life feels numb
i care what others think
but then again i don't
i want to feel as same as you
but then again i don't
i want to be myself too
but then again i don't
i want to be glad and grateful
but then again i don't
i want to take opportunities
but then again i don't
i wanna explore
but then again i don't
i want to be close
but then again i don't
i know what to do
but then again i don't
i want to end it all
but then again i don't

and i want to care
but i know i wont

I'm lying in my bed
with  expectations that never met
expectation of how beautiful it'd go
those plans i made i sold it pretty short

and i know i can do it all
fly and soar, prove them wrong
but something aches inside it  burns
emotions tangled and motives lost
and i make plans for another day
and yet i procrastinate

i look in the mirror and i see the little girl
the girl who couldn't wait for teenage to come
how I'd stay late night drink coffee and complain
hang out with my small knit of friends
get hobbies learn talents
but the sunshine's fades
and I'm back  staring at my to do list
with thousand a list but
nothing's ticked

so stupid so dumb
how I've been waiting for you for so long
with my plans abandoned
and my heart set
just for the slightest glance-

and you give me a glance
and take my breath away in return
and I, hungry for love
devote my delusive heart
to what could have been us
carelessly and soberly dwell on the land
the land where we aren't apart

no trace of your name
where you live or your age
just the footprint
on the road that we met
a stranger
a complete stranger but yet so dear and close
a stranger that easily could break my heart in two
but when I'll mend my sorrow heart
I know I'd still beat for you
so I'll wait
wait my entire day
for that singular moment of you
though no sound is heard
no trace of your caressing touch
and as the second pass
and we cross the road we met
don't trouble your SPIKY head
cause tomorrow my love I'll take that same road again.

you and me we'd never work
sounds silly but you kiss too soft
you carry an umbrella for "just incase"
I love nothing more than to dance in the rain
you settle for just enough
while I want to feel too much

I am a broken vase you see
a vase that would  pour regardless how much you fill
we'd build a house where no story lies
we'd see each other but with no sparkle in  eyes
its  not love you feel
and one day you too will see
you'd kiss me but just with your lips
but I want a kiss with a wrecked whole heart
my love we are world's apart
and in our case opposites don't attract

you would be you
and I would be me
but we would never be us
that's why  we'd never work
so lets say the goodbye before it hurts

sometimes I just want it to stop
not for it to end
just enough for me to catch a little breath
just enough to keep up with the rest
just enough to laugh so hard my tummy starts to ache
just enough to enjoy those little moments, without worrying what's coming next
just enough to find myself again
just to know what I'm living for
before everything is too late

I deny myself,
deny the "what if's" no longer exist
deny admitting that i still think of the possibilities
deny the fact i still want us to speak

i pretend to have moved on
pretend that the song is JUST a song
pretend that the smell of dark wood
DOESNOT remind me of you
pretend that those little things are too little to remember
pretend that i love my newfound "freedom"

but how could i forget
about all those glances we met?
those glances that could change my entire day
how could i forget
about those words still stuck in my throat?
no matter how hard i try to swallow
it always refuses to go

now im just stuck
stuck between rembering and trying not to remember you
but those little things are  infact big
big enough to hold my present
force me to revisit the memory

how could i move ahead
from the love i kept alltogether to myself?
from the love i never got to confess?