In the beginning
So easily you  
Completed me
I asked for nothing but you.
And put all trust and confidence in ...... You.
No questions asked ........
It was perfect until you got bored ...
Wanted more ... Than
"Just" me
I wanted you so badly ..
That you didn't need me ....
The more you pushed
The more I needed
That only gets worse

I remember .......    .........
Mmm....... Uh ehhmnm

Uhhm ....... Yah ... Sorry....
Ok .....
I ~~~~~r~e~mmember
As crisp and crystal clear
That stary night .........
~long splender spikes  gathering
In my vision jiggling until
All I could see was white......
I felt my soul bruise
Leaning forward
Crinkled my forehead, causing the tears to drip in dollops .
Exhaled ......
Till my lungs flattened and stuck....
The news ......... ~~~~mmmm~
The conductor is retiring .......
As I raced to her side I could hear all instruments quietly  tuning ,
Clamoring,,,,,, laughter
As distant memories came to view.. I could not convincer her to stay with me.......
The tempo of time speeding up
Fighting for words to say    ...
Notes getting louder .......
Emotions boiling ....... Memories annn
And everything   bearing.
Down on me and ......
The crushing crescendo.......
The conductor
My Mother my ....
My world ......
My life
On new years eve      ...
Died in my arms......

Inninit strange how the heart interacts with the brain .....
Like Able and Cain?!
"Motion to strike your honor!"
"(Under which pretense?)"
"Leading  the witness"
" (Sustained!)"
Seriously?
I.E.
Using a person to satisfy your needs
Till the right one comes along.  
What kind of monster ?...
I mean how could somebody... .
Too be fair .......
Honestly ... In younger days    
I actually wrote that song!
But then .... ...........
O m G .......
When it happened to me   .. ......
Vicious uncaring cold hearted beast  .....
Youda thought the world came to an end     .      ....
Our hearts and minds work in erroneous harmony
Justifying our deeds
Constantly reconciling the books
Comparing ourselves to those
Less than savory naves
And mistooks they've made
Remembering incidents
In our own special way.....
Gifts ,... tokens and goodie too shoed gestures displayed and portrayed
Go ahead ......
Pretend you don't know the games you've played......
In your heart you know that your mind is there to reflect on
pre- meditative mistakes
You make.........
"Mirror mirror on the wall ..  .
Who's the most loving , giving ,
Compassionate on of all....."
Your heart wants to know.......
Does anyone know ...........
The terrible things we've done...... Should I confess ...... Am I bad ...
Should I just tear off this mask?
And the mind is the mirror
That says no No NO........
YOUR Good you are beautiful.
Better than all.........
Your not like all those..............
Peasants trust me I know.

From dark Iniquities to open pleasantries
What ever floats to the top of your dreams.
A deep velvet crush?
Could it be ?
Or is it an obsession to hear
Your arch nemesis screams'?
A painful memory
creates a loquacious bleed .
Purest intent kept
Protected or proclaimed
Remains in the heart of one
Whose pen flows from their veins
Syntax in  ambivalence
"hieroglyphic script"
Mystic cryptic punny things
Secretly lie in between ......

The lines
Words for keys .....

Hypnotic reads these,
Pains or pleasure awakes the mind
Break the grind
Treasure
lexicons asylum
mercurochrome for you soul
Time to let go some healing words of your own ......
I love you poetry .....
This one's for you ......

Dashed,shot down
and strewn about
Rummaging through ruins
Time burning
While I'm still,
Searching last known
Whereabouts..
This vast desolate plain
In vain ,
in the shadows
dunes of doubt ......
My love draught continues
From my
Relationshipwreck
I'm capsized in this ocean
Of tears I've cried ...
Treading water for years.
Introspective retrospect
I see the shore
I can swim .....
No more
I don't think I can touch yet
My desperation is my regret
Yesteryears I held love caviler
Too many I've hurt ....
I fear .....
Karma fallen for me
I am the debt

Will I ever cease?
Have to wait and see,
It's not on me ..
Although I offer.....
When it's right .....
Then they shall breath

I cover silver and gold
With mange and flees ,
I roll in rancid things
To stave off any smell of nobility.
Lowly I walk in shadows   ....
Of the beautiful.......
Slowly I go solo
In this masquerade
A filthy dog is what they see ,
Because Ive been beat about the snout .....
And made to believe
This is my lot
In secret I know
I know ....
I know .....
I know .........
I am not this monster  ...
My poor heart ...
I wear on my sleeve...
I can not keep it in me
It's wounded .....
All but rotten ......
Every good deed  
And all I have forgiven ......
Instantly diminished....
Forgotten ....
Madness consumes my sleep .
Sleep depravity Bereft's me of strength.......
I'm weary of this existence......
Will I ever escape     .
Will I
Will I ....
Can I .......
I...........
I'm on a roller coaster here
Bear with me please ......