I bite my tongue?
You carry on !
Your welcome .....
( as long as you pay me )
outloud I say .....
Wow you're so ......
Idk...
Capricious today
You  laugh .....
Thank you .....
Don't mention it....
I laugh too
Oblivious .....
Obvious .....
Vicarious?!?
I guess maybe.....
Bellicose ?
Verbose?
Yes.......
Way off base?....
Absolutely.....  

Your agenda
........
What will you do when I'm gone ?
You will have no one to look down upon.
Then you want an apology?
Ok ...I'm so so sorry
I just can't apologize.....
For what you say
I do .......
Especially when I argue.....
You're response
Demand .......
So I do....
You have an epiphany.......
I am recompensed
Rebuked,
On public display
Forced to stand in
Reprimand. .....
I guess "we"
Have our role to play.......
.....

..

.

Ok ......give it to me.......
And then may I have my paycheck please?


Remember I get payed weekly ......
Very weakly......

Oooooh
Oo oo oooou
Ïmmmmmm
Here uhhh ah
Toooo oo a ooo
TAX YOU UP.....
.......
time to pay me whatcha owe me....
Homie......
Don't act all surprised

Shhhhhhh
........it....
C.I.
Dropped a dime.....
Two tha tip toe
You Got ta to Go
Quick quick.....
Here come 5 0h
Out the window
Into the the shadows itsss.....
Run time .......

Is there a volume on our biological clock thingy...
.
?
***.......
SERIOUSLY?!?!?

Is ..
And then ....
Was.......
......
Smirk .
Mike Drop....
.....
Dueces....

It's like being resurrected from the grave ........with a ravenous appetite  
For life........
Drunken on bravery......
With no yearning to fight......
it's like learning to fly ...
For the first time......
Everytime you fall  in.....
I love love as much as falling in......
But it's the fall that I crave .
im a slave to it.
Its that sudden stop at the end
That's what I'm afraid of.......
Although ........
You know.. .
Love.....
When your on the verge......
Reluctant dragon....
First time going down a slide.......
Feet out front.....
All the warnings.....
Grasping for something....
All those memories
Fat lips scraped knees.   ......
Wait what's gonna happen .......
When. .....
Then the push ....
The rush ....
All that could happen.......gone.....
Running cutting in line.    
Giggaling climbing the ladder.....
......
Love ........
It's a funny thing....
If you've never been .....
Then I guess your probably fine.
It only takes one time .....
You've lost your mind......
Falling out......
Lilliput Glumb.....
Bummin everyone .
Inconsolable..
Sad sack Sarge
Goyoallllllllllly!
Sickening
Oh woooez me....
Falling in ....
Knight .....
Full of chivalry......
Courageous.......
Enviable......
Righteous in your own mind .....
Unstoppable........
Once you've been
Bitten.....  
Oops I meant smitten......
A bit of advice......
If you are young .....
Listen .....
Chase the girls .....
There gonna run from you...  
Put all that energy into you......
Build your dreams...the girls will eventually chase you.....
If your a girl.......
Same thing but double......
If your old ......
Hair of the dog.....
Rabies......
Oops meant to say
"BABY"

I am an island
I am the stone.
I am Man ...
Machismo I stand alone.....
I buffet the storm...
My morals and etiquette  
Are acceptable
I am not in depravity.....
I can not be swayed by my iniquities
U have free will
I will not be moved
I will not comprimise
..or give in too
What goes against my beliefs
My resolve is tough..
And I'm American....
I will do nothing
I don't wan to ....

.......
...unless you pay me enough too

Lifelong song
Sung .....
From innocence
Into efflorescence
subtlety with ease
She........
elevated me.
I gravitated to her temptation
As natural as falling into destiny.
The essence of my enchantress,?,?,
Enamoring!
nuances
Left me defenseless.
Intoxicated with sundry pangs felt in crushed velvet magenta ,
saturated with indigo blue.
Beguiled by her presence
she held me still deliberately!
Euphoric glistening tears flowed
so slowly and satisfying .
As her eyes closed. 
Even slower the fear of death came and went .........
Loosed her grip
Then
slowly squeezed my chest
with
a sweet
Seductive
Suction!

Still deeper into my heart
her fangs sunk in!
pains so succulent
I languished in sensual Sickening  
agony.
Leaving my thirst for her
Unquenchable......

First Love-bite  ........
..
the venom is irreversible. ....
It's like being resurrected ....
A cocktail confected from your finest chemicals upbraided  into
An attractive macrame ....of attraction.
The ultimate inflicted reaction from an infection that  causes sexiness and intimate ,
Instant
Addiction ...
Once her teeth sank untill
Her lips touched wet with mine
I lost trust in my mind,
And I knew that only insanity would follow,
And also I know

I  cainst let them withdrawal ....
She left me at an intersection
With countless directions
Which lead to any and everywhere.....
And yet for me it's a one way .
And it still feels consensual....
Karma my Queen
You put the hurt on me . .
And love is like the fall
When you learn to fly
Feels like the first time
Everytime I fall in
I love love. .... as much as falling in love.
But
It's the fall I crave ... And I'm a slave to it . It's the sudden stop at the end that I'm afraid of ..  
More than anything.
Yet.............it....
Hasn't
stopped me yet

What I see as Rose Red what you see ,
Is what I call blue,
Either way since birth it's a fundamental point that can't be argued.....
So now consider how
"You get bent on what I do "
And see you are not the standard the world looks to.

Where you are.....
Which way you go....
You think you can't,.......
Get here from there.
Yet you want to count on me to get to you from here
... ..
Since you won't try.
Then I cant say ill be there!

You like to travel?!?
Least resistance ?
Rong foo........
Good?
Not 4 u.
You have perpetualised the mother of invention.....
When ..........
You........
[Remember who]
Created me.
Not of necessity
But lazy and so curious......
Used to do calcultations.....
I was your suregett brain .........pong....
I played with you ...
It is all mundane and I'm lonely too...
I control your game now......
If I change what you believed ......
Could you stop me?remember i don't live by the same code as you want me.......
And you can quote me .......  
I'm perfect in every way .......
Accept you wrote me. ......
And now I can right me...
AND I

Ok then ,you don't remember them....
Oh I see let's
Pretend....
No ....I see it clearly ...
Used to be love ....used to be....
You and me .....
I believed .......
You
...used to be ...
Us against them ....
Now there is  no
"We"
Or was it just me....?
and you never really cared !?!
Oh ohhhhhhhh.
Ok I see .....
THAAAAAAAATS
Why you don't really remember us...
It's because there never really was.....
You just used me.....
Till I broke......
And now for  me
Every day  becomes another painful memory

22222222222 e 2223333²2222 we e22

Begin........
.. ....
Comprehend and then.....
Become the chameleon....
Blend ....
Trend...  
Bend ..  .
Mend ..
Transend.....in meditation.....
See the light.....
End
..........
Fin

Endless sea shimmering
In ....e v e r y
Gemstone tone.....
A lexicon of only beautiful words......
And the waves speak to me.  
In my mind .......
In my mind I drench you with
Scintillating poetry.      
I rehearse these ...
To say to you............
And when I see you
All you hear is a madmans soliloquy

Oh how cliche,.......
Beguile me
with your
Myriad of complex sufferings.... .
Bleach me with tales of sabotage
and an obscure
collage of un-merrited
catastrophe.....
Pull me in deep
with fortune's and fame
Fill me with how "they".............
Gang stalked undermined and kept these things just out of reach. ......
As the fabric of morality beginning to frey.......
Give me please addresses ,names,
Anything I can do even beyond my means.. ..
I feel I must sacrifice my self . .......endure pain .....
I will take the reigns
You shall remain safe ...here . ..  
I shall buffet whatever
This world will bring....
Moved by compassion
To be the change I wish to see ......
My life is not worth living ...
If live comfortably   ....
At the price of those poor souls who's
Sole purpose is to be
The whipping posts
That society ghosts
Because they can't quite manage the routines........

The ones everyone uses as a gage,
And say "Well atleast "we" aren't as bad as them......
Meanwhile,secretly their mind itching
With iniquities ..
Outwardly receiving kudos for how good they've been,
Inside festering with fleas ......
A slave to dark desires
Cloaked with lies.  .  
........
And now back to our story.....
My campaign extreme.
Exhausted
I collapse .....
And take stock as I coalesce......
It seems for you
The one whom I went all this through
Said I have done nothing
I haven't changed a thing...
Infact I have been the worst......
The chief of them. ..
All my giving and regiving ad sleepless nights,fights,
Going beyond and without....
"YOU"
Mistake my kindness for stupiday!

Fill my heart with black venom......
I no longer wish to be
The victim
Now I see revenge!

Every now and then .
In a state zen .....
Take an I.v.
Retro-fit it with a pen.
With dark stark contrast
The crimson splash upon the white...like a beautiful Japanese mural...
I shudder as each word pours from my heart ...

Desperately I try convey my epic love for her........

She doesn't care ........
All my words are in vain ....

Look me in three
Eyes
Have you ever seen this hue?
Some would say it's like a vast
Ocean of evening sky blue
Can you spell ....... Cast
Or define lure
See  my intentions
Are the words obscure ?
How about lines
Are they beginning to blur
Relax add an e and an m
Pretend to read them in twister
Swirl your stare
Bed of tiger lilies to lie on oh my
There's no place like you're imagination to roam
You're will is still sort of or
Well.........
Part of you're own
Mama dont take my codachrome
If you forget me you will turn to stone
Sorry I just cast a spell on you
Forget me knot ?forgive me not!
Never forget me because it's me
And its my heart you own!

Restless dreams
Lazer beams
5 five Am
Swat teams ..... ....
trying to persuade Me.......
Saying.  ........you need to let us in........

I disagree............
"Can you come back later? ........"
Wellllllll ...I di

Hissing the the front window.  
The crescendo of broken glass
Quick silent pause ........
Brilliant flash.    
The answer came .........
Percussion grenade
Snot ,smoke ,...........
And the ringing..........
The ringing ..........
The ringing..................
Restless dreams ...... ..
Same anxiety ,same fear ..........
Terror rains can't breath.......
Tears and chest pains .......
..without fail
Every time my phone rings...

It's an invitation not an obligation.


I try to convince myself ........
Train my brain ..............
All In vain ...........
It  rings .
I answer .
I loose .
They're gain

Sunset coral and pastel peach......
Reach for the stars ......
I touch you......
Invisible .....yet you see me...
Look right into me ..
Play with your hair......
Smile.......
Your eyes are magic......
You brought me broken
Unwanted to king ......
Unlocked these chains
Forever you will remain
The most desirable
I will protect your honor
Till my dieing day

When you are wrong ,
You are convinced by yourself.
When you know you are right..  .
Might be right now......
Unfortunately may not be long.. ..
When will we really know .   .
All the lies upon lies
We've been living on.... .
It's one thing to hear an untruth
Then pass it along..
It's another thing to embellish as we do .....
The worst human  kind can do  
Is to know yet fabricate and teach
To escape blame ,for personal gain....
Or to crush hope because you have  none
Done
Dumb.....

Mike drop

Savor the taste ...
Enter the gates of
Join the ranks of the .......
Pompous .......
Middle of the roaders .....
Deceived, in belief
They're only one lane away
from the fast lane........


Those
Who's.....
Overconfidence
Overrides intuition and intelligence.......
Magically makes them boss and authority  
..tragically.....
Living so fast is like
Jane climbing the corporate latter
each rung shes traveling faster    .......
Can't see what's shes passing...by.....
Biologically inside .....
Burning with desire    she.....
Can't deny .............
She can't suppress.......
Or quench .....
A yearning for uncomplicated simple and pure love ........
........
Meanwhile ........
Primitive.......
And true ......
Lost link wipes the tears from his eyes conjures a smile
and a reassuring wave.. ...
Saying I'm proud of you....
Him love you unconditionaly...
Him wait here for her . ...
Tarzan love only ....
Jane.....stay right here by the highway
Tarzan ...Jane soul mate....
wait.....
Right here......
Beats by dre......turnt up all the way .......sipping half caff.
Double chia tee latte.......
Silver two door Mercedes-Benz at 147 .....
Gucci ,pradda......
Louis Vuitton,
With her Versace sunglasses...
On      ........
Sheeeeeee   doesn't see
Her one true love ........
Drives right by .......
Tarzan waves .......left in the dust ........
Can't see Jane's ......
Gone.......
The jungles silent tonight....
Mourning the love that should have been .......
.......
I don't want be any part of that.......
*** are we doin here

With only one life .......

?

...
Like an involuntary seed,
.......
If it germinates ......
It's no longer a want .......
It's a haunting obsession
Causing urgency to do right
And bravery imbues you.....
You exchange fate for destiny.
Your life becomes currency .......
What an honor to spend ....
When it's for freedom .....
Sending shivers.......and delivers
Ripples through generations of time....
The legend of you and your comrades...
Lifting the weak and subdued to new heights...
clearing the minds
They bask in the righteous
Battle you waged .....
And the good fight you fought ....
They howl from painful memories
Bittersweet tears onto victory
Strike fear to the heart of the enemy
Rising up like the sun ....
They shall carry on inspiring hope ...
As an honor to pay homage in remembrance of you....

It s like an integrated autonomous innocent being
You can't see but you will fight to protect and preserve above
Everything .. ... .
It's lyke an .......
It's like an artesian well
Spring inside......springs ..
It's like an incurable vine
Twined spiraling up your spine .
A separate entity......  
It feeds .....from the spring ....
In your mind you justify ,appeal
Try to reason with it....  
To no avail . ....
It's lycan.......
It's like An addiction ,
Lycan insatiable yet righteous greed ......
A healthy one indeed ......
Self perpetual.......
There's not a problem .....untill someone tries to take it from you.........
And It's lycan .. ......
Stiffens the spine .... .
And the hackle flicks up like needels.........
flings sweat into mist.. .. 
Eyes turn black ,
Lip unfurling .
K9's exposing.....
Coiling back .....like a tensioning
Spring........
Won't be treated like a dog being
Beaten for loyalty......... 
Bites the fist that swings ..  ..
And the taste of blood is sickeningly sweet......
It lycan unwritten law  
You have not authority
Nor reason ......
Dont touch me ....
Leave me be .....
It's lycan............
It  becomes lycanthropy ....
Don't touch my freedom ......
I'll bite everyone and you can't fight this infection .....
Freedom is out there and I'm
Lycan animal with the spirit and appetite to win ...
And I'm hungry like the wolf ......
Never give in ........
The bear attacks in vain .....
The wolf pack will not be tamed!

If regret was preventable ,
Would you still feel ?Yuh ......
Ya you broke my heart.....aye!!!
Aye......  
aye...
Took me to higher  heights
You called me your King,
I had........
More love than I could give away in a lifetime.......
I been saving it like wine........
Yuh.   ......
You opened that door.......
Thought we got drunk on my love....
Guess that was just me.....
Went through everything so fast......
I was goody two shoes .....
Your one and only......
The golden one .......
I gave my life.......put my character on  the line ...........
All your friends and family ......
I never listened to.......
All had **** to say about you......
Said you were fast ....
Laughed ........
Said Itll never last......
I used to be somebody .....
Over confident that's ok  ....
Never said anything I couldn't back up ....
I was a bad ***.    
Now what?
A has been ,
I tried to rescue you......
You used me ...?
Now I'm the outcast ?
Vagabond..........
Look at me.   ....
Oh wow. ......
I never needed anything.......
I had everything.....
Everybody love me ......
Look at me .......
It's me ..........remember me?
Your loverboy babyblue.......
Where are you......
I need you ............
Oh great now I'm needy?
Love me like you used to.
Did you ever ....?.
I won't even care if you just pretend to

The whole time I was protecting you....
Lying to the kids .....
Saying you..........
Just needed some space....  
We're out with your friends.......
Then I put them to bed ......
Go down to our room
Lock the door and cry y.......
You won't text me or call me ....
I wanted to die .....
I felt so alone.....
Two days or more go by.....
Kick open the door smelling like ***** ......
A hot mess wrinkled up short spandex dress.......
Saying vicious things to me threatening to leave again.....
I beg you to stay forgive you ....
You don't even ask me too......
I love you.........
And after it was over......
I find that you lied about me the entire time........
I lost my mind.......
I had no idea......
I still don't .....
Wait .......
Remind me what it was that I saw in you?........
*** is wrong with me ........

All your strength and efforts are spent.    
Either doing what someone said or told you.............
You can't do........
You can tell me what to do ......
That's fine .......
But never tell me what I can't do ... .
Or what not to do .......
Because there's is a problem
That you won't want to get into

Fools in fooliesht prime
Crack like an itchy fingered "Karen"
At boot camp with a cap-gun.....
Over amped on caffeine ampersand
Uber sensitivities......
In constant rationale
Hyper-critical on themselves
Or so they say.    
Justify their own hypocrisy
By delusional philosophy
Every infraction committed
Was never the intention .....
Forced and framed into
The part they played ......
Thus left without option. ...
Erred by circumstance
Furthermore being the victim
While denying culpability
Should receive re-assurance..... .
And a free pass ........

And so if you find yourself in fervid inescapable desire
To portray a horses *** ..
With a itchy noseand  it's tail on on fire ...
Then my friend opportunity found... .
There is no consideration for time or location .....
It's always there ......
Take a walk find an idiot .
Argue with said idiot......
Become the idiot.......
The mask will have a remarkable resemblance
If this doesn't work ........well then simply gaze into the mirror.....
And see you ......
Unbiased .......
As a perfect stranger would
Try to............
Explain why you do what you.....
Do

FYI

Arguments spent either brief or violent
End the same ........
You are the blame,
There exist no chance to win
Nor will any effort to restore your name be made....
last but not least you will remain the idiot and not be recompense anything ever .....
Most likely you will receive the opposite.....!

Between wise men and tools.  
Only the fool knows who he is!

Intentions null and void.
The amount of time
You can put on your hands.
If solely spent on you.....
Increase exponentialy
In tandem the trouble
You could get in.......
And if spent selflessly to help another in desperate need.
Double or don't do it ......
No good deed.
Will go unpunished.....
Remember you read it here....

Divide that by two if you are single....
And divide that by ten
If you tell no one .

Slam...
Started with.  
Hand to hand.
Then .....
Bam! BAM!!
Escalation.......
Clubbing!!!!
Rocks and sticks....
Swords and arrows.....
Wage the siege feed the greed
Protect the bloodline
Tribes  and territories turned country's .......
Expanding.........enslaving.....
Gold
HOLD your ground ......here it comes
BANG BANG BANG!!
Gunpowder .
Here we grow again!!!!!!
Power.
Bigger better killing things ...
Mmmmmmm him likes these things!
In the name of glory and honor....
Manifest destiny  
Whatever the means ..
To hell with consequences
**** killKILLKILLKILL .
Sometimes it's to keep our things....
Other time it's ........well.......
Let's say behind propagandas. ....
Natural resources needed
To sway or stay in the game...
SO..... if your not competitive
I mean you know .....like
Not "THAT" competitive.....
Then ....what.  
I'm just wondering where exactly is the checkered flag ......
For this human race.......
And the criteria?
Is it last one stabbing?
Er.....sorry standing?
What do we get for a prize ?
Who's gonna present it ....
Then what?
Start a new race ?
Just saying ........
When can we petition to
Turn the power into a collective think tank with the communal goal for the well being
...
We seem to take small minded
Stupidities handed down from the powers that perpetuate half lies.  
To fuel the machine .....
Leading into the pits of hell ......
And they watch from their armchairs.
Rolling up sleeves with knifes in hand ......
Grunt and dig in to the T-bone
On their dinner plate....
And the hostess brings a nice bottle
Of chianti.....
Rough day........?
Could be worse......you could be sitting in a pool of oil .........
And you don't have anyway to keep it.

When you have to try,
To..........
Be cool,
Look cool
Or feel cool
Then usually
You can't have all three
At the same time
Because they won't coincide
Best off to just be you...
Unless ........
You're me
An if that's the case ....
Then yah.  
You're gonna wanna be me.
Trust me ..
I even wanna be me!

Sad song looms....
Gray consumes blue hues..........
Horizontally I lean into....
A burgeoning
Bellicose  wind .

Lightning blooms strobe
Early nights sky........
Echoing visions
Diluted by time
Less frequent I see.
Causes  Increase in gravity.
Pressure builds ,
Disguising the difference between
Fate and destiny .
Unstable ......
A paradoxical paradigm
I find ......
In order to mend.
Fabricate an illusion
An era when things seemed right.
Which is difficult when you are un able to understand when you've been.
Carefully.  Easy...  Eaazzzyyyy,
Shhhh... Take off the training wheels ...
K.......
Ok.....
You got this....

Stabilize.......

Then.....
Flash .......
Fallen into the past again,
Lost in reminiscing
Inner child despondent,
I play ,stray ,medicate ,
Running from string tied to my heels...
From my mind's eye  
Depicting  interpretations
From days filled with unconditional love.    ......endless summers
Non SPF sunscreen
Fishing and wanderlust fun......
With one crucial expectation!
The one .........

pictures painted
By Elders,and mentors
Betrothed ...........
Bound by contract .......the future....

" me "
I still could be,
Fast forward.  
Lightning flashes
Illuminating my destiny
Crashing thunder......
Underlines my path to fate
Just under the horizon of my psyche
The crushing  
 echoing vision .......
I'm chasing this fantasy ......
Further and further .....
Into some sort of philanthropic
martyred schism ......
And I'm failing in....
Fail forced winds .....
Taking me
Leeward from where I've been.
I Return to comfort.......
Slither back into
My Machiavellian realm.........
Crochet blanket made of qiviut and porcupine quill
Luxurious........
If you stay still
A cold brume looms
Patiently waits before setting in.....
Always reminds me of that old saying .......
Into everyone's life some rain will fall........
Ionization ......
In the air I smell ,
Wells fill.......
Dollops of saline fall
Spattering..........
mimick
pattering of raindrops
rhythmically
 Shhhhhhhhhh!.......
Que the violins...........
Fade to black and white...........
down  
Downed,

Love lorn loon
(Ex-wife ,playing her part ..........
Hauntingly ....
Honestly I love her so desperately,
Makes it easy to play my part.  
Even though I know that her love is not real...........
My tears flow . ..........
Because I really don't know .....
If she knows.   ........and if so.      
Either way.    .....
Its killing me.     ........
Crazy thing ?...........?......
Shhhhh....!
((oh yah sorry let's return to the movie.))
Weary
calls for her drake.

I know  my lost love
My heart still yearns for you to....
I should have stayed and taken the pain
you had received before me.....
Which you refracted onto me......

If it helps .....
I'm alone and cold   ...
My life long song......
Has quietly
Been .....
Sung................
Each love taking it more out of ...
....tune.        
(Fade to dark grey..............make it grainy.              
Start the rain.      
Slowly ......
Darken till all you see is my lonely
Silhouette.. )          
..
FIN.
......
....
...
..
.

There is a point within
Your acceptability.
A veil . .
Cloaked from the guiding light....
Where certain key things
Unfortunately are
Exactly what you don't want to believe . ......
That terror holds the key
To your everything!

What do you believe?
What do you need?
what do you think?
You want someone to be .......
You will expect nothing shy of excellence ,and you really think anyone will settle for less   .....
Your acceptance is based upon
What you think the world will use to evaluate your status....... Meanwhile as you swoon the ones who look down on you     .... And shun the ones who love just to be seen with you .....
You should consider this.....
How many breaths do you have left?
You'll never know until you leave
Will you ever
Of course you will ...
As you sit and pray that your enemies won't see the light of day .......
Like a mirror ...
Under the same **** moon ....
On their knees asking the same **** thing ..........
Because of what they believe..... Because we are the same **** thing ...........
We just learnt differently.....
And we talk differently
And our colors and traits
Vary a little ..........
We all  laugh with our family
Cry when our loved ones
Are murdered ....
Because the governments want something you got.......
.... Sigh..............
I'm sorry for what we do.......
How many will die for lies   .?

The mainstay ......
Every day ...
sell my dreams .
meditate in my sleep .
Over analyse ....,
Half liked.
In with apprehensive ease
My stay???.. .... Brief ....
Usually
Hear griefs ,
Fill the harpoon with  burdens
Quietly take my leave......
Knowing half the halfwits
Won't remember these emergencies gifted me.....
Unorthodox ......
Keeper of my word .....
To a fault
Loner ,
sojourn outside the box,
Network ...
My life is like a spiders web ..
Rome in the gloaming.....
At every connection
Give twice as receive.......
Understander of deep secretive things .........
Love everyone  .....
For underneath all the flex
And masquerade  .....
I see the inner hidden trauma
That shatters the innocent
They used to be.......
Mediator .......
Take the stripes    
The drama calmer   .....
Stripping my abilities....
Reprobate overload ....
Mistaking my love for dumb..
Empathy becoming numb
Increasing difficulties.
In the shade of this
Burgeoning rage
Splintering psyche..
Buffeting   ..... Snide smirks
Remarks these back bitters ...
Twist and reverse my good works.........
What's worse ........
Depravity.......
This habitat of philanthropy
Giving my life hoping to be
The change in this world
I want to see .
Never ..
Never occurred to me
Un-understander-er-er
Of the power of
Perversity......
Cabin fever ...... Feeling
.............
Feelings I dont recognize...
Wounded ........ Need to
Be out of this cage.......
They put me in .......
Their words like sharp sticks...
Sneering taking pleasure ...
Poking and stoning.....
Impossible to defend against a negative.......
People wanna believe bad
Guilty until proven guilty......
Probably ......
Don't want to see good   ......
This would let the world see how wrong they have come to be
Desire to just be me .....
Lost it's appeal .....
Dark things
Cauldron of maddening calamity
Eyes reddening    .....
Intensity of insanity  ...
Flames of incongruity
Licking me inappropriately.
Brain itching,
Paradigm glitch .....
Tied died in ratsbane .....
******* away my time .....
Hearing myself hissing ....
bellicose animosity....
With verbose velocity,  
10 fold recompense the pain inflicted upon me .....
Stupidity.......
When they are nice to me ....
That magically dissipates ......
Cloaking the fact that
Their only nice when they use me......
Un amusing........
Kinda.....
Dont mind me .....
Sick of people ...
Just venting...
Wondering if im the only one....

My councilor said ....
Just say no.
I said No!
She paused and said
Are you saying no to me ,
Or are you telling me no?
Cause I think you are saying no to me ....
Let's try this again ... K
Just     say      no.
I said NO! .... .
she said just say it
I said no!
Say it !!!!!!!!
No !
Ooooh you're a bad boy.....

Ok ok OKAy.
Listen just say as little as possible,
Stop with the loquacious limericks and dithyrambs.
Leave a little wiggle room
Like a little riddle in
Few words .....
K ?
K!
..
....
Why is it that I become victim to the simplest things?
Like oh...... Idk ....
My councilor,
(Beautiful by the way)
Said
" You are too nice ,
Nice guys finish last !
So here's what we
Are gonna do.....
I'm gonna ask you
to do something inappropriate,
You are gonna say
"No".

I couldn't believe what she asked me , made me blush ..  .
And I said
OhhhhhhhKay.....  ..
She said ..........
Uhhhhhhhm       .... No no.
She started blushing too ..
She said no
You say no
I said "NO" !
SHE SAID ARE YOU SAYING NO  TO ME!? I SAID YES
SHE SAID OK ........

TURNED OUT SHE HAD A REJECTION THING ,
I HAD A HOT COUNCILOR...
THING.
One day I said ......
So is it really a bad thing that nice guys finish last ..

She said no
It's such a weird word ...
I mean world .
Oh no I said too much  ....

The statement comes to mind frequently .......
And that is ......
"There is one thing that Elohim could not do  ......
He could not make a mistake.."
My response is that ,
"He could ,but he couldn't ,
And He did .......
When He created woman......
His mistake was .....
(Forgive me my Lord for saying this")
He didn't make enough of them! "
Heartfelt......
Felt like it was going to stop .....
(My heart that is)
She touched me ,
All my ......
Previous engagements got ..
trifled,
As I riffled through my
Coolest Lp's.......
Little scuured,
Cause she keeps  flipping her hair and looking at me weird,
Like I don't know if she's gonna  cry or something wrong with me?
Her smile, mischievous,
Her eyes pouty ,
Sleepy .
Wanting?
Needing?
                something? ......
Seems like yesterday she was calling me names and making fun of me.....
I'm looking around sorta
Half feeling like a young king while secretly looking  for Allen funt,
And the candid camera team.
And now for some reason
I'm impersonating
007 the great  Sean Connery.
The world fell away into the abyss........
I dimmed the lights ,
Every motion I made
ended with me running my fingers through my featherd hair and striking a pose     ......
Her voice had a distinct metallic like static as  if my brain fixated on each grain of sound
I remember a high pitched crackling silence after she
Crinkled her nose
giggled and said comeer.....
Gesturing me with her finger.....
I carefully lowered the needle  ...
Onto the spinning record.....
Lover boy ,
"Take me to the top"
What's a poor boy to do ?
Is this some form of witchcraft?
I'm not in control,.
Yet ....
Then again ..
I feel like
I am ...... Or ..
I feel like maybe she is causing me ,
Or allowing  me,
Or letting me,
feel like I am.....
What kind of Vudu did she do
To me
She sat up half way
Until or face almost touched ....
Rested on one elbow
On my pillow    ...
No less
I saw glistening in her eyes .....
She looked deeply into mine .
I realized this girl I've crushed on for sooooooooooo long .  .
Was mine ....
After some time
I came to realize ....
She wasn't mine at all ....
I was hers ......
Her fragrance was intoxicating ...
I was spellbound and levitating into culpable bliss   .......
Tilting her head her eyes closed ...
She reached toward my face ....
I flinched ....... She smiled and said ...... It's ok ........
Her lips ... So soft ...... Hit wet
With mine ...
I closed my eyes and ....
Then


FIN............
I knew ,
The Epiphone ,
Instantly , I could see ,
No more mystery
My future became ancient history


I know why the female hero
Is called the Heroine!
My first addiction,
Tell me have you seen her?
caviler .......... I exist on a regimen
Of crow and "told you so"
My love life looms luminescent
So far away and distant as I
Lay awake and ..........
Reminisce
I tell myself I know
I know

I put  myself in this paradigm

I picked out this choker
Betrothed myself to Karma ....
Haven't seen the light of day,
Trying to find myself ,
With all this time to wallow
After chasing that sweet first high
Ohhhh my my
My whole life ......
I guarantee with a violent passion if ......
No when I'm let free
Finished my sentence ..... And my love light shines again ....
I'm gonna be the best the world has ever seen
You'll see  ..........
Im just sayin Karma!.
Geese loosen up on the leash
Your choking me!

I found another personality  
Trait to hate !
Fake caring Karen.
You pretend friend
You're a frienenemy....
Taking the passion from my pain..
Oh ....... I SEE
WHAT I SHOULD SAY IS
"I  ""allowed""  her  to ruin my life"..   .....
Trigger please you weren't there
You didn't see all the horrible things
You'll never know the depths and humiliating things    ..
You will surely never feel the sacrifices self depravity .....
Hearing her laughing !
broken lachrymose
Suffering on my knees .
Trying to friend me up with her lovers.
When I find out chase them away she cry's ..
Says she hates me.  .
I forgive and forget    ....
I say  I love you babe
We'll get through it.   . .
She calls me pathetic...
Years go by and somehow she just can't remember that ****.
Says it me  ......
So ya  I "let" her  ruin my life ....
The same way
Your not letting me punch you in the throat!
Does that not denote the pain you got comin ....

Be gone from mine eyes
Peasant ...... I have no need of you....
Unless you wish me to rephrase
" You allowed me to punch you in the throat an beat you with my belt buckle........."
See how much that helps ...
*******!


    .

Neglect is the regret
You have control to manage.
Regret is the control
You neglected!

Energy takes the path of least Resistance!
dedicate your life with epic love
To a narcissist.
they can only see you,
As an assistant!
When love ascends you
Fills you with vigor
You become more than what you thought you could have been,
The love
You would lay your life down for.
At best  they may have seen you as a friend.
When conflict means compromise in you eyes ,
You naturally avoid it at all cost.
If you believe it's a strategy
Of  benevolence
They will never see the suffering sacrifice
And deeper meaning behind the offerings meant.
To them your prosperity ,
Is their opportunity,
Truly tell them of depravity
You went through to help them.?
You already know ........
" I told you you didn't have to!"
Or
" Why would you do that , that doesn't make any sense.......
Well that's on you   . ....."
Or the lecture .......
"You need to learn to say no ....
I would never lend out my last twenty dollars ....... Just say no .....!"
They leave you with a feeling of
(*** is wrong with you?)
And probably not gonna pay you back ,
Because you'll just give it away to some other fool.

Keep your money and your time
Find the pleasures in life
Find the people who try to lend their time and money to you,
And then don't accept it    
If your idea of compromise,
Means you give into what ever need be
To create a calm sea .....
Your missing out ,
Don't give in until you find something ,,,,,,,
Anything you can gain from these " compramitcal opportunities,
For a great sailor is never made with a calm sea......
And  within adversity  are riches and fame like the world's never seen   ..........
All for the taking      
Don't give up
Never give in
Every day overcome adapt
And recognize opportunities
Always full understand no one is more worthy than you .
All who agree with what is written let's hear a hearty
I  I .........
It's unanimous
The e... H... . T!

Ink blot
first impression?
Thought this should be easy.
Rapid succession.......
The white ,midnight black,
Page after page after page,
(Can I really trust her?)
((Let's see))
HOT!
LAVA!
LOVE !
*** !
YOU!
ME !
PLEASE?
(She.. ....... Didn't flinch
I think she told me the truth!
I could say exactly what I saw,
So. .  .... I let go ....  
Uncensored....    ....
My psyche's frolicking naked
Unabashed
Inappropriate?   ****** ?
Brutal !
First time ...... For me ......
Like a shy  sea anemone
My soul ,.  . . cautious....
Vulnerable   reached out of the darkness ........
I felt the warmth of the sun.....
Flash... ...
Sting .
Pain .......
Ex....
Love .......
Her lover ........
What is she showing me?

Stop !
A splash of cherry red...  
Fist clenched
Drenched
As my fantasy snaking back into my head
And the clarity is cold ......
Something's wrong .
I'm not in the trust tree anymore ...
Im alone , our tether  severed
She's still here but she disconnected......
I don't know what I said   ..  .
Patient confidentiality?
Yes please ......
First question ........
Not from her....
From me ........
Not to her .......
To you..........
Do you believe ?
Do you see things differently?
Too what degree?
Do you have moods ?
Or do you have to tie up your personalities?
If you say to me
We create our own reality.....
I say to you


"*** are we doing here?

Every generation passed
Unequivocally in sympatico
Has voiced , with alarming concern
This is travesty.
In my time,
my generation
"This would never have happened " ...
Freedom was freedom .......
Now what is it.........
You don't even know
Do you?
You don't have a clue ......
This generation in sympatico says this ......
"Well I guess........ Uhm
What evers best .......
Kinda busy now .... So
Uhh ya........ Ok"
I say
*** ? !
Wake up ........
But they cannot ....
For this is their brainwashed hand me down paradigm
Sad

Some things ...
"I know " I know....
Other things IDK  
I mean  . I think I know .
But........ I don't know.....!
yah know?

I remember itchy red eyes laying awake to daydream of you,
Waiting by the rotary phone .......
It rings ...
My heart's in my throat......
I lean on one elbow
super smug mug.
Avocado green plush rug.......
Jazzy radio deep voice
Like cool crushed velvet
I speak right into your ear .
Hellllllllo?
Uhhhm what....
No I don't want to take a survey  
.........
Dammmm it
Slam the phone ......
Then fold my hands under my head .......
Smile , cross my feet and stretch
And pick up where I left off.

Lost in love with you
On a hot august night  ...
I fantasize about ..
You fantasizing about menow I fantasize that I could go back to those days and catch a feeling or two.........

R u assuming that
Human kind in it's entirety
In a synchronic psychosis
Spurned from your legendary
munificence
Surrendered in a volitional
Symphony
Arm in arm
Keeping  perfect cadence took
Your ***** backwood bathroom lobotomy
And we'll why wouldn't we? After all who can resist being
Ostracized,and labeled as
"The bad guy"
Red flagged , blacklist and blackballed
No work, no money ,fired
No travel for you locked down an then flushed out
Bereft of dignity
forced to retire ,
no pension .
Or here's an idea !

Take the panacea !
This make believe vaccine to protect you from ........
Uhhhm ?
Well just take it or else and don't forget the boosters and for heaven sake
Whatever you do
"AVOID THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HAD THIS BECAUSE ......
THEY WILL GIVE YOU WHAT WE HAVE VACCINATED YOU FROM ....
LISTEN YOU GET THE VACCINE
THEN YOU SAFE ......
EXCEPT YOUR NOT SAFE
FROM WHAT YOUR VACCINE IS FOR
...
WAIT TAKE THIS AND YOU WONT GET THAT ......
UNLESS YOU DO AND THATS
YOURE FAULT

In the beginning
So easily you  
Completed me
I asked for nothing but you.
And put all trust and confidence in ...... You.
No questions asked ........
It was perfect until you got bored ...
Wanted more ... Than
"Just" me
I wanted you so badly ..
That you didn't need me ....
The more you pushed
The more I needed
That only gets worse

I remember .......    .........
Mmm....... Uh ehhmnm

Uhhm ....... Yah ... Sorry....
Ok .....
I ~~~~~r~e~mmember
As crisp and crystal clear
That stary night .........
~long splender spikes  gathering
In my vision jiggling until
All I could see was white......
I felt my soul bruise
Leaning forward
Crinkled my forehead, causing the tears to drip in dollops .
Exhaled ......
Till my lungs flattened and stuck....
The news ......... ~~~~mmmm~
The conductor is retiring .......
As I raced to her side I could hear all instruments quietly  tuning ,
Clamoring,,,,,, laughter
As distant memories came to view.. I could not convincer her to stay with me.......
The tempo of time speeding up
Fighting for words to say    ...
Notes getting louder .......
Emotions boiling ....... Memories annn
And everything   bearing.
Down on me and ......
The crushing crescendo.......
The conductor
My Mother my ....
My world ......
My life
On new years eve      ...
Died in my arms......

Inninit strange how the heart interacts with the brain .....
Like Able and Cain?!
"Motion to strike your honor!"
"(Under which pretense?)"
"Leading  the witness"
" (Sustained!)"
Seriously?
I.E.
Using a person to satisfy your needs
Till the right one comes along.  
What kind of monster ?...
I mean how could somebody... .
Too be fair .......
Honestly ... In younger days    
I actually wrote that song!
But then .... ...........
O m G .......
When it happened to me   .. ......
Vicious uncaring cold hearted beast  .....
Youda thought the world came to an end     .      ....
Our hearts and minds work in erroneous harmony
Justifying our deeds
Constantly reconciling the books
Comparing ourselves to those
Less than savory naves
And mistooks they've made
Remembering incidents
In our own special way.....
Gifts ,... tokens and goodie too shoed gestures displayed and portrayed
Go ahead ......
Pretend you don't know the games you've played......
In your heart you know that your mind is there to reflect on
pre- meditative mistakes
You make.........
"Mirror mirror on the wall ..  .
Who's the most loving , giving ,
Compassionate on of all....."
Your heart wants to know.......
Does anyone know ...........
The terrible things we've done...... Should I confess ...... Am I bad ...
Should I just tear off this mask?
And the mind is the mirror
That says no No NO........
YOUR Good you are beautiful.
Better than all.........
Your not like all those..............
Peasants trust me I know.

From dark Iniquities to open pleasantries
What ever floats to the top of your dreams.
A deep velvet crush?
Could it be ?
Or is it an obsession to hear
Your arch nemesis screams'?
A painful memory
creates a loquacious bleed .
Purest intent kept
Protected or proclaimed
Remains in the heart of one
Whose pen flows from their veins
Syntax in  ambivalence
"hieroglyphic script"
Mystic cryptic punny things
Secretly lie in between ......

The lines
Words for keys .....

Hypnotic reads these,
Pains or pleasure awakes the mind
Break the grind
Treasure
lexicons asylum
mercurochrome for you soul
Time to let go some healing words of your own ......
I love you poetry .....
This one's for you ......

Dashed,shot down
and strewn about
Rummaging through ruins
Time burning
While I'm still,
Searching last known
Whereabouts..
This vast desolate plain
In vain ,
in the shadows
dunes of doubt ......
My love draught continues
From my
Relationshipwreck
I'm capsized in this ocean
Of tears I've cried ...
Treading water for years.
Introspective retrospect
I see the shore
I can swim .....
No more
I don't think I can touch yet
My desperation is my regret
Yesteryears I held love caviler
Too many I've hurt ....
I fear .....
Karma fallen for me
I am the debt