(OK just a heads up
It's a long ways awY thing)

She said
"Look ,you say you love me....
Then just trust me I'm not goin to do anything  to intentionality hurt you."
.....
Seriously ?
Do you know how many different ways that could be read.......
Honestly to me....
that's a full blown confession.....
OK OK OK........
That's all I have to do ?
Is just trust you...?
That's all well and good....
In fact that's super easy .....
But what about all these anxieties, triggers and abandonment issues ,
Fits of jealousy and reading into everything being said to me
From all the years being used and confused so bad I have to question reality....
By the ones I loved and trusted unconditionally ?
Ohhhhhhh
....because it's you.  

OK love please dont yell at me when I say I love you.....
It hurts me.......


AND IM PROUD TO SAY TO ALL YOU I ACTUALLY SAID THAT .....
YUP CLEARLY AND LOUD......
Fortunately I said it in my head......
Uhhhm.........
Ya.................

Time it takes ....
For me
To recover ...
From certain things
Slowing
Urgencies  ....
Growing.......
Yet I still sit still .....
I know ....
What I should be doing..
That part of me is currently..
Disabled......
I bury my head in pursuant of what I shouldn't be.........
Keeping me from what I could be....
So....
I simply justify by lieng
Using time constraints ,back pains ,
Covid ,or what ever it takes to postpone ..
Now I'm burry........
Lay awake all night stars in my eye
Some times a few tears .....
A little worried
If I finally find >........
...
It again.         Love
Will I be able.  
Or will I finally find that love all along was my Cain......
It's killing me
I'm alone and emotionally unstable

Many moons,
Flitter by ......
Haven't got the glitter out of my eye
My reflection is blurry
Mold upon my window cill  !
I sit dormant.....  
Dark grey consumes.
Hopes  and dreams ...
Blue skies  ,
Sunny days
Everything I want to do.....
A.K.A.    .........
YOU.
.........
I finally find.  ....
Only to find
I ....
Can't have you....
Change the epoch
******* epic
Ethan Frome tragedy
Deep convulsive inhale
Fade to black
Fin!
.....
...
.

In love ....or angered....
S

Im not trying to offend you....
I don't need you to defend me....in fact I don't need you for anything..........
You are simply the best thing
I have ever had
From beauty, to wit, to love making . ......
On and beyond everything ...
Your love drives me mad
I want you so bad I can't breath...
I mean that's fairly straightforward! right ?
She should get that .......
I mean ........I think ......
Oh great it's still typing

Some say, they say....a lot of things,........
Uhh EHHHM...
Ya can we get a fact check
On anyone running their neck please ?
Or did this next gen.......
Receive diplomatic immunities ?
Now we're just supposed to capitulate and be-friend ,
Instead of trying to defend
What we pretend not to know
What is the real reality........
The last sacred theory....  
I hate to say it ........
Will reality withstand
Think of the implications.....
If we let this one slip
There is nothing left.
Not one single thing....
Thought ,said or read .....
That some fool can't debate
Don't hate ,debate or speculate...
Rebuke
But Be kind  ,
illuminate ,
Educate....and rewash the brain washed mind
Don't let the end of times
Find us ignerant.
You see what I'm getting at ....
It's a stupid writ
But you can see what I'm sayin...
(Well obviously cause your reading it I know)
This is real.
Oh it is though...

Love..........
Is.   Well
Like a fox glove....
In it's native territory
It grows in abundance
In full bloom tremendous.....
It's poisonous
And yet you can save lives with it.

Forlorn . ....
And so many wartorn years ago
Seemingly A millennium spent....
Regarding gravity and intent
Learning loves early forewarning
Now love for me is scorned,
Around the Cape of the horn
I stand up on a mountain
Through lightning and driven rain
I rent my mantle .........,and lament ...
I'm still in love with me,
Yet I'm lachrymose
I feel ....everything
more than most
My love ....
deeper
therefore
Bemused in remembrance
Not confused on the verdict
Incarcerated over-recompensed
How long can this sentence be ?
I would have rather swung from the gallows
Than to be lovelorn
With my fertile field of love fallowed
Hollow........
Followed by the future ghost of me,,,,,,,
Constantly haunting.......
Like a mocking bird squawking......
I told you so......

Privily.......
A treacherous cyst of regret
Slowly forming around my
............lonely heart
I'm a bittersweet sea
There is only me in love with mourning me