i feel guilty for not wanting to write
it's because i feel like i have
nothing
to
write
about
and i don't want to force ink out of this pen
but maybe that is exactly what i'm supposed to do
train my body to talk about the things even this pen
doesn't want to talk about
and this pen will hear it first
even before i truly understand it
and it feels weird to force myself to write
but the things is
maybe i'm not forcing myself at all

i still
do not know
the poem i've been trying to write
and maybe
that's because
i haven't been
writing one at all
or maybe it's because
the poem i've been trying to write
is not ready for paper
and maybe
i'm the paper
that's not ready for it

calm, the way you used to talk me out of all my bad dreams
lovely, the way you used to fight my demons