She keeps asking to read my journal.
I keep saying no.
Because what would happen if she knew
That all I ever ******* write about is you?

we distance ourselves
not because we want to
but because we know
what comes next.
and what comes next
we want far more
than either of us
will ever be desperate enough
to admit.

I want to hold your stupid hand ✔
I want to lay in bed and listen to you talk about space ✔
I want to watch you make all the beautiful things you do ✔
I want to lay in the grass and watch the stars with you ✔
I want to kiss you somewhere with a view ✔
I want to play with your hair whenever I can because it's perfect ✔
I want to wake up next to you ✔
I want to discover new music with you ✔
I want us to do every dumb, cheesy, cliche thing I can think of ✔
I want to fall in love with you one day ✔

three different beds
and
not one is home

I'm trying to take care of myself
The same way I take care of
The plants on my windowsill
With patience
With a gentle hand
And the idea that nothing grows over night

am I coughing because
I have smoked far too much or
is it because I am trying to
rid my lungs of whatever
you there is
left in me

I lie here tracing my own skin
Drawing invisible lines between
My freckles so meticulously placed
Because who will marvel at
The contour of my wrists
And the sharp edges of my hips
If not me?

I got drunk one night
and told you your eyes
look like dirt.
What I wasn't sober enough
to say was that your eyes
actually remind me of the Earth.

I got drunk one night
and told you that your hair
smells like rain water.
What I wasn't sober enough
to say was that you smell
like an early April morning
with wet pavement and
dew covered grass.

I decided not to drink one night
and didn't tell you how much
I like you.
What I was sober enough
to say was how much
I love you.

there are as many
thoughts in my head
and
weights on my heart
as there are
shades of green
on the trees in spring

the way your skin
matches the earth
makes me fall in love
with both
just a little more