If you suddenly were given
Complete immunity .....
Life without consequence........
Would you do nothing ?
Because you think if you do nothing
You will run the risk
Of loosing
That immunity
Or because all those things you wanted to to do so badly yesterday  
.......
Without consequence
Have become blahzaey

Time it takes ....
For me
To recover ...
From certain things
Slowing
Urgencies  ....
Growing.......
Yet I still sit still .....
I know ....
What I should be doing..
That part of me is currently..
Disabled......
I bury my head in pursuant of what I shouldn't be.........
Keeping me from what I could be....
So....
I simply justify by lieng
Using time constraints ,back pains ,
Covid ,or what ever it takes to postpone ..
Now I'm burry........
Lay awake all night stars in my eye
Some times a few tears .....
A little worried
If I finally find >........
...
It again.         Love
Will I be able.  
Or will I finally find that love all along was my Cain......
It's killing me
I'm alone and emotionally unstable

Many moons,
Flitter by ......
Haven't got the glitter out of my eye
My reflection is blurry
Mold upon my window cill  !
I sit dormant.....  
Dark grey consumes.
Hopes  and dreams ...
Blue skies  ,
Sunny days
Everything I want to do.....
A.K.A.    .........
YOU.
.........
I finally find.  ....
Only to find
I ....
Can't have you....
Change the epoch
******* epic
Ethan Frome tragedy
Deep convulsive inhale
Fade to black
Fin!
.....
...
.

If you could find time for me.........
Would it be
In the last place you looked.
Do you remember me?
My heart now feels like its something
You miss took
I broke the firmament
Of youre heart
And it burst forth and flowed with love
I set you free ...........
And in return you left me
And did it painfully
I brought the colors back
To youre countenance coral and peach
Youre face glowed flush
And.........
I see its back ..........
Im so happy .....
I wish it waz because of me.............
This is what it means to be in love with someone
In case you didnt know
I love to see you glow
Even if im not the one.

Can I
Will........
Or shall
Could
Would
Can
Do
Understand want
Need
Have
Or fully know how to fulfill
My Destiny
Or should
I loose it as I go looking for my fate And do i do that
Or are they tragically
The same
...thing?
And tragicallieerr
Is this what I am doing?

Stop and think we really dont have a different point of view .
I suffered you played youre games
You.........
Were my Queen
I .........
Outmatched was youre fool
You persuaded the ones which influenced everyone we knew
Secretly
i believed that if it really came down to it
I would be comforted and consoled
Simply because my character is strong enough to stand and speak for me
Que the sad song.........
Apparently . ........
I was     wrong
The possibility still haunts me
That........
Maybe i need you but you dont want me
Its a definite maybe that i dont want to face
So.........
Tease me if it pleases you.
But dont spit in the hand that reaches out to you
I'm struggling you've givin me too much
I was calling for you
Trying to follow you.
Neutral buoyancy I can't float or sink
You gone
I can't see you
You're pain is confusing
It's should teach me
To not want to see you
But instead
Like a Vicodin with pectin
When I hold you it's good
When you hold me it *******
Euphoria
And every good feeling
Is thickening pushing all the past away
Babe be carfull with the games
And with who you play
You think youre good now
But someday
You're fields will be fallow
You love will echo
Poor little porcelain doll
You're hollow
Nothing for you on the horizon
Every time no matter what youve done
No matter what im doin
There id been
... ...
One day youl need  me .. ..
Que in the
Silence.

I want to give into it .......
4 who am I to resist it ......
A humble an lowly nave...
..... That is......
Outwardly...... Not cowardly ... And secretely inside I Am EPIC   .
The shores caress my feet.
The jungles adore me ....
Oceans refreshing .... Mountains cool me .....
I drink the clouds .......
And awe the desserts     ......
My love .......
An beautiful oasis ....... Soft hot sand .. I roll naked ......
Unashamed .....
Protected ......
Warm ......
Comfortable
***** .....
Feels like home to me ....
Inner child like smile
Seventies ...
Long hair ......
No cell phones
No internet ...
........
Star jeans    ....
Transistor radio tied to the handlebars  
Still allitle mystery left   .
Brand new redline
Ride like the wind   . . ...
Cops ......friend?
No stalking .
No profile yet.
Like summer saturday morning......
Fuzzy ! .....happy?
Yup ......cool .
Oh heck yep....
Hip yup yep!
Worried ....uhhm
Well not yet .....
Why ?????
What's up?
Whad you
Mean by that.
Southparkkyle
Like smile ......
Gone ......
......clouds . ...
Winter ....
No stars   .... Wolfie  ....
Outdated  
Mysteries dissolved   become miseries ....
Cases solved
Cringed .
Burnt .
Turnt out  ...
Long tooth ....
Clumbzy .....
Teetering ......
Grumbling .....
One man barricade   . ..
Against mega stampede....
The entire worlds beast of field ....
People creepy crawly thing ....managing . ...
Barely   .....no

...one ....behind me......pondering .......one foot slips      ....
Barely ......let..........
Can't let go ......
Dont let anyyyyy..........
Sign   ..
Of.......weakness show .....
Trembling .......
What's gonna  happen ....to me .........
Staring ........
Starry eyed kid.............
Used
.....
Used to .  ....
Be........
Nobody .........
Cares    bout
.
How    it .....
Use ta be ......
Psyche     ..... Dramatized ...
Tears .     Flow      
Forming rivers ....into oceans ... Cooling the   the raging fear and termoil inn  me ........I

I     ......
Can't ......
Let .....
....
I  cave ......
Let it go ......
Evolve .. .
Go with the flow ....the only thing that will forever be perpetually constant ......
Is  change........
So I say is that all you got ....
M'er F'er   ..
Heh........trigger please .......
Let it go ...
Or let's go ......
Naw baby ....
C'mon ...roll with ..me ....
Dank swag ...
350$ bandana....
500$ kiks......
1000$ blue tooth ... ....
Inked up .
On the set ...up in the club ....
DEEP!
Don't you worry bout a thang .....
I got you ***** .......
.......
Do yooooou
Know ...who you messin.
With ......
Shiiiiiiitttt......
Aint nuttin but a "G" .....THANG  
BAYYYBAY!

Han

To you whom
No one could hold a candle too...
To me
You let love come through ....
You needed someone
To take your pain.....
You were my Cain
And I was Able
I loved you

I love you intoxically...
Like a venom filled rig ....
You fill me with love
Like fire burning  colored gem's
Radiates me euphorically.
Then leave my mouth foaming copper acidic and green
Gut empty writhing
Toxic ............
Your mean ........
I can live without your love
But  not the pain .......
You are my ******
...my ******
.
.
Stay......


I need a fix

I'm fixiated


Fix me




Please .....






Why do I need you?

Seven hard time years
In ......
Psychiatry!😥
I.........
Really dont want to talk about it . . .
I can do anything
Without these
Chains that bind me
I have the key
Its all eye can see.......
Still .......
I dont want to
Unlock it.
The reason being
Im not sure ...

Drawn by the bliss
my eyes are still closed from the last kiss
You ........................leave me.................
( OK for dramatism I'm leaving this line blank .......
So pretend I didn't say " breathless")
Oh my love why does love hurt so bad
And though ours is always short lived
I.....m.....obsessed i can still taste you on my lips
Why does our love need to be like this
When it comes to you there can be no substitute
Like a mad dog i run
Im insatiable i know when you come around
I become unstable
and i run
And i watch the toilsome sun
And the lunatic moon
Doomed to chase her
Without shame
from noon to noon
Like a moth to the flame
Relentless i dare not say
What the moon does is insane.
Anybody who can see what i go through to be with you .
Would say we both act the same



Dawn as the mist and the darkness
Are slowly consumed
Oh my heart yearns as days get longer
The very heart of me feeds on the time we are apart
Even my love for waiting grows fonder
I fantasize

My desire gets  stronger
And i run
You are near
The season is here
my enchantress
I succumb to you
Impatiently im not waiting
The lazy hot sun slowly crawls over the rock to help me
Aqua blue sky and ohhhhhhh
My love you are always looming
Within my lunatic mind
And i run to the end of my chain
My neck snaps where the pavement ends
I know where you are
Eyes fixed i need you
Oh my love
These chains will never hold not now no No NO
Calm down get a grip try to be smart about this .
Then i thrash like a mako
Klank jerking klank yanking
Klink
Thats it
A week link
Nostrils flared eyes purple
Half naked chest full
A wink and a perverted smirk
And i run
In to the splendor
I see you my love.
Do you remember
How many times you cut me
The blood you have taken .
The pain you inflict
My dear i was a meer child when we met  the first cut waz so severe
Im inflicted infected from youre nectar im so sick without you
I dont want a cure ill never recover
Like an addict ill always be here for you........................
Oh my wild mountain blackberry
love could never convey the the emotion or the essence of way i feel about you .

One peak .......
Got more than I need ...
The only **** I don't do
Is the **** I don't want to!
What I wanted ,
I fantasized
Visualized.
Magmatism ramped up
It came to me
Attraction .........and it came easy.
Unbalanced ego
Without humility.
Karma's favorite recipe.
I let my confidence off the leash
Felt good ......
Reputation precedes
Let the rumours fly
Mostly good ,
Even the bad
Somehow favoring
and then
Shazam !

Bit by the komodo
Bacterium coursed through my heart into my brain......
I ran .....
Lamed ............
I  ran.......in delirium.......
Sleeping on The mound of dirt
I piled while digging my own grave.....
impacted..
Inflicted,
Infected ,
Delusional,
Same Man
Same me
Noone wants to be alone with me..
Hero 2 zero.........
I haven't changed.      
Well maybe circumstances may have
Allowed some less than orthodox methods
To be.  
But still ............
One day I saw a beautiful woman .
She took a second glance .....
Smiled said hi...........
I blushed ........
Heart rushing .......
I said some funny things .......
She liked
Took me home .........
Did some funny things to me....
Shazam ........
I'm on top again........
Same Man ....
Sam me ?
Sorta.  
I know it's fleeting ,
I know it's an illusion
Wrought from a state of mind .
I know where it will take me
I know
But I act like I don't know...
And secretly I do kind and honerable
Things that no one will know ....
Even if they find out .
I won't be seen by karma as egotistical....
It's shamefull and unacceptable
Tho bear witness of yourself.

Picture me .....
In parody.
Promise me
You won't let me
Let you get confused..
Because I can see
How someone
Could be
I mean with me .
Oh well sorry
Sorta too late....
I guess welcome to my
Cartoon...
Kinda funny isn't it.
I mean me and you....
Maybe it's just me.....

the gift of insecurities
is a crime to humanity
symptom's cover you from head to toe...
like an  infectious disease.....
the only know cure ......
is to belittle  and then infect the one you adore ....
and then leave them .....
alone and hollow......
from time to time
be kind to them
when they start to feel better
then
pull the rug .
kick them in the face ....
laugh and leave again......
worked on me.......
i got so many ......
problem is i cant treat anybody
like that ........
if youre getting it.......
just remember
trying to forbid the things they do.
will reflect on you ....
and they will do it anyway..  .
the harder you try.
to stop them the more
they will say
it was cause you pushed them
to do it.
sorry .
the only thing you can do
is walk away .......
and love yourself
because they wont......
you deserve better .....
love yourself
hope this helps someone
i just really really really do.
i love you
..you should too.

Take great stock in the way you
see
The reason
why you do
the things
The way you do

Can I gaze into this cerebral soup,
return with evidence
Suggesting that I have had one second within a lifespan
In wich I could have been found
Void of an agenda.......
I believe this to be a quest
Of a life.... What's good to you
Subconsciously a mind will consume
Every scenario, from one ridiculous
End of the spectrum. To the other
Awake at rest a sleep or talking.
You don't even know that you know.
Find away to transform your muse
To create upon this marble an utopian
Dream ......
Let's all together till we can see
Let's dream and chase this
Together it happens .
Together it's impossible to find anything impossible.....
You will make history
Bend to your script ..
Let's make same team accent .
Lets do it
Let it begin
Now!

Cool cotton sheets
Thick ........friday night
Lights dimmed
If........
You....
Cant be with the one you love.........
Then Ill stay in .....
And think of you
SADE on the stereo
Malibu *** and oj...mmm
Smoooooooth im not a player
Oooooooooooooh.......
Not tadayaaaaallll
Sssmmmmmmmmooooth
Im just playyayan
I i fade out .........
I wake up and I locked in a passionate kiss ......with.
The air ........
&I know this .......sounds strange. ......
But I know that you are some where in the same air and i know its touchin you somewhere

All your strength and efforts are spent.    
Either doing what someone said or told you.............
You can't do........
You can tell me what to do ......
That's fine .......
But never tell me what I can't do ... .
Or what not to do .......
Because there's is a problem
That you won't want to get into

Ok dinnng..........Ding .........
da . da .  Ding...da da DInga dada DINgaah daDINGAAH AHH
(SHHH FLASH back. Uhhhh hey Kid .......
Look at me HEY...alright? Huh ? Uh?.ukay LISTEN
WEALLL KNOW he cheated and payed off everybody
Ur wife , coach,the ref .everybody.
A. A. Aaerrybudy. A aerrubuddy........aherrrybuhdhyyy.................)
BINK .UYHHH BIBINK OOH. YAH. IMA TAKE MY TIME WID YOU #bi bibibiBINK#
WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF PAIN BOY
#!#!÷WHAAAM÷!#!#.... a..a.aAAM!!!!!a..a..am .......a.a.am
Bink
(Errybody .....I know how bad it hurtcha kid....
I greased every palm ...signed everything away raised every petition .....aneven. Commited a few unmentionables.
Im sorry Kid.
I did everything i could do to get you a rematch ...
ALLERGIES KID......whawd Um ..um...A.
AWE GEEEZ YA GOT ME CRYIN HERE.
SHUD UUP .....UPP.     UPPP)
Up on his feet again folks ....
Hey Jim. ..I take my hat off ...
After a contraversial drawn out fight im sure we alll remember.
The golden boy at his prime beatin and left for dead in the ally 2 days before his first title fight
I gotta tell ya.  I didnt think id ever see him in the ring again .let alone face the champ again ...an uh ..uh ..i need. A moment jim ....icant ...uh.    Uh.
Uppercut ...and the kids stunned.......
Und......unnd...undun n n
(Understand what im sayin Kid ?
Nobody said you wuz gunna get ta fight
Me an the boyz tried our hardest
That s the thing
Whys  im cryin here Kid
This title fight that you wanted so bad
We couldnt get you..........
Kid....no .matter nuthin at the end of this day
YOU ARE TA US THE CHA.PION OF THE WORLD
AN NUTHINS GUNNA TAKES IT AWAY.
I luv ya Kid .....its youre big night
An you......You earned it
You.....THIS FIGHT YOU EARNED .NOT ME NOT NOBODY BUT YOU ....
I M AT YOUR FEET IN AWE
YOUR DA MOST AMAZIN THING I.   ...
.AM .......JUST SO PROUD TO BE.  ...  ..
YA KNOW.   KNOW ....?KNOW ......KNOW.......)
OH the kid comes back an the crowds on there feet
Look at em go.......ohhhhh the kids taunting the champ
dddddd dinnint
Think think ink ink..ink...ink.....ink.............ink......
(Sigh .........shhhhh. .....bring it ....mmuuuhafukin)
Oooooooh nice swing ......doez it come in a menz size too?
Awe you doo remember me ee-e-eeeea..e-eeeea....e-eeeeaaahhh
(Shhhhh back pedal a little juke left bob bob bob right
Thats it thats it....keep yur. F.ffffff n gloves up ....hes head huntin)
STICK TA DEFENSE KID!
( CODE.      I GOT IT COACH.     MY Q......
Shhh bring iit to me big boy )
The kids stunned again he s just tryin to stay up right
The champs almost steppin on his toes

Toes.     Oes.   Oes.   Oes ..oes
(Over to the left bob bob bob ....he took the bait round house. Incoming .........the no no
Faaaaaaaaaaaade back hard all the way .....way back inta the ropez.    Push back *** hard *** you can till you run outa spring. Then you dig your toes inta the canvas as deep as they can go swing as hard azyou can let the rope sling shot ya and jump straight through to tomorrow Oh Oh OH OH )
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
K.O.HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH­HHHH
THE KIDS MANAGERS IN THE RING
OHHHHHHHHHHH
HES HOLDIN THE KID.        
I CANT SPEAK......................I CANT.........
OHHHHHHH MY ................
OHHHHHHMY ............
I CANT BELIEVE IT.        
HE S NOT MOVING ........I DONT THINK HES BREATHING......................
MEDICS CANT GET TO HIM ..........OHHHHHHH
I CANT BELIEVE
EVERY BODY TOLD HIM HED NEVER FIGHT AGAIN
HE DIDNT LISTEN
OHHHHHHH IM.       ...... THEY SAID IF YOU FIGHT AGAIN.   ......YOU WO.........AN HE JUST WANTED TO
THIS WAS WHAT HE WAS A FIGHTER
NOW HES CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.    
THE CHAMP IS BEEING TAKIN OUT ON A GERNY
THE KID WONT LET GO OF HIS COACH...
AND THE KID WONT TAKE THE BELT


OOOH HES GIVIN IT TO HIS COACH

All I could do is cry..
I wanted your love so bad
I felt like I would die....
I couldn't get it ...
I tried so hard ....
Thats why I think it  left me so scarred .......
Cause all I did was try......

Dashed,shot down
and strewn about
Rummaging through ruins
Time burning
While I'm still,
Searching last known
Whereabouts..
This vast desolate plain
In vain ,
in the shadows
dunes of doubt ......
My love draught continues
From my
Relationshipwreck
I'm capsized in this ocean
Of tears I've cried ...
Treading water for years.
Introspective retrospect
I see the shore
I can swim .....
No more
I don't think I can touch yet
My desperation is my regret
Yesteryears I held love caviler
Too many I've hurt ....
I fear .....
Karma fallen for me
I am the debt

Somewhere within the confindes of my mind
An image ..........
A youger age ,
A little more vigor
A little less unsure idealistic ,
Thats for sure
Looking hopefull
At the world

Saturated

Missunderstood

Fact one for anyone
Who could doubt you......
This reality exist through
You
Without you...
There is nothing.
Do not forget.
When you stop living
It stops too.
So live this altruism
Its your world
Make them fit in
Use this to clue them in
"If I am ... ..........
And you know it ........
Then
We dont have to say it
Rieeeet?
And
Then
When I believe.
I am right and you dont .......
Your wrong!
In addition to
Fact one
This is how it is and the last statement proves this.

Aqua-marine tourmaline
Turning emerald green evening
Wrist slash ruby red splash feeling
Crystal clear diamond tears glisten bright glimmering.
Flowing from pressure below
Building
Swelling
Wells at the brink
Frigidity super imposed icy wind
Surely shatter
Tungsten carbide lined chest cavity
infrastructure
Freezing
Excruciating
Concentrating all the pain
Radiating from the throat
Swallowing sand covered brick
Abrading slowly
So slowly
At the apex of max capacity
Emotional collapse imminent
Listen ..............millions of
Champagne glasses
Tink ting tingling exhaling
Tears release
Falling like hail at first
Then into a crescendo
Loosing my grip ......I'm slippin
Broken I'm letting go ......
Break down I'm falling winds whistling I can see rock bottom
Phone rings ........ .  .......
It's my ***** .......
He say
..
Bro bro.......
Aint nothin but a thing!
But go ahead and cry if you have to...
It's cool ,ain't no shame .....
(Big baby)
Stf up.
(Whaaa?  
Just saying)
I'm just messin with ya .
My friend is here to console me
Its gonna be
Ayite.

Oh my darling may I say...
When you know who you are ........
My sweetest addiction......
Then you will know whom thissssssssss......
Poem ?
Is written to..........
Find what kinda code this is
to see why you feel
The way you do....
The value it represents
Personifies the way I feel about you
#ff0000.....
And if you have ever fantasized
Then tonight!
let your eyes
Become the sky
Allow me such shivering closeness
To gaze down past my reflection
Untill I fall in and fly........
And I'll whisper
Let me stay lost in you...
Listen closely.
A prediction wrapped around a clue      
May or may not help
....you.
When you phone says
"Who"
You will begin to glisten
Ahhh
Awkward ....
Is it a weird word ?
Or is it weird that
That word leaves you feeling  the need to re-spell it?
No?
Its just me.......
Well idin it eye before e?
Oui!
Secretly, within
Synonyms and silky soft  
soliloquies im saying this could be viewed as some kind of a fair warning
Or is it .......
Lets inqusit summon the spell
Checker .......
With a quickness .......
MIRACAST.....
To the big screen..
I  insist....
Transfix your gaze
Deeply into the LCD.
Ask the man in the mirror
Or say "Siri?.......
Is he casting a spell on me.......
Too late .
With a slew of inaudible vowels infused with succulent syllables
Ive turnt
  Siri  into an owl
Im sure she  would love to say
It's a definite maybe. .
So kissed let lust twist
Within your mind..
Close your eyes ....
But please dont stop reading..
And while you do.
Think"what is  SILVER "? what was the word
That came to you...
Never regret reading me .
Save that feeling for something you didnt do.
Silver Tongue forget me not spell #2.
Antidote in this anecdote
Spell checker cant check you for spells ....you will need to loose yourself
In the crystal blue persuasion and the purring cat Im petting is Himalayan
Not Persian,
So the illusion eludes to the fact that when wool gets wet
They.............
Maybe the infamous they ...
Or the proverbial they.
Either way they say
Wet wool makes felt .
But it doesn't exist
Until its felt.    
This spell is only real
untill you love me.........
The way I love you



Shhhhhh.....

Oh and Semper Gratis,
My Darling.........
For everything. .....

Anonymous compliments
increases
Confidence which evidence suggests magnifies
Countenance
And this mixed with immaturity
Can lead to pseudo self reliances
Commonly Causing impedance
Within the learning process
And this is when the past is mingled with pride  
Leading naturally into arrogance...
This is when this magic immunity sets in and allowing this mixed  up false hope egotistical
Maniac a license to be
the boss with full stupidities.....
(Sorry that's suppose to read
Impunities...)!

Sad song looms....
Gray consumes blue hues..........
Horizontally I lean into....
A burgeoning
Bellicose  wind .

Lightning blooms strobe
Early nights sky........
Echoing visions
Diluted by time
Less frequent I see.
Causes  Increase in gravity.
Pressure builds ,
Disguising the difference between
Fate and destiny .
Unstable ......
A paradoxical paradigm
I find ......
In order to mend.
Fabricate an illusion
An era when things seemed right.
Which is difficult when you are un able to understand when you've been.
Carefully.  Easy...  Eaazzzyyyy,
Shhhh... Take off the training wheels ...
K.......
Ok.....
You got this....

Stabilize.......

Then.....
Flash .......
Fallen into the past again,
Lost in reminiscing
Inner child despondent,
I play ,stray ,medicate ,
Running from string tied to my heels...
From my mind's eye  
Depicting  interpretations
From days filled with unconditional love.    ......endless summers
Non SPF sunscreen
Fishing and wanderlust fun......
With one crucial expectation!
The one .........

pictures painted
By Elders,and mentors
Betrothed ...........
Bound by contract .......the future....

" me "
I still could be,
Fast forward.  
Lightning flashes
Illuminating my destiny
Crashing thunder......
Underlines my path to fate
Just under the horizon of my psyche
The crushing  
 echoing vision .......
I'm chasing this fantasy ......
Further and further .....
Into some sort of philanthropic
martyred schism ......
And I'm failing in....
Fail forced winds .....
Taking me
Leeward from where I've been.
I Return to comfort.......
Slither back into
My Machiavellian realm.........
Crochet blanket made of qiviut and porcupine quill
Luxurious........
If you stay still
A cold brume looms
Patiently waits before setting in.....
Always reminds me of that old saying .......
Into everyone's life some rain will fall........
Ionization ......
In the air I smell ,
Wells fill.......
Dollops of saline fall
Spattering..........
mimick
pattering of raindrops
rhythmically
 Shhhhhhhhhh!.......
Que the violins...........
Fade to black and white...........
down  
Downed,

Love lorn loon
(Ex-wife ,playing her part ..........
Hauntingly ....
Honestly I love her so desperately,
Makes it easy to play my part.  
Even though I know that her love is not real...........
My tears flow . ..........
Because I really don't know .....
If she knows.   ........and if so.      
Either way.    .....
Its killing me.     ........
Crazy thing ?...........?......
Shhhhh....!
((oh yah sorry let's return to the movie.))
Weary
calls for her drake.

I know  my lost love
My heart still yearns for you to....
I should have stayed and taken the pain
you had received before me.....
Which you refracted onto me......

If it helps .....
I'm alone and cold   ...
My life long song......
Has quietly
Been .....
Sung................
Each love taking it more out of ...
....tune.        
(Fade to dark grey..............make it grainy.              
Start the rain.      
Slowly ......
Darken till all you see is my lonely
Silhouette.. )          
..
FIN.
......
....
...
..
.

This anger that I
Continue to display
Is the dross
Being forged away
From the state of alkali
Into a tool of toxicity
Avant garde of broken dreams
It seems every thing I
want
Is so heavily laden
And inundated with things
I dont need
Yolked up with fools
Cloaked as frienemies
Who pretend to be
In awe just to be associates
Semper fidelis....semper gratus?
Naw disrespectful mooches.
I have yet to see them
Recompense a single thing
Professional victims!
you would think I would learn
Each time I get burnt
They glean every dime I have earnt
In return , i become the merchant of their burdens
For me to carry
Trudging forward with great  difficulty
Collectively shackles pinching ,
pulling my face to the ground
I look back ...they are lieing
down
Clowns laying on my magic carpet
The sound of a thousand voices saying
Hey! What about me?
Ive givin all I could
If I had more to give I probably would
Yet is that not enough i catch them thieving
Lock down  i get them socked in
Im goin in to beat the brakes off em!
But wait theres' more
They bring to the plate some kind of clemency
Aint capitulation great?
The weight is bringing me to my knees
And in grief is like currency represented by these
Crows feet you can read like a receipt
Showing the cost
Of living in the acidity of a recent love lost

Verily ,verily I say unto you
He,or she,
Whom search for friendship, assuming they are free?
Surely return unaware with a handfull of tares.....
Friendship.. .is till death.
Not something you find,
It's a purchase ...
A mutual contract..
In which you invest .
Both make payments to.
A joint account with two keys.
Both can add or lend
And know where the balance is....
Further more both shall walk away from their own shadow.......
Not give in to rumors.
Fight back to back
Side by side
Never face to face .
Till death if need be .......
If he,or she shall falter.. .
It is the reasonable duty
Of a friend to shield said friend from satans darts
Carry them to safety
Help them to walk right again.
Never leave them in a fire fight.  
Ask as little.as.possible
Try to do whatever is asked of you and always
More...
Just a thought to consider
Remember you get what you pay for!

Lab coat ....
Bench tops....
Floor,cabinets,
Pretty much everything is all white....
Except me ......
Bunsen burners
beakers,
Test tubes
Full of emotions,
Boiling .
Vamping off clues......
Of what is it?
Which drives me to be so bendable.
The subject ......
Timid, me.....
Lab Rat.
Find me lost in a maze or running
On the wheel.
In the cage.




Not really too.....
Anything,but maybe away
From
Something



Chemistry.......
Charts and
graphs
Elementary ....
Wall coverings
Crows feet.......
Deepening
Control group
Doin they're thing......
OH!
Here we go.
Controlling.....
Keep going ....
Please......
Keep my head down ......
Keep going .....
Please ....
Don't see me...
Oh ****.....
Hey ........
Whatchadoin?

Waiting here for you to come by and ruin my day .....
Is what I wanted to say.....
But didn't......
Smoke......
somethings.....
Burning internally.
Feeling sorta
In different....
Like madness
Has separated
Me...
Id.......
Me ....
Mamamama
My persona.....

Steeped in a white hot Seether.....
Could neither
Diffuse nor compromise...
Trepidation.....
Not  for persona  sake....
Panic.......
For the opponents.....
Being forewarned....
Chose ignorance.....
Ignoring
The desperate
Overtly obvious
Warning
Signs.....
⚠️
At the apex of max capacity.
two choices.
Guilt could expand the space
Where swallowed pride sits...
at the price of homicide....
Although
Tempting ...
Instead.....
Devise a compromise ...
Inspired  by both sides
And this fault line
Left from
A life time trying to be kind....
Meanwhile
Transparent
Perpetrators
Beguiling
......
Smil­ing overpitty-ing,
Drawing the focus away
From themselves passing the shame  
Character bashing
My friendemies,
For exactly .....
Precisely the
same thing they are doing
Saying sternly
HEY  !!!!!!!!!!?
Don't you go & let them talk you into anything .
Look at me
You don't owe them a thing....
I mean it ....."
As I listen to these wealthy friends telling me they feel so bad for me ....
And there so sad cause they wish they could pay me
But right now
Can only give me a couple bucks .....but in two weeks come on back
& They'll settle up......
Then they don't...
Stoke the fire
Start woofin
The bellows
Flames darker ...and rising
This is it .....indecisive decisions on which side of the schism to give or not to give in .......
A raging torrent is oxidizing
Standing on the fence line
I'm the accelerant....
The sparks the flames the maddening magnesium
The wind uprooting trees and burning them
Woofin big time ******* in oxygen .....
Like a constant burst that don't end .
So brightening

Suns faded out ...
And now it's darkening
As my psyche
Deviding

Split ......
id good ....
Id bad .....
Strange !.?.!.....
Very .......
News to me...
There is someone around here.....
Apperantly ....that looks just like me ...
Cause that's not like ????
I need hard evidence and need to be convinced
Without which ....
Recollection.....
Won't set in .....
Bewildering ...
If and when ...
I remember the checanery and shenanigans
I have allegedly done...
There comes this this image ..
Me now ...
At a good distance behind
"The" age 7 me... .
secretly watching ....
In the back yard    
Of the home predating
That age.....
At dawn...
And the warmth of the sun in my face and the fog
Dissipating
"In front"  me
Above the sunken marsh in view of the slough
And secretive
Personal trail
no one but me knew through
Those cattails
I loved so much....and my favorite carrion the red winged blackbird singing .....
Not a thought or care in the world
Taking a good healthy breath.
The overwhelming
Sensation of a satisfying grin begining to unfurl
Turning into a gratifying smile.

Ok ok OKAy.
Listen just say as little as possible,
Stop with the loquacious limericks and dithyrambs.
Leave a little wiggle room
Like a little riddle in
Few words .....
K ?
K!
..
....
Why is it that I become victim to the simplest things?
Like oh...... Idk ....
My councilor,
(Beautiful by the way)
Said
" You are too nice ,
Nice guys finish last !
So here's what we
Are gonna do.....
I'm gonna ask you
to do something inappropriate,
You are gonna say
"No".

I couldn't believe what she asked me , made me blush ..  .
And I said
OhhhhhhhKay.....  ..
She said ..........
Uhhhhhhhm       .... No no.
She started blushing too ..
She said no
You say no
I said "NO" !
SHE SAID ARE YOU SAYING NO  TO ME!? I SAID YES
SHE SAID OK ........

TURNED OUT SHE HAD A REJECTION THING ,
I HAD A HOT COUNCILOR...
THING.
One day I said ......
So is it really a bad thing that nice guys finish last ..

She said no
It's such a weird word ...
I mean world .
Oh no I said too much  ....

Be one
Be two
Be three
There four
be five is betwixt
Before
And be six Which
of course is juxtapose to be seven
Everyone nose there's no
Be eight
Cause of be seven
And he regrets  this act
Cause it gave him a two more
Fortunately
It's be 9

Bittersweet love.......
Leave ..........
Babe you are killing me.....
You treat me like I'm a king
Please ?
No don't go ......
Stay ........
DONT LISTEN TO ME!

You see me .........
forgotten .....
Over Confident
Loyal and secure

Courage and chivalry
These shine through when I'm with you.....
It's what I can't see ....
Who are you with what are you doing ....
I'm tortured by my lasciviousness
I'm tearing off my skin....
I will do anything
I'm a slave to you....
If you love me then leave
Go now and don't come back ....
Go far away ......
I never wanted an open relationship
I only ever wanted you .....
I have to let you see and do whom ever you want ........
I hate you for that .....
But I love you more than that
...........
Please don't leave me ....
Please don't go...
Babe?....

Every now and then .
In a state zen .....
Take an I.v.
Retro-fit it with a pen.
With dark stark contrast
The crimson splash upon the white...like a beautiful Japanese mural...
I shudder as each word pours from my heart ...

Desperately I try convey my epic love for her........

She doesn't care ........
All my words are in vain ....

Hopefully this won't hurt you as much as it did me
And in order to tell you this ......
I can't be me...
It's also imperitive
Don't just hear the noise
Resonating from my mouth
Make an active concious decision
To listen.
K?
You be you  
And I'll be frank..!
The person you're trying to be
Is not you ....
Furthermore what you think .  
Is not what people see .....
K!
Be you and see how many
Evaporate ....
Don't hate .  
Cherish the ones who stay

Late in life insecurity .
Insomniac struggling with narcolepsy
I need nap .....
But ...idonwanta
Destiny is where
Ill find a
Higher caliber me.
I should go and see.......
But.......
Idonwanta
Some desires are
Infact child hood fantasies
I need to stop dreaming and face reality
But.........
Idonwanta
Settle down
Mature ......
Pay some taxes
Write a will .
Die..........
Im supposed to do these things .
Why...............
Maybe .......
Someday ...
Maybe
Right now
I....just .......
Dontwanta.....
Im just jazzed to be  here.
enjoying everything
Even the pain i feel..........
I love it because im alive and im feeling it!

Although through this theory based reality
I know how it is probably construed heresy to say
We all go through three distinct phases
Infancy the beginning of  Lucidity to the age of accountability
The age of dependency where rely on
Parental units or who ever will fulfill our need food,shelter ,protection
Second stage the age of puberty accountability immaturity and for some this will not pass without great difficulty
The teenager years where were most likely to face our fears and it's my belief weve become too liberal an soft
And too often this will end in tears
We want to do our own thing we don't need adults for anything we know everything I want the car keys please third stage interdependence the ages
Will vary to a certain degree but
Hopefully actually I fear what the future will hold for this" little miss entitled" generation it's a little bit scary
I'm joking .........ishly
The age of clarity and recompense
We see what we are really made of
In terms of our character which is everything you are !not to be confused with what you're trying to portray
Most often those are two different things .
Anyway it's such a massive compliment that will cause a ripple through time and a badge of honor to see a successful son or daughter
Leading a huge endeavor
As an example
A executive building builder stands side by side with the custodial engineer "the keeper of the Santi-cans regardless of beliefs age color or creed  and admires the billion dollar building turns to the person gives them credit a hand shake and a hug with tears in theyre eyes and says look what we've done together my friend
we  built this building together isn't that worth seeing

And just so you know,
Sometimes we never do,
It's just a chance we take...
Knowing if we can really forego a risk so great
If you dare to take
That leap of faith.
To boldly let go of whats been done to you
And  compare not the old
To the new,...
For is it truly fair to act bitter and cold
To an innocent heart that
Has only love and will do anything you ask them to
After several attempts to
Find love......
You give in to ......
The idea that ....you.
Can no longer be burdened with that desire....
Sadly you just give up....
No more will you try,
Theres nobody out there ,
The problem is elusive
Because you look for the perfect person .
Well funshine think of it this way.......
A perfect catch probably
Would want a perfect match.
No offense deary
But clearly you arnt exactly what that defines.
Nobodies perfect .
So then you stop looking.
Cupid knows when
You drop expectations
Potential candidates
Interrogations
He draws his bow
Lets loose arrows




Some how love laced ,
Because of love ,
You were, I'm sure
faced with petty things
Which imbued you
With lofty dreams
That one day
The new love of your
Life
will learn not to do!
Since life so often
Seen through
Eyes biased by
a lifetime sorta practicum
Internship
As an apprentice
Imprinting through environmental conditioning ,
Immersed in
What your mentors
Were taught
What they thought
Was how to be.
So you gleaned everything
You perceive,and although you may deicide to rebel or reject certain aspects
As you mature pain and pressure can exhaust
Dealing in such heavy costs incurring grieving losses .
We have tendencies to
So subtly  fall back in default to
Our
pseudo
Peach tree point of view .
Morals ethics right wrong
This is your reality.
It isnt long when your
loveshine is gone.  
Im so sorry for you. ....
Before you do anything
Cruel or stupid ..
Concern your mind with this.
You may try to empathise
But ,
You dont know you cant rationalize a paradigm
Different than that which
Made you"YoU"!
It could be they have been neglected,rejected,beatin,
Lied to ,abandoned
By one or both mom and dad and or possible
Siblings too.
This new love to them
Could be the first time
They have tried to be and so far they are the best to you that they could be.
And it's hard to remember but not so long ago you loved them
so..
.have the courage
And respect to say.
Im sorry and thank you
For all of the things we experienced.
I dont want to hurt you
But I also dont want to lie to you,
And lead you on...
I will always try to stay your friend if youll let me.
Anyway my love for you is gone........
Its so very difficult
Or do you want to take the ****** way out and jade them into someone like you by doing those accursed things that some ******* did to you...
Cause that makes you no better than them
And then your just another bitter ******* too.

All the worlds a stage !
And idinnint just so swelligent..
Maintaining the Machiavellian
Masquerade
No one can see inside
Your encaged like a rat
Eluding the fact that
Everything is irrelevant
Except what makes you well again.

So subtle the muse you use  
Controls the illusion your caught up in.
deflection reflects whether falling out or in.


Falling out .....
Not good ....
Gloomy brooding mist . ....
Songs sung in cerulean hues,
Dark
delusion.
Unamusing ruse....
You can't move .......
Yet you run
night and day
You run
Chasing the same that you run from.
The only fix is to fall back in.
Then your own
Alchemist magicaly moves in mixing chemical intoxicating ....
Concoctions
And traumaus forgotten.
Along with the days

Living numb
succumb
inflicted and infected
Subjected to indignities
Playing into someone's vindictive games....
Which came from another
So now you get the pleasure
Spiked with pain .........
Its a sensation
Like watching your love
Still in loving they're
Ex lovers
They can do no wrong ....
You can do no right......
Oh but you do .....
And they do too......
And since you're there
You get to drink the shame.....
Feel the blame course
Through your veins.
And you stay
And after it's all gone away.
You stay ......
And wait . ....
Swimming with sharks
In hopes of falling back in .. ........
..................FIN.


These trials and tribulations
I find myself in
Come directly from my addiction....
I love .. ......
That's just me.......
I'm in,
everything goes from,
Dark cerulean to
Glowing vermillion

Pontificating on the muse
I felt like a dumb dumb
So I
8
1  
put on my monocale
So I didn't feel
Like I
looked like one

Cast the dull dreary distorted Worry wart side of me
With a rejectable splat thud .
Apathetic with
Reckless disregard.
From arm stretched up and back and knuckles
grounded........
Fast pitch hard
From a dunce forced arm.  ..
Into a mold
Which resembles a reflection of the side I like of me
Make me a 00
00

Slam...
Started with.  
Hand to hand.
Then .....
Bam! BAM!!
Escalation.......
Clubbing!!!!
Rocks and sticks....
Swords and arrows.....
Wage the siege feed the greed
Protect the bloodline
Tribes  and territories turned country's .......
Expanding.........enslaving.....
Gold
HOLD your ground ......here it comes
BANG BANG BANG!!
Gunpowder .
Here we grow again!!!!!!
Power.
Bigger better killing things ...
Mmmmmmm him likes these things!
In the name of glory and honor....
Manifest destiny  
Whatever the means ..
To hell with consequences
**** killKILLKILLKILL .
Sometimes it's to keep our things....
Other time it's ........well.......
Let's say behind propagandas. ....
Natural resources needed
To sway or stay in the game...
SO..... if your not competitive
I mean you know .....like
Not "THAT" competitive.....
Then ....what.  
I'm just wondering where exactly is the checkered flag ......
For this human race.......
And the criteria?
Is it last one stabbing?
Er.....sorry standing?
What do we get for a prize ?
Who's gonna present it ....
Then what?
Start a new race ?
Just saying ........
When can we petition to
Turn the power into a collective think tank with the communal goal for the well being
...
We seem to take small minded
Stupidities handed down from the powers that perpetuate half lies.  
To fuel the machine .....
Leading into the pits of hell ......
And they watch from their armchairs.
Rolling up sleeves with knifes in hand ......
Grunt and dig in to the T-bone
On their dinner plate....
And the hostess brings a nice bottle
Of chianti.....
Rough day........?
Could be worse......you could be sitting in a pool of oil .........
And you don't have anyway to keep it.

I am afraid of
....
The future before me love
.........
Soon viewd from above.

Future, memory.......
Purchase made........
With priceless
Currency paid......
Most recent event
With or without  
Intention,
Time spent
Is how you bought what is
Now you're newest memory
So riddle this altruism.
If you willst
"It's an elementary fact that a thief is by default
A liar .......   "
so then
Whomsoever
Should say they lie not maketh themselves liars.......
Does this mean we are all unconsciously thieves?
The consequence's
We're recompensed  come from untruths we've sold to the purchaser.
Who unaware wasted their time in thought non existent paradigm .
Rendering  the recipients victims and you should be convicted
To make  active conscious decisions in creating future memories which you will be comfortable in.cause those who don't.

F
I
N

I like rhymes ,
Then again ,
I find,
A lot of times ,
a message by design,
should be oiled and honed ,
Sharp ,
to  a point ,
Like a pitchforks tine  
Covered in ointment .
Grammatically correct,
an attempt  
Meant to affect the mind ,
Once achieved
It will start
traveling  into the spine
Find it's way into the heart
Deliver the elixir to the infected part ,
Never underestimate
The temptations you lay on fate  ,
The ease in which you will perpetrate hate
How great your recompense ,
when you exaggerate ,
It's like taking truth and trying to disguise it with lies.    
Even if your completely in the right
You'll look like a reprobate regurgitating flies!
Stay true or stand alone
Which you may
Either way
In truth you'll know the foundation of your  home is built on a pillar of stone.
No matter the intent it should always bare
relevant evidence.    

Specifically but not limited to
An act of defense
In essence an update to a dense mind
Containing vernacular in
Whatever dialect the situation
Will appropriate
Thus the focus should remain
On meaning and feeling
And not spent on a
Sugar coating with a limited vocabulary
Each adjective,verb placed with
A forensic precision
Should bring gravity
Opening the eyes of the spiritually blind.
Read  written or said
Only that which need be
let it be the milk of the word
Heard
and the meat be between the lines    
Less what you wanted to say
Will loose weight too swiftly
Overt and superfluous euphemism or dysphemisms
Will stall the velocity
And anything which can cause a schism between
Syntax and eloquence
Certainly and surely
Blur and disturb
Unless your like me
Speak before thinking
Backed up with a fist like an anvil