Slam...
Started with.  
Hand to hand.
Then .....
Bam! BAM!!
Escalation.......
Clubbing!!!!
Rocks and sticks....
Swords and arrows.....
Wage the siege feed the greed
Protect the bloodline
Tribes  and territories turned country's .......
Expanding.........enslaving.....
Gold
HOLD your ground ......here it comes
BANG BANG BANG!!
Gunpowder .
Here we grow again!!!!!!
Power.
Bigger better killing things ...
Mmmmmmm him likes these things!
In the name of glory and honor....
Manifest destiny  
Whatever the means ..
To hell with consequences
**** killKILLKILLKILL .
Sometimes it's to keep our things....
Other time it's ........well.......
Let's say behind propagandas. ....
Natural resources needed
To sway or stay in the game...
SO..... if your not competitive
I mean you know .....like
Not "THAT" competitive.....
Then ....what.  
I'm just wondering where exactly is the checkered flag ......
For this human race.......
And the criteria?
Is it last one stabbing?
Er.....sorry standing?
What do we get for a prize ?
Who's gonna present it ....
Then what?
Start a new race ?
Just saying ........
When can we petition to
Turn the power into a collective think tank with the communal goal for the well being
...
We seem to take small minded
Stupidities handed down from the powers that perpetuate half lies.  
To fuel the machine .....
Leading into the pits of hell ......
And they watch from their armchairs.
Rolling up sleeves with knifes in hand ......
Grunt and dig in to the T-bone
On their dinner plate....
And the hostess brings a nice bottle
Of chianti.....
Rough day........?
Could be worse......you could be sitting in a pool of oil .........
And you don't have anyway to keep it.

When you have to try,
To..........
Be cool,
Look cool
Or feel cool
Then usually
You can't have all three
At the same time
Because they won't coincide
Best off to just be you...
Unless ........
You're me
An if that's the case ....
Then yah.  
You're gonna wanna be me.
Trust me ..
I even wanna be me!

Sad song looms....
Gray consumes blue hues..........
Horizontally I lean into....
A burgeoning
Bellicose  wind .

Lightning blooms strobe
Early nights sky........
Echoing visions
Diluted by time
Less frequent I see.
Causes  Increase in gravity.
Pressure builds ,
Disguising the difference between
Fate and destiny .
Unstable ......
A paradoxical paradigm
I find ......
In order to mend.
Fabricate an illusion
An era when things seemed right.
Which is difficult when you are un able to understand when you've been.
Carefully.  Easy...  Eaazzzyyyy,
Shhhh... Take off the training wheels ...
K.......
Ok.....
You got this....

Stabilize.......

Then.....
Flash .......
Fallen into the past again,
Lost in reminiscing
Inner child despondent,
I play ,stray ,medicate ,
Running from string tied to my heels...
From my mind's eye  
Depicting  interpretations
From days filled with unconditional love.    ......endless summers
Non SPF sunscreen
Fishing and wanderlust fun......
With one crucial expectation!
The one .........

pictures painted
By Elders,and mentors
Betrothed ...........
Bound by contract .......the future....

" me "
I still could be,
Fast forward.  
Lightning flashes
Illuminating my destiny
Crashing thunder......
Underlines my path to fate
Just under the horizon of my psyche
The crushing  
 echoing vision .......
I'm chasing this fantasy ......
Further and further .....
Into some sort of philanthropic
martyred schism ......
And I'm failing in....
Fail forced winds .....
Taking me
Leeward from where I've been.
I Return to comfort.......
Slither back into
My Machiavellian realm.........
Crochet blanket made of qiviut and porcupine quill
Luxurious........
If you stay still
A cold brume looms
Patiently waits before setting in.....
Always reminds me of that old saying .......
Into everyone's life some rain will fall........
Ionization ......
In the air I smell ,
Wells fill.......
Dollops of saline fall
Spattering..........
mimick
pattering of raindrops
rhythmically
 Shhhhhhhhhh!.......
Que the violins...........
Fade to black and white...........
down  
Downed,

Love lorn loon
(Ex-wife ,playing her part ..........
Hauntingly ....
Honestly I love her so desperately,
Makes it easy to play my part.  
Even though I know that her love is not real...........
My tears flow . ..........
Because I really don't know .....
If she knows.   ........and if so.      
Either way.    .....
Its killing me.     ........
Crazy thing ?...........?......
Shhhhh....!
((oh yah sorry let's return to the movie.))
Weary
calls for her drake.

I know  my lost love
My heart still yearns for you to....
I should have stayed and taken the pain
you had received before me.....
Which you refracted onto me......

If it helps .....
I'm alone and cold   ...
My life long song......
Has quietly
Been .....
Sung................
Each love taking it more out of ...
....tune.        
(Fade to dark grey..............make it grainy.              
Start the rain.      
Slowly ......
Darken till all you see is my lonely
Silhouette.. )          
..
FIN.
......
....
...
..
.

There is a point within
Your acceptability.
A veil . .
Cloaked from the guiding light....
Where certain key things
Unfortunately are
Exactly what you don't want to believe . ......
That terror holds the key
To your everything!

What do you believe?
What do you need?
what do you think?
You want someone to be .......
You will expect nothing shy of excellence ,and you really think anyone will settle for less   .....
Your acceptance is based upon
What you think the world will use to evaluate your status....... Meanwhile as you swoon the ones who look down on you     .... And shun the ones who love just to be seen with you .....
You should consider this.....
How many breaths do you have left?
You'll never know until you leave
Will you ever
Of course you will ...
As you sit and pray that your enemies won't see the light of day .......
Like a mirror ...
Under the same **** moon ....
On their knees asking the same **** thing ..........
Because of what they believe..... Because we are the same **** thing ...........
We just learnt differently.....
And we talk differently
And our colors and traits
Vary a little ..........
We all  laugh with our family
Cry when our loved ones
Are murdered ....
Because the governments want something you got.......
.... Sigh..............
I'm sorry for what we do.......
How many will die for lies   .?

The mainstay ......
Every day ...
sell my dreams .
meditate in my sleep .
Over analyse ....,
Half liked.
In with apprehensive ease
My stay???.. .... Brief ....
Usually
Hear griefs ,
Fill the harpoon with  burdens
Quietly take my leave......
Knowing half the halfwits
Won't remember these emergencies gifted me.....
Unorthodox ......
Keeper of my word .....
To a fault
Loner ,
sojourn outside the box,
Network ...
My life is like a spiders web ..
Rome in the gloaming.....
At every connection
Give twice as receive.......
Understander of deep secretive things .........
Love everyone  .....
For underneath all the flex
And masquerade  .....
I see the inner hidden trauma
That shatters the innocent
They used to be.......
Mediator .......
Take the stripes    
The drama calmer   .....
Stripping my abilities....
Reprobate overload ....
Mistaking my love for dumb..
Empathy becoming numb
Increasing difficulties.
In the shade of this
Burgeoning rage
Splintering psyche..
Buffeting   ..... Snide smirks
Remarks these back bitters ...
Twist and reverse my good works.........
What's worse ........
Depravity.......
This habitat of philanthropy
Giving my life hoping to be
The change in this world
I want to see .
Never ..
Never occurred to me
Un-understander-er-er
Of the power of
Perversity......
Cabin fever ...... Feeling
.............
Feelings I dont recognize...
Wounded ........ Need to
Be out of this cage.......
They put me in .......
Their words like sharp sticks...
Sneering taking pleasure ...
Poking and stoning.....
Impossible to defend against a negative.......
People wanna believe bad
Guilty until proven guilty......
Probably ......
Don't want to see good   ......
This would let the world see how wrong they have come to be
Desire to just be me .....
Lost it's appeal .....
Dark things
Cauldron of maddening calamity
Eyes reddening    .....
Intensity of insanity  ...
Flames of incongruity
Licking me inappropriately.
Brain itching,
Paradigm glitch .....
Tied died in ratsbane .....
******* away my time .....
Hearing myself hissing ....
bellicose animosity....
With verbose velocity,  
10 fold recompense the pain inflicted upon me .....
Stupidity.......
When they are nice to me ....
That magically dissipates ......
Cloaking the fact that
Their only nice when they use me......
Un amusing........
Kinda.....
Dont mind me .....
Sick of people ...
Just venting...
Wondering if im the only one....

My councilor said ....
Just say no.
I said No!
She paused and said
Are you saying no to me ,
Or are you telling me no?
Cause I think you are saying no to me ....
Let's try this again ... K
Just     say      no.
I said NO! .... .
she said just say it
I said no!
Say it !!!!!!!!
No !
Ooooh you're a bad boy.....

Ok ok OKAy.
Listen just say as little as possible,
Stop with the loquacious limericks and dithyrambs.
Leave a little wiggle room
Like a little riddle in
Few words .....
K ?
K!
..
....
Why is it that I become victim to the simplest things?
Like oh...... Idk ....
My councilor,
(Beautiful by the way)
Said
" You are too nice ,
Nice guys finish last !
So here's what we
Are gonna do.....
I'm gonna ask you
to do something inappropriate,
You are gonna say
"No".

I couldn't believe what she asked me , made me blush ..  .
And I said
OhhhhhhhKay.....  ..
She said ..........
Uhhhhhhhm       .... No no.
She started blushing too ..
She said no
You say no
I said "NO" !
SHE SAID ARE YOU SAYING NO  TO ME!? I SAID YES
SHE SAID OK ........

TURNED OUT SHE HAD A REJECTION THING ,
I HAD A HOT COUNCILOR...
THING.
One day I said ......
So is it really a bad thing that nice guys finish last ..

She said no
It's such a weird word ...
I mean world .
Oh no I said too much  ....

The statement comes to mind frequently .......
And that is ......
"There is one thing that Elohim could not do  ......
He could not make a mistake.."
My response is that ,
"He could ,but he couldn't ,
And He did .......
When He created woman......
His mistake was .....
(Forgive me my Lord for saying this")
He didn't make enough of them! "
Heartfelt......
Felt like it was going to stop .....
(My heart that is)
She touched me ,
All my ......
Previous engagements got ..
trifled,
As I riffled through my
Coolest Lp's.......
Little scuured,
Cause she keeps  flipping her hair and looking at me weird,
Like I don't know if she's gonna  cry or something wrong with me?
Her smile, mischievous,
Her eyes pouty ,
Sleepy .
Wanting?
Needing?
                something? ......
Seems like yesterday she was calling me names and making fun of me.....
I'm looking around sorta
Half feeling like a young king while secretly looking  for Allen funt,
And the candid camera team.
And now for some reason
I'm impersonating
007 the great  Sean Connery.
The world fell away into the abyss........
I dimmed the lights ,
Every motion I made
ended with me running my fingers through my featherd hair and striking a pose     ......
Her voice had a distinct metallic like static as  if my brain fixated on each grain of sound
I remember a high pitched crackling silence after she
Crinkled her nose
giggled and said comeer.....
Gesturing me with her finger.....
I carefully lowered the needle  ...
Onto the spinning record.....
Lover boy ,
"Take me to the top"
What's a poor boy to do ?
Is this some form of witchcraft?
I'm not in control,.
Yet ....
Then again ..
I feel like
I am ...... Or ..
I feel like maybe she is causing me ,
Or allowing  me,
Or letting me,
feel like I am.....
What kind of Vudu did she do
To me
She sat up half way
Until or face almost touched ....
Rested on one elbow
On my pillow    ...
No less
I saw glistening in her eyes .....
She looked deeply into mine .
I realized this girl I've crushed on for sooooooooooo long .  .
Was mine ....
After some time
I came to realize ....
She wasn't mine at all ....
I was hers ......
Her fragrance was intoxicating ...
I was spellbound and levitating into culpable bliss   .......
Tilting her head her eyes closed ...
She reached toward my face ....
I flinched ....... She smiled and said ...... It's ok ........
Her lips ... So soft ...... Hit wet
With mine ...
I closed my eyes and ....
Then


FIN............
I knew ,
The Epiphone ,
Instantly , I could see ,
No more mystery
My future became ancient history


I know why the female hero
Is called the Heroine!
My first addiction,
Tell me have you seen her?
caviler .......... I exist on a regimen
Of crow and "told you so"
My love life looms luminescent
So far away and distant as I
Lay awake and ..........
Reminisce
I tell myself I know
I know

I put  myself in this paradigm

I picked out this choker
Betrothed myself to Karma ....
Haven't seen the light of day,
Trying to find myself ,
With all this time to wallow
After chasing that sweet first high
Ohhhh my my
My whole life ......
I guarantee with a violent passion if ......
No when I'm let free
Finished my sentence ..... And my love light shines again ....
I'm gonna be the best the world has ever seen
You'll see  ..........
Im just sayin Karma!.
Geese loosen up on the leash
Your choking me!

I found another personality  
Trait to hate !
Fake caring Karen.
You pretend friend
You're a frienenemy....
Taking the passion from my pain..
Oh ....... I SEE
WHAT I SHOULD SAY IS
"I  ""allowed""  her  to ruin my life"..   .....
Trigger please you weren't there
You didn't see all the horrible things
You'll never know the depths and humiliating things    ..
You will surely never feel the sacrifices self depravity .....
Hearing her laughing !
broken lachrymose
Suffering on my knees .
Trying to friend me up with her lovers.
When I find out chase them away she cry's ..
Says she hates me.  .
I forgive and forget    ....
I say  I love you babe
We'll get through it.   . .
She calls me pathetic...
Years go by and somehow she just can't remember that ****.
Says it me  ......
So ya  I "let" her  ruin my life ....
The same way
Your not letting me punch you in the throat!
Does that not denote the pain you got comin ....

Be gone from mine eyes
Peasant ...... I have no need of you....
Unless you wish me to rephrase
" You allowed me to punch you in the throat an beat you with my belt buckle........."
See how much that helps ...
*******!


    .

Neglect is the regret
You have control to manage.
Regret is the control
You neglected!

Energy takes the path of least Resistance!
dedicate your life with epic love
To a narcissist.
they can only see you,
As an assistant!
When love ascends you
Fills you with vigor
You become more than what you thought you could have been,
The love
You would lay your life down for.
At best  they may have seen you as a friend.
When conflict means compromise in you eyes ,
You naturally avoid it at all cost.
If you believe it's a strategy
Of  benevolence
They will never see the suffering sacrifice
And deeper meaning behind the offerings meant.
To them your prosperity ,
Is their opportunity,
Truly tell them of depravity
You went through to help them.?
You already know ........
" I told you you didn't have to!"
Or
" Why would you do that , that doesn't make any sense.......
Well that's on you   . ....."
Or the lecture .......
"You need to learn to say no ....
I would never lend out my last twenty dollars ....... Just say no .....!"
They leave you with a feeling of
(*** is wrong with you?)
And probably not gonna pay you back ,
Because you'll just give it away to some other fool.

Keep your money and your time
Find the pleasures in life
Find the people who try to lend their time and money to you,
And then don't accept it    
If your idea of compromise,
Means you give into what ever need be
To create a calm sea .....
Your missing out ,
Don't give in until you find something ,,,,,,,
Anything you can gain from these " compramitcal opportunities,
For a great sailor is never made with a calm sea......
And  within adversity  are riches and fame like the world's never seen   ..........
All for the taking      
Don't give up
Never give in
Every day overcome adapt
And recognize opportunities
Always full understand no one is more worthy than you .
All who agree with what is written let's hear a hearty
I  I .........
It's unanimous
The e... H... . T!

Ink blot
first impression?
Thought this should be easy.
Rapid succession.......
The white ,midnight black,
Page after page after page,
(Can I really trust her?)
((Let's see))
HOT!
LAVA!
LOVE !
*** !
YOU!
ME !
PLEASE?
(She.. ....... Didn't flinch
I think she told me the truth!
I could say exactly what I saw,
So. .  .... I let go ....  
Uncensored....    ....
My psyche's frolicking naked
Unabashed
Inappropriate?   ****** ?
Brutal !
First time ...... For me ......
Like a shy  sea anemone
My soul ,.  . . cautious....
Vulnerable   reached out of the darkness ........
I felt the warmth of the sun.....
Flash... ...
Sting .
Pain .......
Ex....
Love .......
Her lover ........
What is she showing me?

Stop !
A splash of cherry red...  
Fist clenched
Drenched
As my fantasy snaking back into my head
And the clarity is cold ......
Something's wrong .
I'm not in the trust tree anymore ...
Im alone , our tether  severed
She's still here but she disconnected......
I don't know what I said   ..  .
Patient confidentiality?
Yes please ......
First question ........
Not from her....
From me ........
Not to her .......
To you..........
Do you believe ?
Do you see things differently?
Too what degree?
Do you have moods ?
Or do you have to tie up your personalities?
If you say to me
We create our own reality.....
I say to you


"*** are we doing here?

Every generation passed
Unequivocally in sympatico
Has voiced , with alarming concern
This is travesty.
In my time,
my generation
"This would never have happened " ...
Freedom was freedom .......
Now what is it.........
You don't even know
Do you?
You don't have a clue ......
This generation in sympatico says this ......
"Well I guess........ Uhm
What evers best .......
Kinda busy now .... So
Uhh ya........ Ok"
I say
*** ? !
Wake up ........
But they cannot ....
For this is their brainwashed hand me down paradigm
Sad

Some things ...
"I know " I know....
Other things IDK  
I mean  . I think I know .
But........ I don't know.....!
yah know?

I remember itchy red eyes laying awake to daydream of you,
Waiting by the rotary phone .......
It rings ...
My heart's in my throat......
I lean on one elbow
super smug mug.
Avocado green plush rug.......
Jazzy radio deep voice
Like cool crushed velvet
I speak right into your ear .
Hellllllllo?
Uhhhm what....
No I don't want to take a survey  
.........
Dammmm it
Slam the phone ......
Then fold my hands under my head .......
Smile , cross my feet and stretch
And pick up where I left off.

Lost in love with you
On a hot august night  ...
I fantasize about ..
You fantasizing about menow I fantasize that I could go back to those days and catch a feeling or two.........

R u assuming that
Human kind in it's entirety
In a synchronic psychosis
Spurned from your legendary
munificence
Surrendered in a volitional
Symphony
Arm in arm
Keeping  perfect cadence took
Your ***** backwood bathroom lobotomy
And we'll why wouldn't we? After all who can resist being
Ostracized,and labeled as
"The bad guy"
Red flagged , blacklist and blackballed
No work, no money ,fired
No travel for you locked down an then flushed out
Bereft of dignity
forced to retire ,
no pension .
Or here's an idea !

Take the panacea !
This make believe vaccine to protect you from ........
Uhhhm ?
Well just take it or else and don't forget the boosters and for heaven sake
Whatever you do
"AVOID THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HAD THIS BECAUSE ......
THEY WILL GIVE YOU WHAT WE HAVE VACCINATED YOU FROM ....
LISTEN YOU GET THE VACCINE
THEN YOU SAFE ......
EXCEPT YOUR NOT SAFE
FROM WHAT YOUR VACCINE IS FOR
...
WAIT TAKE THIS AND YOU WONT GET THAT ......
UNLESS YOU DO AND THATS
YOURE FAULT

In the beginning
So easily you  
Completed me
I asked for nothing but you.
And put all trust and confidence in ...... You.
No questions asked ........
It was perfect until you got bored ...
Wanted more ... Than
"Just" me
I wanted you so badly ..
That you didn't need me ....
The more you pushed
The more I needed
That only gets worse

I remember .......    .........
Mmm....... Uh ehhmnm

Uhhm ....... Yah ... Sorry....
Ok .....
I ~~~~~r~e~mmember
As crisp and crystal clear
That stary night .........
~long splender spikes  gathering
In my vision jiggling until
All I could see was white......
I felt my soul bruise
Leaning forward
Crinkled my forehead, causing the tears to drip in dollops .
Exhaled ......
Till my lungs flattened and stuck....
The news ......... ~~~~mmmm~
The conductor is retiring .......
As I raced to her side I could hear all instruments quietly  tuning ,
Clamoring,,,,,, laughter
As distant memories came to view.. I could not convincer her to stay with me.......
The tempo of time speeding up
Fighting for words to say    ...
Notes getting louder .......
Emotions boiling ....... Memories annn
And everything   bearing.
Down on me and ......
The crushing crescendo.......
The conductor
My Mother my ....
My world ......
My life
On new years eve      ...
Died in my arms......

Inninit strange how the heart interacts with the brain .....
Like Able and Cain?!
"Motion to strike your honor!"
"(Under which pretense?)"
"Leading  the witness"
" (Sustained!)"
Seriously?
I.E.
Using a person to satisfy your needs
Till the right one comes along.  
What kind of monster ?...
I mean how could somebody... .
Too be fair .......
Honestly ... In younger days    
I actually wrote that song!
But then .... ...........
O m G .......
When it happened to me   .. ......
Vicious uncaring cold hearted beast  .....
Youda thought the world came to an end     .      ....
Our hearts and minds work in erroneous harmony
Justifying our deeds
Constantly reconciling the books
Comparing ourselves to those
Less than savory naves
And mistooks they've made
Remembering incidents
In our own special way.....
Gifts ,... tokens and goodie too shoed gestures displayed and portrayed
Go ahead ......
Pretend you don't know the games you've played......
In your heart you know that your mind is there to reflect on
pre- meditative mistakes
You make.........
"Mirror mirror on the wall ..  .
Who's the most loving , giving ,
Compassionate on of all....."
Your heart wants to know.......
Does anyone know ...........
The terrible things we've done...... Should I confess ...... Am I bad ...
Should I just tear off this mask?
And the mind is the mirror
That says no No NO........
YOUR Good you are beautiful.
Better than all.........
Your not like all those..............
Peasants trust me I know.

From dark Iniquities to open pleasantries
What ever floats to the top of your dreams.
A deep velvet crush?
Could it be ?
Or is it an obsession to hear
Your arch nemesis screams'?
A painful memory
creates a loquacious bleed .
Purest intent kept
Protected or proclaimed
Remains in the heart of one
Whose pen flows from their veins
Syntax in  ambivalence
"hieroglyphic script"
Mystic cryptic punny things
Secretly lie in between ......

The lines
Words for keys .....

Hypnotic reads these,
Pains or pleasure awakes the mind
Break the grind
Treasure
lexicons asylum
mercurochrome for you soul
Time to let go some healing words of your own ......
I love you poetry .....
This one's for you ......

Dashed,shot down
and strewn about
Rummaging through ruins
Time burning
While I'm still,
Searching last known
Whereabouts..
This vast desolate plain
In vain ,
in the shadows
dunes of doubt ......
My love draught continues
From my
Relationshipwreck
I'm capsized in this ocean
Of tears I've cried ...
Treading water for years.
Introspective retrospect
I see the shore
I can swim .....
No more
I don't think I can touch yet
My desperation is my regret
Yesteryears I held love caviler
Too many I've hurt ....
I fear .....
Karma fallen for me
I am the debt

Will I ever cease?
Have to wait and see,
It's not on me ..
Although I offer.....
When it's right .....
Then they shall breath

I cover silver and gold
With mange and flees ,
I roll in rancid things
To stave off any smell of nobility.
Lowly I walk in shadows   ....
Of the beautiful.......
Slowly I go solo
In this masquerade
A filthy dog is what they see ,
Because Ive been beat about the snout .....
And made to believe
This is my lot
In secret I know
I know ....
I know .....
I know .........
I am not this monster  ...
My poor heart ...
I wear on my sleeve...
I can not keep it in me
It's wounded .....
All but rotten ......
Every good deed  
And all I have forgiven ......
Instantly diminished....
Forgotten ....
Madness consumes my sleep .
Sleep depravity Bereft's me of strength.......
I'm weary of this existence......
Will I ever escape     .
Will I
Will I ....
Can I .......
I...........
I'm on a roller coaster here
Bear with me please ......

Two pillars  set juxtaposed ,
I use both as baring,
Both bearing equal gravity.
Rising high from the waters ...
Between these ,
Lies this isthmus.
In the middle of which
A field of lavender .....
Outlined with oleander
peach colored summer
I lay awake at night and dream
I dream that there is more than this
I know I shall surely die ..
Here betwixt good and bad  .
Here ......
this lonely existence
Here I feel the undercurrents
One I cant resist
the other ....
Eradicate
My destructive state......
One is such a succulent persuasion
Easy as a fall
The other seems difficult
Abstinence not my favorite
Suit .....
Yet the treasure upon that vista
Manifold ......
The fruit ....
Ambrosial

I lay awake........
Suffering in dulcet
thoughts of you......

Despite  risk,
  love outweigh  my mind

Archaic ,......?
Me?
I do my best not to be  ..
Although If you try to be anything
Means you actually are what your not wanting to be.....
Anyway that's just another
Misconception of arbitrary
People's perception based on they're own environmental
Conditioning .......
An Im not gonna lie    ....
This was a big hang up of mine for along time .....
I can tell you this .
The less I care about what people say .......  
Sets my heart ablaze .....
For real though!

Still I get good and bad DayZ
On the good Im
Feeling like I look like I feel!
On the bad ....
Same same .. .
Against the grain  ..  .
Maverick?
Maybe ,......
Mistook for
Stoic ?
Shylock ,
Hopeless romantic !?!
emotions ........
reflections of memories
Feelings , how to react
Through experiences
Taught to me.........

Are my day drifts
trips in nostalgia
Synthetic?

As this journey continues
Lower are the highs
More frequent are the lows!
Once long ago
I was told to be a good man
Be honest ,empathetic and
Sensitive.......
Now I believe I can't let any
Of these things show......
Everything  I have struggled to be...........
Make me look weak......
Don't really know ***
The world wants of me. .
I'm just good ......
I'm gonna just stay me ...
Everyday , everything
Comes my way   ....
As it unfurls .......
It's my way . ...
F. T W..................
Im in an enclave .....
In my minds eye ......

Mother nature in budding years fell insatiable with what the gods had gifted us .....
She layed at our feet ..
Upon a golden fleece.......
An overly filled cornicopia
Brimmed with anything we wanted....the magnitude of which inexperience
Simply could  not comprehend.
We laughed like fat young kings ...... ..
Shook the pillars ......walked like
GIANTS.



Twas the crestpucular rays
Cusping the dawning of sweet savory days as we ****** knuckled our way into the  arena of adulthood
which did
Glint our eyes ablaze.....
Shedding light upon phantasms of delusional grandeure!
Insatiable .....
A pack of wolf to be sure.....
An almost overbearing musky Aroma of overconfidence lurked ..
And ohhhhhh..
Stiffining the hackle was the ever present danger of spontaneous fight .....
The unpredictability incredibly
Intoxicating.

What a plush
Den  ........
I remember the air back then seemed ....I  guess warm and thick.......
Like it had some meat and............
Still had some game to it .......
Awe yessssss!
peach would pair well with it.
And such a
Flavor hung from each lush
Syllable spun .
Closing in n
Drooling like dogs teeth fully displayed, Eyes transfixed
ears pricked ...
Rotating .........
Searching the silence...
As they  clung to the regaling of some past violence and not wanting to miss a single nuance
Anti-)nay sayers paradise

You wanna be.
so you think
The one. ....  
everyone wants to be...
star struck.......
And the limelight .....
Is blinding
Fine line
In between!
It's tiring  
The silky threads
Dual purpose...
Adore you on the surface.
Until one of day
One fray and it becomes
sharp as a razors edge...
Being famous is the same as being infamous........
Like a vibrant flowering tree
You are disideous...
Winters knocking .. ..
You gonna answer it    ?

You'll have to forgive me...
Or not !?!
Its up to you.
I guess it's my sorta ,
Pre apology,
For ...... Normality ....
In reality is a relative term
Encompassing innumerable
Shades and hues  
Within an endless ever expanding spectrum
In a constant state of flux......
Like modeling tuxedos in Bellevue ,
Seen on tv,
Then caught yourself on fire
Working two pairs of nunchucks
Drunk on you're parents patio
Cause their friends wanted a show.   ?
Next day did a bachelorette party
Got attacked by two cougars...
And held down while the rest of the pack did tequila shots off me...
Ok    that  was actually a good night .....
Weird ..... But good .  
Anyways I guess what I'm trying to say is
This....
You are a star
You are far more and greater than even you can imagine you are ..
Never let anyone tell you what or who you are ....
Don't accept the limits people try to put on you...
You be you ....
Catfish? (That's an attempt at humour... Gaaabeesh?
Er... Gabish .... Uhm capisce?)
K **** it so I'm not funny
..... Heh heh ... Ahhhh  uuh emm
I know you ....
People are so hung up and jealous  ...
They can't see" you" the way you do ,
Not the real you!
Because the ones who do.......
are small compared to you .
And so they will be-little you.
to make themselves look better than you..
Don't trip on haters who run under you. k?
You are bigger than that.
Right ?
You are not bitter you are better.
They will look like the fool
Be cool !be you !
The magic is in you
You know it's true
The only limits
Can only be set and broke by
.. you!

Ooooh the tall grass
Whips my face and Pinkens my skin
When the wispy wind sets in.
Stingingly ,leaves paper cuts
Instantly irritates  the skin
salty tears and sweat seeping in..........
Spatial light quickly consumed by dark brooding gloom......
Splatter of rain patter ........
Lightning flash cracks
Slithers like snakes across
the nights sky,
An eerie hussh of silence
Broken by a primal
Crushing thunder
Bellicose  baritone
Crossing eyes .....
Rattling bones.  ..
And the tears come back .. ..
With the wind    ....
The blades of grass .... .
I wale alone ......
You said " I do "
You didn't mean it ....
Not the same as I do ......
Where are you!?

Dive ....
Continually into
What life has given me ....
Stay my life ....
Designing blame ...
And damning it ,
As my cause of latency!?

Or ...
Should I lead a life of mediocraty
Anguish in believing success ....
Is something I can only see ...
Never feel.....
Randomly I find opportunity
Then err .....
Till I'm on my knees...


Or ... ..
shall  I be insatiable ,
Chase my dreams    ,
Love knowing .....
Me .....
The miracle that is Me ..
I can't just wait .....
And try it differently next time ...
There is not even enough this time..
I am . ... Therefore I think,
I shall blush in Romantica
Run naked to the cliff ...
Leap without looking   .....
Share my meals with the poor...
Sleep with the homeless ...
Be someone I would adore,
Be a jester and a mentor......
Cry with the broken hearted
Laugh with the children till our
Stomachs are sore    ......
Marvel once again at the wonders of the world
Want more    
Search out
And take everything
Life has to offer .....
And not know the differences
Between fate and destiny?

All it takes is you . .....


All that holds you back ....


Is only you

The
Vector...........
Of
Violence...........
Can be
Impeded with intelligence
Tempered by
Experience,
And absorbed
By understanding!
The vulnerabilities no matter how obscure is complete irrelevance
And wherever you are
We've all had glistening tears
When we broke ,clutched our souls ,
In disbelief,
Weak on our knees like vagabond's
Waiting upon the reaper.  
Facing the sky we all look at the same stars.  
And those same scars are the bars
That imprison us in the game....
Made of fear ,guilt,and shame .....
We make these wears ,,,,
Invent these games and believe
What we know in our hearts
Is not real or true ........
Maybe you been hurt by someone
You so looked up too
I know that
I lived that ......
Its a feeling no one should go through.........
Be the person you needed
The person you could have looked up to.  
The one you set all your standard's too.........
Cause no one else will
Unless you will......
Just because you could .....
Then you know you should...

Skrrrrrrrrrrt
Don't get me wrong there a whole long long longggggggggg
List of M'er F'ers that need that need to be plugged in the mug

I n my future and in
Introspect I can see
A reflection of who I used to be......
What I don't see ?
Is any time,
when I was not pre-occupied....
And in my minds eye,
Gravity Dissipated
Levitating I became elevated
To a golden path of ease
Life was sublime.  
But it's all a lie .........
If you think you can stay that way
Eventually you will be outshined
I have been so
close to both
Fate and destiny
More than one time .......
Controlling the world  .....
Was always easier than controlling me,
A synergistic dream team
Overconfident and blind
Went off the deep end
Convinced I could not mend....
Went to great lengths to justify
Putting aside my pride ...
That's what I told myself....
If anyone ever tells you
that"That" can't be done ......
That's a lie..........
Like would you believe me
If I told you I was a liar?
That's what I thought......
If I could I would say
I am knot .
But I am not

Within us lies.    
A spectrum wich lies.......
Telling us it ok ...
Once in awhile
To bend a little .......
Keep in mind .
It's the mirror who won't look you in the eyes......
Because you sabotage with compromise..........
weaken you ....
Basking in the shade of sorrows
Somehow down in the shadows of tomorrow's.........

Let the tears
Trace scars,
Crystalize and then
Let my bloodshot eyes  
Reveal the pain I've hidden within...
Let my blank stare
Look right through you .......
You can't offer me anything
Anymore ........
You have severed the cord ....
You are nothing but an open door
A vacancy full of everything I don't need.
Be gone.

Of all "that" that you will do ....
Upon any given day ........
Strike the flame .......
Woof the bellows.
  
When the cauldron glows  
cast in your works.      
Vamp off reasons ......
Pour it off into the crucible.......

When it cools
Crack off the dross......
Revealing your true worth.....
Is it enough to by a loaf of bread?
Enough to sustain life .......
Think about future past and present
Anything anyone will remember you for thee generations from now?

Should I fathom so many degrees
In which I can falsely assume responsibility
And be riddled with diverse insecurities?

Of off an wrong angulatities
Pay penance,
Be recompensed
Spend my sentence
In silence ....  
On my knees
Begging you ......
Please don't leave me .....?
Is that what you would have me do.....
For the best part of my life?
Oh please forgive me ..... .
For that can only be done once.....
And then you left me
.............
It takes so long to unbelive
Untruths .
From someone you love so desperately.............
When you can't say anything .......
Then to find
Behind your back .  
They have convinced everyone
It was you commiting all these
Deeds.  
The madness that ensues
Is self destructive insanity......    
You look like a monster ....
You lash out
Sinks the charges deeper....
They finally get caught in the wrong ....and ohhh
Por thing ...
It's cause all the bad things he did to her.      
I don't blame her .  ...
YOU GO GIRL.. .....

One peak .......
Got more than I need ...
The only **** I don't do
Is the **** I don't want to!
What I wanted ,
I fantasized
Visualized.
Magmatism ramped up
It came to me
Attraction .........and it came easy.
Unbalanced ego
Without humility.
Karma's favorite recipe.
I let my confidence off the leash
Felt good ......
Reputation precedes
Let the rumours fly
Mostly good ,
Even the bad
Somehow favoring
and then
Shazam !

Bit by the komodo
Bacterium coursed through my heart into my brain......
I ran .....
Lamed ............
I  ran.......in delirium.......
Sleeping on The mound of dirt
I piled while digging my own grave.....
impacted..
Inflicted,
Infected ,
Delusional,
Same Man
Same me
Noone wants to be alone with me..
Hero 2 zero.........
I haven't changed.      
Well maybe circumstances may have
Allowed some less than orthodox methods
To be.  
But still ............
One day I saw a beautiful woman .
She took a second glance .....
Smiled said hi...........
I blushed ........
Heart rushing .......
I said some funny things .......
She liked
Took me home .........
Did some funny things to me....
Shazam ........
I'm on top again........
Same Man ....
Sam me ?
Sorta.  
I know it's fleeting ,
I know it's an illusion
Wrought from a state of mind .
I know where it will take me
I know
But I act like I don't know...
And secretly I do kind and honerable
Things that no one will know ....
Even if they find out .
I won't be seen by karma as egotistical....
It's shamefull and unacceptable
Tho bear witness of yourself.

Do you lie ,
Awake late at night ,
And exacerbate.?
On future events
Diving in diverse deepths
In relationshipwrecks,
Toxic introspect.....
macerating in
Worst case scenarios?
obsessing on Exaggerated
Outcomes ....
Fill the rig with
Painfull emotions
Bang it straight in neck
Living in the effect of
What you've done.......
These vivid pangs of hurt
Never come to fruition yet you allow them to diminish
Self worth as if they  are a reflection  of you .

Feelings in this sensation
Give you a false feeling this makes you a better person
It cannot ..
You can never convince anyone how you feel .

Only deal in the real
It works out better this way
Trust me!





Keep yourself in check

Looks like I've circled around
I recognize that slow bend
As I find a distraction to mend
Looks like I let my heart out
And it got stepped on again....
It's getting a little easier
For both
The longer the mend
The more the want

Lush romantica ,
Ambrosial
A thirst only you could quench
drenched
In honey milk and vanilla
Each dulcet syllable
Suggests a persuasive silhouette
The sweet seduction
I'm un-stable in pursuit
Anticipation laced with preview
Ethics and morals fall to the way side
Passion burning so hot I cannot hide
Accelerating I'm chasing you.......
reckless
I couldn't care less
About collateral damages
Territorial
Nostrils flare ..........
I'm.primal.
Prime objective
instinct governs reasoning
Programed this is what I do......
Imprinted infatuated
Impassioned  no boundaries
I can't breath untill you love me too

Perched on precipice
Of being two tense.  
Beautifull woman in line
Behind me ...........
At the bank ......
A long line on a hot Friday.    
I'm cashing my pay check .....
For Quarters dimes and nickels
Knowing most are worth more than face value.....  .
She says what are you doing?
What's wrong with you..

I said I'm turning my cash into change
Does that not make cents?
She didn't laugh ......
I didn't get her number.
Funny ........
Not a ****** if she doesn't find that funny

Partiality ,
Reflective
Teflon like membrane
deflecting Dysphemisms
With psychosomatic euphemisms
And remain in a state of osmolality
Vanity in vain
Pseudo synchronicity in
Emotional attachments
Spurned by environmental conditioning
Creator of schisms.  
Hider of truths
Author of lies

I went from do-rags and irrelevant,

Oh sure you are the security ,
And they seem to be
A true friend indeed,
And yes ,
Trust and believe
It is better to give
Than recieve!
Because this means
You have more than what it takes  to satisfy your needs....
But when they become impatient
Waiting on your payday .......
Lemme say this
These people become
accoutrements you don't need?!?

It's me!?!?

Contemplate for a moment
If you will.
An opposite   .
It's my wish
First one will be this
The complete opposite of ....
A miracle     .
Now within that construct...
I want you to imagine
The absolute opposite of
Suddenly being struck
By a incurable horrible sickness....
It's the only analogy that I can see
That shows how you make me feel ......
Obviously the second one
*******

I like rhymes ,
Then again ,
I find,
A lot of times ,
a message by design,
should be oiled and honed ,
Sharp ,
to  a point ,
Like a pitchforks tine  
Covered in ointment .
Grammatically correct,
an attempt  
Meant to affect the mind ,
Once achieved
It will start
traveling  into the spine
Find it's way into the heart
Deliver the elixir to the infected part ,
Never underestimate
The temptations you lay on fate  ,
The ease in which you will perpetrate hate
How great your recompense ,
when you exaggerate ,
It's like taking truth and trying to disguise it with lies.    
Even if your completely in the right
You'll look like a reprobate regurgitating flies!
Stay true or stand alone
Which you may
Either way
In truth you'll know the foundation of your  home is built on a pillar of stone.
No matter the intent it should always bare
relevant evidence.    

Specifically but not limited to
An act of defense
In essence an update to a dense mind
Containing vernacular in
Whatever dialect the situation
Will appropriate
Thus the focus should remain
On meaning and feeling
And not spent on a
Sugar coating with a limited vocabulary
Each adjective,verb placed with
A forensic precision
Should bring gravity
Opening the eyes of the spiritually blind.
Read  written or said
Only that which need be
let it be the milk of the word
Heard
and the meat be between the lines    
Less what you wanted to say
Will loose weight too swiftly
Overt and superfluous euphemism or dysphemisms
Will stall the velocity
And anything which can cause a schism between
Syntax and eloquence
Certainly and surely
Blur and disturb
Unless your like me
Speak before thinking
Backed up with a fist like an anvil