Now it's all gone
Those words I was just thinking in my head.

1st step ..think
2nd ..write
Put pen to paper
My brain is fried
I forgot

Bzzzzz, bzzzzzz

Go have your head examined.
I did and now,
No more sounds,  just
Bzzzzz, bzzzzz, bzzzzzz

Teeth clenched, toes curled
Ha, if I didn't know better
Bzzzzz, bzzzzzz
Same look
*******

That's some ***** kind of love
Strapped down, at least 5 possible
Ankles, wrist, head and
one across the chest, maybe.

No, we need to make sure her heart is free.
In case we defib ri late tor her
She must be drugged.

Stick a needle in her vein
"Relax, sweetie. You won't remember a thing".

*******,  that warmth from my head to my toes.
Ok,  ready let's go.

Bzzzzz, bzzzzzz

Teeth clenched,  toes bent, look her hands grasping the tool so hard.  
Bzzzzz, bzzzzz, bzzzzzz

"Do you think it's enough".
"Yes, we are done".

Erasing part of me.

I jumped out of that window and ran.
Like Chief
Out of the cuckoo' s nest.

They tried to erase me.
Was I so mad?

Bzzzzz, bzzzzz.

He said I'll hold on to you. I'll go to hell with you and back. I won't let go.
I remember that. That's being loved.


A lunatic's love story.

Somebody sweep me off my feet
Slow down, hurry up
What are we waiting for

Train train

Blowing my whistle
Warning you at the cross street
I seem to be the conductor
Maybe I need to be just another passenger

Blowing the whistle

Train, train

The train horn always blows
At the cross streets

Maybe I'm deaf and blind.
I cross those tracks anyway.
Where did you come from

Train train

Slamming into the hard concrete
Feeling that heavy steel on steel

I didn't see or hear
But I felt the vibration in my chest
My body shakes

Interrupting my train
Of thoughts

Train train

Blowing her whistle
Fell asleep at the wheel
Am I on the train
Or driving

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes
As I feel the force of power

Train train

Running down the tracks
Penny flattening on the metal
Now its a keepsake

Train train

Stop don't you see the lights flashing
Can't we hear the
Interrupting soundtrack

Smoking engineering
It's warning whistle

Smiling today whenever I hear
That train

Train train

Infinite trip
Watching the scenery
From my minds eye

Instead I ran
Faster so I could
Jumpstart

Train train

I'm pulled up
My eyes have adjusted
Darkness
Gearing down

Train train

Next STOP
Whistle sound
Thunder

Smaller as I watch
Their train
Leaving
Alone in station

Train train train train

Drowning in the pile of crap
  I've brought in my life
Peeling off the layers

Driving in the spikes
Swords plunged
Sticky
Smell

I can't write it down

Don't want you to feel
The way I do

Understand.  the overwhelming
Crippling feeling
Of drowning

Head nodding

BAM
****

Not changing yourself
myself

Smother me
Cover me
Lather me
Gather me
Wash me
Wish me
Love me
**** me
Kick me
Crush me
Fix me
Fill me

Up

Sometimes a shot in the heart
Isn't Cupid's arrow

But a bullet
From your Lover's muzzleloader.

Likes being glad
Not mad
Glad, I'm not mad
It may be a fad
Which would be sad
But not bad

I'm glad, not mad
Not bad
No use to be sad
Glad I have my lab
Would like to lose my flab
And get back my hard ab

That's Labrador
Who walks on all fours
And takes a rest on my floor
In front of my door.

Don't want to be a *****
That would be a chore
I've done it before
It's such a bore

Anyone can add to this fad
It ain't all bad
Just glad I ain't sad

JUST GOING MAD.

Feeling shame
I hate the real
Cruel heart
Turned inward
Facing outward
Shame inside
Disapproving stare
Don't look
Deep in this heart
Shallow thinking
Shame covering
Me
False pride
Interrupting
My mind
Forgets
My name
I hate this feeling
Hiding in my mind
Digging through the trap
I've laid
Down today
The list on yellow pads
Wonder ing
Will my stripping
Down
Cover me
Stuck in the
Root of the problem
Heart

Out of the Shadows

Out of the shadows
Cast in the light
It seems to be
Only me

Out of the shadows
Cast in the light
For the world too see
I wonder why
You won't let me be me

I would rather be

In love with me
In secret
I never wanted to be

I'm not a poet you see
But in the shadows
I'm so alone

Why
For the world to see
Why
Humiliate me
A side glance there
In the shadows
It's just a fantasy

You only wrote
What the world wanted to see
Is it just fantasy
I'm not a poet you see
But in the shadows
I'm free to be me

Scared and shaking
It's so hard to write
It gives my pen such a fright

But out of the shadows
You said it's got to be
Because I'll show you
It's a fantasy
It's you, It's me
It'll never be we.