A bit of a purple ****** Ident it? A little fingernail pinch on the inner tricep......
Holiday' ..........
Ohhhhh yeah!
Memories ......
If I could just have these
I would be at ease withy miseries............
But no . .....
Torn open like a long eared bunny.......
I lay still . ....
Tryin to keep dignified a put my pieces back inside..
Meanwhile ....... Hyena's to the left of me......
Jackals to the right........
And here I am
In misery ......
Silver lining .
Might be my last one........
...yeah me!?!



.
.
Well see!
.....
...
..
.
Ok I kid ......
I does kinda feel good
To be wanted .... Even if it's just for   .......
Naw it's just good.
Merry holiday .. an all that ....... Ya'allllll

Intrinsic ,
My matrix.....
interwoven with twines of self sabotage and
Delusions of grandeur.
Like an intricate macrame....
Passion for perfection hate confrentation..an empath
Neurological anomoly
  high
IQ.........
So I do
to have a greater understanding
Of the meaning of loneliness ........
And in duress
imbued  
Great anti-social skills..  
I never will give up......
And when I don't .
I know I will
Regret........
more me time than most ....
Which honestly .....
It's probably best ........
Time passes while I over analyze,and practice.......
I pre assemble
And run scenarios in my mind ... .
Over and over and over .....  
I can see it I can be real about it .....
Foresee problematic
intricacies and extrapolate
Ramifications ........as the subtle beast slips in to ruin all these perfectly planned and plotted ......
Things......
In mid stream
Im sabatoged
To my knees on front street intentions of great self sacrifice and
Benevolence
Thrown to the four winds  .....
Errybody  got to walk by the stupid kid . ....
Nit picken up in the cool aid ......put themselves up on a pedestal ....while I go all mentally ......  

Woe....... Count to ten   .....
Before I wind up in solitary ....confinement ....then again ..... I bet I can .....naw ...... Forget it

Both lids locked down
Rock solid
My escape .....
Not a sound
Still and silent
I take a quick psychic flight...... . ..
I can't achieve
Break away speed ..    ...
I feel a .......
Disturbance ....and I'm drawn to it.....
Something
On the horizon
I touch down near it......
Without light, my mind's eye
Cajoles the
Delicate silleoutte of an effigy...... In depths of cerulean hues.
It's my spirit ..
......... Weeping.
I loom slowly closer ...
As so,.... you know.. ,
I want to see it in it's genuineness.....
I reach out and it bursts before me silvery red flashes  .....in my mind and Im spiritually blind. ....and at the same time
Catapulting me at epic speeds to the surface.......
The physical realm   .......
Now my eyes see ...... .
I've been for some time in stigmata   .....
Fearfully full of random reoccurring   stupid things .......
Lachrymose
Almost to the point of recluse........
I suppose drove me to this
Exclusive fear fracture .....up here
A monolithic
Slab of frozen  stone
perched above
The town of Index....  
My fantasy go too town......
Town I long to be......full of gold and mystery.......
So much history ....and it's rugged unchanged beauty ... ..... protected by the quirky people's who live there........
High......
Really  really high.....
And so high above the world ..... Winter ish
Magnificent sunset  deep expanses of coral saturating into almost black...
I can't see the town though...
Not yet anyway......
Alone  on  this piece of intrusive batholith
I can't help but notice it......
ever so slightly grades toward the edge......
And the dark lurking  cumulous nimbus devouring precious daylight....
another three steps   ssssssssss
Is
All I need ..  .
In trepidation
I scoff at the mundane which put me in subjection.........leaving me without a choice .........
Daring me ...
And here we are I reluctantly forced the first step and felt as though I might step it up.
so to speak ..... And about to stride to the second step... and a eagle flew just above at me .....
Squelched out
A healthy screech!
Startled would be an understatement.
I
I
I
I
I
  stopped so quick .....
I slipped
....and horizontal.
Looking at my feet and the skyline .....threw my phone straight up
( I know this because when I hit the ground it then bounced of my face......)
Took my wind away  and
Oh my God the view was epic...........
The ice was desperately slick.......
And nothing to lay a grip on
I froze in more ways than one
...........
.....I slid limp my body followed every contour to the the the precipice ....satisfied with my life .....
Although not all together pleased with what I had done with it....
I gave in and let go........
The wind rushing by accelerating....  ...whistle frequency and amplitude increasing ......
ex·hil·a·rat·ing.
Then fear mixed in
In anticipation
Of impact ......
I flexed every muscle to the extreme      ..
Clinched to the max .......thought I could somehow escape,
if I could shake the heavens ,
with a primate like scream ..    .
I did......
It did . .....I hit hard  .......
I was so tight I bounced ..    .screams so loud  ........I
I    .    I'm a awake  
Where am I ?
I'm awake
I'm alive.....
I.......
Was standing   .......
On carpet    ...
In my living room.....
Is this.....
I mean was that ...
Could it have been a dream....
I look to the right
Cliff hanger on the flat screem   . . Neighbors porch lights all
Coming on.....
One of them on my lawn .... the only thing I got on....
is      I guess nachos.......
Close the blinds
*** sure everyone everything's ayite.....back to the couch....
TV .....
Restless leg syndrome .....
Ill get over this
Mid life thing

Out of this rut.......
Watch me ....I'll do it alone ......
I got this .....I'll be back
The Mac .  .
In the Groove
With a gangster lean ...up to speed ....check my strut     G!
But you know what B    
I'm gonna doit my way      .....
Baby steps ....
No frozen mountain top  selfies en ****

Hall knaw    
Uj
Uh awe    naw way....
F that  peace I'm out ......
Not that far out  ..  
Just  ... You . K.n o..........o....

My......
Soul ......
Solo........
So Low....an.
You....
don't...
know..
HowfarDown
My dignity
Can go.......
Only I do ...
An I think it's bout at its end . . .....
E

N

D

PS:    LOVE ME

Fractured....
Fuzzzzz.....
Static........
Emotionally
Pixelated .......

.....played ...

Lacerations ....
.....
Incarcerated
..........
Incinerated
..........
Lost found
And forgotten
Pulled up from
The blackend
Frigid murk
Of the worst
Waste lands
Of rock bottom....
Packed in lye
......
Cried,
..
Lied to.......
Waiting to die
Forced to stand naked
Outside,and
Watch begotten
  
Nursed back to my prime......

Beat down ,
Tarred,
Scourged,
Disturbed,
Then once again ...  
Drowned in the salty turbidity of my own painful,
Tears.... .



.... ...
I've been sculpted ........

....andIhateit....

Scars in my eyes.
But you can see the saaad sooooooong
Sung in
Cerulean Hues.
.......
Goiiiiiing into
Indigo......

Child actor syndrome
Wished I would have played Disney
Roles
......
Type cast ***** ...
Burnt out
Fast .

Now I'm playing
Comedy drama
...******......
cycle upon cycle

Scars upon scars
This game ......
This  dam   game ......

Shame.............mmmmmmm



This my my
Mind game
So many times  .........
Feels like auto pilot......
An it takes so long to get to this  plain .........


Lightning

bitter wind ....
Icy wet and sadistic.......
My love.
My queen ..!
Center of my confidence.....
Will you accept me ........
This time........
Ive been pushed  away
... I chose to wait.  .....
Alone ......
I created a lonely garden ...here I lay at your feet a thousand long stickery stemmed roses..feel free
To grab them
By the blossom ..........
Ill stand here
With my shirt
Off ....and you can
Whip me with each one

I want to give into it .......
4 who am I to resist it ......
A humble an lowly nave...
..... That is......
Outwardly...... Not cowardly ... And secretely inside I Am EPIC   .
The shores caress my feet.
The jungles adore me ....
Oceans refreshing .... Mountains cool me .....
I drink the clouds .......
And awe the desserts     ......
My love .......
An beautiful oasis ....... Soft hot sand .. I roll naked ......
Unashamed .....
Protected ......
Warm ......
Comfortable
***** .....
Feels like home to me ....
Inner child like smile
Seventies ...
Long hair ......
No cell phones
No internet ...
........
Star jeans    ....
Transistor radio tied to the handlebars  
Still allitle mystery left   .
Brand new redline
Ride like the wind   . . ...
Cops ......friend?
No stalking .
No profile yet.
Like summer saturday morning......
Fuzzy ! .....happy?
Yup ......cool .
Oh heck yep....
Hip yup yep!
Worried ....uhhm
Well not yet .....
Why ?????
What's up?
Whad you
Mean by that.
Southparkkyle
Like smile ......
Gone ......
......clouds . ...
Winter ....
No stars   .... Wolfie  ....
Outdated  
Mysteries dissolved   become miseries ....
Cases solved
Cringed .
Burnt .
Turnt out  ...
Long tooth ....
Clumbzy .....
Teetering ......
Grumbling .....
One man barricade   . ..
Against mega stampede....
The entire worlds beast of field ....
People creepy crawly thing ....managing . ...
Barely   .....no

...one ....behind me......pondering .......one foot slips      ....
Barely ......let..........
Can't let go ......
Dont let anyyyyy..........
Sign   ..
Of.......weakness show .....
Trembling .......
What's gonna  happen ....to me .........
Staring ........
Starry eyed kid.............
Used
.....
Used to .  ....
Be........
Nobody .........
Cares    bout
.
How    it .....
Use ta be ......
Psyche     ..... Dramatized ...
Tears .     Flow      
Forming rivers ....into oceans ... Cooling the   the raging fear and termoil inn  me ........I

I     ......
Can't ......
Let .....
....
I  cave ......
Let it go ......
Evolve .. .
Go with the flow ....the only thing that will forever be perpetually constant ......
Is  change........
So I say is that all you got ....
M'er F'er   ..
Heh........trigger please .......
Let it go ...
Or let's go ......
Naw baby ....
C'mon ...roll with ..me ....
Dank swag ...
350$ bandana....
500$ kiks......
1000$ blue tooth ... ....
Inked up .
On the set ...up in the club ....
DEEP!
Don't you worry bout a thang .....
I got you ***** .......
.......
Do yooooou
Know ...who you messin.
With ......
Shiiiiiiitttt......
Aint nuttin but a "G" .....THANG  
BAYYYBAY!

Han