My mom was abused by her dad
My dad abused my mom
My sister was abused by her boyfriend.    
    
(and my dad)
My lover was abused by her ex
My closest friends abuse themselves
I keep  my distance

I called my mom
To ask if this is normal
Ive been with you
For 3 months
And im sorta infatuated
And i like you more everyday
And i admire you
But i dont love you yet
Everyone says thats normal
But love has always hit me like a freight train
And im wondering how much time
I should spend waiting on the track
With you
What if it never comes
My mom just reexplained insanity and said
And how have those frieght train loves
Worked out for you?
Fair point

"love you" slipped out your lips
as you were parting
and I not believing that you meant it
and not knowing what to say if you did
Just stammered out drive safe
all the while
I wanted to lay
my heart in your hands
I don't know if you understand
and i'll take a nap at 10 pm
and have a hard time sleeping tonight
because i still wont know if those words meant
anything.

My heart feels like it's holding its breath.
Like a two year old mid tantrum
and blue in the face,
knowing it can't
hold out
much longer.