There is something terribly wrong with me
My head won't stop thinking
How ugly I am
Skinny
Old
Useless
Stupid
Unloved
What is wrong with me
Tell me, I can take it
It can't get any worse than it is
Free me from the chains that are chocking me
Cutting off my air
I can't breath
And you say,**
"Get over it"

Things too terrifying to remember
Yet too real to forget
Will the memories ever fade?
Will I always live with regret?

Ghosts surround me
Wherever I turn
They laugh and they haunt me
I feel the fire, the burn

I close my eyes
Try to shut down my head
They never leave me alone
They taunt me in bed

I drink from the bottle
The red liquid my only friend
The ghosts fade away
Or am I just dead

I ain't too pretty
I ain't too bright
But I know good lovin
And how to treat a man right
Give me a chance, to take you to the moon
And when we're spent we'll snuggle and spoon
I'll do anything you want
A strip tease, a pole dance
Come on baby, give me a chance
I ain't too pretty
I ain't too bright
But I promise you
One Hell of a night!

I don’t want to think about you anymore
Turn off my thoughts, turn off my brain
I can no longer bear this pain
I can’t explain why I get so mad
Always feeling like I’ve been had
If you don’t know what you want
Don’t give me miss-signals
Don’t keep breaking my heart
I want to stop thinking of you
I’m tired of always feeling blue
So I ask you kindly, “please go away”
Starting now, starting today

She sat quietly in her hotel room
Waiting patiently for him again
Where was he this time?
Could this be the end?

Her long brown hair was perfectly groomed
Yet how was her heart filled with such gloom?

She waits and she waits for a knock n the door
Several hours go by
She falls asleep on the floor

Never a knock, he never showed
Three in the morning, she's lost her glow

She checks her phone
No calls or text
What is she supposed to do next?

She loves him so
How doesn't he know?

Her world is falling apart
No putting back the pieces of her broken heart

She drank the bottle of vintage wine
The ice in the bucket had melted
Her heat bled from inside

She walked to the balcony
How can this be?
A warm summer breeze hits her
How could he do this to me?

She looks down the fifteen flights
As she gulps the wine
Thinking to herself
This is the time

She finishes her last sip
She's feeling very numb
Can she do this
Yes, the time has come

She gets up on the railing
Looking at the pavement far below
Should she jump?
Will he ever know?

Just then came the knock
It was now four am
Could it be him?

She gets down from he rail
Runs to the door
It's the police
Someone called from next door

They said she was seen
Looked like she was about to jump
She felt her throat close, into a huge lump

No words came out
Only tears
The ambulance arrived
Just as she feared

No she's not crazy
He really exists
This wasn't the first time
They took her away to the abyss

The doctors were waiting
Nurses looking sad
Here she comes again
They knew what she had

Her husband died years ago
She couldn't seem to let it go
She waits for him in a psychotic state
Still thinking he's coming, her one and only soul mate

She doesn't understand
And she never will
Her heart is dead
As well as her brain
All she keeps thinking now is "am I insane?"

If I end up alone
I’ll be ok
I can’t stay with you
Not one more day

I can’t live with the ghosts
Of your past and dead wife
I’ve tried to understand
But it cuts like a knife

I’ll never rate number one
Not even two
I can’t live with that
So I can’t live with you

Goodbye my love

I guess being just me isn't good enough
what should I change
my hair, a new cut a new style
my face, a little botox wouldn't hurt
my body, a few pounds to gain I've been told
Quiet down a bit, I'm too excited
So what do I do
to be good enough for you?
and do I really care?
I'm not changing my hair
or my face
or my body
or anything about me
Cause maybe, just maybe
you're not good enough for me!

I don't take life too seriously
more like popcorn and cotton candy
My writing is raw and somewhat simple
Not real acne, just a pimple

Funny sometimes
And sometimes very dark
An awful lot to say
About a broken heart

Sometimes happy, sometimes sad
Somtimes very angry and  mad

Ill always find something to write about
Whether it's the ocean or love or a case of the gout

I'll keep writing, I'll never hold back
Unless they take me off my Prozac

I want to be happy
I really do
The sun is shining, the sky is blue
The air is crisp
There's a beautiful breeze
you can see the flowers growing from seed
Everything seems perfect
A wonderful scene
Let's get some popcorn, and chocolate ice cream
Walking down the boardwalk
Freeing my mind
What a wonderful life
I pray for mankind

I woke up this morning to a terrible thing
I couldn’t find my wedding ring
Did it fall down the sink
Get lost in the park
Or the golf course
Oh no, I forgot, yesterday was the divorce
My ring is gone, and so are you
With a sigh of relief, I know what to do
Finally released from those chains holding me
*What a wonderful feeling, to finally be free

I’m tired of looking
He doesn’t exist
There is no man of my dreams
No more frogs for me to kiss

I don’t need a man
I’m fine all alone
I’ve grown to like it
No waiting by the phone

I don’t care if he likes me
If he’s in my bed or not
I’m very happy
Just me and my cot

No one to answer to
No more lies
I love my single life
What a surprise!

I must be the luckiest ******* this earth
I have so much to be thankful for
Family, friends, and so much more
He's always with me
He gives me strength
No need for self pitty and low self esteem
I have it all, and more yet to be seen
I will rejoice
And be full of glee
For one day at a time
I can be happy

It took a long time
To be happy for you
When I hear you're still with her
I’m not quite as blue
I really ******* up
Look at me now
Stupid nasty girl
Go take your bow
I know it is right
You and her
It was never meant to be
You and me
It doesn’t make it easier
But I’m trying, I am!
She just seems so sweet
Like strawberry jam
It makes me sick
The cuteness she portrays
Maybe it’s real?
I want to drown her in the bay
She’d make one good looking corpse
Covered in mud and in slime
What the hell is wrong with my mind!
I’m happy for you…

The new year approaching
There's no stopping time
Why would I want to
It could be my time to shine
Looking back
This year wasn't so bad
Then why oh why am I so sad
Not everything went my way
But I kept waking up to another new day
So I'll say goodbye to another year
Praying the new one will bring me some cheer*
Happy New Year!

Hate is such a strong word
Like death
It feels so permanent
So drastic
And we use hate so freely
I hate this, I hate that
Is it really hate we feel
Or dislike
Distaste
So many other words we could use
But we choose hate
Do we love enough?
We sure do hate enough...

Have you ever felt
Like crawling out of your skin
Like you’ll just never win

Have you ever felt
Like the walls are closing in around you
And you have no place to run to

Have you ever felt
Like life has already passed you by
You have no tears left to cry

Have you ever felt
What is the point of going on
Every reason to wake up is totally gone

Have you ever felt*
The way I feel
If you do, I hope you will heal

Her trip was only two hours away
She couldn’t wait to go and play
Not a long trip, but better than nothing
Get out of this town, start on her hunting

By that of course she means a man
The man of her dreams
Her diabolical plan

She’s looking for the one
Everywhere she goes
Shop-Rite, dry-cleaners, you never know!

They say stop looking
He’ll find you
She doesn’t buy that
And has nothing better to do

So she gets all dressed up and pretty
Works on her smile, turns on the witty

There he stood
She knew he was the one
Standing by the gate, she was ready for some fun

She looked for a ring
But there wasn’t one there
Maybe this was the jackpot
He had a beautiful head of hair

She moved very quietly across the crowded gate
She was on a mission, she was after her mate
She bumped into him lightly with her backpack
She looked at him, and he glared back

She started to speak, then there she came
His wife and kids, was she going insane?
How did she miss it?
There wasn’t a sign
This didn’t fit into her marrying design

He turned his back to her
His family was there
They looked so happy
It just wasn’t fair!

She got on the plane
Her mood in the gutter
She ordered a drink
And then another

So much for her plan
It was not working out
But she still had three days
To figure it all out

I’m always surprised
When I wake up to a new day
I don’t know when I started feeling this way
Some days it’s a blessing
Some days it’s a curse
Either way, I feel ready to burst
I open my eyes, still amazed
I made it through another day
I should be happy, ecstatic at best
But I continuously feel like I have no quest
I don’t get it, I don’t understand
I want to know what is the Lord’s plan
I know He has one, and it shall be revealed
Only then, will I be healed

Look at you, eyes of blue
I feel like I'm looking right through you
You say you love me
but talk is cheap
you leave me home alone
to wonder and weep
I need to leave, I need to go
If I did, would you even know?
I've been blind, all along
I think of you at every sad song
I feel like a character in a play
That doesn't end well, for me anyway
I'll pack my bags and hit the road
Before I self destruct, and totally implode

Let go of your fears and go after your dreams
No matter how impossible it may seem

If you really want something bad enough
Stand tall and hold on tough

Life seems so hard, but don’t fret my friend
Your dream may be right around the next bend

I went on a house hunt
Miles from home
Took a plane
All alone

I looked at homes
And fell in love
Ready to move
Fly in like a dove

If I could blink my eyes and make it so
I'd do it in a second, away I'd go

In my hotel room
Completely beat
I lied on the bed
And fell asleep

When I awoke I came to my senses
My head was full of front porches and fenses

I always want it now at any cost
For once I felt completely lost

I'll pack my bags and get on the plane
I miss my home as much as I complain

I'll slow my roll and take my time
Turn off the compulsion, and sip the wine

I'm too tired to pretend
That I'm happy once again
It's been so long
I don't know what went wrong
You left me that day
I'll never forget
I couldn't believe it
I hid in my bed
For days and weeks
Which turned into months
I don't know how to go on
Knowing you're not coming back
I'll stay in bed
With a drink and some crack
I look at your picture
I still want you back
But like a magician
You just disappeared
Was I just dreaming, did you ever exist
It's been so long, my head is filled with purple mist
Hopeless

Why did you leave me here all alone
Under the bridge that we called home
I'm tired and hungry, covered with dirt
Every bone in my body hurts
We ran away together
Forever was our plan
I know things were tough
Is that why you ran?
You left me here during the night
I don't understand, I'm so full of fright
I stumble toward the street on a mission for food
That's when I saw the silhouette of you
Your body lay lifeless, you were facing down
A puddle of blood covered the ground
Who do I call
I don't have a phone
I collapse to the ground, one never-ending groan
How I wish I could go back in time
Where you and I still did shine
Now what do I do
Without you
I lay on the ground and cry
For all the lost days and days gone by

I have so much love to give
To the right one
I thought it was you
How could I be so wrong?
I miss the passion
I miss the closeness
The holding
Touching
Lazy days, hours in bed
While you’d gently caressed my head
We’d stay there all day
Never get dressed
I loved it when your hair got all messed
We’d kiss for a while
Then our bodies would intertwine
How I wish
You were still mine

I'm a woman
I'm a mother
I'm faithful
I'm a lover

I believe in romance
Do you want to dance?

I believe in Santa
Crazy you say?
I've seen his reindeer and his shinny red sleigh
I sit by the fire, with cookies and milk
wrapped in a blanket, eyes starting to close
I know he is coming
I don't want to doze!
The scene is set
The snow is falling
The tree is sparkling
The fire is crackling
Santa is coming
I know it, I do
I have one wish for Christmas, and that wish is you

I remember
A time
Long ago
When waking up
Made me smile

New day
New opportunities
Fun
Excitement
Amazement
Love

I wake up today
Tears run down my cheeks

Dread
Fear
Disappointment
Heart ache
Anxiety
Stress

Is this all there is?  

I don’t want to wake up….

You cheated and left me
Four years ago
You've been crying over this
All the while I've been told

You chose your path
Took the fork in the road
You say you've always loved me
but you've chosen the toad

I finally forgive you
Not for you but for me
I can now cast the memories of you
Deep into the sea

I want to give up
I don’t want to play
This world is too much
Could today be the day?

What would it take?
Start with one drink
Blow my mind away
Into the bottle I’d sink

What is there to live for?
I don’t see the point
Waking up every day
Give me ***** and a joint

I thought I was over this
I guess I am not
The claws have come to **** me
Drown me in wine and some ***

I need something stronger
This won’t work fast enough
Maybe some heroine
Or some other white stuff?

This pain in my head is too much to bear
If I disappeared, would anyone care?
Me and my bottle crawl into bed
Nothing matters, I’m already dead

I keep waking up
Day after day
Never wanting
To go out and play

I'd rather stay safe
Curled up in my bed
Trying to get images of love
Out of my head

I can’t erase my past
It’s with me to the grave
I can’t expect everyone to understand me
To my past I am a slave

They look at me as an addict
The addict from my past
Not strong and recovering
They don’t bother to ask

I’ve been told to be proud
All I feel is shame
I feel judged everyday
No one to blame
  
They see the person I was, or could be again
Nobody gets me
I cannot blame them

How do I fit in this world?
I’m a square peg in the round hole
Trying to be true to myself
Trying to find my role

I could be that person again
It would be easier to give up and give in
What would that prove?
Who would win?

Rejection comes often
I can hear what they say
I could let it **** me
But I think not for today

I’m an addict
Nice to meet you

Does anyone care what happens to me?
It surely doesn’t seem to be
I’ve opened my heart
Given my love
Only to be thrown away
Like a ***** old glove

Am I invisible?
Does anyone care?
Would they take notice?
If I colored my hair

I’m just another face in the crowd
Tears swelling up
My brain screaming loud

Does any of this matter
Waking up every day?
I’m ready to leave
God take me away

I know he's a star
a fantasy
but I won't give up
I want him to love me
I'm good enough
I just need the chance
my sparkling personality
and a little romance
Now I'm no stalker
just love from afar
that wasn't me
tailing his car
I know it's not real
but I don't care
nothing else in my life is working
I'm not the least bit scared
I'll live in my dreamworld
I'm safe and cozy there
and dream of his blue eyes
and long silky blond hair

I have been in love
I have been hurt
I wear jeans
Sometimes a skirt

I'm nothing special
At least not to you
What am I supposed to do

I'm just a girl
With a gun
I could use it
Or I could run

I'm just a girl
That doesn't care
I don't even want to brush my hair

I'm just a girl
Who put the gun to her head
No more worries
Bang! Now I'm dead

I deserve, I demand

Respect
Honesty
Love
Compassion
Forgiveness

If you can't do these simple things for me
You have no place in my life or my heart

I have high standards
And no time for *******

I'm worth it

Peace

I need
I want
I have to have it
All lies…

I need to breathe
I need to eat
I need to sleep

Do I need love?
I want to love
I want to be loved
I want to fall in love

Do I have to have love?
Or do I want it so bad I’ll do anything for it
Is love worth the risk
Of that first deadly kiss?

I need to stop obsessing about love
If it’s meant to be, it’ll be sent from above

As I sit here feeling my heart bleed
I realize what I want isn’t always what I need