop of a hat
Freak out
Then there's no going back
You’re gone
There’s no saving you
You’re all alone
Like you always were
But you’re not anymore
Dark arms pull you in closer
You feel the cold glass hitting your skin
Your eyes closed briefly now you open
She switched spots with you
You bang on the mirror to get out
But now you’re trapped with everyone else
Who’s ever trusted their reflection
Shadows in dusk
Rain in the summertime
This was not supposed to happen

Sometimes I hate myself
I don’t know why
Because I don’t say the right thing
And I shouldn’t
Because I’m so nervous
I wish there was something I could be
Something
Poison
Climbing down the stars
Something feral confident
Acid dripping from her tongue
Exhausted from the chase
She’s trying to hard
Dying
Her tears put out the flames
She doesn’t know why
Why she doesn’t recognize herself

Summer is blue skies
Summer is pink lemonade daydreams
Summer is me and you
Winter is cold
Winter is leaving behind the old
Winter is me without you
Summer is warm, bright
Summer is happy days
Summer is when you held me tight
Winter is snowy, white
Winter is missing the flowers you used to bring me
Winter is saying goodbye

When I drive
By your house
I look for you
Against  my will
I have to
Just anything to see you
Even though I don’t love you anymore
Even though you never loved me
Seeing you just reminds me
How beautiful and cruel the world can be
Even though you never loved me
Even though you never cared
Just because you didn’t doesn’t mean I can’t
You probably think this is about you
Without knowing anyone else I’ve been with
But none of them made me hurt like you did

I don’t hate gym
it’s not my best class but it also not the worst
I will do push ups
I will run, do sit-ups, crunches and burpees
I will do everything you ask of me
Except play the games
Volleyball, Kickball, baseball
I just can’t
My body tenses, my lips quiver, my head freezes
Everyone’s just so much better than me
Runs faster than me, plays better than me
They look like their having fun
Like everything worth being alive
They look better than me
Dress better than me
This is what I think about during gym
Besides that, girls
Thin girls, thick girls, pretty girls, ugly girls
Who am I? And where do I fit in
Where do I belong?
Not here
In this gym, sweat pouring down my chin
legs wobbly, body tense with anticipation
Muscles weak, brain tired
From shouting
Over and over again
In my head, how useless I am
This is why I don’t participate in gym

My fingertips are gold
my heart, navy blue
But only when I
Am thinking of you
No one understands
That I am slowly sinking
Fading away forever
Can’t you see
That i’m trying
But nobody knows
I’m slowly dying

“Starve” Ana said, and so she did
Her body screamed “no” but she keep going
Because she wanted to love her reflection in the mirror not hate it
She trained her brain to hate the sight of food
Chocolate cake looks like diarrhea, lasagne looks like brains
“I’m strong” Ana said “starvation will never break me”
I’ll stop when I’m thin she told her parents
hungry to bed hungry to rise makes a girl a smaller size
Once on your lips is forever on your hips
“Resist or regret” Ana said
“You don’t have to count calories if you don’t eat”
All your allowed to drink is water and black coffee
Ana is making me sick