I’m selling my body
I’m selling my soul
Searching for the *** of gold

What’s over the rainbow
Does such a place exist
Or only in my dreams, a hazy mist

I want to believe there has to be more
I deserve better, I’ve been keeping score

I want to be loved
Unconditionally
Is that too much to ask
Or is it a fantasy

I can’t go on telling lies
Having *** with no ties
I pretend its ok, I’m having fun
But I always end up crying when it’s done

I’m selling my body
I’m selling my soul
But there will never be a *** of gold

Waiting for the sunrise
Darkness still surrounds
Light rain drops fall
Lightening paints the sky for all

What will this day bring?
It'll be a surprise
You can see the excitement
Just look in my eyes

I love life
Whatever she brings
I'll continue to smile
Continue to sing

I give thanks for another day
To praise the Lord
And make time to play

I put all my trust in You
Because I have not a clue
Of what I really want
Or what I should truly do

Only You know what’s best for me
I am praying on one knee
That You will save me from myself
I put all my wants on the shelf

Total faith and trust I have
My way never works, It never had

So please Dear Lord
I’m on both knees
All I want to do is please

I can’t erase the past
But I can start all brand new
All of this
I’ll do for You

So take me Lord
This I pray
Take away my pride
You have my praise everyday

Amen

A beautiful day
I must say
Possibilities are endless
I'll kneel and pray

Thank you Lord for another shot
A chance at life, to make things right
No more complaints
Only thanks and praise
Let us all enjoy these precious days

Friday is here once again
Wishing the weekend would never end

How quickly every day goes by
Weeks and months seems to fly

I remember the days when I was a kid
A day seemed like a month, a month seemed like a year
Always felt like I was waiting, it hardly seemed fair

Wishing to grow up was a dream at the time
How I long for those days of nursery rhymes

Time is precious
It goes by so fast
How do I slow it down, make it last

We’re all caught up in this rat race called life
Full of disappointment, full of fright

Cherish each day and give thanks for each hour
Don’t live your life sad and sour
Make every moment of everyday worthwhile
Stay happy and joyful, widen your smile

I woke up today
And wondered why
I’m still alive
I did not die

I can’t move my body
Or turn my head
I’m stuck here rotting in my bed

I’ve been a prisoner for many years
I’m all cried out, done shedding tears

This is no life
Don’t they know?
They say they love me
Please help me go

I sit  here alone in my bed
trying to get you out of my head
I wish and I pray
For that magical day
When images and thoughts of you
Are gone forever and I'm no longer blue
They say it'll take time
It's been over a year
I'm still in pain and in love with you dear
I have to get up and get on with my life
But everyday I feel a twist of the knife
Will this feeling ever leave my head
Or am I destined to be prisoner in my bed

My tears flow like waves thrusting in the ocean
The pain shooting through my brain is like thousands of tiny needles
Deeper and deeper down to my soul
My body trembles and shakes uncontrollably
Every muscle in my body screams for relief
But none comes…

I push the button next to my bed
I feel the morphine swirling through my veins
Waiting for relief
But none comes

My days are numbered
Just relieve me of this torture
Please make it end
Pull the plug

I really hate reality
It *****, it stinks, it doesn’t work for me
I’d much rather drown
In my bottle of JD
A couple more pills, now that works for me!
I’ll drink some more
And smoke some too
I have nothing else to do
I’ll just get hammered
Until I can’t see
Blackouts are very familiar to me
I don’t have to think
I don’t have to talk
Hell, I can’t even walk
So what’s so bad about my life?
I have no idea
So put down the **** knife!

I look out the window
The gray tarp covers the sky
I sit and wonder why
This time of year
Everything looks bleak
I look for the sun
Blue skies I do seek
There’s never a rainbow
Without the rain
Remember that
It helps the pain
So I wait and I smile
Waiting for the rainbow to appear
It’s dark and dismal
The silence I can hear
I long for the sun
Just a glimpse would be nice
It’s all just a fantasy
Sugar and spice

I want to go
Where there's rainbows and butterflies
Bunny rabbits and kittens
Where the sun is always shining
Warm and breezy, no need for mittens
Horses run free
Sandy beaches for miles
Not a day would go by
without a big smile
No one to judge me
Peace and serenity surround
Like a soft fluffy blanket
Keeping me safe and sound
Mountains and waterfalls
Beautiful trees
I pray for these things
As I drop to my knees

I love cozy rainy days
To stay in bed in a happy haze
Nothing much I have to do
Just watch a good flick
And make love to you

All I want to do is have some fun
I don’t want to hurt anyone
Enjoy life’s every moment
Watch the sunrise, have a donut

You’d think that’s not a lot to ask
Just take off that fake mask and put down the flask

Fun is out there everywhere
It doesn’t have to cost a lot
We don’t have to be on a Yacht

Run through the sunflower fields
Barefoot in the sun
Now we are talking
Some serious fun!

I look around the room for the last time... Making sure I've left nothing behind.

I'm nervous and shaking, fear overwhelms me...

I am leaving... it's bitter-sweet... I don't want to leave, but I never want to come back... I feel safe here. Can I handle the world outside these walls?


I grab my suitcase and start down the long hallway... It wasn't this long when I got here, was it? It seems as if I've been walking for days, my mouth is dry and throat is scratchy, I don't think I can speak... Beads of sweat take over my forehead. Panic is taking over…

The rooms I pass are all quiet, everyone is still sleeping... I want to crawl back into my bed and hide... but it is time to go... the bed is not mine, and it would soon be someone else’s for a time...

I'm nearing the door. I freeze. The door feels so heavy, a thousand pound weight. I push through it. I'm finally outside! Freedom...

Am I ready for the next chapter of my life?

What happens from here is all up to me...

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
Someone who doesn’t look a thing like me

What’s happened to this person?
She looks so sad
She must have been through a lot
To look this bad

Her eyes are dim
The lines are deep
It appears she hasn’t had much sleep

Her hair is greying, not the silver kind
Who is this?
Have I lost my mind?

I can't do it anymore
I just can't pretend
That we are anything more than friends
It doesn't feel right
I feel like I am using you
While you are using me
Like a ******* I'm beginning to feel
The entire relationship seems surreal
I am morally bankrupt
Emotionally drained
Everyday I'm with you
It's not pleasure but pain
It's time that I end this silly charade
We both know it's wrong
I'm no longer afraid
I have to let you go my love
It's time to release my inner dove

I wait all alone
Here by the phone
Waiting for your ring
My hearts ready to sing
I guess it's time for me to move on, the ring never comes
I thought this time you were the one
Wrong again
When will I get it right
When will I be able to sleep through the night
"Ring, ring"
You have one missed call...

Today she had some pep in her step
It’s been a very long time
Her brain was over- saturated with whiskey and wine

Nothing was fun
Nothing was easy
The obsession with *****
Made her feel ******

After two years
She can hold her head high
No more ***** or reasons to cry

Years of her life she’ll never remember
One thing she will, was that last day in September

She finally surrendered
Her bottom was low
There was nowhere else to go

It was either “get clean”
Or “buy a pine box”
She took the first choice
and climbed out from the rocks

My heart...

It beats
It breaks
It loves
It hates

It flutters like thousands of butterflies have taken over my body
It is happiness, it is pain
It keeps me alive, sometimes a prisoner, against my will....
My heart is fragile, so easily broken...

How do I listen to my heart.. when it has mislead me before?

Do I open it up again, exposed naked to the world, when it's caused me so much pain?

As long as it is still beating, I will roll the dice and take a chance, one more time...

I want to run
As fast as I can
With the wind in my hair
Breathing in the fresh air

I could go for miles and miles
All the way with a smile
It’s what makes me feel happy and free
For that short time I can just be me

I need to get away as fast as I can
Drag myself out of this Hell that I'm in

I really don't know when these feelings started
All I do know is I'm broken hearted

I'm drowning in these feelings, they won't go away
I'll continue to run until I find love someday

I need to run, I need to hide
I’ll take a train, or a bumpy bus ride

A plane would get me further away from my life
A one-way ticket sounds about right

There’s nothing left here for me
Far away is where I want to be

Let me go free and spread my wings
To see what the next chapter of my life will bring

I have to run
It's who I am
Need to break away
To another land
It's never enough
I always come home
Feelng good for a day
Then back to alone
I don't know how to stop
I must get away
I hope to find what I'm looking for
Somehow, someway

I want to run as fast as I can
To get far away from here
Far away from that man

Wings on my feet
I’d fly like a bird
Sweeping the streets
Soft footsteps never heard

I’ll keep running forever
Far away from his touch
I’ll never look back
I’ve been through too much

I have to stop running
I can’t keep up this pace
I’m running and running
But there is no race
Vacation after vacation
It still doesn’t fill the hole
Moving’s an option
I’m on a roll
A road to destruction
That’s what everyone tells me
Stay put for now
Things will work out
I’m tired of waiting
That’s why I run
Running for happiness
When did this depression begun?
I can’t find peace
wherever I go
I’ll keep running for now
That’s all I know….

I run and I run
For the next big rush
I need the excitement
To keep my mind from turning to mush
Running in circles
Getting nowhere
What am I doing?
I have no idea
Nothing is good enough
The thrill doesn't last
Just puts me in debt
I can't even laugh
There's nothing funny about my life
Why can't I be happy with being alive
I need the next vacation
The next shiny thing
It's all external
I spend like a king
Deeper and deeper I go
I want to stop but just don't know
How to fill this hole in me
I'm looking for something that I can't see...*
Love

All I wish
Is to laugh till I cry
I can't get past crying
Since you said goodbye

We had it all
I threw it away
No chance for us
No time to play

I'll stay in bed
And sleep the day away
My dreams are my reality
That's where I will stay

The sun shines brightly through the window
Hitting the prism as the light fills up the room
Rainbows covered the ceiling and walls
A beautiful masterpiece to hide the gloom

She was beautiful and full of life
Something happened to her
She had no will to get out of bed
The world became a blur

So why so much fright
To go out in the light
What has taken away her spark
Turned the world so grimly dark

The heartache she feels
Is more than she can bear
She truly believes
That no one really cares

So safe in her bed she stays
Never going out to play
She longs for the darkness so she can sleep
The only time she would not weep

Some say I’m crazy
Some say I’m brave
I don’t disagree
I’m just so glad I’ve been saved

My life was a blur
Days rolled into weeks
I had no idea where I was
More valleys than peaks

I began my journey blindly
I could not see
I had no idea
What would happen to me

Today I am happy
That’s all I can say
Thanks to my God
He showed me the way

I’m lonely
I’m tired
I really don’t care
I don’t give a ****
If you’re in a jam
I’m sick of my life
I’m sick of this day
I’m just waiting for someone to take me away
Here they come
The men in white coats
It’s such a cliche
But they just might save me
From myself today

I want to start over
A brand new day
I can't keep living this way
Lost and lonely
Scared and confused
My only relief is ******* and *****
I'm never gonna win
I'm always gonna lose
Lose my mind
Lose my soul
Sell my body for the *** of gold
Keeps me high
So I don't care at all
I'm sinking in quicksand
I'm hitting the wall
What can I do
Am I too far gone
Someone wave the magic wand
Save me

My girlfriends are there to pick me up when I'm down
Help me put back the broken pieces scattered all around
I can't count on a man
They all break my heart
Too many scars
No room for one more
If you are a man
Step away from my door
I give up, I'm done
Too tired to run
I have no heart to break, it's been played like a toy
You've done your job well, it's already destroyed

Years go by
People come and go
Just like the seasons
The sun and the snow

They touch your heart
Some good some bad
Some leave you happy
Some leave you sad

Each person counts
Remembered or not
They were in your life for reason
Nothing happened for naught

Can you taste the strawberry on my lips?
I put it on for you to lick
My fishnets might not be on straight
Just get over here, don't make me wait
My lace teddy will come off in time
I have only seduction on my mind
Come to me
Touch my thigh
Move your hand higher
Make me cry
Cry for your touch
Your body
Your soul
Am I asking too much?
Maybe so
I want all of you
And I want it now
You need to get here, you made a vow
I want to nibble your ear and make it tickle
Blow on your neck and make you wiggle
I just want to make love to you
And I have a feeling, so do you

What would make you want me
Hmmmm let me see
What if I get naked?
Do a strip tease?
How do I got your attention?
Do I fall, break a leg?
I really don’t want to have to beg
I’ve got my low cut dress on
And my stilettos too
Still can’t get your attention
What else can I do?
I invite you up to my room for a drink
You say yes, you didn’t even think
I thought to myself
This is great, just divine
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll be all mine
We get to my room
And we quickly embrace
Onto the bed, it felt like a race
Then in a moment you were out the door
That’s when I crumbled to the floor
I cried and I cried
I was just being used
That’s what I get, for trying to ******

I woke up with guilt
I haven’t felt in years
I feel to my knees
I broke into tears
I lied to a friend
Who I’ll love till the end
But my conscience couldn’t take it
I needed to confess
What’s wrong with me
I am such a mess
I’m scared to tell her
But I know I must
I can’t hold a secret, over this I could bust
I’ve worked too hard
To become the person I am today
I don’t want to throw all that hard work away
Honesty is everything
For this I’ll come clean
*Please forgive me God
Let me once again be serene

The sun rises over the vacant lot
Whether I want it to or not
I have no control
Over the sun or any of my goals

I feel like I lost myself
Years ago
I didn’t see it coming
I didn’t know

I am the vacant lot
Straight through to my soul
I can’t feel the sun
Just an empty hole

There is no warmth
Only cold despair
No one knows
And no one cares

So what will happen to me?
Whatever is meant to be
The sun is so bright
I’m blinded, I cannot see

Please someone set me free…

Am I selling my soul
For a little attention
Still looking for love
Or someone with a pension

I don’t know anymore
I’m tired and confused
This life of mine
Leaves me less than amused

I want to do right
Not settle for less
But isn’t less becoming my best?

I have to settle
I don’t know what else to do
Everyone does it
Don’t you?

*** or Love, which one should I choose
It never really matters, either way I lose

Why do I have to pick one or the other?
I was told I could have both, so said my mother

Things have changed, people don’t care
Married or single, there’s *** in the air

No more vows or my one and only
Jump into any arms because you’re feeling lonely

Where is the love between two unshattered hearts?
Have we all lost our soul, or has the world’s values fallen apart?

Sarah hid in her bed
It was almost that time
She listened for the door
Tried to escape in her mind

Twelve years old, but mature beyond her years
She was tired of all this, all out of tears

She heard the door
Footsteps coming toward her room
Her body filled with awful gloom

Her father gets closer
He opens the door
She hides under the covers
She had chills to the core

He pulled down his pants
Climbed into the bed
She prayed and prayed, wanting to be dead

He started to touch her
Like every other night
But she couldn’t take it
She put up a fight

He was stronger than her
But she had the knife
She had to defend, her young broken life

He lie there lifeless
Finally dead
She smiled
Pulling the knife from his head

Her mother walked into the room
In shock and surprise
She felt out of her body
As she wondered why

Sarah thought she was finally free
Yet her journey has just begun
She didn’t care
She had finally won

This isn't what I wanted
But this is what I got
I had a chance
And I blew my only shot

It was all me
Didn't known what I had
When he didn't take me back
I had the nerve to be mad

Now he is happy
Engaged right away
I wish I could go back in time
And make it all ok

It's too late now
She's got the ring
I've got nothing
I lost my king

Yes
She’s younger
She’s prettier
She’s in better shape
All these things make my heart ache

I must have thought I was all that and had the right to choose
Recklessly I let you go, all I did was lose

Why do I care?
I sent you away
She got the prize
Alone I shall stay

What was I thinking?
Something better would come?
When all along
You were the one

Good luck and best wishes
Happiness is yours my friend
I don’t know why it bothers me
But it will ‘till the end

Should I continue to believe in love?
Old fashioned romance and singing doves?

As much as I look, it just can’t be found
No one is real, although seeming so profound
They tell you what you want to hear
Whisper sweet nothings in your ear

I don’t believe a thing I hear anymore
They all lie, eyes staring at the floor

Then that first date
And the hands start to wander
I don’t even know you!
You’re not making me fonder

Then there are those
Who pretend to care
They are wonderful when they’re around
But they are hardly ever there

They look you up
When their needs cry loud
Why haven’t I learned?
To stand tall and proud

Being alone is my sentence in life
I feel like my heart has been stabbed with a knife

Love is for others
I wish them well
I’ll be alone
Living in hell

Shut up!
Shut up!
Please, all of you shut up!
I don’t care how wonderful your boyfriend is
Or your girlfriend
Or your wife
Or your husband
How they make you smile
How they are the greatest person on this earth
How happy you are together
***** all you happy couples
Stop throwing it in my face
Yea, yea, yea
I know I’m still alone
You think I haven’t noticed?
Go have your fun
It won’t last
So for now, SHUT UP!