That feeling when you eat
For the first time in 5 days.....
It's so good you graze.....
Then the pain...
It's a distinct pinch ....
In the abdomen .....
Striking similarities
When you haven't dated
For a long while
Then when you do..  .
You know what you do.....
Then the pain is the same
Except it's in you're heart and stomach and arms and legs and hair and soul
It's a distinct feeling that stinks

Ah do ya know
Uh whatcha want?
Money fortune fame
Oh ...oh....
So you wanna risssssssssse
Above this mess
By emulating the very things
That perpetuate
The state we're in
Gotta cause a big sceen                  
Gucci Louie Prada
That'll cost ya
Lost ya
You can't see,
day dream.
Meanwhile broken hearted back at the ranch he sat motionless on the edge of an old stump and stared blankly at the green grass on a warm august eve,
Alone .......waiting.................wasting.............the rest of his life.....

Years ......
Slide by
abrasive.
Tears..........
Melt adhesive
Fears...........
Fickle ,undeserving
cowardice things
Humongous fungus among us.
In the shadows of being free,
Breeding iniquities,
They lie in lack of understanding ........
Keep you from dreams........
They are not real ....  
And never as bad as the seem......

Honestly speechless
A full return to innocence
Mingled with iniquities
I  study to see......
Is this a counterfeit
Or is it legitimate ..



Dimly lit .
Mourning the theft
Of future memories
From the grip of
Damp cold misery ...
solo ride ,
Lone wolf .  ...
Weighing time
and what little I have left.
I macerate in thought of exiting
....
Exacerbating.
Is this really it?
In steps the Queen
..
Pruses me ......
I'm caught up in a stare.......
Pontificating in dulcet fantasy.....
Pulled down more than a few degrees...
Imbued by my badly bruised longevity ....  
Am I selfish enough to let her love me......
Yet so sweet is she to want "me" in spite
Of me.....
I'm on my knees pleading to the executioner for  clemency.........
For this surely is
A woman worth far more than me....
Greatfull !Humbled
Honored  
⁶⁶ě
....standing in awe ..
You seeing passed all my flaws....
..caught up in your stare.........  
SARA..........
I was  just  jazzed to be there. .  
As if  you didn't know ...  I fell into you deeper every day......
Thank you.......

Slow mo.  
I'm falling
I'm already replaying
What is happening
each second is an eternity
Frame by frame
Wait ........
STOP !
RIGHT THERE...
See that?
After the flash
...
My pupils dilate
The surprise in my eyes as I realize where the pain came from
This is just a Still shot.......
The peak of pain ,
Pivotal point
When I begin to become undone
...........
Shell shock
This is why I run
I can but I can't see
Tasting the irony
Clutch my chest as I lean
On my way to my knees
been kept in the dark on so many things
By me......things I pretended not to see . ..
Things I didn't want to believe..... everything my guts were telling me
It's hollowing ...
Caught up in the neon green glow
Of a fatal Epiphone.....
trying to swallow a brick ....
Covered in sand
Ampersand,
Everything is so ........
Sanguineous
Feeling nauseous
Ballistic
100 grain.243 boat tail hollow point fully jacketed slid through my chest
I'm dumb ...

Reeling back on my heels ,
I'm stunned,
heartburns
Murmuring,
the rest of me
Cut free currently completely numb
Multi masking with metaphors
Disconnected laying catatonic on the floor
Knowing these stigmas ,
Spiked with poison
Enigmas without solution
.....
She was bored ....
I was lonely ......so she created this illusion we could both lie in....
Ending like a Steven king .....
Began like a harlequin
I'm floating .... souls bruised
And uhm.......
Looking down,
At the crime screen,
Stuck in confusion..
Final conclusion ....
I took the risk .....
I new the outcome......
And id do it again
Because your the best there's ever been
Chalk line around my body
I look like a clown .....
Super happy
With a frown.....
One more time please
......
I'm up if your down

You love me ....
In what capacity?
I love to cry ...
When the time is right.
I love shooting arrows straight into the sky.....
...
You let out an extra long sigh
I feel like I'm gonna die.
Why.........?
Am I the only one
Willing to try?
I wanna talk
You want to walk ......
I wanna walk with you
You tell me to kick rocks,
I do everything you ask me too
And I don't even complain....
I have to say it it first.....
To hear you say you love me....

Then in return ,
you tilt your head
Say I love you too......
Followed by my full name
With this look of exaggerated concern
You say you love me?
Some how it just doesn't feel the same!

Slow mo.  
I'm falling
I'm already replaying
What is happening
each second is an eternity
Frame by frame
Wait ........
STOP !
RIGHT THERE...
After the flash
My pupils dilate
The surprise in my eyes as I realize where the shot came from
Still shot.......
...........
Shell shock
I can but I can't see
I taste the irony
Everything is so ........
Sanguineous
Feeling nauseous
Ballistic
.243 boat tail slid through my chest
I'm dumb ...
Reeling back on my heels ,
I'm stunned,
heartburns
Murmuring,
the rest of me
Cut free currently completely numb
I'm floating .... souls bruised
And uhm.......
Looking down,
At the crime screen,
Stuck in confusion..
Final conclusion ....
I took the risk .....
I new the outcome......
And id do it again
Because your the best theres ever been
Chalk line around my body
I look like a clown .....
Super happy
With a frown.....
One more time please
......
I'm up if your down