You are angry at me for being me
For trying to protect my love that was
Being used abhorrently against me
You could've loved me
And let me love you unconditionally
As I stll and will forever do
You've used my love to fight for you
Because you've always known
It's expansive magnitude
I've always prayed for you
To first get to know you
You are so much grander than
Some of your thoughts of you
The hate you are trying so hard to give
Is dull in comparison to the love of God
I was blessed and charged to instill
That shines in and through you...

If I could paint
My pain's kaleidoscope
It would look like
A purplish gold spattered
Flattened line of taupe...

Some days this struggle
Is unbelievable
Trying so hard
To just trust the God
I know that I know to be very real
And hold onto my faith
Knowing when
The spirit is guiding me to move and
How to be patient no matter
What
Situations arise or how
Bad things get
While learning
How patiently on the Most High
To just wait....

Running far and wide
Looking for a place
To tuck this weariness
There's no getting away
From the only me
I'm created to be
Still staring in mirrors
At this stranger
Looking back at me
Years of just peering through
Familial unfamiliar eyes
Naively believing every
Big and little non omitted lie
This anger waging war inside
Justifiably unjustified
Would it be to turn to rage
The hateful poison
Which could bring peace
If only I would lay down and die...

This glorious life spoken of
When deciding to follow Christ
Is it not written or understood
That the Lord, and savior
Innocent in flesh manifested
Was arrested and tried
At night, no jury of his peers in sight
Made to wear a crown
Of thorns, while carrying
The very same cross
Ulimately strung to and hung upon
Defeated foe, lastly laughing
Yup satan just knew he had him
But when the temple Jesus spoke about
Was rebuilt in just three days
The devil lost ALL his power
Over hell, death, and the grave
All that, was done so long ago
So that today any and everyone
By faithful grace, from
Ourselves may be saved...

Who the hell
Want to be like this
Feel like this
This hateful bliss
A mirage if you will
Of wanting and needing
To be accepted
For whom's I is
A thousand days to me
Is likened to one day
To the Most High king
So I will continue to wait
Cause my waiting on God's timing
Is never waiting in vain...

I feel so under qualified
When there are things
The Most High asks me to do
I'm always telling
My heavenly father
That I'm so broken
Asking are you sure
You want me to use?
I usually get the response of
If not you my beloved
Who would you rather me choose
And if not the broken
Who do you suggest I use???