Rain
Pains
Cold chains around my neck Rob me
of my dignities
Im Rodney Dangerfield
not only can I Not
get any respect
I cant even get a ******* rain check
damage control in effect
im a wreck and can you hear me
I think Im major Tom
and here am
I floating in my tin can
rather be a
chim
pan
zee
Pursuing all my efforts
In vain
Ev  er   ree  thang I do
Is what I was tryin not to do
a when I'm almost finished
I need some time not doin
an I look behind
I see some fool undoin
all the knots
I used to keep it all together
now are loosening
and as im
drifting
at around 120
an Im
accelerating
an im
trying
to gain a
better view
a new
way
of seein
whats happening
an im
changing
my
way of
thinking
instead
of saying
we got kicked
to the curb
how bout we sayin
weve been
set free
put all that ****
youve learned
put it up
nicely
in the rear view
mirror
flip it the bird
whistle whistle
hieeyahhh
were so outa here
like
like last year
ladies start your
engines
hes off his leash
and running
on false pride
denial
not in his right mind
has no idea what hes dooin
lets see who
can ruin him
this time
wheres the nachos?
shhhhhh
quiet
the shows starting
annnnnnn
back to you
Delton
oh well thanks
for the intro
a-hole
dont mention
it
friend
it is what it is
without further adu .....
lets do this
lost and lonely
if only i knew
everyone could see right
through my disguise
the wells of my
eyes
swelling
Oh .....
Swell
Life goes wrong
im gonged of the
gong show
again
and
things are getting
a little
blurry
I can barely see my friends
They look like they are all  doin well
I'm just so happy
Secretly
My strife goes on
posture imperfect
feelin like a chump
walkin circles
slumped
lookin like a derelict
talk about a half wit
bop bop bop
shoowap
talk about
bop....op
shoowap
talk about him
shoobie doobie
doo wap
dip dip

******
ok ok
enough already
he gets it
dumb dumb
does
he ?
$#¤<CUT>¤#$
AAAAAAHHHH
spank you vury much
myyyyyyy dear
I.......llllll
take it from here
facing down
pacin

Digging for

change
And saying
I have paid this toll too many times
This time I want the lead roll
Knaw what I get
instead
excuses
an
Regret I said it
Cause  I got my agent bret  
feedin me a ballogna
samwich
Tryin to console me
Given me council and
acting all
condesending sayin that time takin it's toll on me
oh really
is that what you think
let...... me.... .....show.....
you.
something
I've kept well pretty well thinking
Eventually Ill have to  run a bit
ya know
ta catch up on
things
****
not right now
f
though
cause my curtains calling the sun's falling
And now I'm in the sand running into the wind
And  the waves are crushing
I'm trying to break free
I get drugged back to the next one
That's reality or
Am I just tripping
And im

sittin
at
Malibu sippin on ***
Surfen.....
an lookin at the world..
Smillin ........
Throw in up dueces
ahhhhhh YA
BABY
truth is
i wasnt meant for this town
this world was meant for me
And ya .............
No I'm drowning in urban turbidity
Mistaking my youth lacking maturity
Someone keeps slapping me I brush it off smilling cause
im
cocky
I'm still big
enough
bad boy tough en rough enough
more like
heeees a huff en puff
whos the one who gets blamed
when things get tough
always does everything
and its never
enough
No one wants to try me
I'm  laughing
Thats immature ity or of me
I'm not sure
Hmm
Let's see.
Actually while I sit here debating
The tides taking me
Washed up I'm told
Unstable.
Stupid fables
I'm still able
Try me
Sometimes lately I can't get a gig
Even when I say
Aye I 'll work for free
Pockets empty
But still Rollin
Never rolled on anybody
I just got rolled I'm empty it fucken hurt me
I'm out
I fold
Leaving the table owing
The sharks morphing into vultures
Circling the desert sky above me
Scolded
Bought sold
old
Was been
Fear I'm afraid has started setting in
No taste I'm jaded
Gave all my best years to Jezebell
Who barely remembers me
Dazed
Dismal
Dank rank overlooked
Forgotten
Booked
Broke
Rotten rope
Spent my last dime on a broken
Boat sank
Starving no appetite
Lost fight
Karmas's bite
Tunnel no light
Funnel
I
N
G
D
O
W
N
Clown
Frown
Unclean
uneven
grievin
even given everything
I'm not playin
No thats ok
You go on
It's alright
I'll stay
No no
Don't wait a whole minute for me
You're barley gonna be a  hour early
You're what's important
You don't need me
I'm fine  
Dont be absurd
I dont want to be  burden
Can't get a word in .........
Ever.......
Ever
Everrr
Everrrrrrrrrr
Evvvvverrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Interrupted oh thats ok I'll do me later what do you need
Interrupting oh every body is waiting on me
I'm sorry IV just been so busy doin all y'alls things
I was just tryin ta give ya snore time channel surfing on tv
I'll work harder forgive me
Hope this doesnt interfear with you big plans of sleep in all day
Don't worry I'll work quietly
Decaying wailing
Waiting for the Boatman
No recognition in the reflection
Within the last trinket of treasure
Comforting  tether from a more pleasurable past
Time lent isn't coming back spent on the wrong things
Finnaly I get the feeling I'm no longer falling.
It's a definite maybe it's dark
Atleast I can walk I think I'm alright I can start healing
Ya right the floor just dropped out on me
Last reflection I reckalect  I'll see
Deplorable out cast naked empty
Groveling,used to be somthing
Stagerrin around hands in my pockets looking down
Rummaging through my own trainwreck
Exacerbating
my dreams and retirement tossed
Into the muck out of a bucket of slop
And feel bad cause I waisted your time
Whining about being
That pearl in the swine snout

I would be hailed nothing less
than
king of all the
Hypocrites
If I failed to confess
And
acknowledge this.
That in my youth.....
Cocky,crass,and lacking cooth
A time when
My mouth went
UnBridled
Anything I want arrogant
Carte blanche
Entitled
Egotistical
had it all ......
Looking back
Hid in securities
Its with crystal clarity
I.c.y
this thing causing my fall
As I reach terminal velocity...
The stench I smell around me
...........
Infidelity
And it matters
Not
who it was committed  with
Or how long ago.
........Still ......
I know its
Simply
A sickning
Debt Im owed
And its return burns ten
Fold
The guilt and shame
Accrued,
With compound interest
Gained...
Came so subtly
..... Karma.....
With abundant clever schemes
setting a horde of locust
Each branded
With my name
To destroy any love and its ever so clear
The poisonous
Prize
is mine to claim
At the risk of sounding vain
Over the years
Ive caused a tsunami of tears ...
Each one full of pain
Ive collected all of them
Like a sadistic
Ritual
I
Feel each one in full
The hurt is
Disabling
I know it
With excruciating
Intimacy.
These
insatiable deeds
That brought
Exstacy
Went rank and jaded me
Love is afraid of me
All my suffering
Is
nothing compared
To the hurt that has been caused
By me
..........
.......
....
...
Yours introspectfully
...
Me
..
.

You should, over time find, your hunger for knowledge be consumed by your thirst for wisdom.......
Or should I say
Your lack of knowledge
Should  out grow your lack of wisdom
Exponentially.
Hope
Fully
!

Reckless?
perhaps!
Yet in digress ,
Since this term
lacks a positive equivalent
Personally I prefer
Maverick
In much the same way
I shan't say
My heart is made of bravery
Most of the time
Trembling in fear
Has never been
Less than courage's

The greatest of love
Lives within me
Paramount !
Against insurmountable
Odds
Perpetually
Weighing
Truth
And
Consequence's
Moral and ethical
Rules regulations boundaries
All these things
Blur
And logically
My mind
The nagging back seat driver
Keeping revisiting the past
The pain,
jail time,
The Hell!!
Strapped to the torments
Infidels
Wielding
sledge's and  
And splitting malls  

My heart can override
These memories
Too often
Issuing
Forgiveness
And
Absolute
clemency

Basic instinct
Prime objective.
Mind and heart agree.
Perpetrate promote
Propagate
Propitiate
Participate in the
Sewing of the seeds of love
I have the will
I have the power
I have the desire
I have inherited
The overabundance
Of these things
From both my family and especially
My mother and father.  
And ultimately
The highest gratitude
To my heavenly
Father
The Greatest love within me.
Thank God for
All of this
And everything

Lable the one I can't be
Something grand
Ampersand
Ladle the rest that can't see the real me
Lazily into a bowl
Of
Fickle faithless friendemies
Set up a stand
Free please
I've got too many of these
And I'm weakend
Lacerated by shattered mirrors infused with vanity
Begining to believe
I'm naive I bleed
In reflection
I bleed  
I take these silvery pieces from my flesh
Make an effigy
Of me
Red stained mosaic
Mirroring the twisted  picture my mind's eye sees  
Thinkin the world still  seeing the  me
I used to be
Mangled with fears
Of what the future brings

Macerated over years
In secret tears


Regrets slowly set down bitter roots
Their poison setting in

Introspect

Has got the best of me


I  view it

Bitterly