Will I ever cease?
Have to wait and see,
It's not on me ..
Although I offer.....
When it's right .....
Then they shall breath

I cover silver and gold
With mange and flees ,
I roll in rancid things
To stave off any smell of nobility.
Lowly I walk in shadows   ....
Of the beautiful.......
Slowly I go solo
In this masquerade
A filthy dog is what they see ,
Because Ive been beat about the snout .....
And made to believe
This is my lot
In secret I know
I know ....
I know .....
I know .........
I am not this monster  ...
My poor heart ...
I wear on my sleeve...
I can not keep it in me
It's wounded .....
All but rotten ......
Every good deed  
And all I have forgiven ......
Instantly diminished....
Forgotten ....
Madness consumes my sleep .
Sleep depravity Bereft's me of strength.......
I'm weary of this existence......
Will I ever escape     .
Will I
Will I ....
Can I .......
I...........
I'm on a roller coaster here
Bear with me please ......

Two pillars  set juxtaposed ,
I use both as baring,
Both bearing equal gravity.
Rising high from the waters ...
Between these ,
Lies this isthmus.
In the middle of which
A field of lavender .....
Outlined with oleander
peach colored summer
I lay awake at night and dream
I dream that there is more than this
I know I shall surely die ..
Here betwixt good and bad  .
Here ......
this lonely existence
Here I feel the undercurrents
One I cant resist
the other ....
Eradicate
My destructive state......
One is such a succulent persuasion
Easy as a fall
The other seems difficult
Abstinence not my favorite
Suit .....
Yet the treasure upon that vista
Manifold ......
The fruit ....
Ambrosial

I lay awake........
Suffering in dulcet
thoughts of you......

Despite  risk,
  love outweigh  my mind

Archaic ,......?
Me?
I do my best not to be  ..
Although If you try to be anything
Means you actually are what your not wanting to be.....
Anyway that's just another
Misconception of arbitrary
People's perception based on they're own environmental
Conditioning .......
An Im not gonna lie    ....
This was a big hang up of mine for along time .....
I can tell you this .
The less I care about what people say .......  
Sets my heart ablaze .....
For real though!

Still I get good and bad DayZ
On the good Im
Feeling like I look like I feel!
On the bad ....
Same same .. .
Against the grain  ..  .
Maverick?
Maybe ,......
Mistook for
Stoic ?
Shylock ,
Hopeless romantic !?!
emotions ........
reflections of memories
Feelings , how to react
Through experiences
Taught to me.........

Are my day drifts
trips in nostalgia
Synthetic?

As this journey continues
Lower are the highs
More frequent are the lows!
Once long ago
I was told to be a good man
Be honest ,empathetic and
Sensitive.......
Now I believe I can't let any
Of these things show......
Everything  I have struggled to be...........
Make me look weak......
Don't really know ***
The world wants of me. .
I'm just good ......
I'm gonna just stay me ...
Everyday , everything
Comes my way   ....
As it unfurls .......
It's my way . ...
F. T W..................
Im in an enclave .....
In my minds eye ......

Mother nature in budding years fell insatiable with what the gods had gifted us .....
She layed at our feet ..
Upon a golden fleece.......
An overly filled cornicopia
Brimmed with anything we wanted....the magnitude of which inexperience
Simply could  not comprehend.
We laughed like fat young kings ...... ..
Shook the pillars ......walked like
GIANTS.



Twas the crestpucular rays
Cusping the dawning of sweet savory days as we ****** knuckled our way into the  arena of adulthood
which did
Glint our eyes ablaze.....
Shedding light upon phantasms of delusional grandeure!
Insatiable .....
A pack of wolf to be sure.....
An almost overbearing musky Aroma of overconfidence lurked ..
And ohhhhhh..
Stiffining the hackle was the ever present danger of spontaneous fight .....
The unpredictability incredibly
Intoxicating.

What a plush
Den  ........
I remember the air back then seemed ....I  guess warm and thick.......
Like it had some meat and............
Still had some game to it .......
Awe yessssss!
peach would pair well with it.
And such a
Flavor hung from each lush
Syllable spun .
Closing in n
Drooling like dogs teeth fully displayed, Eyes transfixed
ears pricked ...
Rotating .........
Searching the silence...
As they  clung to the regaling of some past violence and not wanting to miss a single nuance
Anti-)nay sayers paradise

You wanna be.
so you think
The one. ....  
everyone wants to be...
star struck.......
And the limelight .....
Is blinding
Fine line
In between!
It's tiring  
The silky threads
Dual purpose...
Adore you on the surface.
Until one of day
One fray and it becomes
sharp as a razors edge...
Being famous is the same as being infamous........
Like a vibrant flowering tree
You are disideous...
Winters knocking .. ..
You gonna answer it    ?

You'll have to forgive me...
Or not !?!
Its up to you.
I guess it's my sorta ,
Pre apology,
For ...... Normality ....
In reality is a relative term
Encompassing innumerable
Shades and hues  
Within an endless ever expanding spectrum
In a constant state of flux......
Like modeling tuxedos in Bellevue ,
Seen on tv,
Then caught yourself on fire
Working two pairs of nunchucks
Drunk on you're parents patio
Cause their friends wanted a show.   ?
Next day did a bachelorette party
Got attacked by two cougars...
And held down while the rest of the pack did tequila shots off me...
Ok    that  was actually a good night .....
Weird ..... But good .  
Anyways I guess what I'm trying to say is
This....
You are a star
You are far more and greater than even you can imagine you are ..
Never let anyone tell you what or who you are ....
Don't accept the limits people try to put on you...
You be you ....
Catfish? (That's an attempt at humour... Gaaabeesh?
Er... Gabish .... Uhm capisce?)
K **** it so I'm not funny
..... Heh heh ... Ahhhh  uuh emm
I know you ....
People are so hung up and jealous  ...
They can't see" you" the way you do ,
Not the real you!
Because the ones who do.......
are small compared to you .
And so they will be-little you.
to make themselves look better than you..
Don't trip on haters who run under you. k?
You are bigger than that.
Right ?
You are not bitter you are better.
They will look like the fool
Be cool !be you !
The magic is in you
You know it's true
The only limits
Can only be set and broke by
.. you!

Ooooh the tall grass
Whips my face and Pinkens my skin
When the wispy wind sets in.
Stingingly ,leaves paper cuts
Instantly irritates  the skin
salty tears and sweat seeping in..........
Spatial light quickly consumed by dark brooding gloom......
Splatter of rain patter ........
Lightning flash cracks
Slithers like snakes across
the nights sky,
An eerie hussh of silence
Broken by a primal
Crushing thunder
Bellicose  baritone
Crossing eyes .....
Rattling bones.  ..
And the tears come back .. ..
With the wind    ....
The blades of grass .... .
I wale alone ......
You said " I do "
You didn't mean it ....
Not the same as I do ......
Where are you!?

Dive ....
Continually into
What life has given me ....
Stay my life ....
Designing blame ...
And damning it ,
As my cause of latency!?

Or ...
Should I lead a life of mediocraty
Anguish in believing success ....
Is something I can only see ...
Never feel.....
Randomly I find opportunity
Then err .....
Till I'm on my knees...


Or ... ..
shall  I be insatiable ,
Chase my dreams    ,
Love knowing .....
Me .....
The miracle that is Me ..
I can't just wait .....
And try it differently next time ...
There is not even enough this time..
I am . ... Therefore I think,
I shall blush in Romantica
Run naked to the cliff ...
Leap without looking   .....
Share my meals with the poor...
Sleep with the homeless ...
Be someone I would adore,
Be a jester and a mentor......
Cry with the broken hearted
Laugh with the children till our
Stomachs are sore    ......
Marvel once again at the wonders of the world
Want more    
Search out
And take everything
Life has to offer .....
And not know the differences
Between fate and destiny?

All it takes is you . .....


All that holds you back ....


Is only you

The
Vector...........
Of
Violence...........
Can be
Impeded with intelligence
Tempered by
Experience,
And absorbed
By understanding!
The vulnerabilities no matter how obscure is complete irrelevance
And wherever you are
We've all had glistening tears
When we broke ,clutched our souls ,
In disbelief,
Weak on our knees like vagabond's
Waiting upon the reaper.  
Facing the sky we all look at the same stars.  
And those same scars are the bars
That imprison us in the game....
Made of fear ,guilt,and shame .....
We make these wears ,,,,
Invent these games and believe
What we know in our hearts
Is not real or true ........
Maybe you been hurt by someone
You so looked up too
I know that
I lived that ......
Its a feeling no one should go through.........
Be the person you needed
The person you could have looked up to.  
The one you set all your standard's too.........
Cause no one else will
Unless you will......
Just because you could .....
Then you know you should...

Skrrrrrrrrrrt
Don't get me wrong there a whole long long longggggggggg
List of M'er F'ers that need that need to be plugged in the mug

I n my future and in
Introspect I can see
A reflection of who I used to be......
What I don't see ?
Is any time,
when I was not pre-occupied....
And in my minds eye,
Gravity Dissipated
Levitating I became elevated
To a golden path of ease
Life was sublime.  
But it's all a lie .........
If you think you can stay that way
Eventually you will be outshined
I have been so
close to both
Fate and destiny
More than one time .......
Controlling the world  .....
Was always easier than controlling me,
A synergistic dream team
Overconfident and blind
Went off the deep end
Convinced I could not mend....
Went to great lengths to justify
Putting aside my pride ...
That's what I told myself....
If anyone ever tells you
that"That" can't be done ......
That's a lie..........
Like would you believe me
If I told you I was a liar?
That's what I thought......
If I could I would say
I am knot .
But I am not

Within us lies.    
A spectrum wich lies.......
Telling us it ok ...
Once in awhile
To bend a little .......
Keep in mind .
It's the mirror who won't look you in the eyes......
Because you sabotage with compromise..........
weaken you ....
Basking in the shade of sorrows
Somehow down in the shadows of tomorrow's.........

Let the tears
Trace scars,
Crystalize and then
Let my bloodshot eyes  
Reveal the pain I've hidden within...
Let my blank stare
Look right through you .......
You can't offer me anything
Anymore ........
You have severed the cord ....
You are nothing but an open door
A vacancy full of everything I don't need.
Be gone.

Of all "that" that you will do ....
Upon any given day ........
Strike the flame .......
Woof the bellows.
  
When the cauldron glows  
cast in your works.      
Vamp off reasons ......
Pour it off into the crucible.......

When it cools
Crack off the dross......
Revealing your true worth.....
Is it enough to by a loaf of bread?
Enough to sustain life .......
Think about future past and present
Anything anyone will remember you for thee generations from now?

Should I fathom so many degrees
In which I can falsely assume responsibility
And be riddled with diverse insecurities?

Of off an wrong angulatities
Pay penance,
Be recompensed
Spend my sentence
In silence ....  
On my knees
Begging you ......
Please don't leave me .....?
Is that what you would have me do.....
For the best part of my life?
Oh please forgive me ..... .
For that can only be done once.....
And then you left me
.............
It takes so long to unbelive
Untruths .
From someone you love so desperately.............
When you can't say anything .......
Then to find
Behind your back .  
They have convinced everyone
It was you commiting all these
Deeds.  
The madness that ensues
Is self destructive insanity......    
You look like a monster ....
You lash out
Sinks the charges deeper....
They finally get caught in the wrong ....and ohhh
Por thing ...
It's cause all the bad things he did to her.      
I don't blame her .  ...
YOU GO GIRL.. .....

One peak .......
Got more than I need ...
The only **** I don't do
Is the **** I don't want to!
What I wanted ,
I fantasized
Visualized.
Magmatism ramped up
It came to me
Attraction .........and it came easy.
Unbalanced ego
Without humility.
Karma's favorite recipe.
I let my confidence off the leash
Felt good ......
Reputation precedes
Let the rumours fly
Mostly good ,
Even the bad
Somehow favoring
and then
Shazam !

Bit by the komodo
Bacterium coursed through my heart into my brain......
I ran .....
Lamed ............
I  ran.......in delirium.......
Sleeping on The mound of dirt
I piled while digging my own grave.....
impacted..
Inflicted,
Infected ,
Delusional,
Same Man
Same me
Noone wants to be alone with me..
Hero 2 zero.........
I haven't changed.      
Well maybe circumstances may have
Allowed some less than orthodox methods
To be.  
But still ............
One day I saw a beautiful woman .
She took a second glance .....
Smiled said hi...........
I blushed ........
Heart rushing .......
I said some funny things .......
She liked
Took me home .........
Did some funny things to me....
Shazam ........
I'm on top again........
Same Man ....
Sam me ?
Sorta.  
I know it's fleeting ,
I know it's an illusion
Wrought from a state of mind .
I know where it will take me
I know
But I act like I don't know...
And secretly I do kind and honerable
Things that no one will know ....
Even if they find out .
I won't be seen by karma as egotistical....
It's shamefull and unacceptable
Tho bear witness of yourself.

Do you lie ,
Awake late at night ,
And exacerbate.?
On future events
Diving in diverse deepths
In relationshipwrecks,
Toxic introspect.....
macerating in
Worst case scenarios?
obsessing on Exaggerated
Outcomes ....
Fill the rig with
Painfull emotions
Bang it straight in neck
Living in the effect of
What you've done.......
These vivid pangs of hurt
Never come to fruition yet you allow them to diminish
Self worth as if they  are a reflection  of you .

Feelings in this sensation
Give you a false feeling this makes you a better person
It cannot ..
You can never convince anyone how you feel .

Only deal in the real
It works out better this way
Trust me!





Keep yourself in check

Looks like I've circled around
I recognize that slow bend
As I find a distraction to mend
Looks like I let my heart out
And it got stepped on again....
It's getting a little easier
For both
The longer the mend
The more the want

Lush romantica ,
Ambrosial
A thirst only you could quench
drenched
In honey milk and vanilla
Each dulcet syllable
Suggests a persuasive silhouette
The sweet seduction
I'm un-stable in pursuit
Anticipation laced with preview
Ethics and morals fall to the way side
Passion burning so hot I cannot hide
Accelerating I'm chasing you.......
reckless
I couldn't care less
About collateral damages
Territorial
Nostrils flare ..........
I'm.primal.
Prime objective
instinct governs reasoning
Programed this is what I do......
Imprinted infatuated
Impassioned  no boundaries
I can't breath untill you love me too

Perched on precipice
Of being two tense.  
Beautifull woman in line
Behind me ...........
At the bank ......
A long line on a hot Friday.    
I'm cashing my pay check .....
For Quarters dimes and nickels
Knowing most are worth more than face value.....  .
She says what are you doing?
What's wrong with you..

I said I'm turning my cash into change
Does that not make cents?
She didn't laugh ......
I didn't get her number.
Funny ........
Not a ****** if she doesn't find that funny

Partiality ,
Reflective
Teflon like membrane
deflecting Dysphemisms
With psychosomatic euphemisms
And remain in a state of osmolality
Vanity in vain
Pseudo synchronicity in
Emotional attachments
Spurned by environmental conditioning
Creator of schisms.  
Hider of truths
Author of lies

I went from do-rags and irrelevant,

Oh sure you are the security ,
And they seem to be
A true friend indeed,
And yes ,
Trust and believe
It is better to give
Than recieve!
Because this means
You have more than what it takes  to satisfy your needs....
But when they become impatient
Waiting on your payday .......
Lemme say this
These people become
accoutrements you don't need?!?

It's me!?!?

Contemplate for a moment
If you will.
An opposite   .
It's my wish
First one will be this
The complete opposite of ....
A miracle     .
Now within that construct...
I want you to imagine
The absolute opposite of
Suddenly being struck
By a incurable horrible sickness....
It's the only analogy that I can see
That shows how you make me feel ......
Obviously the second one
*******

I like rhymes ,
Then again ,
I find,
A lot of times ,
a message by design,
should be oiled and honed ,
Sharp ,
to  a point ,
Like a pitchforks tine  
Covered in ointment .
Grammatically correct,
an attempt  
Meant to affect the mind ,
Once achieved
It will start
traveling  into the spine
Find it's way into the heart
Deliver the elixir to the infected part ,
Never underestimate
The temptations you lay on fate  ,
The ease in which you will perpetrate hate
How great your recompense ,
when you exaggerate ,
It's like taking truth and trying to disguise it with lies.    
Even if your completely in the right
You'll look like a reprobate regurgitating flies!
Stay true or stand alone
Which you may
Either way
In truth you'll know the foundation of your  home is built on a pillar of stone.
No matter the intent it should always bare
relevant evidence.    

Specifically but not limited to
An act of defense
In essence an update to a dense mind
Containing vernacular in
Whatever dialect the situation
Will appropriate
Thus the focus should remain
On meaning and feeling
And not spent on a
Sugar coating with a limited vocabulary
Each adjective,verb placed with
A forensic precision
Should bring gravity
Opening the eyes of the spiritually blind.
Read  written or said
Only that which need be
let it be the milk of the word
Heard
and the meat be between the lines    
Less what you wanted to say
Will loose weight too swiftly
Overt and superfluous euphemism or dysphemisms
Will stall the velocity
And anything which can cause a schism between
Syntax and eloquence
Certainly and surely
Blur and disturb
Unless your like me
Speak before thinking
Backed up with a fist like an anvil

The world and all I knew
All I could see and ever wanted to......
Came into view so vividly
Far away complicated things
Dissolved with ease
My whole existence suddenly
Bent into a distinct curvature
To a central focal point
And now my world revolves
Around you......
I live to love you
And I love loving you.......
And now I just need someone to say it to.......

Control ......
Le et them believe ,
The secret war they wage ,
Is what keeps the shackle
From their sleeve.
Let them believe!.........
Feed them what they need
To weave the web that keeps them on their knees......
Never let the wounds  heal ,
Always in all ways be ye vigilant
Alternate the hate
Lower  their eyes down with it
Keep the pain of eternal flame lit
Let the pick of the week be named
Focus the blame
And douse the louse
With ignorant accelerant  
Make them walk in the way of Cain for a minute .   ..  
Beat them over the nose with it
And let the melting *** boil  
Wet the soil with blood
Sensationalize
The emotional flood will darken their eyes and macerate them with doubt.....
let the apprehension rise
Never let the fire go out
The people will begin to see what was fake and what is real.
And without the use of media
You will be free to feel ..      
Love will infiltrate and as a people you will begin to congeal
And unite
As one .
Lift your eyes and not see the looming haze of oppression
Walk freely without  fear of aggression
For this will seal  our fate  
We the government
Have no escape route

So please read
But be bored by it
And be not convicted
Or you will  regret it

And you say we give you no choice.........

NOW
Back to work you fools
We need money    .....
And
And and and and and and and an, an, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
I can't take it anymore!

All these insinuations
Everery bodies
Infatuated with!
Established by design,
Product of an insecure mind set.
Become this albatross
I wear around my neck.....
It no longer protects me .
I have to protect it... 
My reputation  
Monstrosities
An eclectic mosaic of debaucheries which have earned me my claim to fame yet only
Merited by deeds known only by me.... .
It's an illusion ......
I mean these things I let them think they see

It's  enough for what they need...
Really it's a drop falling into an ocean    ......
But it's all exclusive to those I let in .......
And I allow them to sojourn within this mirage   ....
So I can feel some guilt and shame and tus continue in my game
....like . ...
A phantom .......
Machiavellian in dichotomy,
With split personality ...
On the outside I pretend to be
Mr. Hyde hididing from what's inside..
Dr. Jeckle I presume .......
A bored and hungry jackle .....
I see the world as my prey......
Over me thin grey clouds
And the blood moon looms
I kakle.......
hunched chasing my tail   ..
I wail and leave my snout up...
Prevailing winds bring the cent of my next victim .  ..
And the sympathy they   will get
****** me me off to a certain
Extent ......I have not found a way to get around that quite yet... .
So I have some regret .....
For now   . 
In effect
I must react quicker and bigger
In ways they won't expect... Swimming with sharks
I'm a dog ......
It's dog eat dog
It's getting too crowded
For me here....
Scarrs are so thick
I don't bleed anymore ....

Yet they still test me ........


So what else am I suppose to do!

When will the favorable
Winds blow my way again .
I wonder........
And I wonder.....
When will my vanity
And pride fall from my eyes,
Allow me to see the real me
I wonder .......
As I wander .........
I ponder on petty things....
The more I breathe
The less of me i see ,
Entombed within these
Walls made of masks
Portraying appropriate personalities ,
In different social settings,
The chameleon ,
Masquerading,
Machiavellian  .
Star lit charlatan.........
So many people I've been ,
Too many to ponder........
I really try not to....
Still I wander......
And as I do ....
I can't help but to wonder
Do people see me the way
I have wanted them to?
Some I do .......
Most I don't.....
Either way
Do or don't want to play
The part
Still just a Wanna be.
Lost in a fantasy......
In a sea of my dreams....
I walk upon the waters .......
Peacefully I gaze deeply
Down  at my reflection
I see my eyes reflecting the sky's....
And I wonder .........
A lonely tear distorts the vision
And as the ripples flow in each direction........
Dissipating in amplitude and frequency .........
Until I can't see ......
Still I believe if not for the shore
They will they go on ......
And the implication .......
Regardless intentions ,
Different dynamics,
Will view my deeds from different perspectives .
And tales will be told ,
The ripples you create.....
Radiate ....
From love ........
Can cause someone to hate
And .........
If you are not being you.....
How can you offer defense....
Only those you have completely fooled
Might believe you......
I see connection .........
You aren't judged how you feel.....
But by actions you do
Which reflect and refract
And with every act is a reaction
And it's true .......
Johnny Cash can tell you.....
"Bad news travels like wildfire.
Good news travels slowwweww.
They all call me wildfire,
Cause everybody knowwowos
Im bad newwwwws."
Every body want to .....
Believe rumours about you .
That way they feel a little better about    
What they do ...
And so I ponder in my minds eye..
Each disguise reflects certain aspects of the real me.
And if could actually remove all these masks ......
Who would I be?
The question continually haunts me.........
Who am I?




I wander in wanderlust
Drunken  on my memories.
Laced with my perspective....
I have to believe .....
Each masquerade ,
My intention for every role I've played........
Was to help someone see
You don't have to pretend to be someone your not
Just to fit in .....
Does that make me hypocritical?
I wonder ....

Can't count how many times..
I forgave you ,
For leaving me , bleeding ,
Offering me no atonement,
Laughing as my spirit died
I yearned for the grave...
I sacrificed and freely gave
Until my everything run empty...

Our want should not
Surpass our needs!
Prone to podsnappery ,
The term human race ,
Contrary to popular belief
Is not a  communal  competitive
Relay with the trophy of prosperity to all whomsoever
Shall win..... Infact there is no destination at all.
This gauntlet we run is tribunal!
Let me ask you this.......
Will "we" ever mean "all" ?
I mean it does when I say
We have to have something
To take the focus away from our deeds.
So the day we decided that we need a leader .......
Was a day of infamous treachery.
With our mouth  we said ,
"It is our wish to bow down and
Become followers......
In our hearts as individuals we said ," I don't want to be held accountable"!
My own heartbeat disturbs me
Like a muffled drum I hear the chant from everyone ,
So long ago ...... I guess it could be said that "our"ancestors  may have done some questionable things  .......
Listen ...... Not my family though ,
No!
And that's not me ......
We were on your side.....
Belief is in the eyes of the controller ....
Gass lit , "we "  "the people"
Pretend to be hypocrite,
eminent domain , manifest destiny!
Sons and daughters,
Mother's and father's elders and babies,
**** pillage and slaughter.......
Red man Blacks and Jews,
Just to remind you that even pedigrees have flees ....
"We" are nothing
As long as we follow the scapegoats bleats .
Sycophants in denial ,
We leave a trail of unimaginable grief ....... For what?
Money ? That isnt real!
Imaginary boundaries ?
"They" are different ?
"We" are better ?
Are we ?
Who are we?
I am me
Being different is what makes us the same.
Let's not try!
Let's "be" SAME TEAM"
It's my dream ..
I know I'm not the only one!

Indulge yourself ,
Drink from this cup
That Alice  just left me,
Do you see what I see?
I see me wondering why ?
Why do I create a third person
Within my mind ,
Only to view , silently .....
Me .
Looking spry and dressed well,
Giving the wisest council to broken hearted friends or family
Wellll I guess to anybody...
And almost simeoutanesly
In view of those people years in advance ,
Prospered well from it....
And discussing it amongst each other and my heart feeling
Vindicated by seeing the admirations from the third person.......
So why is it from my heart I see my mind as something great,
Full of wisdom and the humblest person I know ... I know lol.
With certain assets in certain aspects I can shine like the facets of a jewel ....
when my mind views my heart....
Long heavy sigh .......
It's a fool,
A tool,
Not cool .....
Slight left side drool .
I'm goin to sleep .
And then I think ....
Hmmmm
If I had another brain.......
It would be lonely.......

I sojourn  silently,
Under the indigo blue marquee ,
The Grand masquerade
That's me there ......
Crooked crown ,
Distant stare,
Wearing out my only mask
Upside-down frown,
tattooed tear under my left eye
Free.......
If only I could be ......
Free from this fractured lucidity
Licked by the leathery whips
Of yesterday's !
Belly laughing and joyful things
Obscure as time moves on...
But the secrets I keep
Never fade!

I suppose it could be said ive become an icon clast .....
While the shallow over egotistical continually impede ...
Saying slow down and look at the big picture ....
I see it clearly ....... Always ....
I'm frantically making adjustments and provisions ...
Augmenting what I can to align things so it becomes the way I want it to be.......
The problems lie in the fact that they can't recognize the effort or the outcome ..  

And so when I fall short .... There right there to tell me I ****** up.... Never knowing they were the reason why   . .
When I can find time.
Alone I cry.

Meanwhile  back at the bungalow.......we return to the disturbing scene,
The unsung hero
Off center ,struck a pose ,
Face grimaced ,
Still ,
Stoic ,
Alone ............
Not counting
Toys in the attic......
That and the carnage of collateral damage.......
Covered in the remains
Of bags he brought full of
Everything from morality to mortality,intentions,malignant vengeance .....and open ended scenarios fallen crest ego and
Self induced ticks and twitches
Wraught by  a lifetime of  
"shoulda said ,wished I woulda and coulda been "
All these ,
And all his family and friends
Pretend to be shocked at
Cationic  discontinued
***** boy they once counted on....
Gone   too far into his psyche
Burning the midnight oil
On how far can we
Leave behind the point
Of no return
To learn if it could be
A correlation to the feeling free...
Or is it a paved path into a
Wasteland he's hunting for
Anything that be more
Fulfilling than being high
Up on the watch tower .wondering why ....
Are they running and asking why


Alone
In the gloaming

Motionless.

Stoic
see me
Ground zero in the beginning
The faze of the  full moon caught in the eclipse of a maddening
****** of crows

A hidden  maelstrom grows
The quest continues...

Metaphorically

As  fractal tracks flow
Following the personified  Donnita Darko down rabbit holes
Underground she gives in to easily .......
Conditioned to believe
That domestication
Equals castration.....
Slips out before the train leaves the station........
On
Nocturnal  
Internal I go
We find
What I thought this entire time ...
The simple complicated truth
Is ..... This.......
Idk!

It's like a need......
...
Like an involuntary seed,
.......
If it germinates ......
It's no longer a want .......
It's a haunting obsession
Causing urgency to do right
And bravery imbues you.....
You exchange fate for destiny.
Your life becomes currency .......
What an honor to spend ....
When it's for freedom .....
Sending shivers.......and delivers
Ripples through generations of time....
The legend of you and your comrades...
Lifting the weak and subdued to new heights...
clearing the minds
They bask in the righteous
Battle you waged .....
And the good fight you fought ....
They howl from painful memories
Bittersweet tears onto victory
Strike fear to the heart of the enemy
Rising up like the sun ....
They shall carry on inspiring hope ...
As an honor to pay homage in remembrance of you....

It s like an integrated autonomous innocent being
You can't see but you will fight to protect and preserve above
Everything .. ... .
It's lyke an .......
It's like an artesian well
Spring inside......springs ..
It's like an incurable vine
Twined spiraling up your spine .
A separate entity......  
It feeds .....from the spring ....
In your mind you justify ,appeal
Try to reason with it....  
To no avail . ....
It's lycan.......
It's like An addiction ,
Lycan insatiable yet righteous greed ......
A healthy one indeed ......
Self perpetual.......
There's not a problem .....untill someone tries to take it from you.........
And It's lycan .. ......
Stiffens the spine .... .
And the hackle flicks up like needels.........
flings sweat into mist.. .. 
Eyes turn black ,
Lip unfurling .
K9's exposing.....
Coiling back .....like a tensioning
Spring........
Won't be treated like a dog being
Beaten for loyalty......... 
Bites the fist that swings ..  ..
And the taste of blood is sickeningly sweet......
It lycan unwritten law  
You have not authority
Nor reason ......
Dont touch me ....
Leave me be .....
It's lycan............
It  becomes lycanthropy ....
Don't touch my freedom ......
I'll bite everyone and you can't fight this infection .....
Freedom is out there and I'm
Lycan animal with the spirit and appetite to win ...
And I'm hungry like the wolf ......
Never give in ........
The bear attacks in vain .....
The wolf pack will not be tamed!

Look deeply into my eyes
Deep enough that I may know
You understand me.....
Give me vantage to see the real you
So I will have a clear conscious.
An I won't have to pretend
The pain you caused me
Was not an accident.
So I can fade you into my shadow and never need to see you again!

Spent my life , like currency I hadn't earned...  
Winds of vanity , filled my sails of pride,
Ooooooooh ....
Iiiiiiiiii was that lucky man..........
............
Iiiiiiii.........really thought ,
Iii...was.......
The loves I have held ,
Truth be told ........
I really was........
..........
Wanderlust in love ,
Chemical imbalance,
Butterflies my stomach
like a little too much Vicodin,,,,,
Infatuation  is such a rush,
That sweet sickening rush
Free falling in
In full admittance headlong in love with my addiction to love
Chasing a high ,
As time became a jealous thing
.....faded years from my memories.....spurned .....tiptoed past ,didn't want to disturb me .....
Now I can find no limits ....and even less remittances....  
Lost in limmerance.
Sails are slack ......lost at sea....lonely ...
Darkening the skies
Plumes  of fear
For I know what lies.......
Inside this
Burgeoning Epiphone  .....
Within my minds eye
As everything has dulled around me........
.......(silently picture a reflection of me in a tear drop from my eye caught in a wrinkle I have never seen .......
And I'm trying to avoid awaking...I don't want to see    
Whats become of me ......
I wanna go back and dream ....
Of .........
Me .....
In love .....
With me

In wardly an awkward line ,
Lies........
Somehow betwixt kudos and mockery.
And generally a ***** or an incline
Determination of which ....
Established sadly by the one walking it.
I. E. ME, growing up lacking temperament and confidence,
I told everyone I wanted to be a comedian........
They all laughed at me.......
I took it the wrong way
And tried to be a poet .
I think maybe I was  a little to sensitive....
Life,........
Isn't funny .....
Er idk........
So yah follow your heart .
But have some fun and don't be so ...
Idk .....

Like me ......

It's not an entitlement
Ya'll need to curb that...
K Fur real though
And it's not conceit.
And yes I do  know
The difference between
Want and need.......
Two totally different things
Except,
to me  they share one thing
They're are both something I need!

Serenade me...
my soon to be........
Love..........  .
play 12 string guitar ,
Sitar ........ or just sing
Anything really......
Please .....
Love
find my frequency .....
harmonize
Open mine eyes
And make me ............ ,
Believe I am worthy of someone
.....     Wanting me.
Just one note to cajole
A silhouette of how I used to be
Is all I need
Then I can be me again
Then at least I can dream again.
Breath ..again
Be......
Able ...........
To fade out the scars
The infidel overdosed me in.....

Aqua-marine tourmaline
Turning emerald green evening
Wrist slash ruby red splash feeling
Crystal clear diamond tears glisten bright glimmering.
Flowing from pressure below
Building
Swelling
Wells at the brink
Frigidity super imposed icy wind
Surely shatter
Tungsten carbide lined chest cavity
infrastructure
Freezing
Excruciating
Concentrating all the pain
Radiating from the throat
Swallowing sand covered brick
Abrading slowly
So slowly
At the apex of max capacity
Emotional collapse imminent
Listen ..............millions of
Champagne glasses
Tink ting tingling exhaling
Tears release
Falling like hail at first
Then into a crescendo
Loosing my grip ......I'm slippin
Broken I'm letting go ......
Break down I'm falling winds whistling I can see rock bottom
Phone rings ........ .  .......
It's my ***** .......
He say
..
Bro bro.......
Aint nothin but a thing!
But go ahead and cry if you have to...
It's cool ,ain't no shame .....
(Big baby)
Stf up.
(Whaaa?  
Just saying)
I'm just messin with ya .
My friend is here to console me
Its gonna be
Ayite.

Can I gaze into this cerebral soup,
return with evidence
Suggesting that I have had one second within a lifespan
In wich I could have been found
Void of an agenda.......
I believe this to be a quest
Of a life.... What's good to you
Subconsciously a mind will consume
Every scenario, from one ridiculous
End of the spectrum. To the other
Awake at rest a sleep or talking.
You don't even know that you know.
Find away to transform your muse
To create upon this marble an utopian
Dream ......
Let's all together till we can see
Let's dream and chase this
Together it happens .
Together it's impossible to find anything impossible.....
You will make history
Bend to your script ..
Let's make same team accent .
Lets do it
Let it begin
Now!

Some day I believe
There there will come
A time
In which I might think ,
That I ........
Retrospectively
Wished I would have
Seen this coming..
Then again that would have surely taken some of the fun out of it.
Cause knowing me....
If I had known..............
I dont think I would have done it
I  know I would have done it anyway......
And there's one more  reason why ,
Its so sorta unrewarding
To read books backwards

Why then .   .  .shall mine,
Heart inner walls and galleries.
Be not draped about
In such lush crushed velvet drapes and tapestries?
In plush deep daydreamy hues
Scarlet,crimson, or sanguineous ,
Which ever term
you use.
As long as it depicts the color of my muse ....
Intricate and brash
Yet refined raw and delicate

Variegated elegantly with
varied shades,
Each new love I invite in
Having artistic differences ,
As they often do
prefer Carte Blanche
To make love look
How they feel it.
For peradventure,
If I keep decor from an old love,,
Its the same as making them to blame for past pain.......
If your looking to loose
Thats the game for you..
I used to play it that way
Now I play the blues.
Over paid my dues.
Soul still bruised
Still feel the noose
And the short leash
Id run to the end
And thrash like,a spastic
They have all trained in
Emotional war tactics
Any attempt to fight back are in vain.
Their urbane
Splash stains of ratsbane,
Purple me ......
Then leave......
All vanity .
Ampersand,
Lies imbue questionnaires,
And rosy bruises replace
All this superfluous covering where love used to sojourn so beautifully.
Now the walls are a pale glossy sorta yellow .
even though the crimson flow of slow blood flow through it  .
Scars of  unwant
Disallow a chance to stain them..
Oh Love will thou come back to me again.... .
I adore thee ,
I am empty.
A fresh canvas I offer thee.
Yours wantingly
........Me.

Pitch black ...
Frozen in silence .....    
Somethin cold just moved in.
Got your hackles up
And you know its full of vengence .
Goose bumps ,heart pumps.
Foot steps..
Thump......
Thump........
Thump......
Tension burning thick
Blinding white light
Rips crackling through the sky.
When your vision comes back
You see me
Eyes smouldering
Bloodshot focused like a lazer beam.
And the thunder rolls
And with it falls....
RAIN PAINS .....
COLD CHAINS AROUND MY NECK,
Remember me and what you said
Well the old me is dead and gone
Waited so long for apologies.
Too late snake
Time to bleed.....
Tell me now how
Im old
fake gold
Bought sold
Sell out wanna be.
Has been
You who pretended to be my friend
Secretly spreading lies

Zero .
Dark..
Thirty...
Numb......
Spiritually....
And or metaphorically!?
The gravity of this
Mass hallucination ,
My mental conception  barely able to handle,
Literally a literary parable ,
So real its surreal .
Trepidation in the epiphany. ....
So how dumb are we,
We cant see bitting our tongues
Walk like an egyptian ..
Marching blindly
Without hesitating
Or resistance
One by one
The very epitome of mockery.
Verily I say unto you.
The purest form of love
The first thing established is the family.
And now how easily is it  forgotten and purchased
With a little currency.
Follow our shadows into the past we go....
So full of pride though
Walking away from the son
Into prophecy ,
A **** pa pum,
A **** pum pum. ......
To the cadence of the drum
played so softly
By the one
They call the subtle one..
The one who convinced
Every one .....
He never existed.
His venom lies in his words.............
And run through our veins......ist it too late.
Is it all just in vain .
Is it all just vanity?