i'm so desperate for love
the love i have so much to give
the conversation all planned out
and the way i'd describe you to my kids
i have everything alligned
from where we'd go on dates
to what i'd say anytime there is an awkward silence
punchline all planned
lines perfectly rehearesed in my head
midnight and love letters
and ways i would defend you to my friends
and i know the perfect one will come with time
in the least expected ways
but i dont need perfect just someone
someone i could pour my love
cause i have too much of it

im bleeding of love
and i'm getting to old to be someone's first

i wish you spoke
not in silence the way you do,
not in gaps only i seem to fill,
but in words i could tell my folks
without sounding like a fool.

i cannot translate
the way you look at me,
nor the hidden stares,
nor the moment you almost let me in
before you remmembered about the hurt
i cannot translate
the hope,
the yearning,
the unspoken words,
nor the electric hush
so please, my love, use your words

i cannot be the girl almost
not in their eyes,
nor in yours,
nevertheless— a fool no more.

I don't think we will work
But sure I'll give you a shot
Not because I'm hopeful
But because loving wrong
Is better than never being loved

if i was dumb
then maybe I'd believe in odds
maybe I wouldn't recognize
when your lips didn't match your words
maybe then I'd have faith
faith in tomorrow
faith that maybe something would change
faith that perhaps you'll take the step
faith perhaps it was just a mistake
but I'm too smart to be fooled
fooled by your so called white lies
aware that yours didn't dilate
when you looked me in the eyes
an educated fool
for acting dumb when i knew the truth
but maybe I should’ve shut my eyes too
let the darkness paint you kind
but clarity is a curse I carry
it burns through every lie I find
******* probably
but ill call it hopeless in  love
now I'm used to choosing
whatever is sweeter for you to hear

when the air remains untouched by you
I'll stop cutting trees
when you no longer can hear
I'll learn what my word means
when you no longer own the name
I'll call out from near and far
when you no longer have a shadow
I'll search underneath the dark
when you are cold and bare
I'll miss the warmth you sew
when you are six feet under
I'll look above for you

and i don't want to be the moon
i want to be a star
how they all are dead
and yet they spark
and spark so big
and light so bright
and all because a tiny hydrogen
decides to collide

everybody talks about life. how great and how sad it is at times but nobody seems to elucidate the dread of living your life on sidelines. how painful it is to let every moment slip up for the hopes of it all.
we forget to feel to see to hear to sense in general. the morning rushed and evenings quiet nights hollow and words a burden  the expectations shattered, prayers unanswered and wishes that never met this truly all what we possess? and with all that time still ticks and we forget to live those little moments. we are all quite aware that this is our last life,  the last breath the last fight so why why are we in such a rush. as a kid restlessly waiting for being a teenager as a teen agitated to become young adults and as young adults dreaming for a quiet tranquil seniority and as elderly craving for the sweet  age of innocence and carelessness. this is your life your view your opinions your thoughts your air your breath your words so sink sink in deep feel it intensely declare it profoundly live. and as you are there sinking back in the realm of momentarily funny reels and stuck in the painted picture of others in social media i want you to take a deep breath the deepest you could breath hold it as long as your lungs could possibly could and exhale it as loud as you can immense yourself too and promise promise the little one the little zygote that cried in the embrace  of your mother The tiny spark that fed on the umbilical cord—the little zygote that braved the trek through your mother’s ****** to start your story. promise promise you will experience promise you will escapade promise you will embrace  promise you will feel and promise you will perceive. promise you will live.