I hate to admit it
But it’s plain to see
There is no future
For you and me

You dangled the carrot
And waited I did
For lost broken promises
When I should have ran and hid

Years have been wasted
Waiting for you
Now here I am
What do I do?

I hope you are happy
With your couch and TV
I’m starting over today
So please let me be

She’s always happy
That’s what they say
She’s always smiling
That’s what they say
She never gets angry
That’s what they say
She’s full of energy
That’s what they say
She’ll do anything for you
That’s what they say
She’ll lend you money
That’s what they say

As she lies in the bathtub
Water crimson red
No smile on her face
No breath of life left in her body

What do you think they’ll say?

The bottle of pills are calling my name
That bottle of wine is doing the same
What's my preference?
Does it really matter?
Looking for that buzz in any form
Mix it up
Wash the pills down
Don't stop until I hit the ground

My only friends have lied to me
I thought I could stop, but how can this be
I can't put down the drink or drug
It's now become my only love

My only love is killing me
Anyone with eyes can see
What the hell do they do with me

Put me away
Tie me down
Unless I want this freedom
It won't be found

I'm sitting here at the bar
Staring at you from afar
Wishing I was there with you
Are you wishing the same thing too?

You and l are both alone
Leaving here to go to an empty home
Let's take a chance
At a one night romance
Tomorrow we can forget we ever had this dance

You see me now and give me that grin
That lets me know you are also in
We both get up, walk to the door
Never taking our eyes off the floor

We get outside
That's when we embrace
I see the lust on your face

"Take me home," I say to you
Even though I know in the morning I'll regret this
and my heart will be once again be blue

His eyes were empty
You could see straight through to his soul
There was nothing there
His insides were bare

What has happened
To take away all his passion

He doesn't care about having fun
Chores and work, then he's done

His 70 inch TV
Is his only reprieve

He doesn't know how to feel
He's been suppressing emotions for so many years

He's not sad or full of fear
He's just unable to shed a tear

His eyes show everything
Which is a ******* hole
From his heart right through to his empty soul

I feel so sorry for this man
He has no idea when the emptiness began

He says he's ok
But I don't believe this to be true
I loved this man
And hate to see him so blue

He doesn't know how to have fun
Yet funny he is
He makes me laugh
He is a ****

Maybe he needs time
Or he's too far gone
He has tv, laundry, and time to cut the lawn

He's not sad
It's really just me
It's time to let go and set him free

I fly solo through life
Born alone
Die alone
In between I meet people
Some who will be in my life forever
Some who come and go
Some who just go
Through it all
I'm alone
My cats
My son
but there is no one
To make me feel special
Curl up with at night
Tell me they love me
everything will be alright
Am I asking too much?
Apparently so
Here I sit again, flying solo

The moon and the stars
Light up the sky
So beautiful they sparkle
I wish I could fly
I’d fly to the moon, float through the stars
Safe and secure, no more hidden scars
I can watch the dawn
Of a brand new day
From up here
Far far away
No one can touch me
No more hurt or pain
I’ll stay up in the stars
Tears falling like purple rain

Is it love or lust?
I have not a clue
Nothing makes sense, since I met you…
When I look at you
My knees become weak
When you brush up against me
My heart skips a beat
When I touch you
A fire burns deep inside
I'm under your spell,
I have nowhere to hide
My body becomes moist
When you hold me tight
I can hardly breathe
When you stay the night
I cannot speak, I can only stutter
The thought of you, turns me to butter...
Is it love or lust?*
I really don't know
Just keep holding me close, don't let me go

It seems like I’ve known you forever
I thought you were the one
We always laughed, we seemed to have fun
I’ve gone through some changes
I’m just not the same
I’m sorry my darling
You are not to blame
I need to end this
Can’t keep playing this game
Waiting for feelings
That will never come again
I must go now
Before I turnabout
I know this is right
There is no doubt
I'll see you my lover
It’s been a hell of a ride
Now I must bid you a tearful goodbye

me me me
it's all about me
hehehe
can't you see
get me this
get me that
better put on your waiters hat
hehehe
cause it's all for me
can't you see, me me me
once you do it will set you free
hehehe
it's all about me
where would you be
without me?

I wake up early, day after day
Get my coffee, feed the cats
My head's so full of those horrible bats
This sinking feelling just won't go away
It's all up to me
To make that choice
It doesn't have to be this way
I just want to be happy
For just one day

Is today the day
I stop settling for less than I deserve
For hoping for things and people that were never meant to be
To be happy and joyous, with just me
I make excuses
And fantasize
When all I need to do
Is open my eyes
He doesn't love me
My job is a joke
I need to put down the ***** and the coke
I gotta stop running
I'm getting no where
My life is grey, I cannot see
I've gotten so far away from reality
I want it all
Be patient they say
I'll find my purpose
Somehow, some day
Please Dear God show me the way

This little girl
Won’t go away
She taunts me
Makes fun of me
She’s cruel
She wants me to suffer

She’s laughing at me now
She’s saying I’m fat, ugly and old
She says I’m useless
And she keeps laughing

I start to walk away
As fast as I can

Am I safe now?
I don’t hear her…
Is she gone?

I pass the store window
I see her reflection
She is there waiting for me
I can’t get away

I turn towards my car
I see her in the window
How did she get in there?

Oh dear God, the girl is me!

I want to be in love
Is that so wrong?
I feel like a character
In a sad country song
I'm sick of hearing myself weep
This love I long for is making me weak
I'm tired of trying
I'm tired of crying
Pass me a beer, a shot of JD
This is how it was meant to be
Always alone
Never happy

I'm so tired of trying
Exhausted from crying
Is this all there is
What's my purpose in life
I don't know if the answer is held in this knife
I don't have a purpose
I'm a waste of space
Breathing in air
It doesn't feel fair
People look happy
That'll never be me
I pick up the knife
To set myself free

My cat is crazy
I call him Nutsy too
Without him though
I wouldn't know what to do

He's loving and cuddly
Then he'll take off your arm
I guess that's just part of his charm

His brother Fritz puts up with a lot
He's the elder, and manners he's got

My two little guys light up my life
Couldn't imagine life without them
Not even one night

To be free

I'm waiting for the day
When I am ok
With just being alone
Just me in my home
Will the day come when I don't think of you
Do you think of me
I'm still under your spell
I need to break free
I look towards the pillow you used to rest your head
I get so angry I want to burn up the bed
Everything reminds me of you
No matter where I go or what I do
I'm waiting for that day
When memories of you have faded away
And I can be happy
Just being me

I wake up every morning
And wonder why
I am alive
And want to cry

Life is sad
Life is bad
Life can be joyous
Life can be free
It’s really all up to me

I can sit in my stink
And hate my life
Go ahead, and pick up that knife

Or thank the universe
For a new day
I haven’t yet been taken away

Some days I'm cold
Some days I'm hot
Some days are full of fear
Stomach in a knot

How do I shake this
I'm trapped in the midst
Don't know what I'm afraid of
So how can I fix?

It's three am
My day has just begun
A million things run through my head
while the rest of the world is still in bed

I cant stop thinking
My mind is full
It's overflowing
Seeping through my skull

I wish I could turn it off
but I have no choice but to carry this cross

I write and I write
Until my fingers bleed
My pen runs dry
I have no reprieve

This is what my life has become
A poet, a writer?
Or a dreamer, dancing to the beat of a different drum...

I deserve, I demand

Respect
Honesty
Love
Compassion
Forgiveness

If you can't do these simple things for me
You have no place in my life or my heart

I have high standards
And no time for *******

I'm worth it

Peace

She's ready to risk it all
Lay it on the line
Just needs a little help
From this bottle of wine

So here goes nothing
She walks into the bar
The wine is kicking
Feeling good so far

She sits on a stool
In the corner of the bar
Sees the good looking cowboy
Smoking a cigar

She felt her face getting flushed
She'd never seen a body so buff

He gave her a nod, she smiled back
She was sure she'd have a heart attack

Now what the Hell was she supposed to do
She caught his eyes
They were sparkling blue

He made his way toward her
Her face turned bright red
She wished she had stayed home
Safe in her bed

He walked right past her
To her disbelief
He was hugging another woman
What was she, a thief?

Did she make this romance all up in her head?
Another shot or two
Then go to back to bed

Alone again....

I sat on the bridge
For days it seemed
Pondering each and every
Lost and broken dream

Do I jump?
Into the water below
I can’t think of a reason
Not to do so

What’s left for me here?
I can’t think of a thing
I step off the bridge
I can hear the birds sing

As I hit the cold water
I don’t want to die
I’m completely wet
You cannot see me cry

My last thought is
What have I done?
No matter how load I scream
There is no one to come

A clear crisp sky, stars shining bright
Moon glistens softly, on this hot summer night

All I can think of is you in my arms
The time we snuggled up in the barn

Only you can make me smile
Only for you I would walk for miles

I want to be with you safe and warm
High above any storm

I want one more chance for true romance
Take me darling, for one more dance

I cannot see
I can’t make a sound
I lie here naked on the hard frozen ground
Wondering if I’ll ever be found
How did I get here?
I have no idea
I hardly remember that last sip of beer
That is when the blackout began
I do vaguely remember a tall handsome man
The last thing I remember, he led me out of the bar
I think he took me straight to his car
After that, it all goes grey
I don’t know where I am
Only thing left to do is to pray
I said I would never do this again
Broken promises, will it ever end….

I walk through the forest
Peaceful and serene
Walking on ****** soil
Never touched or seen

Sunlight shines through the tall trees
Shadows fly by in between the breeze
I hear the hum of a flowing stream
What a wonderful sound, it must be a dream

I hear a bird singing, a beautiful melody
He’s nowhere in sight for me to see
I see the squirrel scurrying up the tree
I see him, he doesn’t see me

Signs of other life
Hoof-marks in the ground
My senses are heightened
To any smell, sight or sound

What a lovely place
Sheltered away from society
I pray it will stay this way
Please Lord, let it be

How do you start trusting again?
After being beat up
Knocked down
Heart ripped out and cut into tiny pieces
How do you forgive?
How do you go on?
How do you fall in love again?
Are any of these things possible?
Or, do we accept our fate
Alone
Unloved
The walking dead
No one can touch me
I’m breathing
But I’m not alive
My heart and soul have died

The Sea is my serenity
The warm summer breeze is my reprieve
I long to hear the rolling waves
These are some of my favorite days

I know I can't stay here by the ocean so blue
I have to go home to a houseful of gloom

I will savor these moments
Forever in my head
It was good while it lasted
A least that's what they said

Should I give up on life?
What’s my reason to live?
I know in my heart I have so much to give

I have so much going for me
So I’ve been told
But all I feel is used up and old

Too many things against me
One, two, three
Addiction
No Car
Cannot drive for years
Who would want me, who could handle my tears

I’m doing my time
For my sins and my crime
But who can see through
To the woman inside

It doesn’t seem worth it
To wake up every day
But there is no way out
I’m doomed to stay

Responsibilities hang over me
Penance to pay
For mistakes in the past
Memories that will never fade away

The sky was black
No moon or stars
Nothing to be seen
Neither near or far

The storm was coming
There was no place to run
Winds picking up
The party has already begun

The lightening was blinding
It lit up the black tarp
If you sat silent long enough
You could almost hear a harp

But the crashing thunder
Was taking over the night
The lightening bringing small bits of light

I sat on my balcony
Looking out towards the sea
All I could think of is
“What will happen to me”

All alone
On this nasty night
It wasn’t just the storm
Nothing felt right

The house was empty
Except for me
That’s how it will always be

Alone through this very storm
And every other one life brings along
Where do I begin
To write this sad song

I’m no angel
I’m surely no saint
If you knew the things I’ve done
You’d probably faint
I’m not the same person
I was a year ago
By the grace of God
I continued to grow
I now have a conscience
I sometimes do wrong
But I try to make it right
Before I fall sleep at night
My future is uncertain
So is every day
But I believe if I continue to pray
I have a chance at a happy tomorrow
My life no longer has to be filled with sorrow

What is love anyway?
I thought I knew
I thought it was you

Then you left
And I was all alone
Just sitting and staring at the phone

Love can be beautiful
Love can be grand
I need to be careful
Before you take my hand

I fall in love so easily it seems
Especially with you
You’re always in my dreams

Should I take a chance at love again
You tell me, my darling friend

There is something terribly wrong with me
My head won't stop thinking
How ugly I am
Skinny
Old
Useless
Stupid
Unloved
What is wrong with me
Tell me, I can take it
It can't get any worse than it is
Free me from the chains that are chocking me
Cutting off my air
I can't breath
And you say,**
"Get over it"

Have I lost my mind
Have I lost my soul
Searching for the *** of gold...
Bright lights and loud sounds filled the room
Smoke filled air, the smell of cheap *****
Just one more roll, I  know I won't lose
I put the chips down
And let it all ride
I close my eyes, I've lost my pride
I stare at the table
My head starts to spin
They removed all my chips, I did not win
Where will I go?
No money to get home
I did it again, as I said with a groan...
"Just one more chance,
Can I please get a loan?"

Waiting for the sunrise
Darkness still surrounds
Light rain drops fall
Lightening paints the sky for all

What will this day bring?
It'll be a surprise
You can see the excitement
Just look in my eyes

I love life
Whatever she brings
I'll continue to smile
Continue to sing

I give thanks for another day
To praise the Lord
And make time to play

I don’t know where I am half the time
I lose myself in a rhyme
It’s easier than facing real life
Better than picking up that knife
So I sit and I write
About things that matter to me
Sometimes they’re true
Sometimes just mystery
Either way
The stories unfold
Little specs of gold
My sorry life
In rhyme is told

Yes
She’s younger
She’s prettier
She’s in better shape
All these things make my heart ache

I must have thought I was all that and had the right to choose
Recklessly I let you go, all I did was lose

Why do I care?
I sent you away
She got the prize
Alone I shall stay

What was I thinking?
Something better would come?
When all along
You were the one

Good luck and best wishes
Happiness is yours my friend
I don’t know why it bothers me
But it will ‘till the end

I don’t get it, I may never really know
Why doesn’t anyone love me?
They’re gone when the wind blows

I want to be happy
For my friends who are in love
The happy couples holding hands
They fit just like a glove

But I’m selfish
Why not me!
Why am I always alone?
Sitting, waiting by the phone

I’m not so bad
I’m really not
Who am I convincing?
I know I’m not that hot

I don’t think I’m that ugly
Not the greatest beauty by far
I’m getting older day after day
Lines and wrinkles are my scars

So alone I am
Get over it!
No one wants me
I might as well quit

My heart will ache
Till the day I die
I have no more tears
My eyes are dry