She sat alone in her big red chair
This world was more than she could bear

She sat so still as if paralyzed
You could see the sorrow in her eyes
She did not want to move
Afraid if she did she would fall apart
Limb by limb down to her broken heart

So she continued to sit in her big red chair
Wondering how life could be so unfair

Will she ever move again
Or has she finally reached her end

We Live
We Love
We Die

And in between it all
We get hurt

Sometimes again and again
By a lover or by a friend

When death comes, are we all alone?
I wonder if the pain will finally be gone

Do we forget the heartache when we are taken away?
Do we forget the people who created our pain?

I wonder what’s on the other side
This life on earth has been one hell of a ride

I don’t want to think about you anymore
Turn off my thoughts, turn off my brain
I can no longer bear this pain
I can’t explain why I get so mad
Always feeling like I’ve been had
If you don’t know what you want
Don’t give me miss-signals
Don’t keep breaking my heart
I want to stop thinking of you
I’m tired of always feeling blue
So I ask you kindly, “please go away”
Starting now, starting today

A new year
A new day
What do you expect me to say
I have hope for the new year?
I'm overflowing with cheer?
Neither are true
I'm feeling just as blue
Nothing is different
Nothing has changed
Why do I buy into this hype
Of great things to come
Of a sweet stary night
Just another day
Not going my way
I'll have to wait till 3003
I'll be dead, I'll be free

Where am I going
Where have I been
Running in circles
Again and again

Trying to get things done
Do these things matter to me
Most of the stuff I can’t even see

So why do I keep running
I’m going crazy in my head
Soon I won’t be able to get out of bed

Slow it down, I keep telling myself
What’s the rush, there isn’t one
No one cares, I’m the only one

Burnout is coming, it’s like a freight train
I have to slow down, stop fighting my brain
Or I will surely,
Go Insane…

I woke up this morning
To a brand new day
Feeling light as a feather
Joyful and gay

The sky is a portrait
Of red, blue and grey
Such a beautiful sight
On this beautiful day

The future looks bright
For the first time in a while
I actually woke up today with a smile

I pray that my life will start turning around
I’m picking myself up off the ground

Starting fresh, a new attitude
A new pep in my step, a new positive mood

Life is good, just for today…

I’m done
With the *******
I’m done with the lies
I’m done with the tears flowing out of my eyes
I want to be happy
That is my only goal
To be happy
Before I lose my soul
I’m done with worrying about being alone
I need to embrace it
Pick up the phone
People do love me
Or so they say
It’s enough to keep me going
For another day

How I miss the safety of that place
I always had a smile on my face

You would think I’d be miserable
Locked away
It was the best thing for me
I must truly say

I made lots of friends
Who meant a lot at the time
They will never be forgotten
I include them in my rhyme

Not everyone made it
Some didn’t even get home
I can understand the feeling
My first two months were spent alone

Now I have a life
Like I’d never believe
Why was I special
And got a reprieve

I thank the Dear Lord
Every day I’m alive
I’m a survivor
Because of Him I survived

Do I expect too much from people?
Respect
Kindness
Understanding
No judgement
Love
Friendship
Am I asking too much?
Does anyone care about anything other than themselves?
Are we responsible for this creation?*
The "me" generation

I want a vacation
I want it now
I don’t care where
I don’t care how

I need to get far away
Run bunny run
I need to let loose
Have some fun

It all takes money
And I have none
My dreams are smashed
The crying has begun

I’m stuck here
Can’t get away
How much I hate it
I must **** it up and stay

I’m always cold
You’re constantly hot

You’re heavy metal
I’m definitely not

I drink strong coffee
You’re doing a shot

I sleep in a bed
You curl up in a cot

All these things
They matter to me not

Yes I love you
Let’s tie the knot

If you don't want to know,
then just don't ask
'cause I won't lie
and say I'm fine
while I sit and down a bottle of wine
I won't pretent
it's all ok
when all I do is run away
No, I'm not happy
Not joyous and free
I'm not at all where I want to be
Still looking for peace
so I continue to pray
for serenity, I hope it comes some day

My lover, my friend
My partner till the end

How long I have waited
For you and I
So many nights
Left alone to cry

We are finally together
Like we were meant to be
I have all of you
You have all of me

If I end up alone
I’ll be ok
I can’t stay with you
Not one more day

I can’t live with the ghosts
Of your past and dead wife
I’ve tried to understand
But it cuts like a knife

I’ll never rate number one
Not even two
I can’t live with that
So I can’t live with you

Goodbye my love

Does anyone care what happens to me?
It surely doesn’t seem to be
I’ve opened my heart
Given my love
Only to be thrown away
Like a ***** old glove

Am I invisible?
Does anyone care?
Would they take notice?
If I colored my hair

I’m just another face in the crowd
Tears swelling up
My brain screaming loud

Does any of this matter
Waking up every day?
I’m ready to leave
God take me away

I woke up this morning to a terrible thing
I couldn’t find my wedding ring
Did it fall down the sink
Get lost in the park
Or the golf course
Oh no, I forgot, yesterday was the divorce
My ring is gone, and so are you
With a sigh of relief, I know what to do
Finally released from those chains holding me
*What a wonderful feeling, to finally be free

We worry and worry so needlessly
Worry about things that may never be
Live for today
And worry not
Trust in Him
He knows a lot
Don't feel sad about everything you do
Remember the world
Doesn't revolve around you
Have faith in Him and turn it over
Stop looking for that four leaf clover
Trust in Him, he knows what's best
Give it up, He'll take care of the rest
Keep the faith....

I feel my life is coming to a close
People I haven’t seen or heard from in years are reappearing
Reconnecting
Where did they come from?
Why did they come back into my life?
Does this mean my life is near over?
Full circle
Ghosts of my past
Good ghosts and bad ghosts
Parts of my life I would like to forget
Why, why now?
Is this it, is it time to say my goodbyes?

I’ve lost my spirit
Is it dead or just sleeping
I can’t wake it up
I can’t stop the weeping


I once was full of life
Now I feel like death
A hollow body
Taking its last breathe

Where do I look
Where do I go
My spirit is still out there
But where, I don’t know

When did this start
I’ve lost track of time
A broken heart
Was that the first sign

I’ve lost my smile
My zest for life
My soul is broken
I’m left in strife

I'm wild
I'm crazy
I'm the woman of your dreams
Can you take this wild ride?
Come now, you know you can't hide
Are you afraid
I'm too much of a woman for you
You are right
But baby come close
Hold me tight
I'll make things brighter than you could ever dream
Come on baby, I got the whipped cream

I want to kiss you,
lick you,
from head to toe
taste your sweat
touch your glistening glow
up and down your body
is where I want to be
I'll take off my clothes
do you like what you see?
Let me take you baby
on the floor, on the chair
are you ready for me
do you dare?
I have all day, and all night too
and lots of ideas
of what I want to do to you...
are you man enough
to take the chance
at some hot and steamy, crazy romance?
I'll be gone in the morning
so don't be afraid
I ask of nothing
come on, be brave
I'll rock your world
no strings attached
then on to the next
what's better than that?

How I hate this stupid holiday
Who came up with it anyway?
Flowers and candy, cards and jewelry
Shouldn’t it be this way every day?

Hearts and cupids
They make me sick
All those couples
Will they actually stick?

Or are they together for this one special day
Praying for a relationship, hoping the other one stays

So for all of us singles
I only have one thing to say
Have a happy February 14th
***** Valentines Day!

He had that crooked, ******* grin
Big, light brown eyes, with a sparkle of hazel
Thick brown hair that hits his shoulders with a seductive wave
Clean, chiseled face, beautiful as the sunrise
Tall, muscular body, glistening in the full moon
I sit, watching you from afar
Wondering if you'd ever notice me
Touch me
Kiss me
But you walk by
Without a glance
I know I'll never have that chance
You are... too beautiful for me

My eyes are open
But I cannot see
All the abuse you’ve been doing to me

You say you’re sorry, and I say ok
Even though I know it shouldn’t be this way
What kind of power do you hold over me
That I cannot run, I cannot flee

You tell me you own me
And this I believe
I think you would **** me
If I tried to leave

They tell me there are shelters
For women like me
Somehow you’d find it
I’ll never be free

You tell me you love me
It won’t happen again
Until later that night
This will never end

You buy me flowers
The very next day
What can I do, what can I say
I say a quick thank you and go to my room
Knowing what’s coming
I’m filled with dark gloom

I hear the footsteps coming down the hall
I try to hide, but trip and fall
You come in the room, roaring mad
I can feel that this time is going to be real bad

You come towards me
Fists ready to go
I can’t go through this again
This much I know

I grab the lamp next to the bed
Smash it violently over your head

You fall to the floor
Blood everywhere
I feel calm, not at all scared

I pick up the phone
Call 911
And think to myself
What the hell have I done!

I’m a pit bull, a demon
Possessed, some may say
I’m out for blood
Don’t get in my way

I’ll eat you alive
Every last bite
Lick my fingers
With much delight

These walls can’t stop me
Nor can these chains
I will break out
Leaving behind blood stains

No one can stop me
No Warden or priest
It’s too late for me
They’ve awakened the beast

I have to stop running
I can’t keep up this pace
I’m running and running
But there is no race
Vacation after vacation
It still doesn’t fill the hole
Moving’s an option
I’m on a roll
A road to destruction
That’s what everyone tells me
Stay put for now
Things will work out
I’m tired of waiting
That’s why I run
Running for happiness
When did this depression begun?
I can’t find peace
wherever I go
I’ll keep running for now
That’s all I know….

It took a long time
To be happy for you
When I hear you're still with her
I’m not quite as blue
I really ******* up
Look at me now
Stupid nasty girl
Go take your bow
I know it is right
You and her
It was never meant to be
You and me
It doesn’t make it easier
But I’m trying, I am!
She just seems so sweet
Like strawberry jam
It makes me sick
The cuteness she portrays
Maybe it’s real?
I want to drown her in the bay
She’d make one good looking corpse
Covered in mud and in slime
What the hell is wrong with my mind!
I’m happy for you…

What would make you want me
Hmmmm let me see
What if I get naked?
Do a strip tease?
How do I got your attention?
Do I fall, break a leg?
I really don’t want to have to beg
I’ve got my low cut dress on
And my stilettos too
Still can’t get your attention
What else can I do?
I invite you up to my room for a drink
You say yes, you didn’t even think
I thought to myself
This is great, just divine
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll be all mine
We get to my room
And we quickly embrace
Onto the bed, it felt like a race
Then in a moment you were out the door
That’s when I crumbled to the floor
I cried and I cried
I was just being used
That’s what I get, for trying to ******

The sun is shining
A brand new day
Another chance
To go out and play
I won't be sad
I won't cry
I'll be happy
I'm still alive
New Day, new start
I think it's time
To once again, open up my heart
DON'T BREAK IT

Endless possibilities
Are ahead of me today
It’s what I do with them that matters
I’ll make the most of them this day

I need to run
From the thoughts in my head
They start from the time
I get out of bed

They won’t leave me alone
Not for one moment
I can’t turn it off
The words are unspoken

So what do I do
With all this crap in my head swimming around
I just want to plant my feet on solid ground

I’ll take a pill, and then another
What the hell
I don’t want to suffer

Pills are kicking in
I’m relaxing now
Finally the thoughts stopped
I wonder how?

Take me away
To a faraway place
Another town
Another state
I want to move on
But I’m so stuck here
Memories of you, everywhere
The memories will haunt me wherever I go
But I’m sure that’s something you already know
How could you leave me
The way that you did
You could have been honest
Instead you ran and hid
I’ll never have closure
On this love affair
My heart is broken
And continues to tear

I don't always understand why I'm here
I ask God, but He's not always clear
I keep going on, day after day
Waiting for Him to show me the way

I have to believe there is more than all this
These worldly items I will not miss
All these things fall very short
Of keeping me happy for very long

Always looking for the next big high
Maybe it'll be found up in the sky

I'm running out of reasons
To stay alive
I try to help others
Always left alone to cry

Does anyone know me
Does anyone care
They say I'm great
One of a kind, rare

I'm not so great
That I know
But if you look into my heart
You'll see my glow

No one has time
To see the real me
Even I am blind
What do you see?

Another day on this planet
How many are left
Could be one, could be hundreds
We don’t know

What I do know is that every moment of every day
I want to spend with you
Loving you, kissing you, caring for you

The years have flown by
I’ve finally found you
I won’t let you go
I’m not losing you, I’m praying that our love will grow

I’ll love you forever, until the end
It’s you and me baby
We can begin again
I’ll love you forever, until the end

All I want to do is have some fun
I don’t want to hurt anyone
Enjoy life’s every moment
Watch the sunrise, have a donut

You’d think that’s not a lot to ask
Just take off that fake mask and put down the flask

Fun is out there everywhere
It doesn’t have to cost a lot
We don’t have to be on a Yacht

Run through the sunflower fields
Barefoot in the sun
Now we are talking
Some serious fun!

Hi, I’m Sam and I’m a girl.  Well, a girl trapped in a 40 year old body is more like it.  I feel, think and act like a kid.  Great for me!  Maybe that’s part of my charm, or maybe that’s why I’m alone.  I don’t really know, I’m just starting to get to know me.  For the longest time I lived in a world of haze, *****, ***, drugs, and more *****.  Days would go by and I couldn’t tell you what I did.  Pretty scary waking up on a Monday morning thinking, “What day is it?  Am I working today?”  How the hell I kept a job is beyond me.  

Actually, I didn’t keep one.  How humiliating.  I wasn’t even drinking at work, I was just a little buzzed from the night before.  Ok, a lot buzzed.  So buzzed that I don’t remember the first three hours at my desk, talking to customers -- nothing, just nothing -- zippo, blank!  Absolute blackness, even now looking back at that day, it’s all a blur.  From the time HR came to my desk to bring me to the hospital for a breathalyzer, until I called a cab and went home crying.  I had to make a stop along the way to the liquor store, of course.  I was actually mad at them!  How dare they?  Now I can laugh about it, then it wasn’t so funny.  Especially since it took days for me to realize I was unemployed.

Another New Year
Whoop-de-do
I could care less
How about you?
Just another year
To ***** up again
No resolutions
No light at the end
Take out the hats
And the noisemakers too
Now you know just what to do
Watch the ball drop
Toast the champagne
Soon you will be feeling no pain
Another New Year
To feel all alone
This New Year’s Eve
I’m just staying home

She sat in the waiting room
Scared as can be
She felt like a little girl
Even though she was thirty-three

Does she want to do this?
Does she really have a choice?
Then she heard this little voice

“Yes you have a choice”, said the voice in her head
But isn’t it too late now, once it’s over, the baby is dead

She ran from room, dark and dingy was the place
She ran and ran at a very fast pace

She couldn’t get away fast enough
She decided to have the baby
No matter how tough

Did you ever feel
Completely numb
Not caring anymore
About anyone?

Lost in your head
Stuck in your bed
Can’t get up
Won’t go out
What is this all about?

Lack of interest
Loss of self
I’ve been cursed
By the angry elf

I see things
That aren’t there
I can’t see through the purple glare
I don’t know what happened to me
I see spiders, do the spiders see me?

Where is the **** woman
In the white dress
Doesn’t she know I’m a terrible mess?
I need my pills
I’m starting to sweat
I know they forgot me, that’s a safe bet

Here she comes, finally
The woman in white didn’t forget about me

Who is this?
What is my name?
I have no idea, I’ve gone insane

The alarm went off, playing her favorite song
She hit snooze again, knowing it was wrong
There was nothing she’d rather do,
Then stay in bed all day
With her young lover, they’d cuddle and play

The alarm was relentless
She had to get up
When she looked over at him
He was refilling his cup

Did he sleep at all?
Has he been up all night?
He’s still drinking,
Is that right?

He staggered over to the bed
looking all shook up
His face a tint of green
Was he going to throw up?

Living in the fast lane
Is it pleasure or is it pain
Doesn’t seem to matter
As long as you can’t feel
Hiding in your bottle
Where nothing is real

So much for the cuddling
So much for this day
She jumped in the shower
She had to get away

She left her apartment
He was passed out
What would she find tonight
She really had no doubt

How can she help him
It’s not even love
It’s just pure compassion
From the Lord above

I woke up this morning
Too early again
When will I sleep through the night
When, oh when

I got my coffee
I’m on cup three
What the heck is wrong with me

It’s 2:45 am, and here I sit again
Looking at the walls
Wondering about it all

I just want to sleep
For a day or two straight
Forget about everything
That’s piled on my plate

I know it’s a dream
Just a fantasy
Just a couple hours longer
Would set me free