5 AM every things all white
Every steps crisp
Wipe away the sleepy bugs
Eyes watery ......
Feels good .....
In transitioning night ending black and white
Sliding into grey
.......
Makin good time traveling
557,000 mph
Hurling through space
Truckin along the same direction this giant stones spinning as it rolls like a giant beautiful wobly
Bluegreen mable around the great inferno .
The mysterious fire .......
One.   Of.    The
Three.    
Trichotomy
In this case
Water air and light
Giver of and sometimes taker of life
Emotions mangled
Bereft of purpose and pride .......
Jezebel ........
Triangles .....  
From Dean Martin
Ta mr bo jangles.
Looked me in the eyes slid the knife in me slowly .....
Smiled
Pulled it out.
Leaking out hope
Filled me with doubt .
Mehhhh!
Boohoo i married an Infidel......
Now im on walk about finding
Me
Serendipity!?!
I trek alone
icy
the frozen landscape  
Glistening
emerging from the gloaming
Into the glow
Directly towards the center of gravity
@ 9941°

Darkness blankets frosted ground
Staring upward into
day break color begins
To Bloom
shades and hues
Attach themselves to what they belong to
The sun chases away the moon
Coffees too strong
Burping up bacon
Off the trail
Staring at a mushroom
............
Ruminating in this simplistic still quiet emptiness ..... The faint .......
Almost inpercievable
Feeling of happiness ....
The hot blood courses into the tiny capilaries of my face
Throbbing
Every beat pounding ..  .pushing it through .........
I think im smiling ........
Or mayby grimacing.....
I picked up a large stone covered in sand now i tryin to swallow it but it wont go down ........
Metaphorically .speaking
And there it is ....
The first of many
The lonely maverick tear
Brave salty and crystal clear
Compassionately
Leaves my eye
Feeling as if he was born for this .........embarks
Parting is such sweet sorrow
Softly caresses my flushed cheek...........
And with great theatrical exiting
Quickly runs towards my chin
To dive off into the great unknown
Gets caught
In the corner of my mouth only
To get swallowed ....
Not to worry ...little buddy
Theres always
Tomorrow
in the distance
Laughter and saturday morn cartoons.
Before me
Past and future confluence
Narrow my field of opportunity and i can see clearly .......
Another cold day looms..............
.........
Im excited for
What ever it may bring!!!!!!

.

I want to give into it .......
4 who am I to resist it ......
A humble an lowly nave...
..... That is......
Outwardly...... Not cowardly ... And secretely inside I Am EPIC   .
The shores caress my feet.
The jungles adore me ....
Oceans refreshing .... Mountains cool me .....
I drink the clouds .......
And awe the desserts     ......
My love .......
An beautiful oasis ....... Soft hot sand .. I roll naked ......
Unashamed .....
Protected ......
Warm ......
Comfortable
***** .....
Feels like home to me ....
Inner child like smile
Seventies ...
Long hair ......
No cell phones
No internet ...
........
Star jeans    ....
Transistor radio tied to the handlebars  
Still allitle mystery left   .
Brand new redline
Ride like the wind   . . ...
Cops ......friend?
No stalking .
No profile yet.
Like summer saturday morning......
Fuzzy ! .....happy?
Yup ......cool .
Oh heck yep....
Hip yup yep!
Worried ....uhhm
Well not yet .....
Why ?????
What's up?
Whad you
Mean by that.
Southparkkyle
Like smile ......
Gone ......
......clouds . ...
Winter ....
No stars   .... Wolfie  ....
Outdated  
Mysteries dissolved   become miseries ....
Cases solved
Cringed .
Burnt .
Turnt out  ...
Long tooth ....
Clumbzy .....
Teetering ......
Grumbling .....
One man barricade   . ..
Against mega stampede....
The entire worlds beast of field ....
People creepy crawly thing ....managing . ...
Barely   .....no

...one ....behind me......pondering .......one foot slips      ....
Barely ......let..........
Can't let go ......
Dont let anyyyyy..........
Sign   ..
Of.......weakness show .....
Trembling .......
What's gonna  happen ....to me .........
Staring ........
Starry eyed kid.............
Used
.....
Used to .  ....
Be........
Nobody .........
Cares    bout
.
How    it .....
Use ta be ......
Psyche     ..... Dramatized ...
Tears .     Flow      
Forming rivers ....into oceans ... Cooling the   the raging fear and termoil inn  me ........I

I     ......
Can't ......
Let .....
....
I  cave ......
Let it go ......
Evolve .. .
Go with the flow ....the only thing that will forever be perpetually constant ......
Is  change........
So I say is that all you got ....
M'er F'er   ..
Heh........trigger please .......
Let it go ...
Or let's go ......
Naw baby ....
C'mon ...roll with ..me ....
Dank swag ...
350$ bandana....
500$ kiks......
1000$ blue tooth ... ....
Inked up .
On the set ...up in the club ....
DEEP!
Don't you worry bout a thang .....
I got you ***** .......
.......
Do yooooou
Know ...who you messin.
With ......
Shiiiiiiitttt......
Aint nuttin but a "G" .....THANG  
BAYYYBAY!

Han

What do you believe?
What do you need?
what do you think?
You want someone to be .......
You will expect nothing shy of excellence ,and you really think anyone will settle for less   .....
Your acceptance is based upon
What you think the world will use to evaluate your status....... Meanwhile as you swoon the ones who look down on you     .... And shun the ones who love just to be seen with you .....
You should consider this.....
How many breaths do you have left?
You'll never know until you leave
Will you ever
Of course you will ...
As you sit and pray that your enemies won't see the light of day .......
Like a mirror ...
Under the same **** moon ....
On their knees asking the same **** thing ..........
Because of what they believe..... Because we are the same **** thing ...........
We just learnt differently.....
And we talk differently
And our colors and traits
Vary a little ..........
We all  laugh with our family
Cry when our loved ones
Are murdered ....
Because the governments want something you got.......
.... Sigh..............
I'm sorry for what we do.......
How many will die for lies   .?

Oh my darling may I say...
When you know who you are ........
My sweetest addiction......
Then you will know whom thissssssssss......
Poem ?
Is written to..........
Find what kinda code this is
to see why you feel
The way you do....
The value it represents
Personifies the way I feel about you
#ff0000.....
And if you have ever fantasized
Then tonight!
let your eyes
Become the sky
Allow me such shivering closeness
To gaze down past my reflection
Untill I fall in and fly........
And I'll whisper
Let me stay lost in you...
Listen closely.
A prediction wrapped around a clue      
May or may not help
....you.
When you phone says
"Who"
You will begin to glisten
Ahhh
Awkward ....
Is it a weird word ?
Or is it weird that
That word leaves you feeling  the need to re-spell it?
No?
Its just me.......
Well idin it eye before e?
Oui!
Secretly, within
Synonyms and silky soft  
soliloquies im saying this could be viewed as some kind of a fair warning
Or is it .......
Lets inqusit summon the spell
Checker .......
With a quickness .......
MIRACAST.....
To the big screen..
I  insist....
Transfix your gaze
Deeply into the LCD.
Ask the man in the mirror
Or say "Siri?.......
Is he casting a spell on me.......
Too late .
With a slew of inaudible vowels infused with succulent syllables
Ive turnt
  Siri  into an owl
Im sure she  would love to say
It's a definite maybe. .
So kissed let lust twist
Within your mind..
Close your eyes ....
But please dont stop reading..
And while you do.
Think"what is  SILVER "? what was the word
That came to you...
Never regret reading me .
Save that feeling for something you didnt do.
Silver Tongue forget me not spell #2.
Antidote in this anecdote
Spell checker cant check you for spells ....you will need to loose yourself
In the crystal blue persuasion and the purring cat Im petting is Himalayan
Not Persian,
So the illusion eludes to the fact that when wool gets wet
They.............
Maybe the infamous they ...
Or the proverbial they.
Either way they say
Wet wool makes felt .
But it doesn't exist
Until its felt.    
This spell is only real
untill you love me.........
The way I love you



Shhhhhh.....

Oh and Semper Gratis,
My Darling.........
For everything. .....

Fools in fooliesht prime
Crack like an itchy fingered "Karen"
At boot camp with a cap-gun.....
Over amped on caffeine ampersand
Uber sensitivities......
In constant rationale
Hyper-critical on themselves
Or so they say.    
Justify their own hypocrisy
By delusional philosophy
Every infraction committed
Was never the intention .....
Forced and framed into
The part they played ......
Thus left without option. ...
Erred by circumstance
Furthermore being the victim
While denying culpability
Should receive re-assurance..... .
And a free pass ........

And so if you find yourself in fervid inescapable desire
To portray a horses *** ..
With a itchy noseand  it's tail on on fire ...
Then my friend opportunity found... .
There is no consideration for time or location .....
It's always there ......
Take a walk find an idiot .
Argue with said idiot......
Become the idiot.......
The mask will have a remarkable resemblance
If this doesn't work ........well then simply gaze into the mirror.....
And see you ......
Unbiased .......
As a perfect stranger would
Try to............
Explain why you do what you.....
Do

FYI

Arguments spent either brief or violent
End the same ........
You are the blame,
There exist no chance to win
Nor will any effort to restore your name be made....
last but not least you will remain the idiot and not be recompense anything ever .....
Most likely you will receive the opposite.....!

Wolfram and Sheelite
Octahedral double terminated crystal golden
Bright
Sometimes used in jewelry.
The other so. Beautifuly black........
Epochs and eons ago these two embarked upon
Unprecedented journeys.
Mystery still the matrix of their origins.
Speculators say they have always been....
Arguing that cosmic dust glittered an scattered about pulled by indescribable
Gravity into the transformation of super nova .
Irony in being cast about came the same .
Then  over countless para secs.
Arrived early in this earth .
She likes
This earth that is.
Some things. More than others .
Take a pumice stone in one a tungsten in the other youl know.
These two beautifull stones set the world on its ear .
The real irony is how
It polutted our world with light .
Yet be so dam heavy

Honestly speechless
A full return to innocence
Mingled with iniquities
I  study to see......
Is this a counterfeit
Or is it legitimate ..



Dimly lit .
Mourning the theft
Of future memories
From the grip of
Damp cold misery ...
solo ride ,
Lone wolf .  ...
Weighing time
and what little I have left.
I macerate in thought of exiting
....
Exacerbating.
Is this really it?
In steps the Queen
..
Pruses me ......
I'm caught up in a stare.......
Pontificating in dulcet fantasy.....
Pulled down more than a few degrees...
Imbued by my badly bruised longevity ....  
Am I selfish enough to let her love me......
Yet so sweet is she to want "me" in spite
Of me.....
I'm on my knees pleading to the executioner for  clemency.........
For this surely is
A woman worth far more than me....
Greatfull !Humbled
Honored  
⁶⁶ě
....standing in awe ..
You seeing passed all my flaws....
..caught up in your stare.........  
SARA..........
I was  just  jazzed to be there. .  
As if  you didn't know ...  I fell into you deeper every day......
Thank you.......

Ink blot
first impression?
Thought this should be easy.
Rapid succession.......
The white ,midnight black,
Page after page after page,
(Can I really trust her?)
((Let's see))
HOT!
LAVA!
LOVE !
*** !
YOU!
ME !
PLEASE?
(She.. ....... Didn't flinch
I think she told me the truth!
I could say exactly what I saw,
So. .  .... I let go ....  
Uncensored....    ....
My psyche's frolicking naked
Unabashed
Inappropriate?   ****** ?
Brutal !
First time ...... For me ......
Like a shy  sea anemone
My soul ,.  . . cautious....
Vulnerable   reached out of the darkness ........
I felt the warmth of the sun.....
Flash... ...
Sting .
Pain .......
Ex....
Love .......
Her lover ........
What is she showing me?

Stop !
A splash of cherry red...  
Fist clenched
Drenched
As my fantasy snaking back into my head
And the clarity is cold ......
Something's wrong .
I'm not in the trust tree anymore ...
Im alone , our tether  severed
She's still here but she disconnected......
I don't know what I said   ..  .
Patient confidentiality?
Yes please ......
First question ........
Not from her....
From me ........
Not to her .......
To you..........
Do you believe ?
Do you see things differently?
Too what degree?
Do you have moods ?
Or do you have to tie up your personalities?
If you say to me
We create our own reality.....
I say to you


"*** are we doing here?

The mainstay ......
Every day ...
sell my dreams .
meditate in my sleep .
Over analyse ....,
Half liked.
In with apprehensive ease
My stay???.. .... Brief ....
Usually
Hear griefs ,
Fill the harpoon with  burdens
Quietly take my leave......
Knowing half the halfwits
Won't remember these emergencies gifted me.....
Unorthodox ......
Keeper of my word .....
To a fault
Loner ,
sojourn outside the box,
Network ...
My life is like a spiders web ..
Rome in the gloaming.....
At every connection
Give twice as receive.......
Understander of deep secretive things .........
Love everyone  .....
For underneath all the flex
And masquerade  .....
I see the inner hidden trauma
That shatters the innocent
They used to be.......
Mediator .......
Take the stripes    
The drama calmer   .....
Stripping my abilities....
Reprobate overload ....
Mistaking my love for dumb..
Empathy becoming numb
Increasing difficulties.
In the shade of this
Burgeoning rage
Splintering psyche..
Buffeting   ..... Snide smirks
Remarks these back bitters ...
Twist and reverse my good works.........
What's worse ........
Depravity.......
This habitat of philanthropy
Giving my life hoping to be
The change in this world
I want to see .
Never ..
Never occurred to me
Un-understander-er-er
Of the power of
Perversity......
Cabin fever ...... Feeling
.............
Feelings I dont recognize...
Wounded ........ Need to
Be out of this cage.......
They put me in .......
Their words like sharp sticks...
Sneering taking pleasure ...
Poking and stoning.....
Impossible to defend against a negative.......
People wanna believe bad
Guilty until proven guilty......
Probably ......
Don't want to see good   ......
This would let the world see how wrong they have come to be
Desire to just be me .....
Lost it's appeal .....
Dark things
Cauldron of maddening calamity
Eyes reddening    .....
Intensity of insanity  ...
Flames of incongruity
Licking me inappropriately.
Brain itching,
Paradigm glitch .....
Tied died in ratsbane .....
******* away my time .....
Hearing myself hissing ....
bellicose animosity....
With verbose velocity,  
10 fold recompense the pain inflicted upon me .....
Stupidity.......
When they are nice to me ....
That magically dissipates ......
Cloaking the fact that
Their only nice when they use me......
Un amusing........
Kinda.....
Dont mind me .....
Sick of people ...
Just venting...
Wondering if im the only one....

Considering worth ..........
Comes with difficulties
In perception.
Influxuation....
In variable depths leave
Seniments
Of subtle deception,
don't believe
What the looking  glass says  .....when
Looked darkly into .......
Brings out dark distractions.....
In reflection feelings are refractions.
reactions  which don't match intentions
Elongating the pendulums
Undulation
While we swing through the
Gauntlet between write
And rong ......
We loose sight .  ....... ........ And like a vapor
We are gone.  ...
Taking someone's world with us..........
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Those that aren't worth their weight in salt...........insult
Those that actually are.........
Being braggadocios
Over exaggerating
The exact opposite of
What they claim to be......
Trust and believe.........
Their actions merit pitty  
After expiration......
Pleading for a stay of execution    .......
Beneath the throne..
Of the King of hate.............
As epochs roll on and on in
At the bottom of the furnace
the rotten  
Underbelly
Of the forgotten
Receiving
No clemency
For eternity.
...... ..... ..... .....  
You are worth more than you can understand ....
Live with it like you deserve it.

Don't take someone you don't want because you feel like that's all you can get cause ........
What you'll get is people that will take you .....
That's a lifetime of regret ....  

Never settle .....and just take what you can get . .
And keep that person's love
Untill something you want more comes along......

Because you will create a rift and an undercurrent .....that will take you. .
And it shall
Take you places you don't want to go.........
And when you go
You can never come back again . ............
Don't be
Unsettled

My soul bruised ....
I used to be
Unstable ,
Some called me Cain..........
That's not my name........
I'm still me ....
Psychosomatic
Dichotomy......
It's not me....
Your labels
Trigger lost time...
Once I saw how
Little you thought of me .......
Past generations
From the grave groaned hauntingly
Mourning me......
I felt the splitting
I lost color in one eye.......
The other looked away.......depth and time feels strange.....
I tried remain the same......
I knew the cruelties
You went through  and how the effects would likely be recompensed upon me........
I could not be swayed ......
To the depths and widths of my soul
Eternal wells flowed love .......
For eternity.    
For you.........
I spoke kindness ...
Gently asked please
Never assumed anything........
Never told you
You had to do anything ........
All in vain........
You and your games ......
Degrading me in front of family and friends .........
In private I cried ...
You mocked me......
I love you ....
You used me........
I tried to love you back to life .....you killed  the better half of me......
My purpose was to love you and only you..........
I held on too long
You broke your promise,your vow,my heart......
Forced me to be what you made me...
I am trying  not to change.........
I'm not Able...
Some call me Cain.....
I say that's not me ....yet........
I feel his blood course through
My veins...........
In my mind I see
In my dialouge I say.....
I never had a brother.......
I'm still Me ......
Same same.  
. That's not my name......
Who are you
?
Me?
?

Hopefully this won't hurt you as much as it did me
And in order to tell you this ......
I can't be me...
It's also imperitive
Don't just hear the noise
Resonating from my mouth
Make an active concious decision
To listen.
K?
You be you  
And I'll be frank..!
The person you're trying to be
Is not you ....
Furthermore what you think .  
Is not what people see .....
K!
Be you and see how many
Evaporate ....
Don't hate .  
Cherish the ones who stay

All these insinuations
Everery bodies
Infatuated with!
Established by design,
Product of an insecure mind set.
Become this albatross
I wear around my neck.....
It no longer protects me .
I have to protect it... 
My reputation  
Monstrosities
An eclectic mosaic of debaucheries which have earned me my claim to fame yet only
Merited by deeds known only by me.... .
It's an illusion ......
I mean these things I let them think they see

It's  enough for what they need...
Really it's a drop falling into an ocean    ......
But it's all exclusive to those I let in .......
And I allow them to sojourn within this mirage   ....
So I can feel some guilt and shame and tus continue in my game
....like . ...
A phantom .......
Machiavellian in dichotomy,
With split personality ...
On the outside I pretend to be
Mr. Hyde hididing from what's inside..
Dr. Jeckle I presume .......
A bored and hungry jackle .....
I see the world as my prey......
Over me thin grey clouds
And the blood moon looms
I kakle.......
hunched chasing my tail   ..
I wail and leave my snout up...
Prevailing winds bring the cent of my next victim .  ..
And the sympathy they   will get
****** me me off to a certain
Extent ......I have not found a way to get around that quite yet... .
So I have some regret .....
For now   . 
In effect
I must react quicker and bigger
In ways they won't expect... Swimming with sharks
I'm a dog ......
It's dog eat dog
It's getting too crowded
For me here....
Scarrs are so thick
I don't bleed anymore ....

Yet they still test me ........


So what else am I suppose to do!

Dark times ....
Desperate crestfallen days we'd hide
00

Cast the dull dreary distorted Worry wart side of me
With a rejectable splat thud .
Apathetic with
Reckless disregard.
From arm stretched up and back and knuckles
grounded........
Fast pitch hard
From a dunce forced arm.  ..
Into a mold
Which resembles a reflection of the side I like of me
Make me a 00
00

All the worlds a stage !
And idinnint just so swelligent..
Maintaining the Machiavellian
Masquerade
No one can see inside
Your encaged like a rat
Eluding the fact that
Everything is irrelevant
Except what makes you well again.

So subtle the muse you use  
Controls the illusion your caught up in.
deflection reflects whether falling out or in.


Falling out .....
Not good ....
Gloomy brooding mist . ....
Songs sung in cerulean hues,
Dark
delusion.
Unamusing ruse....
You can't move .......
Yet you run
night and day
You run
Chasing the same that you run from.
The only fix is to fall back in.
Then your own
Alchemist magicaly moves in mixing chemical intoxicating ....
Concoctions
And traumaus forgotten.
Along with the days

Living numb
succumb
inflicted and infected
Subjected to indignities
Playing into someone's vindictive games....
Which came from another
So now you get the pleasure
Spiked with pain .........
Its a sensation
Like watching your love
Still in loving they're
Ex lovers
They can do no wrong ....
You can do no right......
Oh but you do .....
And they do too......
And since you're there
You get to drink the shame.....
Feel the blame course
Through your veins.
And you stay
And after it's all gone away.
You stay ......
And wait . ....
Swimming with sharks
In hopes of falling back in .. ........
..................FIN.


These trials and tribulations
I find myself in
Come directly from my addiction....
I love .. ......
That's just me.......
I'm in,
everything goes from,
Dark cerulean to
Glowing vermillion

A tenement full of unintelligent
On the cusp of
Belligerent.
Random with anything in common is coincidentally dismissed .
This is a basic definition of .....what is
Named   ( the 12 )  The Jury.
Great ...!
Twelve people .....
12
People who it appears,
have seen a comfortable life which has held a consistently more pleasant theme than mine....... And it appears,
most have  enjoyed.....
a slightly better decision making process ,
And possibly had more of a chance to understand the difference between responding and reacting.....
Never the less I digress
And will say none of these people ....
Would look my way more than once........out of fear ......
They may  make eye contact
And I may consider this a challenge
Or opportunity....
And although my current seat is slightly higher   it's obvious they won't see me if not looking down.....
Because we walk on two different sides of the tracks.  
Knowing not one person not even one who knows me ......all they see is what they see of me....
Having no clue of my character.  
Only rumours offered up as facts
Not to mention are more occupied
With there own things .......
Some are just trying to hurry it up .....
Plus they weren't there.......
And really do you care?

WAIT.....!
Uhhh EHHHM......
Supper whispery
(((((((Tublecain))))))))......    
"Ok at this point my client requests a minute to confer with the reader ."
On what grounds ......?
"Excuse me your honor one second......
( Uh huh ummm. ***)
Your honor my client says .....
Two things
No 1
He wishes to express to the future reader what he's ......
(Sawwwalllow) ummm
What he is  ""feeling"" right now !."
And the second !??!
Iiiiiiiii uhhhm will telllllll you after hes finished?
I object you
OVERRULLED.
I WILL SAY THIS .........
THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD
Councilor!
Yes sir
"MY client has convinced me .
It will be"
Ok son the floors your's.....
For a  minute.
Ok here we go.......
This really doesn't do justice
Yet I feel this analogy will leave you with sorta bland essence of .....
My current situation.....
So have you ever traversed a glacier?
And  stopped for a quick bite .....
And you spilled like three cans of sardines in your lap .......
Picked em up ate them anyway .
And quickly headed back on your way......far ahead you see what looks like polar bear ...
And thought well this was a nice hike .....think I'll head back to the truck.    Do da Doo don want to overdue it......and I'm feeling like
I need a good burn ....heck with walkin.    
Started to run and then between you and your truck. A pack of ........
OH FUUUUUUUUN!!  .
just then you fall down a crevasse
And when you wake
Wedged left to right.....in front a cave and behind the same .......
With one big difference....
In the front really very pretty wth all the light play and ice and everything...except for ....an Alpha male hungry wolf .....
With his pack pushing him so he's growling.
And since his muzzle is pressed tightly with a slight upward turn under your " decision maker"
You can really feel the meaning .....
:Translating:
Back off me , were gonna eat.
But this smell of fishiness and fear is just .....intoxicating  .........
STFup............and behind like I said the same except .......for ....... instead of the dawgs.    A polar bear pushing his nose in. My be.......
Since my pants ripped ......  
Feels like he is trying to smell the front side.............then one of them takes a lick ......
Ok so you've never experienced that ?
I find that a little odd but .....
Use. Your imagination...k.....
Let's just say that faintly ..
An epiphany starts to emerge
And then you say ....
I get it ..
Fight or flight .....
Huh! So that's what that means....
Well today right now I'm felling that
Only intensified......
.
Usually for me
Individual voices blend untill eventually become clamor.
This was the opposite .
And slowly feeling ....
as if....
with the temperature rising.
..blood vessels contracting ...

Skin tightening.....
Pupils dilating.  Heart racing...
Gravity and fear of physical harm
Dissipating.........along with every thought in the world save one
Escaping ... running naked wild And free........ scenarios with quantum variations in rapid succession .
As they each reach an undesirable end...
My  brilliant psyche calculating and piecing  plausible fragment from each one ......
They play through again
I'm beginning to see............
Oh F..k what!!      

I said answer the question or I'll hold you in contempt!
The attention
Turning towards me.
Thoughts racing ,distant
Catatonic glazed over gaze as I'm flipping files
My head snaps to exactly horizontal my lower jaw left behind is catching up at a snails pace ......
As I suddenly realize ....
I'm no longer 100 %
I don't "want to say anything till
to figure out what anyone could have known  of  something Ive done....
And profusely sweating  
And a forceful lucidity peaks like an acid bath
The whole room is looking at me....this is it..my eyes crossed for a second I felt really weak and queasy ..
The question hung like a frozen specter in front of me..
......
..
And just then
The viiiiicooodiin
Kicked iiiiyyiiinnmmmm
An Iiiiik aaaaaalmost
Sneezed......


Top of the world baby .
Looked at the courtroom and the balif
And said STFKUP!
And we all burst into laughter.

You'll have to forgive me...
Or not !?!
Its up to you.
I guess it's my sorta ,
Pre apology,
For ...... Normality ....
In reality is a relative term
Encompassing innumerable
Shades and hues  
Within an endless ever expanding spectrum
In a constant state of flux......
Like modeling tuxedos in Bellevue ,
Seen on tv,
Then caught yourself on fire
Working two pairs of nunchucks
Drunk on you're parents patio
Cause their friends wanted a show.   ?
Next day did a bachelorette party
Got attacked by two cougars...
And held down while the rest of the pack did tequila shots off me...
Ok    that  was actually a good night .....
Weird ..... But good .  
Anyways I guess what I'm trying to say is
This....
You are a star
You are far more and greater than even you can imagine you are ..
Never let anyone tell you what or who you are ....
Don't accept the limits people try to put on you...
You be you ....
Catfish? (That's an attempt at humour... Gaaabeesh?
Er... Gabish .... Uhm capisce?)
K **** it so I'm not funny
..... Heh heh ... Ahhhh  uuh emm
I know you ....
People are so hung up and jealous  ...
They can't see" you" the way you do ,
Not the real you!
Because the ones who do.......
are small compared to you .
And so they will be-little you.
to make themselves look better than you..
Don't trip on haters who run under you. k?
You are bigger than that.
Right ?
You are not bitter you are better.
They will look like the fool
Be cool !be you !
The magic is in you
You know it's true
The only limits
Can only be set and broke by
.. you!

And just so you know,
Sometimes we never do,
It's just a chance we take...
Knowing if we can really forego a risk so great
If you dare to take
That leap of faith.
To boldly let go of whats been done to you
And  compare not the old
To the new,...
For is it truly fair to act bitter and cold
To an innocent heart that
Has only love and will do anything you ask them to
After several attempts to
Find love......
You give in to ......
The idea that ....you.
Can no longer be burdened with that desire....
Sadly you just give up....
No more will you try,
Theres nobody out there ,
The problem is elusive
Because you look for the perfect person .
Well funshine think of it this way.......
A perfect catch probably
Would want a perfect match.
No offense deary
But clearly you arnt exactly what that defines.
Nobodies perfect .
So then you stop looking.
Cupid knows when
You drop expectations
Potential candidates
Interrogations
He draws his bow
Lets loose arrows




Some how love laced ,
Because of love ,
You were, I'm sure
faced with petty things
Which imbued you
With lofty dreams
That one day
The new love of your
Life
will learn not to do!
Since life so often
Seen through
Eyes biased by
a lifetime sorta practicum
Internship
As an apprentice
Imprinting through environmental conditioning ,
Immersed in
What your mentors
Were taught
What they thought
Was how to be.
So you gleaned everything
You perceive,and although you may deicide to rebel or reject certain aspects
As you mature pain and pressure can exhaust
Dealing in such heavy costs incurring grieving losses .
We have tendencies to
So subtly  fall back in default to
Our
pseudo
Peach tree point of view .
Morals ethics right wrong
This is your reality.
It isnt long when your
loveshine is gone.  
Im so sorry for you. ....
Before you do anything
Cruel or stupid ..
Concern your mind with this.
You may try to empathise
But ,
You dont know you cant rationalize a paradigm
Different than that which
Made you"YoU"!
It could be they have been neglected,rejected,beatin,
Lied to ,abandoned
By one or both mom and dad and or possible
Siblings too.
This new love to them
Could be the first time
They have tried to be and so far they are the best to you that they could be.
And it's hard to remember but not so long ago you loved them
so..
.have the courage
And respect to say.
Im sorry and thank you
For all of the things we experienced.
I dont want to hurt you
But I also dont want to lie to you,
And lead you on...
I will always try to stay your friend if youll let me.
Anyway my love for you is gone........
Its so very difficult
Or do you want to take the ****** way out and jade them into someone like you by doing those accursed things that some ******* did to you...
Cause that makes you no better than them
And then your just another bitter ******* too.

Sunset coral and pastel peach......
Reach for the stars ......
I touch you......
Invisible .....yet you see me...
Look right into me ..
Play with your hair......
Smile.......
Your eyes are magic......
You brought me broken
Unwanted to king ......
Unlocked these chains
Forever you will remain
The most desirable
I will protect your honor
Till my dieing day

Dashed,shot down
and strewn about
Rummaging through ruins
Time burning
While I'm still,
Searching last known
Whereabouts..
This vast desolate plain
In vain ,
in the shadows
dunes of doubt ......
My love draught continues
From my
Relationshipwreck
I'm capsized in this ocean
Of tears I've cried ...
Treading water for years.
Introspective retrospect
I see the shore
I can swim .....
No more
I don't think I can touch yet
My desperation is my regret
Yesteryears I held love caviler
Too many I've hurt ....
I fear .....
Karma fallen for me
I am the debt

Intentions null and void.
The amount of time
You can put on your hands.
If solely spent on you.....
Increase exponentialy
In tandem the trouble
You could get in.......
And if spent selflessly to help another in desperate need.
Double or don't do it ......
No good deed.
Will go unpunished.....
Remember you read it here....

Divide that by two if you are single....
And divide that by ten
If you tell no one .

When you are wrong ,
You are convinced by yourself.
When you know you are right..  .
Might be right now......
Unfortunately may not be long.. ..
When will we really know .   .
All the lies upon lies
We've been living on.... .
It's one thing to hear an untruth
Then pass it along..
It's another thing to embellish as we do .....
The worst human  kind can do  
Is to know yet fabricate and teach
To escape blame ,for personal gain....
Or to crush hope because you have  none
Done
Dumb.....

Mike drop

Somewhere within the confindes of my mind
An image ..........
A youger age ,
A little more vigor
A little less unsure idealistic ,
Thats for sure
Looking hopefull
At the world

Saturated

Missunderstood

Time it takes ....
For me
To recover ...
From certain things
Slowing
Urgencies  ....
Growing.......
Yet I still sit still .....
I know ....
What I should be doing..
That part of me is currently..
Disabled......
I bury my head in pursuant of what I shouldn't be.........
Keeping me from what I could be....
So....
I simply justify by lieng
Using time constraints ,back pains ,
Covid ,or what ever it takes to postpone ..
Now I'm burry........
Lay awake all night stars in my eye
Some times a few tears .....
A little worried
If I finally find >........
...
It again.         Love
Will I be able.  
Or will I finally find that love all along was my Cain......
It's killing me
I'm alone and emotionally unstable

Many moons,
Flitter by ......
Haven't got the glitter out of my eye
My reflection is blurry
Mold upon my window cill  !
I sit dormant.....  
Dark grey consumes.
Hopes  and dreams ...
Blue skies  ,
Sunny days
Everything I want to do.....
A.K.A.    .........
YOU.
.........
I finally find.  ....
Only to find
I ....
Can't have you....
Change the epoch
******* epic
Ethan Frome tragedy
Deep convulsive inhale
Fade to black
Fin!
.....
...
.

As I wander in quandary
I ponder less on what's been squandered ....
I don't want to see ...
Focused mostly on  soaking in dulcet fantasy
These pangs of sundry pains
From priorities rearranged
Seduces me to escape into
What could be
My heart grows fonder....
As I continue in thought of you
Help me.....is this my fate or destiny.......
Am I distorting reality.......
I'm really begining to wonder
Will these lessons ever lessen
Is it   obsession  that  pervert my intentions
Am I  the reprobate?
Does my wanton state
Negate my ability of keeping my head straight..........
I'm just pondering here...............
During conversations.........
My infatuation scales conversely
With my linguistic agility
Along with chemical imbalancing
Lexicon gone
Let's just say I struggle the um
To get duh
The word me say to you........
So could it be
Things you say to me
Might be rearranged
Used to fuel my campaign
Unbeknownst to me
Completely
Incongruent to what you were trying to convey
Naw.      It couldn't be
.......ERrrrr could it though........
Or how would I know ??????
Maybe I'm a smooth talking  genius
With a deep jazzy dj voice
That makes you mostly want to listen
As I spit my game
At the Same time
Im
perpetrating
Another clever deception....
Extorting cupid to do his thing
Making you fall In love with me.....
By writing the worst so called poetry the word has ever seen
Hmmmmmmm,
I'm shifting from pontificating
To exacerbating.......
Do I think these tactics and my immaturity
Will persuade you to love me....
I do ...
I think ,therefore I am,
And you are.....>
Because you are everything
And I will never be caught....
Not being in thought of you
I will live forever trying to recompense
The immense happiness you have givin me
I'll do anything ........
"C" ko mo no
You are tha Kaarrcktt one for
Me Ott Minnon
I love you Sara.......
Please talk to me

I remember .......    .........
Mmm....... Uh ehhmnm

Uhhm ....... Yah ... Sorry....
Ok .....
I ~~~~~r~e~mmember
As crisp and crystal clear
That stary night .........
~long splender spikes  gathering
In my vision jiggling until
All I could see was white......
I felt my soul bruise
Leaning forward
Crinkled my forehead, causing the tears to drip in dollops .
Exhaled ......
Till my lungs flattened and stuck....
The news ......... ~~~~mmmm~
The conductor is retiring .......
As I raced to her side I could hear all instruments quietly  tuning ,
Clamoring,,,,,, laughter
As distant memories came to view.. I could not convincer her to stay with me.......
The tempo of time speeding up
Fighting for words to say    ...
Notes getting louder .......
Emotions boiling ....... Memories annn
And everything   bearing.
Down on me and ......
The crushing crescendo.......
The conductor
My Mother my ....
My world ......
My life
On new years eve      ...
Died in my arms......

Time .................
Quantifieable....
Changes every thing .
Created with mankind in mind,
Yet  blind to our needs
The advent simultaneously
Self Incorporated synergistically,
Integrated instantly
Secret allotment ,never know the amount ....
Time, sacred,precious ...to us it's tempral,
To the animal kingdom
It exists on a whole different level
Essential component of "THEE"
TRICHOTOMY "
SPACE
TIME
MATTER
no space ?
No place for us ..
No matter?
Its what were made of.
So if we only had space to move about and matter to exist
It actually wouldn't matter ,
No time to do anything .
Appears we need all three
In order for existence to exist.
Would you believe time is part of mass conspiracy ??????
Well think on this gravity affects mass .with no solid form in its way
Would continually fall or be falling .....well as the world turns
We along with it are always falling horizontally  ......
So we set values to archive events
So in essence time ............. Is it real or
just another form of gravity a constant dilation
in continuum
Blessing or curse
Debatable
Contingent upon vantage I guess.
Could be both
Although  somewhat manageable.
Entombed chaos....
Still seems to be a luck of the draw
A sundry of descriptive adjectives,which one is
applicable ?


Perspective is objective
So at the same" time "
becomes
Both Collectively and personable thus  divisible and multidimensional  

Individually indefinite document
Recorded twice
Once when confusing  lucidity saunters in ,
second at existence end.
"Time" is the quintessential
Determinate!
........
Solitary
I feel a burgeoning affinity for,
  .... A lore
An anomaly ,
In perpetual inflation ,
Unpurchaseable yet it's spent
Plus it's what we do with it
That helps us to see what's in store.
Sporadic  
Fickle and far in-between
Froward looking
I can see scheduling
Orientation like a quantum
Combination lock code aligning
I get giddy in organizing
And arranging to maximize
Some for free........
A ransom fit for a king.
To be continued in deux time.

It's like a need......
...
Like an involuntary seed,
.......
If it germinates ......
It's no longer a want .......
It's a haunting obsession
Causing urgency to do right
And bravery imbues you.....
You exchange fate for destiny.
Your life becomes currency .......
What an honor to spend ....
When it's for freedom .....
Sending shivers.......and delivers
Ripples through generations of time....
The legend of you and your comrades...
Lifting the weak and subdued to new heights...
clearing the minds
They bask in the righteous
Battle you waged .....
And the good fight you fought ....
They howl from painful memories
Bittersweet tears onto victory
Strike fear to the heart of the enemy
Rising up like the sun ....
They shall carry on inspiring hope ...
As an honor to pay homage in remembrance of you....

It s like an integrated autonomous innocent being
You can't see but you will fight to protect and preserve above
Everything .. ... .
It's lyke an .......
It's like an artesian well
Spring inside......springs ..
It's like an incurable vine
Twined spiraling up your spine .
A separate entity......  
It feeds .....from the spring ....
In your mind you justify ,appeal
Try to reason with it....  
To no avail . ....
It's lycan.......
It's like An addiction ,
Lycan insatiable yet righteous greed ......
A healthy one indeed ......
Self perpetual.......
There's not a problem .....untill someone tries to take it from you.........
And It's lycan .. ......
Stiffens the spine .... .
And the hackle flicks up like needels.........
flings sweat into mist.. .. 
Eyes turn black ,
Lip unfurling .
K9's exposing.....
Coiling back .....like a tensioning
Spring........
Won't be treated like a dog being
Beaten for loyalty......... 
Bites the fist that swings ..  ..
And the taste of blood is sickeningly sweet......
It lycan unwritten law  
You have not authority
Nor reason ......
Dont touch me ....
Leave me be .....
It's lycan............
It  becomes lycanthropy ....
Don't touch my freedom ......
I'll bite everyone and you can't fight this infection .....
Freedom is out there and I'm
Lycan animal with the spirit and appetite to win ...
And I'm hungry like the wolf ......
Never give in ........
The bear attacks in vain .....
The wolf pack will not be tamed!

Fickle ,
Unpredictable,
Random ......
The simply complicated state of zen......
It is what makes it so blissfull.......
Unwell wishing for some .......
At the other end .
Of the spectrum.
No use tryin to hide the pink streaks     ....
Like acidic streams
Cutting caverns down through my puffed cheeks....
The saline
Leaks .....
From my eyes....
Stings ........
Dreams .....
Lofty ....wonderfully
Thought of
Dreams .....
Beautiful sanctuaries.....
A place to hide and smile .........
POISON ....
They can be
Like walking down a slightly sloped ..oily
Razor blade.....
Dreams  .......
Have them love them . ....
By all means ..
Never fall in love with them ......
Never  fall in love with them
...........
POISON
......
IMPRISONED

Fractured....
Fuzzzzz.....
Static........
Emotionally
Pixelated .......

.....played ...

Lacerations ....
.....
Incarcerated
..........
Incinerated
..........
Lost found
And forgotten
Pulled up from
The blackend
Frigid murk
Of the worst
Waste lands
Of rock bottom....
Packed in lye
......
Cried,
..
Lied to.......
Waiting to die
Forced to stand naked
Outside,and
Watch begotten
  
Nursed back to my prime......

Beat down ,
Tarred,
Scourged,
Disturbed,
Then once again ...  
Drowned in the salty turbidity of my own painful,
Tears.... .



.... ...
I've been sculpted ........

....andIhateit....

Scars in my eyes.
But you can see the saaad sooooooong
Sung in
Cerulean Hues.
.......
Goiiiiiing into
Indigo......

Child actor syndrome
Wished I would have played Disney
Roles
......
Type cast ***** ...
Burnt out
Fast .

Now I'm playing
Comedy drama
...******......
cycle upon cycle

Scars upon scars
This game ......
This  dam   game ......

Shame.............mmmmmmm



This my my
Mind game
So many times  .........
Feels like auto pilot......
An it takes so long to get to this  plain .........


Lightning

bitter wind ....
Icy wet and sadistic.......
My love.
My queen ..!
Center of my confidence.....
Will you accept me ........
This time........
Ive been pushed  away
... I chose to wait.  .....
Alone ......
I created a lonely garden ...here I lay at your feet a thousand long stickery stemmed roses..feel free
To grab them
By the blossom ..........
Ill stand here
With my shirt
Off ....and you can
Whip me with each one

SET THE EMOTIE
TO CONDESCENSION!
Friends countrymen ,
Lend your amendment pen
To me....set the EMOTIE
To  contemplation .......
As you do
Bear in mind this
It is an impossibility
For me ....not to say
If Ye are Roman
allora ti amo amico mio continua!
se sei americano ascolta attentamente
Where is Waldo?
Close your eyes
Let this question echo
Within all who reads
Mind....
In unison through generations
Back in time
Let Emerson hear
"Thank you!
We need you!

NOW LETS SEE!
WHOM SHALL BE ?
WARNING THIS IS A TEST
OF YOUR RESOLUTION
are you or are you not ?
Look yourself in the mirror
Little lamb .......chop
Cute little button tail
Bahe aheaheahahe
Awe didem faiwul?
Course you did little.....
Kid .......
Let your reflection look at you
Five minutes
You can't.......

Oh hey ?
Can you see POWER!
Stars.
stripes.
fireworks.
Smell the tears
The blood  
Gunpowder  
Courage in the face of fear
Hear the screams so clear
Musket fire breaking bones
Frost bitten starving
Knowing they would never again ....
See home ,yet they perceiver ed
Alone .....
Carnage in conditions so severe
Queers lesbians women men
Friends lovers or enemies
Stood and fought side by side
No disrespect meant to those who play same team
Derogatory terms used strictly for shock value .....
I stand in awe and shame for I have not the valor or means to fully convey the magnitude and depths of gratitude
Graciously ,humbly
Thank you ........
Thank you ......
TO THE REST OF YOU
OH HEY?
can you see.....
The scenes
Do you ever stop and think

Of those patriots who lie
In pieces upon the field
Crying
smoke and steam leaving chest cavity
on crimson stained snow carry their soul
Away from the field and shield them from these travesties forever more........
My country ......tis
Or is it our country
Or is it their country
Look in the mirror
Is this fear ?
Are we here
Shall we not ask what we can do
And instead ask what is this country trying to do to you?
.....
Verily Verily I say unto You
If thy country ask of me
As far as my courage allows
That I shall gladly do!
If thy country make me do
I may or may not
And make no mistake
Neck will stiffen and schism
Created
If thy country which I hold dear to me
Force me
Threaten me
Levy unmerited punishment upon me
Extort me
Single me out take from me my inalienable rights
Be little me put me on blast
Set me agin friend and kin
Because I refuse to give in
And not for reason of religion
But because I will not be in sufferance of oppression
Or beatin into subjection of fear....
I will with great raging vehemence stiffen my neck
Stare those who set against me with dominance
I will give nothing measurable unto those who strip me of my home,loved ones clothes or dignities ..
And as a declaration I will stand firm for those cannot out of fear .
Give my life if that's how far they wish to take it .........
I cannot live under the misery of fear anymore.   . That is my way
That is the or was the American way
. ......that is what the legends
....our forefathers died for!

Upon graduation they swear the
.....
Hypocritic oath...
Then put it up on display......
Is this where you want to pull your defenses down
And let some one see.......
The fragile naked vulnerable fragile inner me ......er ....
I mean you......
And then let then ****** your demons .....cause who knows maybe they took that hypocrite thing little too literal so ya they are practicing
But what are they practicing....
And on who ?
And why ....
Ohhhhhh
Conspiracy?
Or something that rhymes with eye!
If you think you are paranoid
You  probably are. It's ok I got someone watching you all the time.

Control ......
Le et them believe ,
The secret war they wage ,
Is what keeps the shackle
From their sleeve.
Let them believe!.........
Feed them what they need
To weave the web that keeps them on their knees......
Never let the wounds  heal ,
Always in all ways be ye vigilant
Alternate the hate
Lower  their eyes down with it
Keep the pain of eternal flame lit
Let the pick of the week be named
Focus the blame
And douse the louse
With ignorant accelerant  
Make them walk in the way of Cain for a minute .   ..  
Beat them over the nose with it
And let the melting *** boil  
Wet the soil with blood
Sensationalize
The emotional flood will darken their eyes and macerate them with doubt.....
let the apprehension rise
Never let the fire go out
The people will begin to see what was fake and what is real.
And without the use of media
You will be free to feel ..      
Love will infiltrate and as a people you will begin to congeal
And unite
As one .
Lift your eyes and not see the looming haze of oppression
Walk freely without  fear of aggression
For this will seal  our fate  
We the government
Have no escape route

So please read
But be bored by it
And be not convicted
Or you will  regret it

And you say we give you no choice.........

NOW
Back to work you fools
We need money    .....
And
And and and and and and and an, an, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
I can't take it anymore!

I remember itchy red eyes laying awake to daydream of you,
Waiting by the rotary phone .......
It rings ...
My heart's in my throat......
I lean on one elbow
super smug mug.
Avocado green plush rug.......
Jazzy radio deep voice
Like cool crushed velvet
I speak right into your ear .
Hellllllllo?
Uhhhm what....
No I don't want to take a survey  
.........
Dammmm it
Slam the phone ......
Then fold my hands under my head .......
Smile , cross my feet and stretch
And pick up where I left off.

Lost in love with you
On a hot august night  ...
I fantasize about ..
You fantasizing about menow I fantasize that I could go back to those days and catch a feeling or two.........

Im not trying to offend you....
I don't need you to defend me....in fact I don't need you for anything..........
You are simply the best thing
I have ever had
From beauty, to wit, to love making . ......
On and beyond everything ...
Your love drives me mad
I want you so bad I can't breath...
I mean that's fairly straightforward! right ?
She should get that .......
I mean ........I think ......
Oh great it's still typing

Fact one for anyone
Who could doubt you......
This reality exist through
You
Without you...
There is nothing.
Do not forget.
When you stop living
It stops too.
So live this altruism
Its your world
Make them fit in
Use this to clue them in
"If I am ... ..........
And you know it ........
Then
We dont have to say it
Rieeeet?
And
Then
When I believe.
I am right and you dont .......
Your wrong!
In addition to
Fact one
This is how it is and the last statement proves this.

The statement comes to mind frequently .......
And that is ......
"There is one thing that Elohim could not do  ......
He could not make a mistake.."
My response is that ,
"He could ,but he couldn't ,
And He did .......
When He created woman......
His mistake was .....
(Forgive me my Lord for saying this")
He didn't make enough of them! "
Heartfelt......
Felt like it was going to stop .....
(My heart that is)
She touched me ,
All my ......
Previous engagements got ..
trifled,
As I riffled through my
Coolest Lp's.......
Little scuured,
Cause she keeps  flipping her hair and looking at me weird,
Like I don't know if she's gonna  cry or something wrong with me?
Her smile, mischievous,
Her eyes pouty ,
Sleepy .
Wanting?
Needing?
                something? ......
Seems like yesterday she was calling me names and making fun of me.....
I'm looking around sorta
Half feeling like a young king while secretly looking  for Allen funt,
And the candid camera team.
And now for some reason
I'm impersonating
007 the great  Sean Connery.
The world fell away into the abyss........
I dimmed the lights ,
Every motion I made
ended with me running my fingers through my featherd hair and striking a pose     ......
Her voice had a distinct metallic like static as  if my brain fixated on each grain of sound
I remember a high pitched crackling silence after she
Crinkled her nose
giggled and said comeer.....
Gesturing me with her finger.....
I carefully lowered the needle  ...
Onto the spinning record.....
Lover boy ,
"Take me to the top"
What's a poor boy to do ?
Is this some form of witchcraft?
I'm not in control,.
Yet ....
Then again ..
I feel like
I am ...... Or ..
I feel like maybe she is causing me ,
Or allowing  me,
Or letting me,
feel like I am.....
What kind of Vudu did she do
To me
She sat up half way
Until or face almost touched ....
Rested on one elbow
On my pillow    ...
No less
I saw glistening in her eyes .....
She looked deeply into mine .
I realized this girl I've crushed on for sooooooooooo long .  .
Was mine ....
After some time
I came to realize ....
She wasn't mine at all ....
I was hers ......
Her fragrance was intoxicating ...
I was spellbound and levitating into culpable bliss   .......
Tilting her head her eyes closed ...
She reached toward my face ....
I flinched ....... She smiled and said ...... It's ok ........
Her lips ... So soft ...... Hit wet
With mine ...
I closed my eyes and ....
Then


FIN............
I knew ,
The Epiphone ,
Instantly , I could see ,
No more mystery
My future became ancient history


I know why the female hero
Is called the Heroine!
My first addiction,
Tell me have you seen her?
caviler .......... I exist on a regimen
Of crow and "told you so"
My love life looms luminescent
So far away and distant as I
Lay awake and ..........
Reminisce
I tell myself I know
I know

I put  myself in this paradigm

I picked out this choker
Betrothed myself to Karma ....
Haven't seen the light of day,
Trying to find myself ,
With all this time to wallow
After chasing that sweet first high
Ohhhh my my
My whole life ......
I guarantee with a violent passion if ......
No when I'm let free
Finished my sentence ..... And my love light shines again ....
I'm gonna be the best the world has ever seen
You'll see  ..........
Im just sayin Karma!.
Geese loosen up on the leash
Your choking me!

Earlier seeking somewhere
I could breath
in secret
An opportunity presented itself
and
Covering my tracks and slipping
Through the cracks.............    
............
stealthily .............
took my leave
Sure footidly i ran and scampered
The whole while feeling  a silly anxious childlike urgency like a
Toddler running from daddy
Cause i know he's gonnnnnnnna
TICKLE  ....MEEEEEEE....
Now no time for tomfoolery
This is dead friends peak
As i slowyly lay back on the bare rock its a little
Unnerving
The jutting stone cradles you so perfectly yet
Youre legs dangle 4500 feet above town
Its so far down you cant see it but theres
a coin operated telescope
Where
bets and braggers pay when they finally get
Here all they can say is nope
Needless to say im the only one
That ive ever seen sit here
Just some rocks and a huge fern
A perfect secluded solitude
A wam breeze bringing the smell  
Of sunday food
I lean ever so slightly
To view the carnival lights below me
And i slide .  .        .           .
Fortunately my palms sweaty it stops me
Although slapping the rock that hard
I swear it moved
And my heart murmured
I was a little concerned it wouldn't
Start back up again
I swallowed and took a breath
Both actually hurt.
I closed my eyes and re-positioned
I could smell dirt
Collected my nerves ,
Relax i said
Youre even more alive
Now
But lets never do that again!
Smiling on the outside !

Opening my eyes some how everything looked color enhanced and
Extra wonderfull
Watching the cumulus slowly churn
Above me
Like smouldering smoke
Took me to a better time for a short while
I felt free
I sat peacefully for a bit
In a sorta happy state of quandry
As the shapes in flux ever changing
The thought never occurred to me
It ..............
Was assuming disguises in effort to stall me
Although hinging on the menacing side
Being so far from me somehow seemed charming
A needed respite from the mundane
Now the nimbus turning charcoal grey
On this Melancholy Sunday  afternoon
As the autumn shy line consumes
Precious daylight
a dreary darkness
Like an empty heaviness a low
Pressure depression moves in
And overshadowed me
Within me i feel it
The impending doom
Looming above
has touched down
Groping blindly
Lurking around trying to find me
Gripped in fear and although slow
Im moving
Barely
a chilling breeze berefts the leaves from the trees
There icy rustling
Sounds like wind chimes made from bones
Strips me to my soul
Im all but naked and alone
The winds so cold
Pushing past as i exhale
Even the air i breath frozen in fear
From the ghastly thing behind
Looks like a spectere before me

And now im paralized i hear the funeral knell
Ringing for me
the same wind that hit my back now burns my face.
And i know now my time has come
It can smell me
Metaphorically im spinning a caccoon
And in it
Ruminanting within gloomy memories
Impatiently im waiting for in a short while even my soul will leave me
Why would it not everything that
Hasnt been taken has got up and left me
At this point i would be amazed if it didnt
...
......what im trying to say is this
Take my words exactly as they have been contemplated,
And weighted like stone chosen precisely , arranged ,braided ,
And conveyed in syntax and perfect timing
So when i say time apart from you is hard for me
I know youve only been gone a couple hours shopping
Look at me the house is a mess and im a wreck
Do you see what i mean
I couldnt find the vaccum so i thought id eat
Tried to make a sandwich  all the knifes are *****  left it started cleaning the room
Thought i heard my phone ring .maybey it was you .couldnt find that either then. I found the vacuum thought it wasnt working took it apart ....lost one of those little important pieces down the toilet ....... .......dont ask.... ..please       ......and then ....realized it wasnt pluged in.    ....
And thats when the toilet got broke......and coincidentaly
Where all the wated came from.i forgot that i lost the phone .then i wanted to know if you would pick up some.....  . .... . .  .  ........... .... ...... ......
........



....... .... ....  ...  ...

Our want should not
Surpass our needs!
Prone to podsnappery ,
The term human race ,
Contrary to popular belief
Is not a  communal  competitive
Relay with the trophy of prosperity to all whomsoever
Shall win..... Infact there is no destination at all.
This gauntlet we run is tribunal!
Let me ask you this.......
Will "we" ever mean "all" ?
I mean it does when I say
We have to have something
To take the focus away from our deeds.
So the day we decided that we need a leader .......
Was a day of infamous treachery.
With our mouth  we said ,
"It is our wish to bow down and
Become followers......
In our hearts as individuals we said ," I don't want to be held accountable"!
My own heartbeat disturbs me
Like a muffled drum I hear the chant from everyone ,
So long ago ...... I guess it could be said that "our"ancestors  may have done some questionable things  .......
Listen ...... Not my family though ,
No!
And that's not me ......
We were on your side.....
Belief is in the eyes of the controller ....
Gass lit , "we "  "the people"
Pretend to be hypocrite,
eminent domain , manifest destiny!
Sons and daughters,
Mother's and father's elders and babies,
**** pillage and slaughter.......
Red man Blacks and Jews,
Just to remind you that even pedigrees have flees ....
"We" are nothing
As long as we follow the scapegoats bleats .
Sycophants in denial ,
We leave a trail of unimaginable grief ....... For what?
Money ? That isnt real!
Imaginary boundaries ?
"They" are different ?
"We" are better ?
Are we ?
Who are we?
I am me
Being different is what makes us the same.
Let's not try!
Let's "be" SAME TEAM"
It's my dream ..
I know I'm not the only one!

Is it or was it ever....
Infectious?
Without delay
MmmmmM
May I direct your attention to you .......
As when you partook as much as anyone ....
And as your witness ....
You did confess .....
To abstain .....from...
Or any effort to .........was  um......
Un fortuitous..?
Mmm hhm
Yes.........
Let us look at your perspectous.....
Wasn't  it you whom .... Spoke these words .?
" .......... Shhhh ... No ......
Listen  
.. all I'm saying is ...........
Well.......
It's so callous
How we walk through a room and know the ones who like us ... A month later ... We see the same and  can't even remember them at all......
39 years later.....they    
Stood still
Living an existence they hated
Devastated......
Consumed .....
Still the fiery passion they had for us .....
Paramount....
As we go mumbling
Stumbling along looking for someone to love us.....
If we could drop what the media does to us ......or tell s us I guess......forces us .........controls us ...programs us .........perverts and lies ......
Flagrantly ........
We . ...drop all this beautifull artificial stuff ...and live liberated ..
In a perpetual state of elated
Happiness ...contentment
Having some one we treat like a queen ....
Or better yet ... Who worships you .... And you can be cool ... An they be that for you too!"
??...!...?.!?!?;?
So I believe ..... That I can speak quite frankly ......
For you when I say .....
Yes you......
Are just as infected as the rest of us ......
Inflicted and oppressed  .....
MmmM hhhm.

Sey yes
This is what the commercial world does to us....
With the filth advertising evil science does for us.......
Be us or not be at all ......
If you want to live you gotta want it all

When you think you got it ... It's really nothing at all ...
You're worthless  
.
Unless you wear this .....
Pothetic ....

Its complicated they said
Big shiny heads tilting back krinkled

Neglect is the regret
You have control to manage.
Regret is the control
You neglected!

Future, memory.......
Purchase made........
With priceless
Currency paid......
Most recent event
With or without  
Intention,
Time spent
Is how you bought what is
Now you're newest memory
So riddle this altruism.
If you willst
"It's an elementary fact that a thief is by default
A liar .......   "
so then
Whomsoever
Should say they lie not maketh themselves liars.......
Does this mean we are all unconsciously thieves?
The consequence's
We're recompensed  come from untruths we've sold to the purchaser.
Who unaware wasted their time in thought non existent paradigm .
Rendering  the recipients victims and you should be convicted
To make  active conscious decisions in creating future memories which you will be comfortable in.cause those who don't.

F
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