I'm floating high above the clouds
Looking down through the crowds
what do you think I see
A horror film, starring me
I look so sad, beat to a pulp
I can't see a shred of hope
I want to stay up here, in the sky
Am I alive or did I die?
Will I wake up from this bad dream
I desperately need to get clean
I've burned all my bridges
Dug my own hole
It's too late to set another broken goal
So I pick up the needle
Shoot the liquid into my vein
Soon I will be floating in the clouds again

Purple, pink, yellow, blue
All the beautiful colors are for you

I painted it myself
With a paintbrush in the sky
Guess you didn’t know that I could really fly

The grey puffy clouds I threw in last
They represent my unhappy past

I’ll throw in a bird, maybe a dove
Just to show you how much you’re loved

I know it’s only a sad cliché
But I’ll keep painting for you
Please don’t go away

I love you

Am I in love
Or in love with the idea of being in love
That's there question I ask myself today

I get upset over past relationships gone bad
But did I really want the one that I had?
Or was it the  for passion and romance
That made me want to continue the dance

Love is happy
Love is sad
Sometimes good
Sometimes bad

I need to know when it's time to move on
Stop holding on to what is already gone

Love will come, that's what they say
How will I know he's the one, it's the day?

I must have faith this will be true
What will be will be, I'm still looking for you...

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
A scared little girl
Looking back at me

Are you afraid, I ask
But I get no reply
All I can see
Are the tears in her eyes

Are you ok, I can be your friend
She looks back at me
Saying nothing….
Again

I walk away
Thinking how sad is she
Then I realize
That girl is me

I awoke in the ER
Not again! Said my brain
What happened now?
I must have surely gone insane

I have no memory of what happened or how I got here
Just the gallon wine bottle and ***** in my hair

I’m now strapped to the bed
There is no one around
My mind is racing
How was I found?

I did it again
How many promises I broke
Do I get another chance?
It is a miracle I awoke

I won’t say it was easy
But I fought through the storm
My old best friend
I do not mourn

Two years later
I sit here and ponder
Thanking the Lord for my new life
I promise never to squander

I wake up every morning
And wonder why
I am alive
And want to cry

Life is sad
Life is bad
Life can be joyous
Life can be free
It’s really all up to me

I can sit in my stink
And hate my life
Go ahead, and pick up that knife

Or thank the universe
For a new day
I haven’t yet been taken away

It’s a new day
Get the coffee and cream
Not everything is as it seems
The sun might be shinning
But inside I’m dying
I need to get out of this place
Of despair and disgrace
Put the past behind me
Look to the light
It's up to me to make my future bright
Stop looking for the next best fix
A man
New shoes
A vacation
Some *****
I want to be happy
I can't be the only one
Someone please come show me
How to have fun

He said he loved me
A million times over
I felt like I found a four leaf clover

I should have known
It was too good to be true
But I couldn’t resist his eyes so blue

It wasn’t real, it was all a lie
Now I sit here and want to die

There are others out there
Feeling the same
Feeling stupid, feeling great shame

He took all my money
Every last dime
I didn’t know he was committing a crime

Now I am alone
And totally broke
No one can find him
He disappeared like a ghost

I’ll go on for now
But will never forget
The way he betrayed me, the way we met

The sad thing is
I miss him so much
I must be insane
I know it was never love

I wanted it to be fantastic
But it wasn’t
I wanted it to be great
But it wasn’t
I wanted there to be more
But there wasn’t
I wanted some excitement
But there wasn’t
Was it all a dream?
That is the way it seems
I thought it was real
But it wasn’t

It's dark
It's night
I should be asleep
Nowhere in the house do you hear a peep

I can't stop my head
My brain won't turn off
As I sit here alone
In my dingy loft

Go back to sleep
How I wish I could
No one has ever understood
Why I'm up in the middle of the night
I try to sleep with all my might

So here I sit and write this poem
I no longer have to feel alone

I write and I write
Yes that's what I do
It helps to keep me from thinking of you
As much as I write
Of love and despair
It doesn't ease the pain
You still don't seem to care
I'll keep writing
Until I die
It doesn't mean that I won't cry
Cry for you
Cry for me
Cry for what I want it to be
I'll just keep wiping the tears away
Maybe life will be better today

I do have a passion to write
Even though I'm not always so bright

I write from the heart
That's where I start

I may be no good
You may say I'm no poet
That's ok, I already know it

I found something I love
and I don't want to stop
Writing is my lover
I write till I'm shot

And then I'll pick up the pen
And start writing all over again

So if my writing bores you
I will not apologize
This is saving my life
What a wonderful surprise

I would love to just give up
Right now
This very minute
Crawl back into the bottle

Escape
Be free from people
From judgement
From life

Why bother
Two years, twenty years
Do we ever get respect back?
Do we ever get our sanity back?

Overlooked
Underpaid
Just a drunk
Always a drunk
No license?  Oh my!
Humiliation

Does it matter?
Would anyone care?
Or just laugh
With a stupid grin on their face
They were just waiting for it

Little minded people
In big glass houses
Don’t bother throwing stones
The bolder is rolling down the hill
Flying downward, toward you…

I pushed it
Now I need a drink

Hi, I’m Sam and I’m a girl.  Well, a girl trapped in a 40 year old body is more like it.  I feel, think and act like a kid.  Great for me!  Maybe that’s part of my charm, or maybe that’s why I’m alone.  I don’t really know, I’m just starting to get to know me.  For the longest time I lived in a world of haze, *****, ***, drugs, and more *****.  Days would go by and I couldn’t tell you what I did.  Pretty scary waking up on a Monday morning thinking, “What day is it?  Am I working today?”  How the hell I kept a job is beyond me.  

Actually, I didn’t keep one.  How humiliating.  I wasn’t even drinking at work, I was just a little buzzed from the night before.  Ok, a lot buzzed.  So buzzed that I don’t remember the first three hours at my desk, talking to customers -- nothing, just nothing -- zippo, blank!  Absolute blackness, even now looking back at that day, it’s all a blur.  From the time HR came to my desk to bring me to the hospital for a breathalyzer, until I called a cab and went home crying.  I had to make a stop along the way to the liquor store, of course.  I was actually mad at them!  How dare they?  Now I can laugh about it, then it wasn’t so funny.  Especially since it took days for me to realize I was unemployed.

Rubbing the morning sleep from my eyes
it's just another day
Where will I find the energy
to make it through
another day
My body is weak, tired...
With every ounce of strength I lift my legs off the bed
They are heavy, it's getting harder to stand
This is nothing new
it's just another day
I step on the scale, fear bubbling within me
This one moment could control my mind for the entire day
Double digits!  Yes, I'm ok!  ...at least for just another day
When I look in the mirror, what do I see
The sad, overweight 10 year old girl, gazing back at me
How do I get her out of the mirror?
If I just don't eat, for another day....
will this girl in the mirror
finally go away?

I lie here awake
Alone once again
Thinking of you, my lover, my friend

I don't know what will happen
Nor will I question a thing
I'll just sit back and wait
To see what God brings

I know He won't hurt me, this isn't the end
God knows what's best
Better than you or me my friend

I'll roll with the dice
Take a chance one more time
Because you are worth it
I hope someday you'll be mine

To be free

I'm waiting for the day
When I am ok
With just being alone
Just me in my home
Will the day come when I don't think of you
Do you think of me
I'm still under your spell
I need to break free
I look towards the pillow you used to rest your head
I get so angry I want to burn up the bed
Everything reminds me of you
No matter where I go or what I do
I'm waiting for that day
When memories of you have faded away
And I can be happy
Just being me

All I want to do is have some fun
I really don’t want to hurt anyone

I’ve been hurt by men so many times before
My heart has been left in pieces on a blood stained floor

I’ve given so much of myself
Only to be beaten down once again
You’ve taken my love, and betrayed me my friend

Now you want me back
It’s not the first time
You can’t fool me with your roses and wine

Do you really think you can just waltz back in?
This isn’t a game
It’s not about who will win

I want a commitment
That’s not much to ask
It’s your last chance to take off that mask

Love me, Love me not…  

Either way, I'm ok
I love myself
Enough today

Is it time to slit my wrists?
Or do I hang in there one more day
Until this feeling goes away?

The knife is sharp and ready to go
But am I ready to make it so

I need to remember the joy in my life
Stop my whining, put down the knife

Every moment brings something new
The sun shining bright, the morning dew

I’ll be thankful today
At this moment in time
Pretending for now that everything’s fine

I can count on you to make me laugh
Give me kisses
And I don't have to ask
Cuddle beside me
I'll rub you head
Just stay with me
Let's snuggle in bed
You're so soft, I love your purr
How silky is your orange fur
I know that I can count on you
To be there and love me, you always do
I'm done with men
I've had it, it's true
I have the love of my cat
To get me through
Unconditional Love

She boarded the plane
Excitement in the air
She couldn’t wait to get in the sky
And get out of here!

The beach, the sun, the sand, the fun
Her smile beamed at everyone

Up, up, up and away
The plane started down the runway

It was sunny and bright
Not a cloud in sight
A good day to fly
By day or by night

She sat back in her seat
And started to doze
Next stop, Los Cabos

Two hours in, the plane started to rumble
Her empty stomach began to tumble
“Turbulence” they said, no need to fear
All she knew was she needed a beer

The plane seemed to be getting tossed all around
She looked out the window
She could see no ground

There was nothing below
Except the blue angry sea
All she could think, “What’s going to happen to me!”

The passengers were nervous, the tension was high
Flight attendants were scurrying by

The next thing she knew, the wing was on fire
The plane was going down
This was the end of the wire

She said a quick prayer
And then closed her eyes
She felt nothing on impact
She never did cry

It was no surprise
What happened last night
When I first saw you and gazed into your eyes

The passion’s been there
I was just full of fear
To let myself go
So I want you to know

It’s ok, I understand
We both wanted it badly
Why hold back, and go away sadly

If this is a onetime thing
I can live with that
I’ve lived through worse
I’ll always have my cats

Here I am...

I'm climbing the mountain once again...
For what?


This is not the first time, will it be the last?

I'm getting tired of holding on..

The air is getting thinner as I climb higher

And where does this journey take me?

The crest of the mountain, just to turn around, and climb down again... nothing has changed, it never does, so what is the point?

My last lifeline is the rope holding me close to the mountain surrounding me...

I unclick the lock, letting the rope fall freely to the ground below

My hands still holding on to the protruding rocks on the side of the mountain

I'm done holding on...

I'm done climbing...

But the mountain will grieve
He will miss me...

He seems to want me to continue climbing the jagged surface, just like he needs the elk standing at it's peak, he'll cry a landslide....

I hear a whisper in the breeze calling from the mountain,

Hang on....

Have I lost my mind
Have I lost my soul
Searching for the *** of gold...
Bright lights and loud sounds filled the room
Smoke filled air, the smell of cheap *****
Just one more roll, I  know I won't lose
I put the chips down
And let it all ride
I close my eyes, I've lost my pride
I stare at the table
My head starts to spin
They removed all my chips, I did not win
Where will I go?
No money to get home
I did it again, as I said with a groan...
"Just one more chance,
Can I please get a loan?"

He sits on the bench
And for the very first time
Feels peaceful and tranquil
Yet he doesn’t have a dime

He lost his family and his home
In the blaze of a fire
He’s now all alone, and had lost all desire

Desire to rebuild a life once again
He lost his wife and baby
And he’s lost all his friends

He mourns for his wife, and his baby girl
That has left him in a bottle on this bench to hurl

It’s time to crawl out
Of the bottle of gin
He still has a full life ahead
If he’d only begin…

Come here my darling
I want one final dance with you
I hope you are feeling the same way too

For the rest of my life
I want to stay in your arms
Swaying to the music
Wherever we are

My lover, my friend
My confidant until the end
Let’s dance together
Never let go

I love you my dear
I will be faithful and true
As long as I keep dancing with you

I woke up this morning to a beautiful day
Feeling very giddy,
Ready to play
The sun was up and shining bright
I felt the need to be outside in the light
I put on my slippers and started downstairs
To make some coffee, and decide what to wear
As I reached the bottom step
I heard as strange sound
I thought it was the cat, but there was no one around
Nothing looked touched, not a thing out of place
Why then, did my heart start to race
I turned to the door
It was slightly ajar
Outside the window, I saw a strange car
Now filled with fear, what should I do?
I turned around, that's when I saw it was you
I was stunned for a moment
Then I heard you say
"You look beautiful darling,
Can you come out and play?"

It's funny
It's tragic
It's a thriller
It's magic
This is called life
So put down the knife
*Deal with it!

Life can be good
Life can be great
Put your trust in the Lord
And get rid of the hate

I’m looking at you
Staring in your eyes
Such a beautiful blue
With a hint of surprise

What are you thinking
What’s on your mind
I’d love to know
So I could make you mine

I want to know you
Deep into your soul
So I can love you
And make you feel whole

I’d take care of you
Support whatever you do
I’d never judge
Or disappoint you

Give me a chance
To love you my dear
I won’t let you down
There’s nothing to fear

I know you’ve been hurt badly, so have I
I’d never do anything to make you cry

I only want to make you happy
Share a life with you
We can start over together
A lifetime brand new

The little people
In my head
I wish they would get tired
And go to bed

I know it sounds silly
But their leader is Billy
I wish he would shut up the rest
He’s become such a pest!

I try to not listen
But they are very loud
Very outspoken
Very proud

I don’t know when they took over my brain
I never did feel any pain
I guess we will just coexist
There is nothing I can do to resist

Where are my meds?

We Live
We Love
We Die

And in between it all
We get hurt

Sometimes again and again
By a lover or by a friend

When death comes, are we all alone?
I wonder if the pain will finally be gone

Do we forget the heartache when we are taken away?
Do we forget the people who created our pain?

I wonder what’s on the other side
This life on earth has been one hell of a ride

I want to enjoy my life now
Live rich, die poor
I do not want to work until I die
Or retire when I’m too old to enjoy my life
I want to do what makes me happy now
Play now
Enjoy now
Live now
Somehow there is a way
I will find it

I dream of a place
Warm and peaceful
Ocean waves softly hitting the sand
While a warm breeze rolls softly over my body
Just enough to dry away the sweat from the sun’s rays
Which paint my body a golden brown

I open my eyes and I’m there
On a lounge chair watching the aqua-blue ocean
It’s soft, tranquil waves, hitting the pure white sand

What’s real, what’s not?
Am I sleeping or am I awake?
The lines of reality are blurred
Let me live the dream

Do you want real true love?
A soul mate until the end of time, and beyond?
This is not a trick question, yes or no.....
Think about it before breaking another heart
A heart can only take so many hits
Before it disintegrates into the universe
Be kind, be true, but always be you...

I dance on the edge
Always taking a chance
Longing for just a little romance
I want you, you don’t want me
That’s just how it’s going to be
You won’t get involved
Yet you say that you care
I feel like a kid
It just isn’t fair!!
I must move on
And dance some more
Waiting for my true love
To show up at my door
Come in, it’s open…

She committed a crime, it's something very bad
She has no remorse, not the slightest bit sad

So now it’s time she has to pay
As she sits in the interrogation room
No more time to play

Make a deal, you stupid *****
Too much pride
Are you starting to itch?

Take your chances
The jury will know
Hope you like orange
Next stop, to jail you will go

It's late at night
I feel the need to write
Should it be romance
Or something full of fright?

I hold my pen
But my mind goes blank
My paper is empty
Has my creative ship sank?

My head is full
I cannot sleep
I cannot write
It makes me weep

I go upstairs and pet the cat
Have I lost my inspiration, where's it at?

Have I lost it
Or is it only a slump
I need to clear my head
And do a brain dump

Tomorrow is another day
do you know what they say?
Wake up fresh and you'll be ok